Repost: Suicide Is Not The Solution

This post is originally posted on Vinz poetry.


What if like the games you exit
Without getting to the checkpoint
Then you turn on the game to mesh
Only to begin from afresh
Be careful don’t be a fool
Suicide might not be a rescue.

The message is short but very powerful. Let’s spread the word to stop suicide around the world.

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Practical Ways To Cope With Stress

When you’re feeling anxious or stressed, you may feel that there’s nothing you can do about it. However, no matter how stressful your life seems, there are a few strategies that will help you cope with stress and release some of the pressure in your life.

1. Identify the source of your stress. Ask yourself what it is that’s causing you this stress, some reasons are more obvious than others; such as work or family problems but sometimes it’s our own fears and thoughts that are contributing to our stress. The best thing you can do is to write down what you think is causing you this stress and the best way to solve it.

2. Take a time-out. Sometimes you have to take a step back to avoid making quick or irrational decisions. Going for a walk, practicing yoga, listening to music or any other stress-free activity will help you get moving so you can prepare your mind for better thinking and regain control of the situation.

3. Accept that some things are out of your control. If the cause of your stress is something you can’t control then you should subtract that from the list. Try to accept the things you can’t change and focus on coping with the things that you can. It will put your stress in perspective.

4. Ask for help. If you are feeling overwhelmed, reach out for support instead of bottling your feelings up. Let your friends or family know how they can help you and communicate your feelings to them.

5. Engage in social activities. The best way to de-stress is to go out and have a good time with the people you enjoy being around. Engaging in social activities that make you happy is a good distraction and helps you find motivation again.

6. Look at the bigger picture. Reframe your problems by asking yourself if they will matter in the long run. If the answer is no, then you have to start redirecting your energy to the stuff that really matters and declutter your mind.

7. Make sure it is not your vulnerability. Being extra sensitive or vulnerable makes you stress over the smallest things. If you are in a bad mood, even the smallest stressors can have a huge impact. Try to distinguish between your mood and your problems.

8. Get enough sleep. When you are stressed out, your body and your brain need more sleep to recover. A good night sleep can fuel your productivity and help you manage your stress better.

9. Manage your time. Don’t fill your calendar with plans you can’t commit to. This will only add to your stress and blur your vision even more. Make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you’ll find it easier to stay calm and focused.

10. Monitor your environment. If the people around you are stressing you out or bringing in more negativity, try limiting the amount of time you spend with them. If your social media feed is full of depressing news and negative statuses then maybe you should consider deactivating your accounts for a few weeks. Minor changes in your environment will help you reduce the stress and get back to calmer state of mind.

Watch: Why Women Are More Anxious Than Men

By: Brianna Weist

I recently watched (and some of you may be familiar with) a set of social experiments in which a group of men and then a group of women agreed to go on a date with a person they met on Tinder – a model, who would be in a fat suit when they arrived.

The experiment claims to be based on the fact that number one fear for women dating online is that they’ll meet a serial killer, and the number one fear for men is that the woman will be fat.

Low and behold, when each of the men arrived and met their date, they were… offended. They were mad because they felt lied to, and did little to cover their displeasure with the woman’s appearance. Only one of them didn’t walk away or excuse himself to the bathroom – never to return. But none gave her a chance, or took any interest in getting to know who she was, all because she wasn’t thin.

Now, as I was watching this, I’ll be honest. I was thinking, well, okay, it’s not completely unreasonable to be off-put if you’re expecting one thing, and get another…

That was, until I saw the women’s video.

Not one of them walked away. They gave the guy a chance. They connected with him. They laughed at his jokes. They did acknowledge that they were disillusioned about his appearance, but they were not rude or entitled about it.

… And one of them kissed him at the end. Another offered up a second date. They got to know who he really was, because they were able to see past their expectations about what he should be.

Click to watch video for men

Click to watch for women

I’m sure it comes as no surprise that research shows women are twice as prone to anxiety as men, are twice as often diagnosed with anxiety disorders, and that women are significantly “more inclined toward negative emotion, self-criticism, and endless rumination about [their] problems.”

But here is the important part: we also know that this is not the result of a biological or hormonal difference. Indicating that it is, unsurprisingly, cultural.

Simply, women are not encouraged to honestly acknowledge their feelings and cope with them in proactive, mindful ways – and this is mostly to maintain how others perceive them.

Taylor Clark dubs this the “skinned knee effect,” wherein from a young age, boys are encouraged to confront their fears, and girls are encouraged to hide them. “If little Olivia shows fear, she gets a hug; if little Oliver shows fear, he gets urged to overcome it.”

And when these emotions “go underground,” they become ingrained in the subconscious, and then begin to have a huge and often overlooked impact on day-to-day interactions.

Studies also tell us that women tend to be insidiously competitive, jealous and spiteful toward other women, especially those they are close to. Because they are taught not to win at someone else’s expense (to be a perpetual people-pleasers and peace-makers) their healthy, natural, normal, innate competitiveness must become tempered.

And the more it is inhibited, the more it remains unacknowledged. As anybody can tell you, as soon as you pack a feeling away in a dark closet… it becomes a potential monster that you have to prepare yourself for – and that feeling of dread and suppression begins to bleed into otherwise unthreatening, daily situations.

Though these are just a few examples plucked from the pile of research on the anxiety gender gap, the point is that anxiety is, in an abstract sense, the anticipation that something ‘bad’ is coming, or the fear that one cannot handle it.

More accurately, the fear that they cannot hide it.

It’s the running idea that bad things cannot be dealt with because feelings cannot be felt. And so the fear of them, the fear of losing culturally-induced composure, compiles into anxiety. Intense anxiety. Unbearable anxiety that remains dormant until something sets it off and it crops up endlessly. “I know this sense of panic and urgency is coming from somewhere… and so I must search for it, project it and deal with it in ways that aren’t actually addressing the root of the problem.”

Women suffer greater anxiety than men because they’re taught… not to. They’re denied simply being honest about their feelings, and most often in a way that convinces them it will yield positive results. It will make people love them. They will seem “together.”

But at what cost?

In terms of the women in the experiment, certainly they were kinder, more positive, and opened themselves up to the possibility for real romance, but only because they were conditioned to be just that: open, accepting and willing, no matter what.

Who is to say they were actually interested in that man? I certainly am not. But what we do know is that the men who were not interested in their date didn’t have to pretend for the sake of someone else’s feelings.

There isn’t an anxiety gap. There is an honesty gap, and there is a decency gap. There’s a middle ground on which we each need to rest a foot: that you can be honest without hurting someone intentionally, that you can cope with your feelings without being violent or cunning about it, and most importantly, that it’s human to feel on edge when your instincts are being compressed. That the most we need to do is let our inner demons out and discover they were nothing more than the fear that they could be something else.

Let me know what you think about this by commenting your opinion.

Addiction is Real. Here’s How to Beat It

Addiction is real

Have you known an addict or been an addict? Are you an addict now?

Unfortunately, addictions come with the human condition. We’ve got alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts, workaholics, self-mutilators, and more. You name it, our culture has found it and become addicted to it.

Addiction is defined as anything we do repeatedly that causes harm to ourselves and/or others. The underlying driver to addiction is a general dissatisfaction with your life, your self-image, or identity. In extreme cases, an intense self-hatred and a sense of hopelessness and despair are the foundations of addiction.
Are you saying to yourself right now, “I can’t think of anything I’m addicted to”? Well, I’d say to you, “Come on. We’re all addicted to something.” If you don’t think that’s true of you, look through this list with me.

Are you addicted to:

  • Achievement – Always needing to perform to feel valuable
  • Self-Pity – Constant feeling of “poor me” and “life is unfair”
  • Worry – A consistent lack of peace
  • Drinking – You need a drink to be happy, sleep, or feel connected to people
  • Being Busy – If you’re alone or still, you feel depressed or lonely
  • Sex – You can’t stop viewing porn, quit masturbating , or view the others without sexual thoughts.
  • Social Media – You’re constantly connected to your phone or computer, ignoring the people right in front of you
  • Gambling – A need to take risk, make money, and feel valued from winning
  • Self-Sabotage – You can’t hold on to a relationship, you screw up great opportunities, and you can’t allow yourself to succeed.

Yes, you can be addicted to so-called positive things such as achievement. Look at Dale Partridge for example. He struggled with a serious addiction of being busy and achievement. Achievement became part of his identity. He started 6 businesses within 8 years producing over $15 million in revenue. But he didn’t know who was apart from outside praise and achievement. His addiction to work and achievement linked directly with a general dissatisfaction, if not, a downright dislike for who he was. He thought that his identity and worth was based solely in what I accomplished instead of who he was.

The bottom line is this: we all just want to be loved. We want to feel loved. We all deserve love. We starve for connectivity and depth, but we’re seriously scared and often times, lack the basic relational ability to reach out and get it.

So, if you had to choose something, what would you say you’re addicted to? Think about your thoughts for the day. Are there patterns? Ruts? Are there places in your mind that you continue to visit and obsess over during each 24-hour period?

What are they? Be brave and write them down. Let’s begin the healing process.

I want you to pay attention here. You deserve better. You deserve more. You were created for awe and purpose. You were created to love and be loved. The things that grip you don’t have to strangle the life out of you. There is hope and there is a way out.

Today begin telling yourself the opposite of the lies in your head. Begin practicing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control. Tell a trusted friend about your addiction. Reach out. Call a group. Don’t wait. This is your life we’re talking about.

You deserve normal. You deserve love, balance, joy, peace, and success. Go after it.

Ways to Replace Temptation with Self Control

Surfing the internet this morning, I couldn’t help but share this write up from daily positives.

Overall, I would consider myself a fairly controlled person. Yet when it comes to men, food, and social drinking – sayonara! As much fun as it might be at the time, the regret of: “Man, I told myself I would be in control this time” that comes later is not a good feeling.

Sound familiar?

Saying you want one thing and doing the complete opposite can create a lot of unnecessary chaos in life.

Not only does being impulsive throw off our equilibrium, but it also takes away from our broader personal goals.

When it comes down to avoiding what’s good for us or making decisions we will regret later, it’s a matter of exercising self control and learning how to BUILD that muscle.

Yet, this tends to be easier said than done and requires a conscious, mindful effort.

Here are 5 simple ways to practice more self control during the moments that tempt you most. Pick at least 2 you can use right now, practice them for 7 days, and see what a difference it makes!

1. Be Honest About Your Temptations

The first step is being truthful with yourselfabout what your temptations are, so you know how to manage them in the future.

What situations, without fail, always leave you saying, “I wish I didn’t do that”?

For example, if you know you can’t have chips in the house without finishing the entire bag upon opening them, deciding not to buy them in the first place is a good starting point. Recognizing the temptations lets you help prevent them before you’ve gone too deep.

2. Quit Cold Turkey

While we want to believe we are strong enough to overcome temptation when faced with it (or at least try to), avoiding the temptation altogether is the only guarantee for doing so.

Living in extremes can require quitting in extremes.

Try a 30-day alcohol free month, social media detox challenge, or cut off communication from a toxic relationship.

3. Recognize Your Long-Term Goals & Tie the Present Moment to Them

When avoiding your temptation triggers may not be an option, consider your long-term goals before engaging in a potential regretful activity.

Living for short-term gratification can seem harmless, but has the ability to negatively impact your aspirations down the line.

Make sure that a Wednesday night Happy Hour is really worth the lost productivity at work the next day!

4. Get an Accountability Partner

Having an accountability partner (or group) is a great way to stay on track for any goal, and becoming more self-disciplined is no exception.

It’s always easier to assess a situation and see clearly when you’re not directly in it.

So the next time you’re feeling tempted, call a friend for encouragement and reminders to help you choose positively, wisely and in alignment with your goal/s.

5. Listen to & Trust the “Good” Shoulder Angel

We all have the little voice that tells us not to do something, and the one that tells us to do it anyway.

Impulsiveness is often engaging in something that goes against our better judgment, and against our values.

So the next time you feel conflicted, stop and make a deliberate choice to do the opposite of what you might want to do. Over time, this will become second nature.

Ultimately, every choice in life has a consequence. It is rewarding to engage in decisions that bring you closer to the person you want to be (the person you really are deep down!).

After awhile, you’ll be able to appreciate the peace which comes from aligning what you say you want with your actions. You will live from a place of equilibrium.

Credit: Ashley David

Does Being Labeled As Gifted Undermine Personal Growth?

Stanford psychologist, Carol Dweck, has spent her career studying the mental phenomena that lead to success. The Effort Effect provides an overview of her findings.

Why do some people reach their potential, while others with equal or greater talent fail?

The answer, according to Dweck, is attitude. In fact, Dweck has observed that believing in fixed intelligence can undermine a person’s ability to succeed.

Many people who believe in fixed intelligence also think you shouldn’t need hard work to do well. This belief isn’t entirely irrational, she says. A student who finishes a problem set in 10 minutes is indeed better at math than someone who takes four hours to solve the problems. And a soccer player who scores effortlessly probably is more talented than someone who’s always practicing. “The fallacy comes when people generalize it to the belief that effort on any task, even very hard ones, implies low ability,” Dweck says.

This fallacy leads people to view set backs as personal failures rather than opportunities for growth.

Students for whom performance is paramount want to look smart even if it means not learning a thing in the process. For them, each task is a challenge to their self-image, and each setback becomes a personal threat.

Is Being Gifted Harmful?

As a person labeled ‘gifted’ as an adolescent, this article lead me to reflect on my own intellectual development.
Has being ‘gifted’ undermined my achievement? Possibly.

When you’re ‘gifted’ expectations change. Intelligence becomes your identity. Everyone knows you’re supposed to do well in school. When you don’t surpass other students with ease you feel like a failure.

Having your identity tarnished is very threatening.

If you do live up to expectations, you start to believe you really are gifted, and that your natural gifts will carry you to immense personal success. This leads to an inflated ego and underdeveloped work ethic.

Did this hurt me? It’s possible, but I wouldn’t want to use it as an excuse for personal shortcomings.

Still, I’m optimistic. At least I’ve realized that being ‘gifted’ doesn’t get you anywhere in the real world. That’s something they should teach in schools.