Your Life Becomes The Sum Of What You Tolerate

In an ideal world, life would amount to the sum of our intentions.

Good things would happen to good people; we’d be measured by our heart and depth and character.

While this is true to some degree — life is undoubtedly kinder toward those who are kind to it — the truth is that your intentions don’t amount to your outcomes. Just wanting something badly enough does not qualify you to have it, simply believing that you’re capable of more does not mean you will actually achieve more.

In the end, your life amounts to the sum of what you tolerate.

It is defined by what you allow.

You are treated as well as you allow other people to treat you. When you set boundaries or cut off contact with those who do not meet those expectations, you are setting the standard for relationships in your life.

You achieve as much as you allow yourself to pursue. You create as often as you are willing to show up, and to begin.

You grow as much as you allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. We often think that it is discomfort that holds us back from becoming who we want to be, when in fact, that feeling, once truly acknowledged, will point us in the direction that we need to create change.

If you are willing to tolerate mistreatment, you will be mistreated.

If you are willing to tolerate unhappiness, you will remain unhappy.

If you are willing to tolerate dissatisfaction, you will remain dissatisfied.

Your life only truly becomes your own on the day that you decide you will not — for another second of your existence — tolerate less than you know you are capable of having, doing less than you are capable of doing, and being less than you are capable of being.

The truth is that nobody else is going to give this to you.

Nobody is going to wake you up to this fact.

Nobody is going to sit you down and give you a power point presentation about your worth and potential, and nobody is going to strategize a way to make it a reality.

The only way it is going to happen is if you decide you are no longer going to be okay with excuses, empty words or broken dreams. It is only going to happen if you decide that you will no longer tolerate anything less than the outcomes you want, and the life you dream of.

Your life becomes the sum of what you tolerate, so stop tolerating less than you desire.

Guest post from Brianna Weist

You’re Stuck In Life Because You’re Focusing On How To Have Less, Not How To Create More

By: Brianna Weist

This post was originally posted on Thoughts Catalogue.

There’s an old adage that you should “promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”

It’s not only a nicer way to exist in the world, it’s also really the only way to accomplish anything.

Some people have realized this. Others remain stuck.

When people are dissatisfied with their lives, they usually can only identify what it is they don’t want to feel.

The same thing happens after a break up, when everyone’s telling you to “let go” and “move on.” But how do you do that? How do you come to a place of neutrality over something that all but cut you in half? How do you suddenly find a sense of peace when all you can do is rack your mind over what you did wrong and what it means that the future you once imagined is no more?
The answer is that you do not decide to “let go” one day. You focus so much of your attention and time on other things, and projects, and tasks, and goals and people that, eventually, the pain fades from your memory.

This is what mentally strong people understand: change is what happens when you start building a new city, rather than standing in the ruins of what’s collapsed.

You change your life not by focusing on what you want less of, but what you want to take its place.

You figure out what you really want not through desire, but through discomfort. You identify the exact opposite of your greatest fears and worries. That’s your true dream.

You cannot release anything from your life without something to put in its place. Some people do this in a healthy way, consuming themselves with behaviors that improve their lives long-term. Others turn to coping mechanisms that ultimately erode their mental and physical wellbeing. Either way, it’s the same thing, just with different results.

It’s like if someone tells you not to think about a white elephant. That’s the only thing you’re going to want to think about.

The only way to not think about the white elephant is to think about something else.
So when it comes to enacting real change in your life, stop worrying about what you want less of, and start focusing on what you want more of.

Instead of trying to lose weight, reduce calories and generally become smaller, focus instead on having more healthy foods, more movement, more wellness, more rest, and more positive thoughts about yourself.
If you do this earnestly, the weight will take care of itself.

Instead of trying to get out of debt, focus instead on having more financial freedom, more flexibility, more peace of mind and a greater measure of security.

If you do this earnestly, the debt will take care of itself.

Instead of trying to “let go” of the past, “overcome” your greatest and deepest hurts and anxieties, focus instead on connecting with people right here and now, placing your energy into learning new skills, having more interesting experiences, and doing what makes you feel good each day.
If you do this earnestly, the grief will take care of itself.

You will never be able to lessen yourself into the life that you want. That is not how this works. You cannot expect to focus constantly on what you don’t like and don’t want and think you’re going to magically create what you do like and you do want.
The work is in understanding that your discomfort is the shadow side of your greatest desire.

If you want less weight, you want more health. If you want less debt, you want more stability. If you want less anxiety, you want more peace of mind.

When you focus on the positive aspect of the transformation, you’re actually able to achieve it.

The truth is that you can mourn, grieve, cry and revisit the details of your traumas again and again and again, but the only way you heal them and truly recover is by creating a new experience in the present moment, one that immerses you so deeply, you don’t have the mental bandwidth to even recall the past.