Healing Means The Pain No Longer Controls You Even If You Can’t Forget It 

Healing is a long process and it’s a long journey. There’s no right way to heal and realistically there’s no right way to forget. You don’t have to forget your deepest pain and you shouldn’t. It scarred you but it also changed you. It wounded your soul but it also taught you the art of surviving. The art of choosing to live and fight for your happiness.

Healing means you remember everything but it doesn’t hurt anymore. You look at the people who hurt you and you don’t feel a thing. You look at them and they don’t have that power anymore. They don’t have the power to ruin your day and your life. You’ve overcome their demons and their ghosts. You’ve let their toxicity go. They’re the reason why you understand that you’re better off without some people. They’re the reason why you understand that some people have to go for better people to come along.

Healing means you know that some broken pieces of you will never be the same again but that will never stop you from loving again with all your heart, from believing again after losing all hope, from starting over after hitting rock bottom. Healing means you’re not scared of getting hurt again because you know how to bounce back and you know life will never be free of pain. 

Don’t listen to people who ask you to forget about your problems or your pain or your heartbreak, you can’t just forget something that changed you forever, you can’t just forget someone who meant the world to you, you can’t just forget and you shouldn’t put that kind of pressure on yourself.

Healing means you show off your scars with pride. It means you tell your painful stories with wisdom. It means you forgive yourself for allowing people to hurt you. It means you don’t define yourself by the people who broke your heart. It means speaking softly about yourself instead of blaming yourself for the pain you had to endure.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting, it means remembering everything but instead of letting it weigh you down, let it lift you up. You still smile. You still love. You still give. You still believe. The pain won’t stop you from living.

Healing is a reminder that nothing was ever strong enough to break you. 


Guest post from Rania Naim. 🙏🙏🙏

Despite What You’ve Been Telling Yourself, You Are Valuable

Thank God it’s friday!

Today I have a guest post from Holly Riodan.

It’s dangerous to assume your worth is tied to any one thing, whether that’s your career or your relationship or your friendships. If you get your validation from a single outside source, then your sense of worth is going to rise and drop on a daily basis. Your confidence is going to change based on how well that single area of your life is currently going.

You can’t allow your relationship status to determine your worth. It doesn’t matter whether you’re currently getting over a breakup. It doesn’t matter whether your heart is having trouble healing. It doesn’t matter whether you’re spending your nights in bed alone. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the last one of your friends who is still single. It doesn’t matter whether you thought you would be married with children by now. You value doesn’t change based on whether or not you’re in a relationship.

You can’t allow your social media stats to determine your worth. It doesn’t matter how many comments you get on a selfie. It doesn’t matter how many followers you have. It doesn’t matter how many people have been sliding into your DMs. It doesn’t matter whether anyone has checked your story in the last hour. Your value doesn’t changed based on your popularity on social media.

You can’t allow your career to determine your worth. It doesn’t matter how much money you’re making. It doesn’t matter whether you’re taking longer to achieve your goals than you feel like you should. It doesn’t matter whether your friends seem further ahead than you right now. It doesn’t matter whether you feel like you’re slowly falling behind. You value doesn’t change based on the amount of money in your bank account.

You can’t allow your friendships to determine your worth. It doesn’t matter whether there are certain nights you consider yourself lonely. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve lost touched with some people you used to consider close. It doesn’t matter whether you have trouble finding people to hang out with on weekends. It doesn’t matter whether you’re struggling to make new friends now that you’re older and in a different place in your life. Your value doesn’t changed based on the amount of people who like you.

If you’re unhappy with a certain area of your life, then by all means, you should try to fix it. You should take action. You should make a change. But you should never let your unhappiness convince you that you’re not valuable as a human being.
You can’t allow a single aspect of your life to determine your worth. You have to determine your own worth. You have to look in the mirror and say to yourself: “It doesn’t matter how much money I’m earning. It doesn’t matter what my relationship status is. It doesn’t matter how many friends text me on the weekends. It doesn’t matter how many likes I get on my latest post. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me — because I know what I think of me and I am valuable. I am worthwhile. I am loved.”

Be Kind To Others Even If It Hurts You

After reading this, you will be so amazed how the little boy reacted to the waitress.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

‘How much is an ice cream sundae?’

’500 Naira,’ replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied a number of notes in it.

‘How much is a dish of plain ice cream?’ he inquired. Some people were now waiting for a table and the waitress was a bit impatient.

’300 naira,’ she said brusquely.

The little boy again counted the notes. ‘I’ll have the plain ice cream,’ he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and departed.

When the waitress came back, she began wiping down the table and then swallowed hard at what she saw.

There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were 150 naira – her tip.”

Lesson:

Whatever situation you are in life, be kind. Try to be patient, try to be a servant in whatever environment you find yourself. Your reward might not be from human but God.

Never Let One Failure From The Past Hold You Back In The Future

Hey guys!

On the blog today is another motivational story for someone out there.

We start this year with a positive vibe.

As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. ‘Well,’ trainer said, ‘when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.’

The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

LESSON:

It doesn’t matter how far or long you’ve been in the stalked in chains. It is time to break loose and move further.

This year will be different filled with breakthrough and blessings coming your way.
NB:

But first things first, make sure you give your life to Christ.

Very important!

Damaged Souls Still Have Worth

Happy New Year fam!

Yes! we made it yet again to another year of success. This story was inspired by a true life event.

A shop owner placed a sign above his door that said: ‘Puppies For Sale.’

Signs like this always have a way of attracting young children, and to no surprise, a boy saw the sign and approached the owner; ‘How much are you going to sell the puppies for?’ he asked.

The store owner replied, ‘Anywhere from N 50,000 to N120,000.

The little boy pulled out some change from his pocket. ‘I have N1000,’ he said. ‘Can I please look at them?’

The shop owner smiled and whistled. Out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his shop followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur.

One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, ‘What’s wrong with that little dog?’

The shop owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn’t have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame.

The little boy became excited. ‘That is the puppy that I want to buy.’

The shop owner said, ‘No, you don’t want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I’ll just give him to you.’

The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner’s eyes, pointing his finger, and said;

‘I don’t want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I’ll pay full price. In fact, I’ll give you N1000 now, and 500 Naira at the end of the month until I have him paid for.’

The shop owner countered, ‘You really don’t want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies.’

To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the shop owner and softly replied, ‘Well, I don’t run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!’

Lesson:

Make this year, a year of understanding. Seek for it, learn from it, it will go a long way. A damaged human with problems and challenges still have a worth.

Have a wonderful day and year ahead!

Struggling will make you stronger

Once upon a time, a man found a butterfly that was starting to hatch from its cocoon. He sat down and watched the butterfly for hours as it struggled to force itself through a tiny hole. Then, it suddenly stopped making progress and looked like it was stuck.

Therefore, the man decided to help the butterfly out. He took a pair of scissors and cut off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, although it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man thought nothing of it, and he sat there waiting for the wings to enlarge to support the butterfly. However, that never happened. The butterfly spent the rest of its life unable to fly, crawling around with small wings and a swollen body.

Despite the man’s kind heart, he didn’t understand that the restricting cocoon and the struggle needed by the butterfly to get itself through the small hole were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings to prepare itself for flying once it was free.”

The struggle is over in your life in Jesus name, Amen.

Don’t Say Something You Regret Out of Anger

“There once was a little boy who had a very bad temper. His father decided to hand him a bag of nails and said that every time the boy lost his temper, he had to hammer a nail into the fence.

On the first day, the boy hammered 37 nails into that fence.

The boy gradually began to control his temper over the next few weeks, and the number of nails he was hammering into the fence slowly decreased. He discovered it was easier to control his temper than to hammer those nails into the fence.

Finally, the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father the news and the father suggested that the boy should now pull out a nail every day he kept his temper under control.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

‘You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.

Lesson

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.’”

Image credit: Pinterest

Stop Worrying About How Successful Your Friends Are And Focus On Your Own Path 

This is a guest post from Holly Riordan.

Focus on your own path because you’re going to get sidetracked if you pay too much attention to the people surrounding you. You have to pour all of your energy into your own hopes and dreams, your own goals and milestones. If you’re dwelling on how successful a friend’s work came out and how you could never be that good, then you’re taking time away from your own work. You’re giving yourself a reason to procrastinate, a reason to look down on yourself, a reason to give up.

Focus on your own path because bitterness is only going to bring you down. If seeing accomplishments from other people your age only makes you upset, then why are you even bothering to keep track of their successes? To torture yourself? Or are you waiting for them to fail so you can feel better about your own life? Neither of those reasons are productive nor healthy, so stop spending so much time comparing and contrasting your journeys. Your competitor’s success is not your failure. In fact, they’re not even your competitor, so you should stop thinking of them that way. Stop assuming there’s only room for one person’s happiness.

Focus on your own path because you’re never going to know everything another person has gone through in order to reach their goals. You’re only going to get part of the story. You’re going to see their end results — but you’re not going to see all of the work it took them to reach those results. You’re not going to see the tears they cried behind closed doors. You’re not going to see the times when they got into arguments with friends and family because they were so frustrated with themselves. You’re never going to see all of the coffees they’ve drank and all of the failed work they’ve thrown out before the rest of the world could see. You’re never going to know exactly how much effort it took them to reach their dreams.

Focus on your own path because comparing yourself to the people around you is only going to discourage you. It’s only going to boost your insecurities. It’s only going to make you question your worth, your abilities, and your chances of reaching success.

Neil Gaiman, one of the most beautiful authors of our generation, has a quote about writing with your own voice instead of trying to copy the greats like Tolkien. He said: “There will always be people who are better or smarter than you. There are people who are better writers than me, who plot better than I do, but there is no one who can tell a Neil Gaiman story like I can.”

You can apply this advice to every single portion of your life. There’s no point in trying to look like someone else or act like someone else because you’re not that person. You’ll never be that person. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s encouragement to be yourself because you’re the only you that exists. And you’re more beautiful than you realize.

Image credit: Pinterest

You Can’t Avoid Suffering, You Just Pick What You’re Willing To Suffer For

You can’t avoid suffering. You can’t avoid pain. It’s a given and life becomes so much easier when we accept that reality.

The more you care about someone, the more you’ll hurt when they let you down. The more you’re passionate about something, the more heartbroken you will be when you lose it.

Ironically, the things that bring us joy are also the things that bring us pain. The people we love are also the people who break our hearts and that’s the essence of life.

You won’t find something you love given to you freely without an ounce of pain or suffering. The journey to happiness and love is full of suffering and pain. You won’t fall in love with someone until you’ve seen them at their worst, learned how to forgive them and accept their difficulties.

Ultimately, we’re only fooling ourselves when we say that the things we love shouldn’t make us suffer but they do. I love my job but I lose sleep at night when I mess up and I can’t forgive myself for the smallest errors because I actually care about my performance.
I’m more sensitive when I have feelings for someone and more likely to take their actions personally. I love my friends but it hurts when we don’t talk as much or lose touch because of our responsibilities.

While the level of suffering is not the same for each, it’s still suffering but to me, it’s better than suffering at a job I hate or suffering because I’m with someone I don’t adore or suffering because I have no friends. In this case, I’m picking the things and the people I want to suffer for. I’m picking who’s worth my pain. I’m choosing the lesser of two evils.

But to sit there and say you can avoid suffering is one big lie and to expect that the things you love or live for will not make you suffer is also delusional because it’s always the things we love that have the power to hurt us, whether our careers, our friends, our families or our relationships and there’s nothing you could do that would change that.

Essentially, what you should be asking yourself is who’s worth suffering for and what’s worth the pain? Essentially, life is more about picking your battles rather than avoiding them.

Because you can play it safe instead of trying and taking risks and you can try to avoid pain or heartbreak by stopping people from getting too close to hurting you but you also miss out on living your best life when you shelter yourself from the tough experiences that could change your life. You sit on the sidelines watching life pass you by, which is the worst kind of suffering in my opinion.

You suffer more when you choose not to participate in life. You suffer more when you refuse to let the pain make you grow. You suffer more when you shut people out. You suffer more when you lead a lonely and banal life.

This is a guest post.

Remember This When You’re Searching For Yourself

This is a guest post.

The truth is, you always find yourself something missing. There is no perfect state for you to feel complete, all the time.

The truth is, you always find yourself lost somewhere in the middle of nowhere. No matter how far you go, no matter how deep you went through, you are lost.

The truth is, you always find yourself being so empty. Even though you feel like you have everything you want, you feel torn apart.

Deep down inside, we are always searching for affection. No matter how we seek independence, we don’t want to be alone.

At the end of the day, it’s not about what is right or wrong, what is true or false.

What matters most is the sense of being we have when we have strong faith on something we cannot see.

We are trying to hold on to something we cannot predict even though we are afraid of knowing the fact that fantasies cannot really protect us, but it will definitely saves us from our dreadful thoughts.

It’s all about the connection we make to other people, community, nature, other living things or to the omnipotent. It’s all about how we feel through the links we created with the outside world.

It’s not about the power anymore, nor belonging, nor the truth. It’s about how much love you give to this world full of darkness, to the people you care, to the things you want to see growing.

If these will make you feel more alive, then follow its path.

Because no matter how you conform in the place you belong to, you will always find something is “missing” if you are not allowing yourself to find your own calling.

Credit to Erina Yamada for this lovely piece.

Image credit: Pinterest

Sometimes An Ending Can Be A Blessing In Disguise

Sometimes endings force you to find new beginnings. They force you to step up and fill that void but you end up finding a lot more about yourself. You end up finding something better for you. You end up wishing you had ended things a lot sooner or had the courage to walk away from the things and the people who no longer inspire you. Things that no longer move you.

We don’t need to mourn all endings. We don’t need to be sad just because we were taught that endings are bad. Some endings are happy or they lead to happier endings. Some endings may be hard to swallow at first but when you look past the pain, you see the wisdom and the lesson behind it, the opportunities that it brought you and the person it made you.

You find a lot more blessings in endings than you do in beginnings. Beginnings are exciting and sometimes you can overlook what you really want or how it could change your life because you’re in love with the thrill of it. You’re addicted to the idea that something new is happening in your life but the real blessings are in endings. When things end and you’re forced to look deeper into the whys and the hows. When things end and you’re confronted by a million questions that push you to find important answers.

Ironically, the hardest endings are always the ones that are best for us. The hardest endings always bring the biggest joys.

But the most beautiful part of endings is that they show you what’s meant to be yours and what’s not. It’s God’s way of taking care of you. It’s God’s way of moving you to a new direction. It’s God’s message to you and you can’t go wrong with that. His plan is better than yours.

So maybe the title is a little misleading, it’s not just ‘sometimes,’ it’s all the time. Endings are always a blessing in disguise.

Endings should be celebrated just like new beginnings. They hold so many opportunities. So much freedom. So much hope.

Easy Exercise to Quickly Shift Your Perspective: Seperating Fact From Fiction

Our reality is directly related to our perspective.

If you complain about how much you hate your job, your relationship, the weather, the economy, your life, etc… then the Universe hears you and brings you more things to complain about- a traffic jam, unexpected bills, extra work that drains you of your vital life energy. However, if you can find one tiny thing to be grateful about, then you will receive even more to appreciate and feel gratitude for.

When you are aware of your thoughts, you can catch yourself when you are about to complain or say something negative, judgmental, or act out of a habitual state of being. As the saying goes, “Awareness is the key to freedom.” Even if you catch yourself after the fact, you can still change your perspective, because every new moment is a new opportunity to choose something different. Only you have the power to choose to shift your state of awareness.

FACT: You work at a job that requires you to do the same thing day in and day out, your boss treats you like you don’t matter at all, and you get paid $9.50 an hour.

FICTION: “I hate my job so much and it’s literally killing me. It’s so boring and I can’t stand to be here, yet here I am, working myself to the bone for barely any money. I wake up in a crappy mood every morning because I just don’t want to go to work and be around my boss, who is a complete jerk. I can’t pay all the bills this month so I’ll be eating Ramen again for dinner. Ugh, it’s never going to get any better so I’ll just grab a bottle of whisky and pass out tonight so I can wake up and do the same thing again tomorrow. I hate my life.”

If this sounds all too familiar, then it’s time for a shift. Your fictional story may seem like a rock solid reality, but in all honesty, it’s just your perspective. If you think that this ‘reality’ can’t change, then it won’t, and you will find more and more situations in your life that make you unhappy. But if you are just a little willing to be open to change, then you can immediately shift to a more positive state of being.

Try this:

PERSPECTIVE SHIFT: “I am thankful that I have a job right now that at least brings in some money so that I may have a roof over my head, clothes to wear, and something to eat. There are a lot of people who don’t have their basic needs met on a regular basis, so I am blessed to have what I have. I know that I can find another job that is fun and more rewarding financially if I just search the internet, send out some resumes, and talk to people. This job is just temporary, and perhaps when I leave, someone else who needs it can have it. I think Joe downstairs was looking for work and maybe he’ll get along better with the boss than I did, or maybe not, but I know it would help him out financially. There are lots of other things that I can do and get paid for, like tutoring people in math! I’m awesome at math!”

It can take a little practice to shift from a negative outlook to a more positive one, but it’s well worth the effort because you get results instantly. You start to feel lighter inside, you have more hope, and ideas just come to you all because you are in a state of gratitude. Like attracts like, so if you find one thing to be grateful for right now, you will find another, and another, and another, until your whole life transforms and is filled to the brim with joy for just living. Your perspective on life has completely changed.

And all it takes is just one tiny shift to get the positive vibes flowing.

It’s Time To Let Go And Grow

Originally posted by Adam Morris.

Your walls are so high. Your heart is surrounded by a fortress that is impossible to penetrate. At some point in your life, someone hurt you. You let someone in and they rejected you or betrayed you or hurt you. It could have been family or friends or maybe a lover, but someone caused you to doubt love. So, brick by brick, you built that wall until you couldn’t even see outside it. It has protected you, but now it is keeping you from love, from living fully. It’s keeping you from healing and allowing yourself to accept the love you deserve. Not everyone is like the person who hurt you. But hear this: it’s okay, and it’s time to tear down the wall and to let love back in.

You’ve been strong for so long. Life came at you hard. It took you to rock bottom, and then even a little farther down. You hardened your heart and stood firm. You fought and you clawed your way past the hardships and struggles, and you found the light at the end of the tunnel; you came out on top. But along the way you got so strong that you forgot how to feel, how to let go, how to not be strong. Your shoulders hurt from the burdens you carry , and you’re tired. You wish you could just stop and relax for a minute, but you’re scared of what might happen if you do. So hear this: it is okay, and it is time to give yourself permission to feel again. Let yourself cry and be vulnerable. Lay down the burden you carry and rest. Let go of the past and move forward into the future. It’s okay to not be strong all the time.

You have held on so long that your arms are tired and weak. You’re holding on to dead weight, to people or relationships that are not matching your effort. You hold on because of love or memories or a sense of responsibility. They are dragging you down and it’s tiring. If they don’t care enough to put in effort, why should you? You’re pouring yourself into their lives without being refilled in return, and it’s leaving you empty and drained. But hear this, it’s time, and it’s okay to let them go. Let them go and feel the weight lift. Let go and invest in those that match your effort and commitment. It’s okay to let go of toxic people that aren’t adding to your life, no matter whom they are.

The pain and the baggage and the people from your past can’t keep you down unless you let them. The rejection and abandonment you suffered doesn’t define you. They teach you lessons; they make you stronger. But if you hold on too long, it will callous you and prevent you from living your best life and from finding the joy and love and peace that you so deserve. It is time, time to let go and grow. It is time to choose yourself, time to love and invest in yourself. And it is more than okay that to let yourself do so.

Image credit: Pinterest

Maybe God Is Making You Wait Because He Wants You To Learn That There’s No Timeline For Anything In Life

Guest post by Rania Naim.

Maybe you’re not where you want to be at 20 or 30 or 40 because God is teaching you that you can’t keep living your life according to what society is expecting, or what your parents are expecting or what you are expecting. Maybe the lesson is to let go all of the expectations, let go of all the timelines and let go of the notion that at a certain age, you have to be more accomplished than others or you need to have it all together.

Maybe you’re still single because God is trying to teach you another kind of love, the kind of love that you give to your friends, your family, your job and yourself. Maybe he wants you to learn how to live without the constant reassurance and validation you need from a partner and maybe God knows that your journey is full of traveling, self-exploration and movement that getting tied to a partner is not going to be the right fit for you. Maybe he’s teaching you how to walk before you run.

Maybe he’s teaching you the same lessons over and over again because he wants you to learn the art of trying, the art of not giving up, the art of learning how to live with disappointments and how to live with setbacks because they’re always going to accompany you.

Maybe God is trying to teach you that you shouldn’t take life too seriously. Maybe the lesson is enjoying life as it is instead of putting deadlines, timelines and expiration dates. Maybe life is just ageless and timeless and we just have to accept that.

Maybe waiting is just another word for letting go. As if God is giving you a sign to let go without worrying about what will happen because he’s going to reward you with something better.

Maybe he doesn’t want you to be so obsessed with timing and how others see you, maybe he wants you to break free from all these illusions and fantasies you have for yourself and learn how to live peacefully in reality.

Or maybe he’s making you wait because the more you wait, the more you’ll appreciate what you’re going to get. The longer you wait, the longer you’ll keep what he’s going to give you. Maybe he just doesn’t want you to be an ungrateful person, he wants you to value the gifts he’s going to send you and he wants to send them to you when he knows you’re ready to take good care of them.

Maybe God wants you to realize that all these timelines were man-made by people with fixed thoughts and ideas, by people with different circumstances, by people who never even saw you and people who led different lives. Maybe God just wants you to understand that all these deadlines don’t really represent you because they weren’t made for you.

Maybe God just wants you to understand that your life will never be perfect and will never go as planned and you just have to try to love it and love him regardless.

Maybe he’s teaching you how to wait because he wants you to know that you can’t always control your life no matter how hard you try because that’s his job, not yours.