Your Life Becomes The Sum Of What You Tolerate

In an ideal world, life would amount to the sum of our intentions.

Good things would happen to good people; we’d be measured by our heart and depth and character.

While this is true to some degree — life is undoubtedly kinder toward those who are kind to it — the truth is that your intentions don’t amount to your outcomes. Just wanting something badly enough does not qualify you to have it, simply believing that you’re capable of more does not mean you will actually achieve more.

In the end, your life amounts to the sum of what you tolerate.

It is defined by what you allow.

You are treated as well as you allow other people to treat you. When you set boundaries or cut off contact with those who do not meet those expectations, you are setting the standard for relationships in your life.

You achieve as much as you allow yourself to pursue. You create as often as you are willing to show up, and to begin.

You grow as much as you allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. We often think that it is discomfort that holds us back from becoming who we want to be, when in fact, that feeling, once truly acknowledged, will point us in the direction that we need to create change.

If you are willing to tolerate mistreatment, you will be mistreated.

If you are willing to tolerate unhappiness, you will remain unhappy.

If you are willing to tolerate dissatisfaction, you will remain dissatisfied.

Your life only truly becomes your own on the day that you decide you will not — for another second of your existence — tolerate less than you know you are capable of having, doing less than you are capable of doing, and being less than you are capable of being.

The truth is that nobody else is going to give this to you.

Nobody is going to wake you up to this fact.

Nobody is going to sit you down and give you a power point presentation about your worth and potential, and nobody is going to strategize a way to make it a reality.

The only way it is going to happen is if you decide you are no longer going to be okay with excuses, empty words or broken dreams. It is only going to happen if you decide that you will no longer tolerate anything less than the outcomes you want, and the life you dream of.

Your life becomes the sum of what you tolerate, so stop tolerating less than you desire.

Guest post from Brianna Weist

Trust The Part Of Yourself That Tells You To Move On

Trust the part of yourself that tells you when something needs to be over. The part that tells you that you need to end a certain chapter and start a new one. The part that tells you when something has served its purpose. Trust the part of yourself that keeps waking you up at night nudging you to grow out of your comfort zone and try something new. Something bold. Something exciting. Something that will bring you back to life.

Trust the part of yourself that knows there’s so much more to you. There’s more to life. There’s more than what you’re settling for. There’s more to your life than boredom, discomfort and anxiety.

Trust the part of yourself that’s hungry for abundance, growth, inspiration and meaning. Trust the part of yourself that begs you for change. Whether getting a new job, moving to a new city, losing certain people to make room for new ones or just working on yourself and exploring new habits. Trust the part of yourself that begs you to leave certain things. The part that knows that staying any longer will do more harm than good.

Trust the part of yourself that believes against all odds that things will work out in your favor when you take a leap of faith. The part that propels you to break the rules and take the road less traveled and give up your security for a little bit to start a new adventure that could change your life. Trust the part of yourself that sounds crazy because a little bit of madness is sometimes all you need to pursue your biggest dreams.

Trust the part of yourself that just knows when something isn’t right or when something is no longer good for you even if it’s hard to admit. Trust the part of yourself that is pushing you to end things you’re not ready to end because this part just knows that something better is right around the corner but you have to make some space for it. You have to be empty first before you can be full again.

Trust the part of yourself that knows when it’s time to move on because that part also knows what moving on will teach you. The new doors that will open. The new opportunities that will come up when you take a risk. The things that will come find you when you declare that you are searching and that you’re free.

Trust the part of yourself that tells you when to let go because that means a new beginning awaits you and deep inside you know it’s been too long since something came along that made you look forward to tomorrow. Deep inside you know that you are in desperate need of change. Deep inside you know that you can’t live a new life if you are still clinging to the old one that no longer fulfills you.

Trust the part of you that knows when it’s time to say goodbye. The part that may not have a perfect plan for the future but it has faith that something big is coming along once start stepping out so you can reach it. Once you start driving on a different road to find it.

Guest post from Rania Naim about self Improvement and growth.

The Strength In Our Scars

Trace the scars life has left you in. It will remind you that at one point in life, you fought for something you believed in.


You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

You Can’t Avoid Suffering, You Just Pick What You’re Willing To Suffer For

You can’t avoid suffering. You can’t avoid pain. It’s a given and life becomes so much easier when we accept that reality.

The more you care about someone, the more you’ll hurt when they let you down. The more you’re passionate about something, the more heartbroken you will be when you lose it.

Ironically, the things that bring us joy are also the things that bring us pain. The people we love are also the people who break our hearts and that’s the essence of life.

You won’t find something you love given to you freely without an ounce of pain or suffering. The journey to happiness and love is full of suffering and pain. You won’t fall in love with someone until you’ve seen them at their worst, learned how to forgive them and accept their difficulties.

Ultimately, we’re only fooling ourselves when we say that the things we love shouldn’t make us suffer but they do. I love my job but I lose sleep at night when I mess up and I can’t forgive myself for the smallest errors because I actually care about my performance.
I’m more sensitive when I have feelings for someone and more likely to take their actions personally. I love my friends but it hurts when we don’t talk as much or lose touch because of our responsibilities.

While the level of suffering is not the same for each, it’s still suffering but to me, it’s better than suffering at a job I hate or suffering because I’m with someone I don’t adore or suffering because I have no friends. In this case, I’m picking the things and the people I want to suffer for. I’m picking who’s worth my pain. I’m choosing the lesser of two evils.

But to sit there and say you can avoid suffering is one big lie and to expect that the things you love or live for will not make you suffer is also delusional because it’s always the things we love that have the power to hurt us, whether our careers, our friends, our families or our relationships and there’s nothing you could do that would change that.

Essentially, what you should be asking yourself is who’s worth suffering for and what’s worth the pain? Essentially, life is more about picking your battles rather than avoiding them.

Because you can play it safe instead of trying and taking risks and you can try to avoid pain or heartbreak by stopping people from getting too close to hurting you but you also miss out on living your best life when you shelter yourself from the tough experiences that could change your life. You sit on the sidelines watching life pass you by, which is the worst kind of suffering in my opinion.

You suffer more when you choose not to participate in life. You suffer more when you refuse to let the pain make you grow. You suffer more when you shut people out. You suffer more when you lead a lonely and banal life.

This is a guest post.

Sometimes An Ending Can Be A Blessing In Disguise

Sometimes endings force you to find new beginnings. They force you to step up and fill that void but you end up finding a lot more about yourself. You end up finding something better for you. You end up wishing you had ended things a lot sooner or had the courage to walk away from the things and the people who no longer inspire you. Things that no longer move you.

We don’t need to mourn all endings. We don’t need to be sad just because we were taught that endings are bad. Some endings are happy or they lead to happier endings. Some endings may be hard to swallow at first but when you look past the pain, you see the wisdom and the lesson behind it, the opportunities that it brought you and the person it made you.

You find a lot more blessings in endings than you do in beginnings. Beginnings are exciting and sometimes you can overlook what you really want or how it could change your life because you’re in love with the thrill of it. You’re addicted to the idea that something new is happening in your life but the real blessings are in endings. When things end and you’re forced to look deeper into the whys and the hows. When things end and you’re confronted by a million questions that push you to find important answers.

Ironically, the hardest endings are always the ones that are best for us. The hardest endings always bring the biggest joys.

But the most beautiful part of endings is that they show you what’s meant to be yours and what’s not. It’s God’s way of taking care of you. It’s God’s way of moving you to a new direction. It’s God’s message to you and you can’t go wrong with that. His plan is better than yours.

So maybe the title is a little misleading, it’s not just ‘sometimes,’ it’s all the time. Endings are always a blessing in disguise.

Endings should be celebrated just like new beginnings. They hold so many opportunities. So much freedom. So much hope.

Progress Is Not Always Measured By Victories “The Ugly Truth”

Have you ever tried to learn something new and just not had the patience to perfect it? Or maybe started a project, and got tired/distracted and never finished it? Or starting a blog but discouraged because you have no traffic and comments? In the world we live in, it is an immediate satisfaction and very little patience type of society. But to build something sustainable, it takes time and patience. Think about a house…they don’t just appear, it takes time an patience to build something that won’t fall down in the first storm.

When I watch football matches (specifically club football), and the coach is not doing well by winning trophies, then before the end of the season they are fired and a new coach comes in. You have to win NOW. If you make a mistake or have a bad year or two, your opportunity is over, there is very little grace or “mulligans” to use a golf term in that world.

I am glad that our relationship with Jesus Christ isn’t that way. Can you imagine, if God treated us like that? If we made a mistake or had a bad season, then He would just kick us off His team. No, it doesn’t work that way at all, our God is full of grace and patience and wants to build something in us much more long-lasting. It helps that He is GOD and doesn’t require immediate success, He is focused on the process and looks for progress along the way.

Derby County football coach, Frank Lampard , is in a rebuilding process for the team. That’s if he isn’t called by his old club Chelsea. They have had a few bad seasons and in order to re-build it takes time, recruiting, changing of the culture, etc. He wants to win as much as anyone else, but he is able to see the progress within the team outside of just the wins and losses. He said something after a loss the other day that stuck out to me and I think fits very well with many situations.

In other words, you can grow and get better without winning immediately.

Winning will come as a result of progress, but they are not immediately linked together. The catch is, to get to the victories, you have to be patient and stick with the process. If you “jump ship” you will never be around to experience the victories that are in store! Here are some biblical examples…

  • Noah…made progress on the Ark for years without every having proof or rain
  • Moses…made progress on getting God’s people to the Promised Land for 40 years before they actually got there
  • Jesus…made progress on saving us all from our sins, even though Him dying on the cross didn’t look like a “victory”

Again, God is not focused on the here and now. While every second, is important to Him, He is focused on the bigger picture. Be thankful today that our God is full of grace and patience, to allow us to grow into the individuals He has called us to be.

Stay with God’s process in your life, trust His plan, and victories will come…

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9

Photo credit: Pinterest

Carry Each Others Burdens “Smackdown”

I didn’t know Jesus had a law! Well, he doesn’t have a written one like we find in the old testament (II Corinthians 3).

No, His is spirit- imprinted in our hearts and transforms our character. This law gives us liberty from written law (James 2:12-17) and emphasizes the undergriding principle that guided Jesus life- sacrifice and service for others (Philippians 2:5-11).

Far more than a written law, this is a passion for Christ and a commitment to be like him.

Photo credit: Pinterest

How I Found Happiness When I Found God

Hey guys! Trust you having a wonderful day.

Let me ask this, the first time you experienced God, how did you feel? Well this was how I felt when I experienced Him.

I found my freedom when I found God. I learned to worry less and believe more. I learned that my faith should always be stronger than my fears. I learned that with God by my side, there’s nothing I can’t handle. Nothing I can’t overcome. I learned that the things that are meant for me will never slip away. That God will move the universe for me when the time is right. That I’ll always have limited control over my fate.

I found my peace of mind when I found God. The confidence that God has a purpose for my existence. He has a plan for me. He has a reason for my pain. He’s not trying to hurt me, he’s trying to heal me. He hasn’t forgotten about me, he’s always there watching me. He’s always sending me the answers I need. He’s always sending me the people I need and even the people he takes away are blessings in disguise.

I found love when I found God . The kind of love that calms you down and makes you accept your reality. The kind of love that makes you sleep at night because you know that you will be able to survive what life throws your way because you have God to lean on. You have a savior. A healer. A poet. A listener. A best friend. I found a love that never leaves you broken. A love that doesn’t disappoint. A love that understands your silence and hears your prayers. A love that will always be enough and will carry you when you can’t stand on your own two feet.

I found myself when I found God. I stopped fretting about the little things. I stopped wanting everything to go my way. I stopped getting too attached to temporary things. I stopped asking too many questions when things end and people leave. I stopped trying to make sense out of everything and I learned to let go. I learned to let God do his magic and enjoy the show. I found my strength when I learned that surrendering to God is the most liberating yet courageous thing you can ever do.

I found my soul when I found God. I found the light again. I found the truth. I found something greater than myself, greater than humanity, greater than this life. I found a connection I’ve been craving. I found the wisdom I couldn’t find in people. I saw a glimpse of heaven. I found something beyond any words and any emotions. I felt God’s love. I felt understood. I felt accepted. I felt loved. I felt safe.

I found my happiness when I found God. I found everything that’s been missing in my life when I found God. Everything.

Your Life Is Not Defined By What You Have

Never make the mistake of defining your life by what you have in accomplishments, wealth, or others.

Check out these points to always reflect on.

  • Possessions only provide temporary happiness.
  • You can have many possessions and still lose your life.
  • Things do not give value to life, it is life that gives value to things.
  • Your value in life is not determined by your valuables.
  • Getting more money will not make you happier. “True fact”
  • Getting more things will not make you more important.
  • Never think of taking your life because of things. Having life is by far better than having things.

What can we learn from these points. How many incidents have we watched on the television, or read online about suicides. How about family fighting each other because of wealth and properties. How about people killing people for money and wealth. How many rich and wealthy men are in the hospital fighting for their lives.

We should always define life giving value to our daily lives and not the other way around.

God, I’m Trusting You To Fight My Battles When I Can’t

This is why am trusting you to fight my battles my Lord God.

Some days I’m strong and capable of fighting my own battles. The battles in my head. The battles in my heart. The small battles I fight every day between the moment I wake up till the moment I fall asleep but some days I just can’t lift a finger, some days I can’t even find my sword and some days I forget what it takes to fight. I forget what I need to do to believe again.

So on these days. I’m trusting you.
I’m trusting you to fight the battles I can no longer fight, to finish these battles for me, to help ease the pain of fighting all alone. I’m trusting you to protect me from the things I’m not prepared for and shield me from the unpleasant surprises of life and people.

I’m trusting you to protect my heart when it’s tired, confused and broken. I’m trusting you to give my heart a break and open a door that leads to happiness. I’m trusting you to detach my heart from all the battles it’s going to lose. I’m trusting you to win this time. I’m giving all my power to you.

I’m trusting you to send me good people in my life — guardian angels who will heal my broken heart and help me trust again. People who will help me heal. People who will not destroy me.

I’m trusting you to bring the right people into my life because I’ve only been picking people who hurt me, people who betray me and people who leave me alone as soon as I’m on the battlefield.

I’m trusting you because I can’t fight anymore. Alone or with people. I’m trusting you because I don’t even know how to pick my battles anymore and I am exhausted . I’m drained. I’m tired of trying to prove people wrong. I’m tired of making the wrong decisions. I’m tired of the same vicious cycle that I keep finding myself in. I’m tired of the same ending.

I’m trusting you because I thought I could do it on my own and I thought I had the tools to win the war but now I don’t know if I can use them wisely. I don’t know if my mind is clear enough to think of a strategy. I don’t know if my heart can take any more stabs. I’m running out of band-aids to cover all these wounds.

I’m trusting you because at the end of the day, I know you’re the only one who can help me. You’re the only one I trust by my side. Everyone else is flakey. Everyone else is weak. Everyone else is just as lost and confused. And you always know. You always have the answers. You always have the key. You can turn any disappointment, any loss, any mess into something wonderful.

You can turn everything around. You are my victory and I am counting on you to fight the rest of my battles because I can’t anymore.

This is where I stop. This is where I put all my faith in you and ask you to fix all the broken pieces. To transform everything I’ve ruined. To heal every place that hurts. To grant me the wishes I’ve been praying for.

I’m trusting you to fight my battles because this is what I should have done a long time ago instead of depending on anyone other than you, including myself.

We all have battles we fight everyday of our lives. If not for the grace of God, am sure a lot of people would have gone astray or even commit suicide in the process. God I put my trust in you each day of my life. Thanking you for what you have done and what you will still do.

Guest post from Rania Naim

Sometimes It’s Necessary To Be Alone With Yourself

Sometimes it’s okay if you don’t have all the answers and you want to look for them alone . It’s okay if you don’t want anyone else to disturb your voice. It’s okay if you want to take a different road and get lost by yourself instead of asking for directions to a place you don’t really want to go to.

Sometimes you just have to be by yourself when people drain you more than inspire you. When they judge you more than understand you. When they make you feel even more alone.

Sometimes it’s okay if you’ve been alone for a long time and you still want to be alone because you were never the kind of person who looks for quantity over quality or the kind of person who needs just anyone around. You’ve always looked for depth, honesty, compassion and strength. You’ve always looked for people who don’t come around very often. You’ve always been drawn to people who aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. You’ve always been moved by people you only meet once in a lifetime and that’s why you keep finding yourself alone because these are not the people who are going to make the road easier for you because they’re also on a journey to find themselves and on a mission to change the world.

Sometimes it’s okay to face your own fears and learn everything about yourself including the hard things, the things you’re not proud of, the unflattering truths that you hide from everyone. Sometimes you need to face and forgive yourself. You need to look in the mirror and say even if you can’t get one single thing right, I’ll still love you and accept you because I’m stuck with you forever.

Sometimes you just have to break your own heart when you realize that you’ve had enough and you’ve cared more and loved unconditionally and gave your heart to people who didn’t deserve and now it’s time to find yourself again. Now it’s time to take the pieces of yourself back, polish them and start over. Now it’s time to remember who you were before you invested every little part of you in someone else and lost your worth.

Sometimes it’s just okay to let yourself be who you really want to be and in order to do that you need to step away from everyone who is asking you to be someone you’re not and everyone who keeps telling you what to say or what to do and everyone who doesn’t know what you’re going through but gives you unsolicited advice.

Sometimes you need to be alone so you can find God, hear him, ask him for direction, ask him for guidance or closure, ask him forgiveness and ask him for love.

Sometimes you need to be alone with the universe so you can learn how to be your own universe when people fail to give meaning to your life because as long as you keep searching for meaning in the universe and as long as you keep searching for answers within yourself, you will surely find them.

Credit to Rania Naim.

Photo: Pinterest

Please Stop Judging People. Here’s Why!

To be honest, I struggle with this. As a motivational blogger and an easy going person, I find myself feeling or acting like I’m more valuable than others.

But I’m not.

Every human life is worth exactly the same. And any action or behavior or statement that leads anyone to believe otherwise, is wrong.

Culture encourages us to discuss other people’s faults. To tear each other down based on looks or the mistakes of our past.

But are we not human? Have we not failed as well? Is determining someone’s worth not more than the clothes they wear or the scars on their life? It reminds me of a statement I’ve read in the Bible, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

This video is a profound reminder of how much depth we miss when we judge those around us. Will you join me in reconsidering a stranger’s value and, possibly, even count them above yourself?

Do you struggle with this? How will this change the way you think about people? Let me know in the comments below..

How To Be Generous Even If You’re Broke

Illustration of donation support iconsWhen you break generosity down to its raw form, it’s made up of two parties: one with surplus and the other with need. And the decision to be generous is a form of love.

In 2015, I decided I wouldn’t wait until I was “wealthy” to start giving. Generosity was a journey I desired to embark on now.

I believed generosity was less like an arrow and more like a boomerang. It always comes back to you.

But my giving at the time consisted of whatever I have in my pocket to give to the beggars around. Later I graduated to having a percentage of my per month income to give to the needy. Which was great! It was a solid starting point and it helped form the perspective on money that I needed at that time in my life.

But eventually, I began feeling small. Almost like my contribution wasn’t truly making a difference. At the time, my income wasn’t high and I just couldn’t afford to pay off debt, survive in Abuja, and give 5%-10% to a cause that I cared about.

But then I realized generosity is rarely about money.

It’s about time. It’s about friendship. It’s about opportunities, introductions, and bro-deals. And sure, it was about money too. So here’s what I did:

1. I Created a Time Account

Over the next few years, I created not only a giving account at my bank, but a time account on my computer. I decided I would donate 4 hours per month helping people do things like move their house, design a business card, or just give them a friendly introduction to an important contact.

2. I Paid For Dinner

This is my favorite way to give. For such a small cost it seems to create a huge sense of gratitude. It might be because the cost of dinner is a real necessity. We go into our meal believing we will be covering our portion of the tab and then, BAM! Someone picks up the check… and a rush of financial relief floods in. What a gift. Next time you’re at dinner with a friend, pick up the tab. I promise your kindness will be returned.

3. I Gave More Effectively Than Anyone Else

I believe every human life is worth exactly the same. This means the child who needs to eat in Nigeria is just as valuable as the man who needs money to fund his ALS treatment in America. What this also means is your generosity toward either of these individuals is equal. But the cost… is drastically different. It may only take N10,000 to feed a child in Nigeria for a month while $5 wouldn’t even dent a fraction of ALS treatment in America. I call this effective self- denial. I began looking for charities where my money had an impact somewhere else in the world. For example, for $10 you can provide someone clean water for 10 years with Living Water International. Or for $7 you can provide life-saving vaccinations to a child for 10 years with End 7. Also you can give to Joyce Meyer Ministries doing great to humanity. It was charities like these that made me realize that generosity, even in its smallest form, can still be significant.

The question is, will you join me? Not that I earn a lot or i boast am the best giver in the world, but we can always do better and put others in need to whatever need we have.

Do you give to anyone? Do you support a cause or maybe your church? What’s stopped you in the pas? Let me know in the comments below…

Note To Self

1. Live authentically

2. Work ambitiously

3. Choose courage over comfort

4. Money makes me feel secure, not happy

5. Everyone thinks they’re right

6. Alcohol feels good at first and becomes a burden later

7. Worrying is praying for your worst nightmare

8. Material luxuries are best when limited

9. Keeping expectations low is a good strategy

10. It’s never right the first time

11. Everyone who is vulnerable is interesting

12. Most things distract you from realizing it’s easy

13. Trust what you want, not what you think you will work

14. Walks exude inspiration

15. Over time, I get better at everything and take it for granted