Identify Your Major Worries

depression, teen depression, pain, suffering, tunnel.

The flip side of the above questions is this: What are my three biggest worries or concerns in life right now? What bothers you, worries you, concerns you, and preoccupies you in your day-to-day life? What aggravates or irritates you? What is robbing you of happiness, more than anything else? As a friend of mine often asks, “Where does it hurt?”

Once you have identified your biggest problems, worries, or concerns, ask yourself,

  • What are the ideal solutions to each of these problems?
  • How could i eliminate these problems or worries immediately?
  • What is the fastest and most direct way to solve each problem?
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Reasons Why Pain Makes You A Better Person

Reasons Why Pain Makes You A Better Person

It is a fact of life that we will experience pain time and time again – pain changes people. It may take a while for the pain to leave your body and your heart or it may be engraved inside of you forever, but I realized that every time I experienced unbearable pain, I changed significantly – changed for the better. There is something about going through a lot of pain that makes you want to be a good human being.

Here’s why pain can make you a better person:

1. It makes you compassionate. When you go through a lot of pain, you become more empathetic; you don’t want others to go through what you’ve been through and you don’t wish the pain you experienced upon anyone. It teaches you how to be kind and to never underestimate someone else’s pain just because you haven’t gone through it yourself.

2. It makes you wiser. The little things don’t bother you anymore, you don’t sweat the small stuff like you used to; you look at the bigger picture instead. Pain makes you look at life differently and it makes you understand the essence of life.

3. It makes you cherish your relationships . Pain makes you value your relationships more, you realize that you have people you can lean on in times of trouble and people who genuinely love you and are happy to support you. Pain makes you strengthen the bond between you and your closest friends and family.

4. It makes you stronger. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. After the storm has passed, pain makes you a lot stronger and better prepared to face difficult situations. Pain is sometimes the training you need to pass the tests of life.

5. It makes you re-evaluate your life. It makes you reconsider your career, your health, your finances and your relationships. It can help you go in another direction or find a meaningful purpose for your life. Pain makes you stop and question a lot of things and try to find answers and these answers can change your life.

6. It can be a major source of inspiration. Your pain can be your main inspiration for a new project, for a new charity, for a new community event and if you’re an artist, it will be the catalyst for the art you produce. Most masterpieces were painted strokes of pain.

7. Your love becomes stronger. You love more deeply and you are more open to being vulnerable. Even though pain makes you stronger, it makes you softer too. It makes you want to give love and ease someone else’s pain. Your love becomes pure and more profound.

8. It makes you fight for happiness. When you’re in pain, you look for waysto feel better and ways to be happy. You do things you never thought you would just to put a smile on your face. It makes you active in the pursuit of happiness.

9. It makes you more spiritual. When you can’t understand why certain things happen to you, you tend to look for answers outside of yourself. You try to understand God and the universe. You try to comprehend the divine laws and you start to slowly believe that there must be a bigger reason for your pain – you become more in touch with your spirituality and you pay more attention to it.

10. Your scars make you beautiful. The scars no one can see, the scars that hold stories of pain and survival, the scars that show that you’ve fought for something or loved someone, the scars that indicate that you have been bruised but you’re still walking – your scars make you different, they make you a human being with imperfections and they make you special .

Away From Pain

An eternal struggle that kept a soul in the darkness for so long. A young heart was just aching for a little bit of freedom. Nobody was able to understand it, so they limited themselves to call that young heart “egoistical”. Was really so bad just for trying to get a little bit of happiness? No. The young spirit just wanted to feel a tiny bit of happiness after a long life in the shadows. Was it too much to ask for? It wasn´t.

Against everybody else´s wishes, the young heart was more than determined to fight for the happiness deserved.

It wasn´t an easy task. How could be easy forget long years filled with self-loathing? But even when it was hard work, it had to be done. Rebuilding something, always takes some time, but the wait it´s worth it.

Those awful feelings didn´t disappeared magically, but slowly began to be smaller and smaller. Maybe not everything was perfect yet, but a new door was opening in front of the young heart. There was a beautiful chance for a fresh start, away from the shadows of self-loathing and pain. The only thing that was needed was a little bit of confidence and faith in the future.

Repost: Your Purpose Is On The Other Side Of Your Pain

Chasing a dream is never easy, but the most passionate people stop at nothing once they decide to go for it.

For most of my life, I lacked what I now call an emotional navigation system. I either didn’t have the tools to express the anxiety I felt, or didn’t feel I could do so without being punished for it in some way. So I just avoided pain. Or, I tried to avoid pain. I was obsessed with figuring out what I was meant to do, or being able to determine who I was meant to be with. I thought that if I only did what I was “meant” to, I could never be wrong, I could never get hurt, and I could never lose anything. Growing up, I would sit for hours looking up college course catalogs, making lists of things I could become. On the outside, it looked like ambition, on the inside, it just hurt.

I was a binge thinker. I would identify a problem, and craft a solution. This was how I got by, this is what propelled me. I thought I could calculate success, or make a formula for happiness. My subconscious mantra was “I will be happy when.” If only I could fix this thing about myself, I would feel better. If I only had this much money, or had this relationship, or wore this pant size, it would feel better. But it never felt better. There was perpetually one step between me and feeling okay.

My every move revolved around “purpose.” I thought that if I could figure out what I was here to do, everything would feel better. Everything would be worth it. The truth is that I didn’t have the capability to recognize what was preventing me from feeling happy in the first place. I didn’t understand that the same part of the brain that governs rumination also controls problem-solving, and creativity. The more depressed I was, the more successful I became. Until that became too much.

I know now that being afraid of things going wrong is not the way to make them go right. Releasing that fear is knowing there’s no “right” way for things to go.

What’s interesting about tracing the story back is that along the way, the elusive “signs” of the purpose I spent my life looking for were right in front of me. I was a professional writing major in college, but I never took a creative writing class, because I was too shy to share my thoughts and feelings with peers. In my relationships, as soon as things inched past the point of intimacy that I was comfortable with, I relied on asking myself “Is this right?” rather than “Do I feel this is right?”

I didn’t actually want to be successful, I just wanted to feel better, and I didn’t understand any other way to do that other than to change my life. My greatest success didn’t come from being successful, but who I had to become along the way.

In 2012, I read an article by the writer Ryan O’Connell for the first time – a friend pulled it up for me in the newspaper office in which we worked. I was heartbroken and reeling and heavily medicated and barely getting by. But when I read that article, a weight lifted (literally, physically).

For the first time, someone had articulated exactly what I was going through. I had never read anything like it before. I didn’t know that it was what I wanted to do, I only knew that it made me feel better. So I started doing it, too.
I was first published nearly by accident (I thought it would look good on a résumé). And then, something happened. Something I couldn’t have planned for, something I couldn’t have chosen, yet something that every single thing was leading me to. People started reading. And I kept writing. And then people started reading by the millions. And then tens of millions. The deeper I looked into my own problems, the more thoroughly I analyzed them and expressed them and shared them, the more I could understand other people, and the more rapidly they would respond. The more intimate my confessions, the more people would click and share.

Every little part of my life meant something, I just didn’t know it at the time. Every moment – however unbearable – was crucial. My only purpose was to just be here, and that was it. It would add up on its own. My life would calculate itself; it didn’t need me to judge whatever it came out to. I do believe in purpose, but I don’t believe that you need to know what it is to live it.

I know now that being afraid of things going wrong is not the way to make them go right. Releasing that fear is knowing there’s no “right” way for things to go. It’s a presupposition, one that will hurt you more than it will ever help.