The Only Problem With Your Life Is The Way You Think About It

1. You generally spend more time thinking about your life than you do actually living it. You spend more time dissecting problems than you do coming to solutions, more time daydreaming than you do asking yourself what those thoughts indicate is lacking or missing in your waking life, or coming up with new solutions as opposed to actually committing to the ones that are already in front of you. You’ve replaced “reflection” with “experience,” and wonder why you feel unfulfilled.

2. You don’t find wonder in the simple pleasures, the way you once did. You think nature is boring and “play” is for children and there’s nothing awe-inspiring about a shaft of light through the window or a stranger’s smile or a spring day or your favorite book in bed. When you’ve lost sight of the magic of the little things, it’s not because the magic has gone elsewhere, only that you’ve chosen to disregard it in favor of something else.

3. You have something you wanted in the past, but you don’t enjoy it the way you thought you would, or you’ve replaced your desire for it with a desire for something else. Bring yourself back to the feeling of wanting what you have more than anything, the way you once did. Try to embody that. You’re making yourself prouder than you realize.

4. If you were to tell your younger self what your life is like now, they’d be in disbelief. You seriously could not have imagined that your life would turn out as well as it did – that the worst things became turning points, not endless black holes of emotion.

5. You think of money in terms of “obligation” not “opportunity.” Your mindset is: “I have to pay my bills,” as opposed to “I get to pay my bills, which house me, clothe me, and feed me, and that I can pay for by myself.” If you don’t value money by appreciating what it does for you, you’ll never feel as though you have enough.

6. You think you don’t have enough friends. You’re measuring the connection in your life by a quantity, not a quality, assuming that the problem is not enough around you, when it’s really that there’s not enough inside you.

7. You’re either over-reliant or under-attached to the friends you do have. You either don’t keep in touch enough or you get easily frustrated because you think that friends should make you feel “better” and “happy” in an unrealistic way. So you think that the only way to achieve that is to over-bond yourself to them, or disregard them when they don’t fulfill the role you’ve imposed on them (hence your feeling as though you don’t have enough!)

8. You imagine your life as though someone else was seeing it. Before you make a decision, you recite a storyline in your head. It goes something like this: “she went to college, she got this job, she married this guy after a terrible breakup, and all was well.” This is what happens when your happiness starts to come from how other people feel about you, as opposed to how you feel about yourself.

9. Your goals are outcomes, not actions. Your goals are to “be successful” or “see a certain number in the bank” as opposed to “enjoy what you do each day, no matter what you’re doing” or “learn to love saving more than frivolously spending.” Outcomes are just ideas. Actions are results.

10. You assume you have time. When it comes to doing what really matters to you – reconnecting with family, writing that book, finding a new job – you say “I’m only [such and such an age] I have a long time.” If you assume you “have time” to do something, or that you’ll do it later, you probably don’t want it as much as you think you do. There isn’t more time. You don’t know. You could be dead tomorrow. It doesn’t mean you have to get everything done today, but that there’s rarely an excuse not to start.
11. A bad feeling becomes a bad day. You think that experiencing negative emotions is the result of something being wrong in your life, when in reality, it’s usually just a part of being human. Anxiety serves us, pain serves us, depression does too. These things are signals, communications, feedbacks, and precautions that literally keep us alive. Until you begin thinking this way, all you will perceive is that “good feelings mean keep going” and “bad feelings mean stop,” and wonder why you’re paralyzed.

12. You think that being uncomfortable and fearful means you shouldn’t do something. Being uncomfortable and fearful means you definitely should. Being angry or indifferent means you definitely shouldn’t.

13. You wait to feel motivated or inspired before you act. Losers wait to feel motivated. People who never get anything done wait to feel inspired. Motivation and inspiration are not sustaining forces. They crop up once in awhile, and they’re nice while they’re present, but you can’t expect to be able to summon them any given hour of the day. You must learn to work without them, to gather your strength from purpose, not passion.

14. You maladaptively daydream. Maladaptive daydreaming is when you imagine extensive fantasies of an alternative life that you don’t have to replace human interaction or general function. Most people experiencing it while listening to music and/or moving (walking, riding in a car, pacing, swinging, etc.) Rather than cope with issues in life, you just daydream to give yourself a “high” that eliminates the uncomfortable feeling.

15. You’re saving up your happiness for another day. You’re sitting on the train on the way to work, thinking how beautiful the sunrise looks, and how you’d like to read your favorite book, but you don’t in favor of checking your email again. You begin to feel a sense of awe at something simple and beautiful, and stop yourself, because your dissatisfaction fuels you. You’re creating problems in one area of your life to balance out thriving in another, because your happiness is in a mental container.

Advertisements

Reasons Why Pain Makes You A Better Person

Reasons Why Pain Makes You A Better Person

It is a fact of life that we will experience pain time and time again – pain changes people. It may take a while for the pain to leave your body and your heart or it may be engraved inside of you forever, but I realized that every time I experienced unbearable pain, I changed significantly – changed for the better. There is something about going through a lot of pain that makes you want to be a good human being.

Here’s why pain can make you a better person:

1. It makes you compassionate. When you go through a lot of pain, you become more empathetic; you don’t want others to go through what you’ve been through and you don’t wish the pain you experienced upon anyone. It teaches you how to be kind and to never underestimate someone else’s pain just because you haven’t gone through it yourself.

2. It makes you wiser. The little things don’t bother you anymore, you don’t sweat the small stuff like you used to; you look at the bigger picture instead. Pain makes you look at life differently and it makes you understand the essence of life.

3. It makes you cherish your relationships . Pain makes you value your relationships more, you realize that you have people you can lean on in times of trouble and people who genuinely love you and are happy to support you. Pain makes you strengthen the bond between you and your closest friends and family.

4. It makes you stronger. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. After the storm has passed, pain makes you a lot stronger and better prepared to face difficult situations. Pain is sometimes the training you need to pass the tests of life.

5. It makes you re-evaluate your life. It makes you reconsider your career, your health, your finances and your relationships. It can help you go in another direction or find a meaningful purpose for your life. Pain makes you stop and question a lot of things and try to find answers and these answers can change your life.

6. It can be a major source of inspiration. Your pain can be your main inspiration for a new project, for a new charity, for a new community event and if you’re an artist, it will be the catalyst for the art you produce. Most masterpieces were painted strokes of pain.

7. Your love becomes stronger. You love more deeply and you are more open to being vulnerable. Even though pain makes you stronger, it makes you softer too. It makes you want to give love and ease someone else’s pain. Your love becomes pure and more profound.

8. It makes you fight for happiness. When you’re in pain, you look for waysto feel better and ways to be happy. You do things you never thought you would just to put a smile on your face. It makes you active in the pursuit of happiness.

9. It makes you more spiritual. When you can’t understand why certain things happen to you, you tend to look for answers outside of yourself. You try to understand God and the universe. You try to comprehend the divine laws and you start to slowly believe that there must be a bigger reason for your pain – you become more in touch with your spirituality and you pay more attention to it.

10. Your scars make you beautiful. The scars no one can see, the scars that hold stories of pain and survival, the scars that show that you’ve fought for something or loved someone, the scars that indicate that you have been bruised but you’re still walking – your scars make you different, they make you a human being with imperfections and they make you special .

3 Tips for Dealing with Unemployment Stress

“Unfortunately, we will have to let you go…”

It was a Friday afternoon when in the aftermath of this devastating sentence, I packed up my things.

For months afterwards, I replayed my co-workers long faces, their barely concealed shock, and their naked relief that it hadn’t been them.

As this period grew longer and longer though, I was attacked by fear of the unknown, confused, unmotivated and sort of damaged. It was later that I came to terms with it. I became convinced that this was the best thing that ever happened to me – and it was! Because it opened a lot of doors inside of me that never knew it was there.

Unemployment is one of the many challenges that people face in the course of their careers.

The hardest thing about unemployment is not the lack of a job, but the self-doubt, the depression that creeps in, as job applications are rejected, over and over.

As someone who faced these rejections time and time again, I can tell you that it does get easier, and that it is possible to stay positive in the face of the storm. Here’s how –

1. Be Grateful

I know, I know. Easier said than done, but this is the most important of all. We have a tendency to blame ourselves for things outside our control, and nowhere is it truer than in the case of sudden job loss.

“It’s all my fault” or “I deserved it” are negative thoughts that can make your day spiral downwards instantly. Don’t indulge in them! Keep a check on negative self-talk – know that you deserve that dream job you’ve always desired. This is only a temporary setback on your way to the career you’ve always sought.

Gratitude can help direct the negative attitude into a more positive direction.

One of the methods I used was to list two positive things for every negative thought that came to me. This tactic halted the black moods immediately, and showed me that in spite of everything, I still had things to be grateful for.

Another habit to encourage grateful thinking is to list down five things you’re thankful for, that day. I did it just before bed, but this can be done at any time during the day.

2. Have a Purpose

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.” – Viktor Frankl’s famous book ‘Man’s Search for meaning’ makes a valid point. During unemployment, it can feel like there’s no point of getting out of bed, or of sending out resumes for the umpteenth time.

In truth, this approach will depress you – as it did me.

Keeping to a schedule – one that allows for fulfilling, purposeful activities is the best way to get through this time.

Is there a hobby you’ve been meaning to try your hand at?

Or an event you’ve wanted to go to? Now is the time to give it a go!

During my sabbatical, I got back to my true passion – writing. I wrote every day, without fail. I wrote articles, blog posts, short stories, poetry – anything that brought me comfort. Not only did it get me back in touch with my passion, it made me better at it to some extent – and the joy it brought into my day was unparalleled, as I continue to be expectant for a better job.

3. Get Outside!

Staying at home, day after day, is depressing. One of the things that worked for me was making myself go outside. I would head out for a walk, listen to some music in the park or simply grab a cup of coffee at the nearby cafe.

This helped me see there was a world beyond the confines of my home – which eased the sense of isolation and loneliness I often felt.

One other thing that worked wonders for me? Catching up with friends. Work can make us so busy, we often get out of touch with old pals, and this can be the best time to reconnect.

I agree that it can be tough. Listening to friends talk about their work – that really exciting deal they just cracked, or the project that they are currently working on, can be hard. In fact, it can feel like they are being deliberately cruel.

They’re not. Friends and Family are crucial at a time like this – when we are most vulnerable, and it feels like the dark times will never end. Give your friends a chance to rally around you, to support you in this difficult time. If discussions about work bother you, explain your point of view – more often than not, good friends will tone them down, or avoid speaking of it altogether.

However, if it is really difficult to be around old friends – make new ones! This can be as easy as volunteering for a cause you care about or joining a hobby class – there are new and interesting people to meet all around us!

Final Thoughts

In my first days of this break, I was overwhelmed. I was frantic in my job search and networking, but I was holed up at home, and the depression came at me in waves.

No one told me that health needs to be a priority at this time – physical AND mental.

It is really important to rediscover yourself in this time. You are not your job, or the organization that you work for. You are so much more than that!

So while I did take on my job search daily – it did not take up my entire day.

These tips helped me make myself productive and happy. Try them out, they might just help you too.

I was truly inspired by Shuyaasha Misra in posting this true experience of my life early 2016.

When God’s Timing Is Taking Too Long

We all want good things to happen in our lives, but too often we want it now…not later. When it doesn’t happen that way, we are tempted to ask, “When, God, when?” Most of us need to grow in the area of trusting God instead of focusing on the “when” question. If you’re missing joy and peace, you’re not trusting God. If your mind feels worn out all the time, you’re not trusting God.

The tendency to want to know about everything that’s going on can be detrimental to your Christian walk. Sometimes knowing everything can be uncomfortable and can even hurt you. I sometimes in my life tend to being impatient, frustrated and disappointed because there were things I didn’t know. God had to teach me to leave things alone and quit feeling that I needed to know everything. I finally learned to trust the One who knows all things and accept that some questions may never be answered. We prove that we trust God when we refuse to worry.

God wants us to live by discernment—revelation knowledge, not head knowledge. It’s difficult to exercise discernment if you’re always trying to figure everything out. But when you’re willing to say, “God, I can’t figure this out, so I’m going to trust You to give me revelation that will set me free,” then you can be comfortable in spite of not knowing. Trusting God often requires not knowing how God is going to accomplish what needs to be done and not knowing when He will do it. We often say God is never late, but generally He isn’t early either. Why? Because He uses times of waiting to stretch our faith in Him and to bring about change and growth in our lives.

What You Are Looking For And Longing For

Whatever you are looking for and longing for, you are here to BE IT.

You are ready right now.

“If you inherently long for something, become it first. If you want gardens, become the gardener. If you want love, embody love. If you want mental stimulation, change the conversation. If you want peace, exude calmness. If you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint. If you want to be valued, respect your own time. If you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstasy within yourself. This is how to draw it in, day by day, inch by inch.” ― Victoria Erickson

Today, notice what do you long for? Then ask yourself…

“How might I embody this today? How might I bring it to life myself?”

No Pain, No Gain

The Word of God tells us that God wants us to be blessed. He wants us to prosper. (See 3 John 1:2) To do this, we need to find out what the guidelines and the spiritual laws are that lead to prosperity and blessing. And there’s one thing that stands between knowing and doing: pain. Pain is not just a physical or emotional thing—there is also the pain of obedience. For example, if we hear about giving and then go home, and God puts it on our heart to give away a favorite possession, we’re going to feel some pain. Our flesh is not going to cheer us on.

How about the pain of forgiving someone or not getting back at someone who has hurt us? We could talk for hours about being submissive to authority, and we wouldn’t feel any pain. But wait until the first time someone tells us to do something, and we don’t want to do it.

The Bible talks about those who progress and those who don’t. It talks about the Word of God being sown like a seed into different types of hearts. Some people are fine. They hear the Word, receive it with joy and are all excited until they receive some opposition. (See Mark 4) It’s the same thing when it comes to progress.

Which Would You Choose?

You can be right or you can be peaceful, but you can’t be both.

Which would you choose?

The ego wants to be right.

In a situation where someone else seems to have it wrong, and you feel (or know!) that you’re right, it’s oh so very tempting to point out their wrongness.

The ego loves that.

However, have you ever noticed that trying to show others you’re right, often comes at a cost?

By it’s very nature the act of PROVING SOMEONE WRONG or PROVING SELF RIGHT doesn’t involve much peace. It involves an energy, even if very subtle, of separation and judgment.

Now – that said, it’s quite valid to be right! There will be plenty of times in life when you are right, and someone else is technically “wrong”, but the questions to ask ourselves in those times are…

Does it really matter who is right or wrong?

Does it really make any difference if I point out how right I am?

Would I rather have peace as quickly as possible?

So in those moments when you want to stand up for yourself, or have the last word, or feel the need to counter someone else’s viewpoint (and there are plenty of opportunities for that in a world of contrasting beliefs and opinions), ask instead…

Would I rather be right or would I rather be peaceful?

Personally, most often these days I choose peace. There are very few times where it adds value to my life, to others or to this world if I were to battle to be right. So I don’t. Not because I can’t, not because the topic isn’t important. Simply because… I VALUE PEACE MORE.

What do you value?

What will you choose?

Staying Strong During Life Challenges: A Reminder

If life challenges are knocking on your door, or they’ve already moved on in and seem to be making themselves at home, these are 6 empowering reminders I researched for you.

Tune in, because it’s time for you to rise up strong…

#1

You have A 100% track record for getting through everything in your life.

You’re doing pretty awesome!

You’re still breathing, heart beating, and you have what it takes to walk ahead powerfully.

Remind yourself every day – “I will be okay. Everything will be okay. I always get through somehow. I trust this.”

#2

This too shall pass.

Challenges are like storms that arrive in your life, like a weather pattern. Storms have a life span. And your life span is longer than its!

The storm will come and it will go, and you will outlive it.

Remember, this is a season. Like everything in life, it will eventually pass. Thoughts pass. Feelings pass. Challenges pass.

Be patient and trust.

#3

Diamonds are made under pressure, and so are you. Your challenges will be the making of you.

Life challenges pressuring you are softening your rough edges, calling you to evolve, buffering you to expose the power and beauty you have.

On the other side of this challenge, you will shine again, brighter than before.

#4

All challenges morph into wisdom.

This is the gift that challenges bring. They come to offer you something.

Whatever you get out of a challenge in the form of greater understanding, skills and life wisdom, you will not only use in future (as a handy side benefit) but you will NEED in future.

There is Divine Order in your life. Maybe you don’t know yet what this life challenge is gifting you, or maybe you do. Maybe you don’t know yet what this wisdom is for, but you will find out soon enough!

Perhaps the wisdom is to support something you will DO in the future. Perhaps it is to help you SHARE that wisdom with someone else in your life, to uplift them on their journey. You needn’t be concerned about why you’re being given this wisdom, only that it is has purpose.

The Universe/Divinity (whatever word you use to describe a higher power at play in your life)… it moves us across each others life paths, in right time and right order. We end up learning through challenges and then being called forth into work, career, vocations, relationships, situations and places in order that we can contribute through the wisdom we have gained.

There is purpose to what you are going through. Trust this.

#5

Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together

That’s actually a Marilyn Monroe quote!

Remember that when it feels like life is falling apart, sometimes it’s actually life’s way of spring cleaning you (and your circumstances) to prepare you for the coming summer season of your life.

So even though it’s tempting to think that life is beating down on you, pause to consider if maybe the slate is being wiped clean in order that something better can form.

#6

What we resist persists. So, it’s vital TO let go and flow.

Use this mantra on a daily basis… “This is happening, and I choose peace.”

Your attitude is EVERYTHING when it comes to staying strong. You will either become a victim to what is happening or you will rise up and be a victor.

The choice is yours, and it all starts in your mindset.

I hope these reminders are helpful for whatever life challenges you might be going through now, or that you may face on your forward journey.

Source: The Daily Positive