Addiction is Real. Here’s How to Beat It

Addiction is real

Have you known an addict or been an addict? Are you an addict now?

Unfortunately, addictions come with the human condition. We’ve got alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts, workaholics, self-mutilators, and more. You name it, our culture has found it and become addicted to it.

Addiction is defined as anything we do repeatedly that causes harm to ourselves and/or others. The underlying driver to addiction is a general dissatisfaction with your life, your self-image, or identity. In extreme cases, an intense self-hatred and a sense of hopelessness and despair are the foundations of addiction.
Are you saying to yourself right now, “I can’t think of anything I’m addicted to”? Well, I’d say to you, “Come on. We’re all addicted to something.” If you don’t think that’s true of you, look through this list with me.

Are you addicted to:

  • Achievement – Always needing to perform to feel valuable
  • Self-Pity – Constant feeling of “poor me” and “life is unfair”
  • Worry – A consistent lack of peace
  • Drinking – You need a drink to be happy, sleep, or feel connected to people
  • Being Busy – If you’re alone or still, you feel depressed or lonely
  • Sex – You can’t stop viewing porn, quit masturbating , or view the others without sexual thoughts.
  • Social Media – You’re constantly connected to your phone or computer, ignoring the people right in front of you
  • Gambling – A need to take risk, make money, and feel valued from winning
  • Self-Sabotage – You can’t hold on to a relationship, you screw up great opportunities, and you can’t allow yourself to succeed.

Yes, you can be addicted to so-called positive things such as achievement. Look at Dale Partridge for example. He struggled with a serious addiction of being busy and achievement. Achievement became part of his identity. He started 6 businesses within 8 years producing over $15 million in revenue. But he didn’t know who was apart from outside praise and achievement. His addiction to work and achievement linked directly with a general dissatisfaction, if not, a downright dislike for who he was. He thought that his identity and worth was based solely in what I accomplished instead of who he was.

The bottom line is this: we all just want to be loved. We want to feel loved. We all deserve love. We starve for connectivity and depth, but we’re seriously scared and often times, lack the basic relational ability to reach out and get it.

So, if you had to choose something, what would you say you’re addicted to? Think about your thoughts for the day. Are there patterns? Ruts? Are there places in your mind that you continue to visit and obsess over during each 24-hour period?

What are they? Be brave and write them down. Let’s begin the healing process.

I want you to pay attention here. You deserve better. You deserve more. You were created for awe and purpose. You were created to love and be loved. The things that grip you don’t have to strangle the life out of you. There is hope and there is a way out.

Today begin telling yourself the opposite of the lies in your head. Begin practicing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control. Tell a trusted friend about your addiction. Reach out. Call a group. Don’t wait. This is your life we’re talking about.

You deserve normal. You deserve love, balance, joy, peace, and success. Go after it.

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Very Important Life Lessons

I want to share with you 4 very important life lessons that were reinforced for me over the 3 hours.

These are truly foundations for our happiness and success.

While I’ve had these reflections individually many times in the past, recently all 4 have culminated together for me and it feels like they’re now written in the cells of my body, singing out to be aligned with and honored!

Okay let’s dive in to the points!!!

VIL 1. Do Only What Resonates

Resonance is a feeling you get, telling you that something is good, aligned, and right for you.

The opposite of resonance is dissonance, meaning you feel something isn’t aligned.

Too many people navigate their lives doing things that do not resonate, in places that are not resonant, with people who don’t resonate with them.

If we make our choices about what we do in life based on our thinking mind alone, we can end up in all sorts of trouble and dissonance like this.

Instead, we need to notice what we feel, what RESONATES when we are making our choices about work, money, relationships, health, lifestyle and more.

VIL 2. Be in a State of Ease

As you go about whatever you do, personally and professionally, it’s all about HOW you do it.

Too often we race around in life in such a hurry to get things done, resisting life, aggrieved by things that bother us, frustrated by unexpected situations and people that seem to distract us from what we would prefer to be experiencing.

We may push ahead and force with strong, intentional energy to “get things done” and achieve our goals, but to what end?

Are we sitting there at the finish line feeling ragged and worn? And/or have we left a trail of issues behind us, paying a price in our health, relationships, finances or lifestyle because of the way we have been operating?

If you want to have a happy life then:

  • Recognize how it feels inside your body when you are at ease – there is a lightness to that feeling, a grace, a flow.
  • Recognize how it feels inside your body when you are pushing, forcing, racing, resisting, stressed and tense – there is a very definite physiological difference to ease!
  • Pay attention in your daily life to what you feel in your body – you will quickly start to notice if you’re operating from a state of ease and grace, or from a state of stress and tension.
  • Use breathing and a mantra to shift yourself back into ease in that moment. e.g Breathe in, “I choose to feel at ease”, breathe out, “All is well and I’m in my flow”

VIL 3. Remember You Can’t Do Everything

Well, technically you can do everything you want (over your lifetime) but you most definitely can’t do it all at once!

You can’t please everyone, you can’t be all things to all people, and you can’t achieve all your goals in one go while also caring for your relationships, health, work and personal life. So you have to make conscious choices about what to give your precious energy to.

I recently read a wonderful book on Essentialism – the art of focusing on what is essential, and not getting distracted by the gazillions of non-essential things that call for one’s attention each day. And my takeaway so far, which is so profound for me, is this…

There will be many good things you can focus on and give your time to. But there are only a small handful of GREAT things. To be most effective and successful, means deciphering the great from the good – saying yes to great, saying no to good…

I’ve previously had a major issue with this, struggling to say no to good things. It’s like we’re wired to say yes to all the good things in life. Good people, good opportunities, good experiences, good ideas. But there are actually many goodies! And we can’t do it all. From experience, trying to do it all leaves you burned out!

So, if you want to be highly effective AND happy, then:

VIL 4. Every Path Has Both Pros and Cons

And here is the very important lesson…

In saying goodbye, I was sobbing with such a deep, deep sadness in my heart. Yet, at the very same time, in every cell of my body as I bawled my eyes out hugging my parents and siblings goodbye, I knew what my intuition was telling me – to continue my path (even though my path leads me away from the physical presence of those I love).

When it comes to having an amazing life, please know that there is no perfect. There is only the choice of living your most soul-aligned path, whatever that looks like in any given moment, and accepting all that it gifts you and teaches you as you flow with it.

So, if you want to go big on your goals, and live the life of your dreams, then:

  • Focus on your inner voice, celebrate the pros of your path, peacefully accept the cons.
  • Such cons will exist with all choices. It’s called opportunity cost. With one path chosen, all other paths are not. But rest assured your soul will always lead you to the life experience you are here on this beautiful earth to have.
  • Leave no room for fear to reside in your mind. Trust yourself and remind yourself regularly of why you make the choices you do and why your goals are important.
  • Keep it real – SOMETIMES THE RIGHT CHOICE AND DIRECTION CAN ALSO BE THE HARDEST. And this, my friends, is the colorful ride that we call life!

Guys don’t get it twisted. Ain’t the writer of this. Lol! As mentioned in my first paragraph, i got motivated just some few hours back reading this beautiful piece that so referred to my life. All credit goes to Bernadette Logue.

How To Write The Best Story Of Your Life

  • Each new day is an opportunity to write a new story; a blank page to start over and begin writing a new chapter. You have pages to fill with your own words. You have sentences to live by and characters to support your story. Make sure you write a story that you love, a story you are proud of, a story your children and grandchildren will want to read over and over again, and make sure you write an authentic one, an original one, a story that reflects your life, your dreams and your desires – not a copy of someone’s life or a story someone else has written for you. Here is how to write the best story of your life.
  • Start by building the right characters. Your characters are the ones that make your story come to life, and they are an integral part of your journey. Pick the right characters, the ones that will stick with you till the end of the story, the ones that will support you when your story is falling apart, the ones who will fill all your pages and chapters, and the ones who will help you write a happy ending.
  • Find the purpose of your story. What are you trying to tell the world? What are you here for? And what story do you want people to read about you? Find a meaning to your story that makes you come alive and inspires you to wake up every day. Find a meaning that keeps your story interesting and keeps you interested , find a meaning to fight for, live for and die for.
  • Don’t let defeat put an end to your story. Every great story has periods of despair, failures and defeats, but this is what makes it even more compelling and this is what makes it even more substantial. This is the climax of your story and the turning point. This is when you start changing and your whole story changes. It now becomes about how you handle defeat, how you rise up after you fall down, and how you change the direction of your life after failure. A victorious ending requires a series of lost battles.
  • Pick an exciting theme. The theme is one of the most fundamental components of your story. Pick a theme that ends each chapter with hope, faith, and a desire to make tomorrow better. A theme that makes your character stronger in every chapter, a theme that makes people root for you and want to see you make it to the end. Pick a positive theme, a humorous tone maybe, or a theme that depicts the strength in struggle and the beauty in vulnerability.
  • Love is the essence of your story. Your story will be very weak without the power of love. You have to write a story of love and passion. Love is what keeps the story moving forward. It could be a lover, a friend, your work, your parents, your children, God or the love of the journey, the love of the unknown, or even your struggle to find love and define it. No matter how you tackle it, love is the crux of your story.
  • Don’t worry so much about the ending. Pay more attention to the details of your story and the way it’s unfolding. The best writers often don’t know how their story will end, they just start writing and the ending comes to them after they’ve shaped the main plot. If you focus too much on the ending, you might miss out on the whole story.
  • Give it a spectacular title. The title is what summarizes your story in a few words. It’s what makes people want to read your story. It’s your choice how you want people to perceive your story. Each day you make a choice as to whether the title ends with a question mark, a period, or an exclamation point.

You Got This!!!

According to Bernadatte Logue…

You are unbreakable, unstoppable and unbelievably powerful. In all situations, remember… YOU GOT THIS!

Do you ever have days where you wish you could take a break from being an adult?

You know… there’s actually a thing called “Adulting” (being an adult)…

The practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.”
“To carry out one or more of the duties and responsibilities expected of fully developed individuals.”

No wonder we want to get off that treadmill sometimes! ???????????? I know I do!

Don’t get my wrong… life is A-MA-ZING. But let’s keep it real… it is also freaking hard sometimes too!

So for those days when you’re not feeling up to this whole “Adulting” thing, I want you to remember…

YOU GOT THIS!

  • Even on the days you would rather crawl under your bed cover.
  • Even on the days when there are too many tasks to do and not enough time.
  • Even on the days when you boss is being unreasonable.
  • Even on the days when everyone is at you wanting something.
  • Even on the days when your body feels exhausted.
  • Even on the days when you have no idea what you’re meant to be doing, and you’re trying to look like you do!

One if the major reasons why I love to read, research and post on my blog platform is because I got the opportunity to spread good news and contribute to someone’s life daily.

I want to appreciate Bernadette for her continuous work and writings that inspires me to also be amongst the team of life coaches.

The Other Side Of Failure

By: Femi Oluyemi

I was surfing Facebook today and glanced at a friend’s post and write up that caught my eyes by the content and title “Failure”. I decided to share this with you guys. Hope it helps!!!

Failure is not a death sentence, failure is a catalyst that has the capacity to spur you into greatness. Please Fail forward……

There are two sides of a coin, the head and the tail which shows that life is in phases and men are in sizes. Growing up, I was opened to the idea that failure is a taboo. I remembered my father will say that “the person who came first doesn’t have two heads, he only has one like you”. So, I was always afraid of failure that I ended up not being the first in my school days. One day I sat down and asked myself the reason for my failure and what I was doing that was not right? I got some answers that set me on the path of success. I wouldn’t be sharing the answers I got with you now but latter. In my quest for answers I discovered some benefits of failure which changed my perception and response to failure. Soccer player Kyle Rote said that ” There is no doubt in my mind that there are many ways to be a winner, but there is really only one way to be a loser and that is to fail and not look beyond the failure” most times the reason for calling someone a failure is because a phase in the person’s life seem not to come out the way we expected and then there is a conclusion of failure. Failure is not just an event but a process. It is never final, but the refusal to try again is failure.It was Napoleon Hill that said “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” Here are reasons why failure is actually beneficial.

Failure is a teaching aid. One very story that inspires me on the subject of failure is that of Thomas Edison who never gave up until we had “light”.Do you know how many times he tried inventing the incandescent light?…almost a thousand times. In life it is not about what really happens to us that matter but how we react to those things is what counts.Back to Edison’s story when he was asked the question “how come you didn’t give up on that project after a thousand times you tried”? His response will shock you: He said “I only discovered a thousand times how not to make an incandescent light“.Failure can sometimes be an efficient teacher although it can be harsh.In our careers and our financial lives, learning what not to do is just as important as learning what to do. Sometimes you have to fail to learn how to win. Failure is a teaching aid that supplies experience and knowledge.

Failure Inspires Creative Solutions. Failure is a catalyst that spurs you to creative thinking. Nothing motivates a person like adversity. This adversity can be turned to advantage if you allow it to inspire you. You can either use the experience of failure to your advantage or to your disadvantage.One of the advantages is that it helps you to do better next time. Use it as a tool for determination in order to drive you towards success.

Failure builds strength of character. Anyone can be the hero when times are good but how do you measure up when the going gets tough? Failure can be a measuring tool for character. Do you crumble or stand your ground after failure?Take a moment to think about that before you consider yourself a failure. Going through a failure is a remarkable test of your character, your courage, your determination and your mind set. I truly believe that it isn’t until you’ve been through the worse that you can truly appreciate the best. Failure is like a bench mark because It will show you what you are made of. Les Brown said “When life knocks you down, try and land on your back, because if you can look up, you can get up”.

Failure keeps you humble.
One of the enemy of success is complacency. We have read stories of once great persons,nations, cultures, and companies that banked on the notion that a successful past guarantees a successful future. But failure has a way of opening the eyes,it is evaluating and motivating. Leaders can’t lead from a place of arrogance. But, it’s a sad fact that success makes many people arrogant. Arrogance leads to under estimating the preparation required to succeed. Of course, showing up unprepared often leads to more failure. Humility is a powerful benefit of failure. We all need reminders that success can quickly disappear. By bearing failure with good grace, and feeling humbled by the experience, you don’t take success for granted. You’ll realize how fleeting it can be – and you’ll strive to work harder and smarter for it next time.

Failure Makes Us More Valuable Mentors.Experience they say is the greatest teacher. Most qualified teachers are those who have been through it all and know how to weather it all. One of the ways you acquire valuable experience is through failure. A large part of effective mentorship is helping to anticipate and avoid pitfalls, stay focused and respond to challenges with creativity and optimism.

To Be Happier Today – Nothing Has to Change

Happiness

How many times have you read quotes, self-help advice and spiritual wisdom that tells us… happiness is always available right now, that’s it a choice we make?

It’s a powerful truth.

And while of course it’s natural to think about the future, and to desire more, and to want to create more, and to expand yourself and your life… the happiness you want isn’t going to be found “out there”.

Instead it’s ALWAYS waiting for you in the present. And you will feel it when you CHOOSE to focus on the little moments, the small but meaningful things in your day, the blessings (big or small) that you can be grateful for.

In the very second you choose to put your attention on gratitude, enjoying the little things, a portal of happiness opens up in your heart! ?

Nothing has to change in order for you to be happier right now. You CAN of course change whatever you want, but you don’t HAVE to change things in order to feel happier.

So please remember to enjoy the little things today, “take time to smell the roses! which makes me laugh because I’m one of those people you see who stops on the sidewalk when walking past a rose bush and LITERALLY leans into the garden and takes a moment to smell the roses! ????????

And if you want to be continuously drawn like a magnet into the present moment to enjoy the little things and feel happier as a result… we hope you’ll love this new collection below in The Daily Positive shop. Surround yourself, your family and friends with positive reminders for an uplifted life.

Ways to Replace Temptation with Self Control

Surfing the internet this morning, I couldn’t help but share this write up from daily positives.

Overall, I would consider myself a fairly controlled person. Yet when it comes to men, food, and social drinking – sayonara! As much fun as it might be at the time, the regret of: “Man, I told myself I would be in control this time” that comes later is not a good feeling.

Sound familiar?

Saying you want one thing and doing the complete opposite can create a lot of unnecessary chaos in life.

Not only does being impulsive throw off our equilibrium, but it also takes away from our broader personal goals.

When it comes down to avoiding what’s good for us or making decisions we will regret later, it’s a matter of exercising self control and learning how to BUILD that muscle.

Yet, this tends to be easier said than done and requires a conscious, mindful effort.

Here are 5 simple ways to practice more self control during the moments that tempt you most. Pick at least 2 you can use right now, practice them for 7 days, and see what a difference it makes!

1. Be Honest About Your Temptations

The first step is being truthful with yourselfabout what your temptations are, so you know how to manage them in the future.

What situations, without fail, always leave you saying, “I wish I didn’t do that”?

For example, if you know you can’t have chips in the house without finishing the entire bag upon opening them, deciding not to buy them in the first place is a good starting point. Recognizing the temptations lets you help prevent them before you’ve gone too deep.

2. Quit Cold Turkey

While we want to believe we are strong enough to overcome temptation when faced with it (or at least try to), avoiding the temptation altogether is the only guarantee for doing so.

Living in extremes can require quitting in extremes.

Try a 30-day alcohol free month, social media detox challenge, or cut off communication from a toxic relationship.

3. Recognize Your Long-Term Goals & Tie the Present Moment to Them

When avoiding your temptation triggers may not be an option, consider your long-term goals before engaging in a potential regretful activity.

Living for short-term gratification can seem harmless, but has the ability to negatively impact your aspirations down the line.

Make sure that a Wednesday night Happy Hour is really worth the lost productivity at work the next day!

4. Get an Accountability Partner

Having an accountability partner (or group) is a great way to stay on track for any goal, and becoming more self-disciplined is no exception.

It’s always easier to assess a situation and see clearly when you’re not directly in it.

So the next time you’re feeling tempted, call a friend for encouragement and reminders to help you choose positively, wisely and in alignment with your goal/s.

5. Listen to & Trust the “Good” Shoulder Angel

We all have the little voice that tells us not to do something, and the one that tells us to do it anyway.

Impulsiveness is often engaging in something that goes against our better judgment, and against our values.

So the next time you feel conflicted, stop and make a deliberate choice to do the opposite of what you might want to do. Over time, this will become second nature.

Ultimately, every choice in life has a consequence. It is rewarding to engage in decisions that bring you closer to the person you want to be (the person you really are deep down!).

After awhile, you’ll be able to appreciate the peace which comes from aligning what you say you want with your actions. You will live from a place of equilibrium.

Credit: Ashley David

The Big Risk if You’re Seeking Approval from Other People

Originally posted on the daily positive.

As human beings we crave acceptance and approval – to feel a sense of belonging and security.

The Big Risk if You’re Seeking Approval from Other People

It makes sense if you think about our primitive nature and history – the need to be in tribes/communities together, for safety and survival.

That seems to drive so many of us in modern life to go seeking approval and acceptance from others – be it our families, our friends, our work colleagues and employers.

Heck… we even go on social media and seek “likes” from complete strangers in order to get that sense of acceptance.

But here are the cold hard facts about living for the acceptance, approval or praise of others…

  • Yes, it feels good (we all like it!)
  • But, you can’t guarantee you’ll always get it.
  • And as long as you’re attached to the acceptance, approval and praise of others, you’re also equally attached to their judgment, criticism and rejection.

The powerful truth that I’ve personally learned over the years is this…

  • When people say nice things about me, that’s lovely and it’s just what they’re thinking and feeling in that moment. It has nothing to do with me. It’s none of my business. 💙
  • When people say unkind things about me, that’s unpleasant and it’s just what they’re thinking and feeling in that moment. It has nothing to do with me. It’s none of my business. 💙

If you live by the praise of others, you die by their criticism.

Everyone is simply projecting their inner experience into the outer world – be that positive or negative, be that praise or criticism. To live your life at peace and empowered here are 2 TIPS…

  • Don’t take things personally – even when it’s nice things (acknowledge the love the other person is expressing, and witness it with appreciation, but don’t attach to it like an umbilical cord!). 😃
  • Don’t go looking for people to validate, approve, accept or praise you – GIVE IT TO YOURSELF. The only person’s opinion who truly matters is yours. From your own approval, the world is your oyster and you can enjoy the good and detach the bad, forever free to simply be.

Ways To Stop Worrying About How Your Life Looks And Start Focusing On How It Feels

Ways To Stop Worrying About How Your Life Looks And Start Focusing On How It Feels

1. Count how many times you’ve really been happy after you got something you thought you wanted. What happened after you got the relationship you were lusting after? What happened after you got that job? What happened when you made more money? Chances are, things were different, but proportionately good and bad.

2. Make a list of all the imperfect people you’ve known in your life who have had love. Who have had romantic partners and best friends and jobs you could only ever dream of. Make a list of all the people who are conventionally unattractive and spiritually adrift and imperfect and all the things each one of them had despite being that way. Make it your own personal proof that you do not need to be perfect to be good enough.

3. Ask yourself what you’d do if social media were no object, and nobody would know. What would you do this Saturday, what would you do tonight? What would your career goals be, how many photos would you really take? Who would you hang out with, where would you live, if you weren’t silently policing yourself through the lens of “what other people see.”

4. Ask yourself what you’d do if money were no object, and you could do anything. This is a classic exercise that many people dismiss because of how impractical it is. Unfortunately, those people aren’t thinking deeply enough to understand the real point. It’s not to discover what you’d actually do if you didn’t have to worry about money (that’s not our reality) it’s about the essence of what you’d do, and how you can incorporate that into your everyday life. Would you vacation, would you keep your current job? It just goes to show you whether you value relaxation or accomplishments or whatever else, and understanding what you value is crucial to understanding who you are.

5. Take photos to remember happy moments, not prove that you looked good or did something cool. Make a special album on your phone just for “happy moments.” When you feel good or are enjoying yourself or have some kind of revelation, just take a photo of whatever’s in front of you (however unworthy of Instagram it is.) When you look back at these seemingly random snapshots, you’ll experience those feelings all over again. You’ll see, by contrast, the emotional difference between capturing the moments that matter to you and creating moments to matter for other people.

6. Identify the “people” you always think are judging you. You know how people always say that? “People are judging me.” “I’m worried about what people will think.” Most of the time, those “people” are a faceless crowd that only exist in your mind. In other words, they’re you, projected outward. It’s what you’re judging yourself for. The first step is realizing that the “people” you worry about don’t really exist.

7. Think about what makes you feel the most jealous. The things that make us the most jealous and envious are usually the things that we feel we’re not living up to within ourselves. We’re jealous of the beautiful girl not because we want to be beautiful like her, but because we’re lacking something so much more important, which is love for ourselves. We’re jealous of the successful writer not because we also want to be lauded, but because we know we’re not doing the work to get there.

8. Don’t clean before someone comes over. Save for people who, you know, aren’t hygienic, don’t worry about setting up a stage when someone else visits. I’m not talking about straightening up or putting personal items away, but actually trying to construct an appearance that is the physical equivalent of bleach blonde hair dye. Let people into your life in a true way. Let them enter a moment in your life, just as it’s happening. It’s the only way you truly bond.

9. Re-think how you celebrate the most important days of the year. Most people do it with relatives they see only on holidays, who they don’t have genuine relationships with otherwise, and who they are vaguely unhappy to have to see. These days are meant to be spent treating the people who love you all year round to parties and meals and gifts. Not the people who you feel morally obligated (but emotionally repressed) into stomaching.

10. Get rid of things that aren’t purposeful or meaningful. The reason why this is so important is because things are defining, especially when we buy them with the intention of making us “different.” Our things construct our experiences. They create what we see and by extension how we feel. They are the means through which we put ourselves together each day. It’s not about having as little as possible, it’s about having only things that serve purpose or hold meaning. Do it. It will transform your life. (And that’s no small claim to make.)

11. Ask yourself: “If I knew nobody would judge me, what would I stand for?” What do you inherently agree with, once you’re past all the self-imposed social filters? People think being conscious of their hidden thoughts and feelings and prejudices = being unaware and ignorant, but the opposite is true. It’s being unaware that’s a problem.

12. Ask yourself: “If I could tell every single person in the world just one thing, one sentence, what would it be?” Would you say: “it’s going to be okay?” “Don’t worry so much?” “Seek the best in others?” “Follow me on Twitter?” What you think you’d want to say to everyone out there is actually a projection of what you most need to hear. That’s what you most want to tell you.

13. Decide that to be worthy of something is just to be grateful to have it. You choose what your self-esteem is measured by. You decide what your worth is based on. You decide whether or not you’re good enough for something, and because that is the case, decide that the people who are worthy of what they have are the ones who are grateful to have it. Nothing more, nothing less.

14. Realize that you are not only as accomplished as you are over your biggest hurdle. You’re not only as “good” as you are “perfect,” you’re not only as “good” as you are better than someone else, either. In the words of Oprah (who else?) you can have everything, just not at the same time. Be grateful for this: it means you have the opportunity to appreciate what’s in front of you, and you always have something else to work toward and look forward to.

15. Assume that all things are for the best. When people care most about how their lives look is when they’re most closed to how their lives feel. When they’re most closed to how their lives feel is when they don’t want to feel pain. Being truly at peace requires realizing that everything is for the best: everything in your life does one of three things: shows you to yourself, heals a part of yourself, or lets you enjoy a part of yourself. If you adopt that perspective, there’s nothing left to fear.

16. Ask yourself: “If the whole world were blind, how many people would I impress?” This Boonaa Mohammed quote has been making the rounds lately, but it’s always important. Truly imagine a life in which you could not see things. In which all that exists is how you feel, and how you make others feel. In this kind of world, what kind of person are you, and is it for those reasons that, perhaps, creating a life that looks good to earn other people’s love has supplemented having your own?

Things You Forgot To Thank Yourself For

Things You Forgot To Thank Yourself For

We’re always thanking our friends and family for their support and the incredible things they do for us but we sometimes forget that we should thank ourselves as well for the things we go through and how at certain times we make it completely on our own. Here are some of the things you should thank yourself for:

1. For trying to be a better person. Thank yourself for trying to be a better friend, or a better partner or better to your parents. Thank yourself for going out of your way to help someone. Thank yourself for going the extra mile for a friend who truly needed your support.

2. For not giving up. During your finals, during stressful work weeks and during difficult times. Thank yourself for pulling yourself together and enduring the anxiety and the pain that you had to go through. Thank yourself for making it out of the storm in one piece.

3. For taking care of yourself. Thank yourself for trying to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. Thank yourself for the times you had to focus on yourself and did a great job. Thank yourself for understanding that you have to always work on yourself because this is the person you will truly live with forever.

4. For trying to achieve your dreams even if they didn’t happen yet. Thank yourself for trying to go to school again, for trying to ask for a raise, for trying to look for another job, for trying to move to a new country. Thank yourself for the awareness you have that you need to dream bigger and do better.

5. For letting someone you loved go. Thank yourself for letting them be, for moving on even when it was hard, for trying to forget them when you didn’t want to and for doing your best not to contact them when it was all you ever wanted. Thank yourself for protecting your own heart.

6. For the moments of weakness. Thank yourself for giving yourself permission to eat that cheeseburger or skip the gym for a few weeks. Thank yourself for telling someone how you truly felt. Thank yourself for knowing that you are not perfect but there are perfect moments where you just have to be unapologetically you.

7. For making mistakes. Thank yourself for the decisions that were not so great, it means you’re learning, it means you’re evolving and it means you’re growing wiser and stronger. Thank yourself for not allowing your mistakes to define you.

8. For your kindness. Thank yourself for doing something selflessly, for giving something without expecting anything in return, for sharing your experiences or stories with people who could benefit from it and for being kind to yourself when the world is being hard on you.

9. For embracing the chaos of life. Thank yourself for keeping a smile on your face when you’re sad, for waking up and participating in life when you feel the weight of the world crashing down on you, for going out when all you want to do is stay home and for believing that things will get better even though you’re not sure. Thank yourself for trying to live your life – no matter how unpredictable and messy it can be.

10. For all the things you do that make you proud. For the little things and the big things. For the things that make you happy and the things that make you look forward to tomorrow. For the beautiful things you do that go unnoticed, for the sincere prayers you say to the ones you love, for the compromises you make, for the risky chances you take and for the silly things you do to make people smile. Thank yourself for any moment that made you grateful to be alive and made you love yourself a little bit more.

Life as they say is not easy. But each day you try your best to make it more suitable and easy for yourselves. Don’t forget to thank yourself each day for not giving up on life.

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, there was a multi billionaire, who was enjoying his life to the maximum and had power and influence over many companies and many employees.

Unlike most rich people, he was a good person. He had put some rules in his companies. According to his vision, keeping these rules would facilitate the work flow and at the same time would create a friendly cozy and fair atmosphere between the employees.

The multi billionaire himself kept these rules too in order to give a good example and to be the model to be followed by the employees.

As the billionaire respected the employees, he never forced them to follow him. He respected the freedom of his employees and their free will was something he never allowed himself to control- although the amount of money he had, would allow him to control whatever he wanted. However, the wise billionaire found that respecting each other’s freedom would lead to a better atmosphere and better productivity.

Despite the smooth work flow and the good work condition, an employee decided to rebel against the billionaire and he turned some employees against their boss. The rebellious decided to lie, to falsify the truth and to disrespect all the rules put by the billionaire. For that, the rebellious and his followers were thrown out of the billionaire’s companies and were considered enemies.

The rebellious who have lost their jobs, have never been successful in establishing their own company. They were left weak, poor and unemployed.

Actually the loss of these employees did not affect the productivity of the companies, as the power of the multi billionaire could guarantee him and his employees a very prosperous life.

While enjoying his life, the multi billionaire started to imagine himself as a father of many children. He is a person who has lots of money and power that he could share with his children and that could guarantee joy and happiness for them. He started imagining his children’s life and thought that he will give each one of them a company. He will delegate his powers to his children and will of course respect their freedom. He will encourage them to be creative, productive and to enjoy their life and their business. He will ask them to obey the rules he had put in his companies and in order to preserve the rules, he will also write them down for them in a manual. He imagined himself loving his children so much and he decided never to abandon them. Whoever needs him and asks for his help and support, he will immediately come to help him.

The billionaire was aware that he has some enemies, the rebellious. But he also knew how weak they were. They were not even capable of establishing one company, while he had so many companies. The billionaire knew that the rebellious will try to hunt his children, but he also knew that if he stands next to his children, no rebellious could harm them. He will offer his ultimate love to his children, all they have to do is to love him back to enjoy the perfect life he will offer them and to enjoy his protection.

While imagining his children, the multi billionaire started to love them so deeply, even before they were born. He loved sharing and was ready to share his whole life with his children. He was already ready to die for them.

The years have passed and his children grew up. Each one of his children has become the owner of a company with unlimited power and influence.

Some children have enjoyed their father’s care and love. They kept their father’s rules and enjoyed keeping them. They invited their father to spend some days with them in their companies. Whenever the rebellious tried to come next to them, they called for their daddy, who just needed to stand next to them to keep the enemy away. These children made a huge success out of their companies. They also participated in the establishing of new companies. And when it was family time, they spent great moments with their father who shared his visions and his thoughts with them. The multi billionaire was very proud of them and he kept giving them more and more.

Another group of children decided to enjoy the power given to them, but didn’t accept their dad’s presence. They preferred to consider him dead, while he was there alive standing in front of them. They considered him too old and old fashioned. Whenever he talked, they shut their ears and turned away their faces. While disrespecting the rules put by the billionaire, they dealt with the rebellious in their work. They started to trade with them and to invite them from time to time to their companies. By doing this, the rebellious gained more power on the market. As long as the multi billionaire was not invited, they appeared and merchandised with the billionaire’s children. In fact the rebellious started to take ownership of these companies and the billionaire’s children, the real owners, started to obey their new masters. Heartbroken, the billionaire could only -from time to time- pass by these children, wishing one of them would call for him, but, as he was respecting their free will, he could never impose himself.

The last group of children decided to obey the rules and to work in their companies. But they never really talked to their father. They decided to act as employees and not as owners. They followed the rules and whenever the rebellious came, they called for their father to deal with him. This group has never understood why they were here and what they were doing. They have never enjoyed their place, as they never understood that their daddy is longing to talk to them and to share his visions with them. They never understood that they have the powers of their father and that they were the owners of their companies. All they could see is that they are working, obeying rules and calling their father to face the enemy. The billionaire was also heartbroken for this group of children. He wished he could spend time with them to talk to them, but they never invited him in an intimate way. All he could do is knocking on their companies’ doors, waiting for anyone to open and to invite him to an intimate chat and dinner.

Reasons Why We Resist The Things We Want The Most

Am not a psychologist or a professional at solving people’s problems. But these points sure know how to get to people, especially me.

The writer who can’t write. The hopeless romantic who can never find the right relationship. If you haven’t experienced it yourself, surely you’ve known others who’ve struggled with it to a pretty incredible degree: actively resisting what it is they want most (almost always through unconscious self-sabotage.) It’s something so many people do, but so few know to change, usually because they don’t know why it happens in the first place. So here, 8 reasons why we resist the things we want – because understanding the problem is the same as knowing the solution- Brianna Weist

We want to avoid being present, because if we’re present for the good things, we have to be present for the bad ones, too.

This is usually the reason people have such a hard time with simply “being in the moment.” There is something “in the moment” that they’re running from… which is why they’re having a problem in the first place. Because the only thing that can be a problem at any given “moment” is something within you.

We’re afraid to reach the “end of the road.”

We are beings that are, literally, made to evolve. Emotionally, mentally, physically, universally. We were designed to change, and the ultimate resistance to that is only seeking out “end goals.” Because you won’t actually let yourself get there. Getting there feels like the equivalent of death. If we don’t realize that letting ourselves have what we want is the beginning of a journey, we don’t let ourselves have it. But we can’t regard something as the “beginning of a journey” unless it’s something we genuinely want to do each day (rather than just feel better with the idea of.) But more on that later.

We’re afraid of losing our identities.

We identify with pain. We become our struggle. We bond over what we hate. It’s the trifecta for unhappiness, and the more we sustain it, the harder it becomes to work our way out of. This is because we grow to identify with our problems. Who are we if we don’t have a battle to fight? It makes “being happy” seem boring, and undesirable. So we keep ourselves in a state of “wanting” and never “having.”

We’re afraid of people not loving us because we’re not broken and relatable anymore.

The main reason we keep ourselves small is because we think that it will make other people love us. If we’re helpless, someone will help us, if we have problems, we’re relatable, and accepted. Being a “happy person” who has what they want is not always being “the most liked person in the room,” but ultimately it’s a choice you have to make: to feed your own heart or other people’s insecurities.

We’ve trained ourselves to feel happy with the “wanting” not the “getting.”

We get stuck in these patterns in which we find our happiness in dreaming up the next big thing, in working toward it, in lusting after it, in feeling like “getting it” is this huge accomplishment. Then after the high has passed, it’s not interesting to us anymore. We’ve learned to be happy just wanting, never having.

Having what we want makes us more vulnerable than anything else in the world.

This is the simplest one in the book, yet usually the last thing people think of: when we have what we want, we’re vulnerable. We can lose it. If it’s not ours, then it’s always safe, because we never had it in the first place. (Goes without saying, but I think most people would ultimately prefer having something and losing it as opposed to never having it at all.)

We want certainty before we act – because we think this means emotional security.

A lot of the time, getting what we really want isn’t so far out of reach as it is just behind all of our self-imposed blocks, doubts and insecurities. We want certainty because when we’re certain that something is “right” or “meant to be,” it eliminates the risk of being devastated. If we know it’s already “right,” we can’t lose it. (We can, it’s delusion.)

We don’t want what we think we want.

We think we want a partner, but what we really want is to feel love for ourselves, and not need someone else to keep injecting good feelings into our lives for us. We think we want to lose weight, but what we really want is to feel secure, and to love our bodies for how they are. (Then maybe have the partner, and lose the weight.) We think we want a particular job, but what we really want is to feel affirmed by a title, or to feel supported or admired. For the most part, people do (and get) what it is they really want. The problem is only ever a matter of identifying what that honestly is – and why

The Only Problem With Your Life Is The Way You Think About It

1. You generally spend more time thinking about your life than you do actually living it. You spend more time dissecting problems than you do coming to solutions, more time daydreaming than you do asking yourself what those thoughts indicate is lacking or missing in your waking life, or coming up with new solutions as opposed to actually committing to the ones that are already in front of you. You’ve replaced “reflection” with “experience,” and wonder why you feel unfulfilled.

2. You don’t find wonder in the simple pleasures, the way you once did. You think nature is boring and “play” is for children and there’s nothing awe-inspiring about a shaft of light through the window or a stranger’s smile or a spring day or your favorite book in bed. When you’ve lost sight of the magic of the little things, it’s not because the magic has gone elsewhere, only that you’ve chosen to disregard it in favor of something else.

3. You have something you wanted in the past, but you don’t enjoy it the way you thought you would, or you’ve replaced your desire for it with a desire for something else. Bring yourself back to the feeling of wanting what you have more than anything, the way you once did. Try to embody that. You’re making yourself prouder than you realize.

4. If you were to tell your younger self what your life is like now, they’d be in disbelief. You seriously could not have imagined that your life would turn out as well as it did – that the worst things became turning points, not endless black holes of emotion.

5. You think of money in terms of “obligation” not “opportunity.” Your mindset is: “I have to pay my bills,” as opposed to “I get to pay my bills, which house me, clothe me, and feed me, and that I can pay for by myself.” If you don’t value money by appreciating what it does for you, you’ll never feel as though you have enough.

6. You think you don’t have enough friends. You’re measuring the connection in your life by a quantity, not a quality, assuming that the problem is not enough around you, when it’s really that there’s not enough inside you.

7. You’re either over-reliant or under-attached to the friends you do have. You either don’t keep in touch enough or you get easily frustrated because you think that friends should make you feel “better” and “happy” in an unrealistic way. So you think that the only way to achieve that is to over-bond yourself to them, or disregard them when they don’t fulfill the role you’ve imposed on them (hence your feeling as though you don’t have enough!)

8. You imagine your life as though someone else was seeing it. Before you make a decision, you recite a storyline in your head. It goes something like this: “she went to college, she got this job, she married this guy after a terrible breakup, and all was well.” This is what happens when your happiness starts to come from how other people feel about you, as opposed to how you feel about yourself.

9. Your goals are outcomes, not actions. Your goals are to “be successful” or “see a certain number in the bank” as opposed to “enjoy what you do each day, no matter what you’re doing” or “learn to love saving more than frivolously spending.” Outcomes are just ideas. Actions are results.

10. You assume you have time. When it comes to doing what really matters to you – reconnecting with family, writing that book, finding a new job – you say “I’m only [such and such an age] I have a long time.” If you assume you “have time” to do something, or that you’ll do it later, you probably don’t want it as much as you think you do. There isn’t more time. You don’t know. You could be dead tomorrow. It doesn’t mean you have to get everything done today, but that there’s rarely an excuse not to start.
11. A bad feeling becomes a bad day. You think that experiencing negative emotions is the result of something being wrong in your life, when in reality, it’s usually just a part of being human. Anxiety serves us, pain serves us, depression does too. These things are signals, communications, feedbacks, and precautions that literally keep us alive. Until you begin thinking this way, all you will perceive is that “good feelings mean keep going” and “bad feelings mean stop,” and wonder why you’re paralyzed.

12. You think that being uncomfortable and fearful means you shouldn’t do something. Being uncomfortable and fearful means you definitely should. Being angry or indifferent means you definitely shouldn’t.

13. You wait to feel motivated or inspired before you act. Losers wait to feel motivated. People who never get anything done wait to feel inspired. Motivation and inspiration are not sustaining forces. They crop up once in awhile, and they’re nice while they’re present, but you can’t expect to be able to summon them any given hour of the day. You must learn to work without them, to gather your strength from purpose, not passion.

14. You maladaptively daydream. Maladaptive daydreaming is when you imagine extensive fantasies of an alternative life that you don’t have to replace human interaction or general function. Most people experiencing it while listening to music and/or moving (walking, riding in a car, pacing, swinging, etc.) Rather than cope with issues in life, you just daydream to give yourself a “high” that eliminates the uncomfortable feeling.

15. You’re saving up your happiness for another day. You’re sitting on the train on the way to work, thinking how beautiful the sunrise looks, and how you’d like to read your favorite book, but you don’t in favor of checking your email again. You begin to feel a sense of awe at something simple and beautiful, and stop yourself, because your dissatisfaction fuels you. You’re creating problems in one area of your life to balance out thriving in another, because your happiness is in a mental container.