Getting Sucked Into Comparing Yourself To Societies Norms

笑う女性と悩む女性

Have you ever observed people or yourself feeling taunted by social norms?

I’ve noticed the history of this for myself, spanning back to childhood, and I’ve noticed it time and time again for others I encounter in my work, where people have fallen into the hole of comparing themselves to others and comparing themselves to socially accepted norms and measures of ‘success’. Granted, it’s a pretty darn big hole, so actually it’s not that hard to fall into! When I’ve witnessed this Comparison Conundrum as I like to call it, it’s like hearing a cry echoing from deep within the hole, which sounds a bit like this:

  • Everyone else is married now, and I’m not. Something’s wrong.
  • Everyone else is buying houses now, I guess I should too.
  • I’ve got this job but it’s not really a career like other people have.
  • They’ve found their passion, I still don’t know what mine is.
  • I’m falling behind.
  • I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
  • I want to ‘switch lanes’ in life but I don’t want to go backwards. It’s too risky.
  • They are successful and did it that way; I should do it that way too.
  • They are thinner/more attractive/more fashionable/more successful/braver/stronger than me. I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough.
  • I’m not capable like them, I guess I’m just not destined to have a life like them.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This hole is so easy to fall into because often we’re invited into the hole, with our mind reinforcing that we’re falling behind via negative thoughts, supported by well meaning people telling us that we should do this and that. So of course we’d then end up in the hole when everything points that way. Our mind reinforces what we see and hear, telling us it is true and if only we could figure out what we need to be and do in order to be like everyone else, then everything would be fine, right?

Except, you’re not everyone else. You’re you. No one is like you. No one. You make your own decisions about what you need and want, and when it feels good to you. If you want a house right now, buy one. If you don’t, don’t. If you want to travel, travel. If you want a big career, have it. If you want to do volunteer work, do it. If you want to be single, be single. If you want kids, have them. If you don’t, don’t. Do what feels good to you, not what others tell you that you should feel good about. And when I say others, I primarily include in that all the advertising, all the propaganda and all the mass media messaging we see day to day that conditions us in a way that we don’t even consciously realise. Start listening to the one thing you can trust – your soul. Your soul is your true self, below any rampant negative thoughts that are leading you astray.

And you might say, “I can’t hear my soul. I don’t know what it’s telling me!”

To which I would suggest that you be still and quiet as often as possible. Listen without fear to what rises up from within you. You do know what you want and need. You do know what makes you feel good. And, let your signals guide you home.

Listening to the advice of others, proffered from their own paradigm, will never triumph over your inner knowing and divine guidance.

  • Do you compare yourself to others?
  • Do you compare your situation and status to that of others?
  • What prompts you to do that?
  • How does that make you feel?

If you’re feeling sad, alone, disconnected, lacking, not enough or plain old exhausted from it, then give it up. Chose to let it go and be open to exploring who you are and what is important and meaningful to the real you – that is, the you below any negative thoughts, any conditioning and any fear. We all have negative thoughts, we have all been conditioned and we all have fear. If you are alive, then you have experienced all of this, it is impossible not to. But now you are awake, and you have the choice to either be defined by these things, or to break free.

Being someone you are not, in an attempt to live up to social norms, means that signals will eventually intervene to help you. As Marianne Williamson says, “The universe is self organising and self correcting”. If you are not aligned to who you really are, your true self, the natural order of the world in which we live will eventually assist you to see this. Intervening signals are not always pleasant, but they are signposts to help us head in a new, better, healthier, more beneficial direction. When things in your life ‘turn to custard’, it could well be because you are not in your flow, you might have accidentally swam into someone else’s flow. So, get out of their river and get in your own

Here is my final word on this subject, and when I say it to you, know that whatever I write is really a message to myself as much as it is to you. For in saying it to you I am reminding us both:

  • NEVER compare yourself to others. EVER.
  • NEVER try to be someone else. EVER.
  • You were born extraordinary and unique.
  • Any time you compare yourself to others, trying to be something else or like someone else, you deny the beautiful individuality that you were gifted when your soul chose to come into this life.

Create your own norms in life. The norms of society have no bearing on you unless you choose them. At all times, be yourself. There is nothing more magical, perfect and beautiful than you being you.

Credit Source:  BERNADETTE LOGUE

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Repost: 8 Reasons It’s So Hard To Be Genuine In A Society That’s Uncomfortable With Radical Honesty

After getting in touch with one of my great writers “Brianna Weist” I decided to repost one of her greatest write up.

1. If society had a mantra, it would be: “Be yourself… No, not like that!” We encourage people to be their authentic selves, and at the same time, we are even more adamant about people adhering to the appropriate social code of the moment. So, you can be yourself, as long as that person is aligned with our singular idea of what “authenticity” looks like.

2. People only like authenticity when it’s comforting, not when it makes them question their own choices and ideals. People are only supportive when someone’s life choices support or validate their own. When our main mode of gauging our acceptability is evaluating other people’s lives by upward or downward comparisons to our own, it’s hard to see their actions independent of what they “mean” to us.

3. “Following your own path” is terrifying – because it’s unknown. Following someone else’s road at least lets you know where you’re going. The reason most people take the road most travelled is because forging your way through the uncharted terrain is f*#king terrifying. (How ironic, that when you’re truly “on path” you usually feel most lost, or most uncertain.)

4. We think that being genuine is being radically happy, because you’re just “doing what you want.” A lot of the time, however, being genuine brings up more problems than it does solutions. (At least, in the beginning.) Do you stay in the closet, or stay close to your family? Do you pursue a new career, or remain more financially stable? How do we navigate our way through the center? What matters more, at the end of the day?

5. Most people can’t see anything as valid unless they agree with it. So you can really only be genuine with some people, unless you want to offend and lose others in your life.

6. We’re a world of overthinkers, and when we’re not overthinking our own lives, we’re making judgments about other people’s. When we’re anxious about other people judging our lives, it’s because we subconsciously know that they, uh, are. It’s a matter of realizing this is true for everyone, and that they’ll judge whether we’re doing what we want or not.

7. It seems impossible to be honest about not wanting to hang out, or be friend with someone, or tell them that you think they should reconsider a choice, without mortally offending them. “Just be real with me!” is the ultimate commitment in modern friendship, though the opposite is usually true. It’s not normal to be able to contact people 24/7 – wanting space is not a statement against someone as a person. Having to be honest about why someone is making a terrible choice ultimately culminates in them thinking you don’t “support” them.

8. We think that we can only be friends with people who we agree with on everything. So if we want to change our lives, or our ideas, or ourselves, we have to do so with the knowledge that we may be exchanging our friends and their love and companionship.

Ignore Society, This Is How You Should Be Labeled

Most people label you by what you wear, the kind of car you drive, what job you have and how much money you make. Often these labels are shallow and impermanent, but this is how society likes to define us and consequently, this is how we sometimes define ourselves. But what we should really be labeled by; is who we are and who we’re trying to be.


You should be labeled by your pain. The hardships you endured, how gravely you suffered, the heartbreak that left you empty, the wounds that scarred your veins and the tragedies that became part of your story.

You should be labeled by you strength. How you survived your pain, how you healed or how you’re still healing, how you’re going to fight through the bad days and how you’re overcoming your own fears.

You should be labeled by your kindness. By how giving you are and how big your heart is, by how forgiving you are and how compassionate you can be. By how far you’re willing to go for those you love without expecting anything in return and how much you’re willing to compromise for them.

You should be labeled by your love. How you can do anything for the one you love and how supportive you can be to your closest friends. How protective you are and how loyal you are and how you continue to love even after you’ve been hurt.

You should be labeled by your dreams. What you really want to be doing, how you want to change the world, how you want to change lives or change your life and how you want to be remembered long after you’re gone. You should be defined by your wishes and your dreams not by what you do to make ends meet.

You should be labeled by your hidden beauty. The beauty that shines from the inside, the beauty that has got nothing to with makeup or pretty outfits. The beauty that people can only see when they know you and discover the treasures you hold within.

You should be labeled by your soul. The energy you exude, the way you make people feel, the way you help them see the best in themselves and the way you try to make someone’s life better. How you see God, how you trust the universe and how you connect with the world around you.

You should be labeled by all the things that touched your heart and the things that blew your mind. You shouldn’t be labeled by the things that make you conform, you should be labeled by the things that make you stand out.
If you follow what society brings, you will be lost in the wind. Be true to yourself and brand it hard