The More Difficult Life Is, The More We Appreciate God’s Forgiveness and Grace: Williams Story

I have been thinking about all that GOD has done for me. I have no words to adequately express the love and the appreciation I owe to GOD. To whom much is forgiven, much is required. GOD help me to honor You in all that I do.

No matter what we’ve been through in life, no matter what had happened in the past, no matter what we’ve done and think it’s in for given, we should always look up to God, because God is love. Here is Williams story….

Why I am a Christian

I was a child of rape,
Fatherless,
Unloved by a mother, not wanted, neglected, beaten, burned and abandoned,
Fostered and then adopted by those who did not cherish nor protect,
Molested, raped and shamed,
Told was a mistake, no good, would never amount to anything,
Cursed, kicked, slapped, whipped, beaten,
Learned by example that alcohol and drugs would numb the pain,
Runaway,
Bullied, beat up, drug overdose and left for dead,
Hospitalized, juvenile incarceration, defamation,
Hopeless, angry and alone,
Crimes led to prison,
Attempted rapes, countless fights, stabbed repeatedly, and in isolation hatred consumed,
Unwelcome, homeless and hungry,
Never begged, but ate out of dumpsters and occasionally worked for food or cash,
An object of another’s deviant sexual behavior, who were beaten and money taken,
Alcohol warmed on cold nights,
Lonely women in bars were nothing more than a bed to sleep in,
Uncaring, indifferent, selfish, self-loathsome,
Attempted suicide, and angry that even death evaded me,
Immersed in the bar-tend culture,
A stripper, an escort, drug dealer, a player,
Woke up high, went to bed drunk, every day for the next twenty years,
Mean, calloused, vile and vulgar defines the man I had become.

Then the unexpected happened!

GOD graciously revealed the truth of Christ’s redeeming work on the cross of Calvary to save a wretch like me. So real was GOD’s presence as tears of joy washed away a lifetime of anger and pain. Gone was the guilt of my sin against GOD. Knowing that by accepting Jesus as my Savior and LORD, GOD had declared me righteous.

Nothing in my past had power over me anymore. It was then that I realized why GOD chose me. I know hurt. I know pain. I know intimately the hopelessness felt by all people today. But most importantly, I know that GOD can save. What I did, I no longer do. I’m not without sin, but, the sins I used to love I now hate. When I am wrong I am quick to ask for forgiveness. And shockingly, GOD has birthed in me a sincere concern for the needs people have, and the urgency for their eternal salvation. I am becoming a very different person, and this is my testimony to the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

It is never too late for God. If you know God has done so much for you in anyway and you feel to share your story. You can be anonymous or can reveal your identity, whichever way we will respect your decision.

If you want to share your story, send via mail:

motivatedfree@gmail.com.

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True Story: The Life-Changing Power of Jesus Christ (Tammy’s Story)

My name is: regret, shame, pain, dirty, angry, failure, hated, forgotten. My life is full of valleys, with no mountain in sight. I haven’t seen good in so long I’m not sure it still exists. My story starts out like anybody else. For six years of my life I was the typical kid. Then life got in the way and things started changing.

When I was six I watched my great grandmother take her last breath. Four short months later, at age seven, my dad died. He died from complications from attempted suicide. I was never a “normal” kid after that. I sat alone on the floor during P.E. at school watching the other kids play begging God to just tell them I loved them.
That in itself is way too much for a seven-year old to handle all by herself. I started getting really depressed. I even went as far as attempting suicide. My heart was broken and nobody could or would help me. As time went on I came out of my depression and could see hope again. Then on January 27, 2009 my world crashed. My great aunt died. I was lost and empty. Eleven short months later tragedy struck again. My papaw died. I felt an anger start in my heart that would not soon be quenched.

On June 16, 2012 my faith was put to the test harder than before. My other papaw lost his battle with cancer. I started spiraling. I was depressed, angry, and confused. I wondered why God who is supposed to love me so much kept ruining my life. I started drinking and smoking pot daily. Curling up to a bottle was the only thing getting me through the day. I started giving myself away in pieces and slowly at first, then all at once, until I had nothing left. I looked in the mirror and saw a stranger — a tired, broken stranger. I was a mess. I was only 14 but I felt like I had lived a thousand years.
On October 20, 2013 I knew I couldn’t continue down the road I was on, so I turned to Jesus. I became a new person that day. Jesus saved me from myself. He became my life. I could finally stop fighting. After 10 years of death and pain I was exhausted. I could smile and laugh. My brokenness healed. I had hope for the future. Tragedy still came. August 17, 2014 my world came to a stop once again. My uncle who was my best friend, died. Losing him was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. It didn’t make sense; he was only 46. How could someone that I loved so much and had seen every single day really be gone? Five days later another uncle passed away. I couldn’t take it. My heart was so broken and I was so emotionally exhausted. I felt like running away and never stopping.

This time was different though. I was done running. I asked Jesus to carry me through it and he did. He still is. Because of him I have a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I have valleys, but I also have mountains. I have hope; I see the good in the bad. I am transformed. My name is: joy, peace, over-comer, remembered, redeemed, restored, loved, forgiven.

Testimony: Frank Had an Amazing Experience When He Was on His Knees in Prayer One Night

This happened in my life back in 1978. I had only been a Christian for a short amount of time and was still in doubt of things all the time and not really sure of my new-found faith.

At any rate I’d been having a personal issue in my life with a woman I really loved and thought I was on the verge of losing her. It was night and I was ready to go to bed. So I was on my knees in prayer as I prayed a few times a day. This night’s prayer became very intense for me due to my situation with my girlfriend. And I really don’t recall exactly what transpired except the next thing I heard a voice next to me asking me to let it go and trust Him with it . . . I turned to the direction of the voice as it was so very real and there before me stood my Lord Jesus! It was a moment that I’ll never forget and I do remember being taken by stunned surprise for a moment. No bright lights–just a soft warm glow and the feeling of not having a care in the world and in that instant I knew that I had nothing to worry about! As quickly as He appeared, He was gone.

Though I remember for days the feelings I had inside of me and a few people mentioned that I had a glow and new smile about me as they put it!

I just wanted to share this with others as when you need the Lord He is always with you. Maybe not the same way, as it’s never happened like that again. But I know He is right there with me! Needless to say I married that woman later that year and we were together until the Lord saw fit to call her home in 1999. I do hope that others may enjoy sharing in this testimony.

God’s blessings be with you.

Jesus Christ Is In The Business of Changing Lives #TruthSaves

I grew up in a very troubled home. My dad had an affair and mum was always unhappy. I was the eldest and had to take on many responsibilities. I was very troubled and insecure which I carried over to adulthood.

I married at the age of 19. I always felt unwanted by my husband. I started having affairs with different people and lived recklessly. I left my husband many times and there was no end to the problems. I was rejected in the end by each guy I had an affair with and finally my back was up against the wall and I didn’t know where to turn because it hurt so bad to be rejected over and over.

That’s when a friend at work introduced me to Jesus. I turned from my wicked ways and decided to carry my cross and follow Jesus. Ever since my life has never been the same again. My husband and I worked through our marriage and are happily married now. God even blessed us with our own house a year ago. He is good. Praise Him.

Truth Saves: Jikky’s Testimony #JesusDidIt #faith #MakingJesusFamous

This God is just too good. A confirm game changer to those who have believe nothing can be done in their lives anymore…. This testimony really touched me, and I know it will touch someone here reading this great testimony. Please take your time and digest the miraculous work of our God.

I don’t know where to begin. The last time I had written a testimony was back in 2010 when my mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer. I had written a witness of how Jesus had taken us through that difficult time. That writing was the first and the last until now. Here I am now writing again to proclaim and testify that Jesus is truly alive.

When the year began, I remember thinking that this is the third year since the cancer and only two more years to go to be off the cancer medication, be cancer free and cross the five-year mark.

But it all crumbled down. Not long ago, we came to find out that the cancer was back. It was shocking. We were devastated. We had thought that we were over this ordeal and that the experience we had in 2010 was the pinnacle in our lives that we needed to find God. We had so many questions. How come this had come again on us? We were supposed to go on with our normal happy comfortable lives. It just wasn’t fair. Not for my mother to go through this again. As we faced this looming darkness building up before us, we were shattered into a thousand little pieces with our uncertainties. It was as if we faced death itself.

It started with an unsuspecting pneumonia, which was treated. This was followed by cough and then suddenly one day right vocal cord palsy. The local tests showed a suspicion of a spread. Our hearts sank as we realized that we had to now prepare to start on another journey. We didn’t know what to do and what was going to happen. We were stepping into a deep dark tunnel and sinking down into it without knowing its end.

All that we took with us when we left for my mother’s treatment was words spoken to us by a visitor who came to pray for us before we left. He said to be prepared to see all the medical facts one by one. He said that we would be overwhelmed by them but to remember that Jesus is above these facts because He is the truth. The preacher said to believe in His miracle and to ask Him for healing. It was with these words and few strands of hope that we left our home. But little did we know at that time that these very words were going to transform us.

Once the diagnosis started, just as the preacher said, one after another we got fact after fact after fact. A pet scan that was done confirmed that the cancer had progressed, not just to the lungs but also to the kidney. The doctors started a new chemo drug in tablet form. My mother had to swallow about eight tablets of these two times a day. She started having very bad side effects including very bad diarrhea and mouth sores. She couldn’t eat anything that she once liked. It was so painful. The doctors advised, after realizing her age, that it was better to give her a “good quality of life” since anyway she will become resistant to these drugs as well. In other words, don’t struggle and fight, just give in and let it be.

We went in search of hope and got none. Not only were we devastated but also helpless with what was happening to us. All we had was the Bible.

After two months, we decided to go for a second opinion in our own country. And we started a new chemo that had less side effects. My mother managed to complete two cycles but during this time, the palsy worsened to bilateral palsy. My mother had a two millimeter gap in which to breathe. She was breathless with every movement and her breathing was so heavy and loud. She was deteriorating so badly. She was so tired. I could see that she was so weak and wanted to give up. She just couldn’t be free and normal. She couldn’t sleep well at nights because of the breathing. She couldn’t eat properly. There was times were she would just lean against me and rest. And there was nothing we could do. We felt so helpless and desperate to make things right.

We finally decided to do a laser treatment in February 2014 to her vocal chords but unfortunately after a few days she developed swelling. And that was the first time that she suddenly stopped breathing. It was chaos that day. My father was alone with her in the hospital when the medical team rushed and tried to resuscitate her. My father saw her slip away before his very eyes. He said “I thought she was gone.” But by the grace of our Lord Jesus and the medical experts, Mummy was given her life back. Jesus was not finished with His work. After a few days, an emergency tracheotomy had to be done. With that her voice was gone and her normal eating stopped. She was on nose tube feeding. She was put in a critical care unit because her condition became worse. Within a few days she developed multiple viral bacteria in her blood and multiple infections including her lungs which were already weak. She had to be on a ventilator. She was isolated to minimize contamination.

She was struggling for weeks. Then one night in March, for the second time, we lost her. The infection in her lungs was so bad that a mucus plug dislodged and blocked her airway. She stopped breathing. Her heart stopped for several long minutes while the CCU teams tried resuscitate her. This time it was worse than the first. Her lungs had collapsed. Finally they managed to get her pulse but there was no response in her eyes. I remember that night as all this happened. The doctors said that it didn’t look good. They said they had done the best they could. We were crushed. We called our close family back home and informed them so that they could travel immediately to be with us. We called our parish priest who was just about to start the weekend service in church. He said be strong, pray. That night, my father and sisters held hands and prayed together along with the hundreds of people who prayed with us at the same time.

We had reached an end. It was the bottom. There was nothing to do except wait in that darkness. There was no consolation. What was remaining was only hope and prayer. Each of us were alone even though we were together. We told each other to pray, keep praying and be strong to face whatever happened. We gave it all up to Him. We let go and let Jesus do His work. We placed our trust in Him. We remembered the fact and the truth. We submitted our mother to Him who is the Way and the Life; to Jesus who is Love. We finally gave it all up to His will because we believed no matter what happened that it would be good, even though we may not understand it.

While we waited there in that room that night, we recalled Jesus’ love and His compassion and all the miracles He did when he was alive. He healed all who came to Him. He healed all who had faith. He told each of them that it was their faith that made them well. The blind were able to see. The crippled were able to walk again. He not only healed, He raised a little girl to life. He raised Lazarus who was dead for four days! So if you go to Him, will he not heal you too? He never turned anyone away. So go to Him. He is life and the giver of life. Life is His to give and take. And as long as our hearts go on beating, we as His children can go on asking Him. And go on praying to our heavenly Father.
My mother made it through that night. Praise God. And since then every day she has been miraculously improving! She was in CCU in isolation and on a ventilator for several weeks and was even in danger of renal failure which would have required dialysis. But she gradually pulled through. She is now recovering and rehabilitating slowly. We saw Jesus alive as Mummy slowly began to make more and more improvements.

By His mercy Mummy is back again, stronger than ever before.
We thought the multiple infections would damage Mummy but Jesus healed her.
We thought she would never come out of CCU but Jesus took her out.
We thought she would always be on a ventilator or some breathing machine but Jesus gave her life back and restored her lungs. She is breathing on her own now.
We thought she would need to be on oxygen support all the time but God has saved her of that.

We thought Mummy would always be feeding through a tube in her nose but by God’s grace, the tube is removed and she is eating and swallowing soft food, even with the trach tube! Finally she can taste normal food.

We thought she would need dialysis, but her creatinine levels improved and by God’s mercy she doesn’t need it.
We thought Mummy would never be able to speak again, but now she can with the tube. She can finally talk after suffering several weeks of silence.

We thought Mummy would never be able to walk again and be ridden in a wheelchair but with God’s strength she is slowly walking now.

Jesus healed my mother and is continuing to heal her and will heal her completely. And we will go on praying for that.
What I want to say to all who read this — is never ever lose hope even when you think there is none. Don’t ever give up. Place all your hope in Christ, even if doctors tell you they have done their best and even if people remind you of what can happen. Only when men have done their best and there is nothing more left to do, can Jesus come to take control over the situation. Only then can the healing come from Jesus himself and only then can He do His miracle. We have to make room for Him and make way for Him to come into our lives and allow Him to do His work in us. We must not be troubled or worried of what He is going to do. Because whatever it is, it will be good. Give it up to Him, trust Him and be at peace in that faith.

If you don’t know what to do, give it up to God and leave it to Him. He will lead you because Jesus is the way. Just follow Him. If you are feeling hopeless and that all is lost, look to Jesus’ suffering, his strength and his perseverance. He overcame so that you can also overcome like He did. Jesus was so wounded but He carried His cross all the way to Calvary. He fell down three times but he still got up and went on. He fell, He rose. He fell, He rose again. He fell but he still rose and completed what He had to do. He knew he was going to die but he still went on for our sake. So that today when we suffer unjustly in this world, we know how to cope and be strong.

Even when He was dying on the cross, He was full of love and forgiveness. And he stayed strong, persevered, faced death and finally overcame death. He won over it and He rose. And he is alive now. No matter what facts you see and hear, Jesus is the only Truth.

He said ask and you will receive. These are Jesus’ own words. It is his personal promise to you. So ask Him and have faith. He said to ask in His name. So believe and ask in His name. Believe in the words that He spoke from his own lips. This promise is from the same mouth that spoke the words which created this whole world and this universe. He said heaven and earth will pass but His words will not pass away. So take this promise and believe, and have faith and ask in Jesus’ name.

Don’t be like the Israelites in the desert. Even after saving them from hundreds of years of slavery and bondage in Egypt, and even after dividing the mighty sea before their very eyes, they were still complaining when they didn’t get food. They said God had abandoned them. But God will never forsake His own children. You may abandon Him when you are afraid, but He will never abandon you. You may hate Him for the suffering that you are going through, but He will always love you.
So don’t doubt God when things happen. God is good. I believe all things that happen in this life are with His permission. Every single thing is under His control, even if we suffer innocently and it seems unfair. And even if we or others make wrong decisions. I know in my heart that God loves us and He will save us. Just as Jesus suffered innocently but it was the only way to save us. I admit that I cannot understand some things sometimes. But I am not meant to understand everything because He is God. No matter what I do and how hard I try, I just won’t be able to figure Him out because I am only human.

But I have to believe that what we go through may be a small part in a bigger picture that we do not see.

We just have to trust Him because He is our Father, our Creator. So don’t be afraid of anything because we are safe in our Father’s hands. So be at peace when you pray. And be at peace when you have faith in Him. And don’t be afraid of facts anymore because Jesus loves and Jesus heals.

Remember one thing — you have to go to Him and ask him for help.
Turn to the Word of God and you will see it become alive in your lives. In John 14:6 Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life.” In our journey these words of God became alive in our lives. We felt Him and experienced Him. He was the way that we followed because we didn’t know what to do and where to go or who would help us if we needed help. But we followed Jesus. He took us through each day, one at a time.

Each day we just submitted to Him and we let Him lead the way. He was ahead of us and we just followed. And every day we got the facts from the doctors, but Jesus was the truth — the truth that healed and overcame these facts. We saw it with our own eyes. Each day that He gave us was a miracle. He showed us His Love. Jesus said “I am the Life.” He gave my mother her life back not once, but two times! He truly is Life. He breathed His life into her and restored her.

Thank you Lord Jesus. Thank you. Thank you for choosing us among millions to reveal this to us. Thank you for choosing to touch us with your love, for choosing us and revealing your glory and for choosing us for your miracle. We are nothing and no one but yet you chose us. Thank you Lord. Thank you.

How can we come before you and even utter these words of thanks to you Lord? Because all that happened was because of your mercy and love that we didn’t deserve. I have no words except praise your name Lord. Glory to my Lord, my God, my Father in heaven. Even I had questioned you and asked you why. But now it makes perfect sense, because your love can only be made perfect in the weakest. It is only when we have reached the depths and darkness of the bottom that you lifted us out of the very deep. I would not have known how much you loved me if I had not been so deep down. This life is not everything. Being with our Father in heaven is everything. Our comfort is only with Him.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:3,4 (ESV)
The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

Revelation 21:7 (ESV)
So don’t be troubled anymore. Don’t cry and don’t give up. You are not alone. Our Lord, our Creator, Our Father who is Love is with you always. Nothing can hurt us. Not even death. We have to trust and be at peace. So as long as there is life, go on asking for what you want and need from our Lord. And keep on asking and believe in his promises.

I would like to end this testimony with these words from the Bible.
But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed.
Isaiah 53:5 (ESV)
And with these thoughts …
Remember that one of the wounds on Jesus’ body was for you…
Thank you everyone.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen.

Grew Up In a Christian Home, But With Stagnant Faith #truth saves #testimony #Jesusdidit

I grew up in a Christian household with my mother, brother, and grandmother. I went to a Christian school from kindergarten until my junior year. I attended church every Sunday morning and evening, and as well on Wednesdays. I professed my salvation at age five, but I never grew in a close relationship with God. I was a stagnant Christian; I professed to love God, but I never bore fruit. Around my sophomore year, my mom’s devotion to the church became lax and eventually we stopped going altogether. At this point I started to go my own way, obsessing over video games and falling into pornography. A dear friend of mine (also a straying Christian) introduced me to marijuana, and we wasted two and a half years smoking, gaming, and doing as we pleased.

God brought me to a point of realization that if I continued down that path, I would live a pointless and unfulfilled life. Soon after I was caught shoplifting, and God led me to a Bible believing church where I served my community service hours. While there I almost immediately got plugged in with a small group of men my age. It’s been amazing to see how God has brought me back to himself, and how He is changing me into a vessel that He can use. I’ve lived the first 19 years of my life myself, and I plan to live the rest of my days for my faithfully loving Father!

True Story: What God and His Word Have Done For Me #Jesusdidit #Truthsaves #testimony

*Before Jesus saved me, I was steeped in and infatuated for most of my teenage years with pornography, writing and reading explicit sexual stories on the Internet, as well as not being celibate with my then boyfriend. I also had an addiction to sexual fantasies and masturbation. After Jesus saved me with his Word, I am now not at all interested, nor do I watch, read, and write, sexual material. Also, I am celibate and recently Jesus healed me from painful addiction to autosexuality, though it is still a journey and I must rely on His strength to not give in to a sudden onset of thoughts (very sudden, so I know the devil sends these thoughts, they are not natural).

*Before Jesus saved me, I was haunted by childhood memories of sexual abuse (both as victim and even perpetrator, experimenting with others). After Jesus saved me, I forgave everyone and also asked for forgiveness, and also, I am extremely happy nor do I give thought to those thoughts brought up by satan to remind me.

*Before Jesus saved me, I was deeply wounded by being rejected and abandoned by my earthly dad (saw him about three times in my life) as well as my mom (she left for NYC three days after I was born, I heard, to pursue her own interests and goals; I only have maybe two childhood memories of her in my mind). After Jesus saved me and allowed my Heavenly Father God to adopt me (he is the Best Father in the whole world), I am set free from those horribly sad feelings, as well as my mom and I are close (My mom has been changed by God also).

*Before Jesus saved me, I was participating, both knowingly and unknowingly, in witchcraft (Harry Potter I read as well), new age, and eastern spiritual activities. I was tormented constantly day and night by demons who actually abused me physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. I was at the point of suicide. After Jesus saved me, I have peaceful nights of sleep because He blankets me in his mercy, grace, hope, and love.

*Before Jesus saved me, I had the dirtiest mouth, cursing and sometimes yelling. Sometimes if I felt I couldn’t say enough bad words in my angry rant, I would literally growl; that was how bad my temper was. After Jesus saved me, I have found true enjoyment and joy in speaking what is pure, true, holy, lovely, and edifies and helps others. And I am not forced to speak like this. The Holy Spirit in me makes it natural that I speak only good. Also, I don’t have a temper anymore, unless I sinned in some area, and sometimes my old nature peeks through to try and gain entrance in my life again. But when I am in agreement with the Holy Spirit, and walking in Him, it is natural to speak and act only good.

*Before Jesus saved me, I was a selfish Scrooge. I took inventory of my material possessions and money constantly, and if anyone needed anything, I would not give it to them or lie, saying I had nothing. If any item was taken or out of place, I would go on a rampage through the house, threatening to move out. After Jesus saved me, through the Holy Spirit I am at peace and don’t care about keeping a tight hold on items. Also, I freely give money and items with a very joyful heart.

*Before Jesus saved me, I was a raging shopaholic and irresponsible. I’d buy things on credit, intending not to pay at all and go into debt. I would shop when I felt angry, sad, happy, and any other emotion under the sun. I would literally throw my bills behind the bed so as to keep them out of sight and out of mind. I’d blow all my money from paycheck to paycheck, not saving anything. I would not talk with companies when they tried to get payback. After Jesus saved me, I actually have no interest at all in shopping or even malls. Also I have called back some companies and collections agencies, wanting with a joyful and hopeful heart, to pay them back with whatever money I have. I have also started a savings fund for the future.

*Before Jesus saved me, because of my sin and the fact that satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy everything, my personality and mental stability was chipping away, becoming broken. Personality-wise, I lost all my interests and goals that I use to have as a child. I was an empty being, laying around with no emotion or excitement, typing and constantly looking at sin. I even had a monotone, robotic voice at one time, and any one person that would come around, I‘d immediately copy them and have their interests and personality, because I had none to show. Mentally, I was completely abnormal and not fit for society and socialization (full of hatred, envy, and apathy). After Jesus saved me, I got back interests I had as well as never had before, and am extremely excited about them. I also speak and act with joy, and although I still prefer to be alone at times, God has inserted me into lovely groups at church that have become friends.

*Before Jesus saved me, I was slothful, laying in bed all day after work (if I didn’t call out) or school until I would get sore and weak all over. Even worse, on days off, I would literally go the whole day without getting up or eating barely nothing, not even showering. My bed was my prison. After Jesus saved me, I must always move and am excited about life and my goals, dreams, interests, and what God is doing. Oh, and I love to shower.

*Before Jesus saved me, I had no one to talk to. Literally no one. I lost contact with all friends because I never talked, nor did I want to get out of bed or the house to go anywhere. A few times I was alone at home on Christmas, not caring, yet deep down crying to be with others. I even ignored family. After Jesus saved me, he has put me in contact with many loving people at my church, a lot my age, and also I hang out with my family every chance I get. Also, God is the most desirable Friend I have ever had. I am completely satisfied with his goodness, and love, and purity, and His character and personality. He is my best friend, the first one I had once I was saved. He was there when no one else was there.

*Before Jesus saved me, I actually thought I was better than everyone else, even church folk (I am so not kidding! That is how delusional satan makes people in sin)! I thought I did everything better, that I did it right, that I needed no help, and I got jealous and envious of others who did any sort of accomplishment, and I would rush to mimic them and do it better. After Jesus saved me, I saw the deep, disgusting, deceptive pride I sunk into, and realized that without Him and His Spirit helping me every moment of the day now, I would revert back to my sick state of humanity. Everyday the Holy Spirit makes me joyful in my own set of weaknesses (reveling in that Jesus is strong) as well as strengths (enjoying the gifts He has given me for good), and I get excited about other people and what they do as well without coveting or wishing those accomplishments were my own. I feel full of satisfaction, and have no need of filling a void with accomplishments, because Jesus has filled the void.

*Before Jesus saved me I had anorexia. I lost 40 pounds by not eating in one instance (few months) during high school, and would get anxious even after eating a salad or drinking water, and I would run right away to look in the mirror! For a time I was afraid to look in the mirror because I hated myself and what I saw. I would also literally suck in my stomach at ALL TIMES, so as not to even breathe right, sometimes the whole day until I gasped for air and felt headaches. After Jesus saved me, I have only satisfaction in Him instead of looks, although I admit I still struggle with it since I am a human with weaknesses (I am still in the process of learning to breathe right after sucking in my stomach, because I actually forget to breathe, and find that I haven’t had a full breath in minutes). Everyday I only depend on getting my joy from God, and not by other means, and the Holy Spirit actually fills my need with that, with a fullness of joy and love for Him. I am happier now and forget about looks, and even at times, I prefer to have more curves (what a miracle!)

*Before Jesus saved me, I was moving down the road to becoming a full-blown homosexual. I was bisexual, and had interest in woman, and hated men with a passion and was scared of them, even of them looking at me. I wrote homosexual stories, watched homosexual pornography, and was even ready to sign up on a website that catered to individuals who wanted to date in this “lifestyle.” After Jesus saved me, within the same week, these homosexual thoughts and feelings felt VERY foreign to my body. It felt as if these emotions and feelings were being sent to my body from satan and his demons, and these feelings were in opposition with my natural body’s gender. With the Holy Spirit in me, and me agreeing with Him that these feelings were not mine and were from satan, God blocked the feelings, and I actually began to like guys again, and also I began to lose interest in women, and now I don’t have it at all nor do I want it. One time God even showed me homosexuality was from satan, because as I was walking down a hallway at work, a woman passed by, and suddenly, out of nowhere, a demonic male voice in my ear said “She is pretty” as if this demon was trying to convince me. This was when I had no interest in women also, so my body had no inclination at all toward having desires for the woman. The thought was completely foreign and in opposition with my own body’s natural gender’s feelings. I chose not to agree with the demon and shooed the thought away by Jesus and His truth, and suddenly the voice vanished and my body’s feelings stayed completely utterly intact; there was no inkling at all of a homosexual desire in any of my parts. I am completely set free and healed from this intensely deceiving sin by JESUS and His truth, His light, and His precious gift to me, the gift being He died on the cross for EVERY single sin I have ever committed, and then rising the third day to completely defeat satan and his demons and all of sin and death’s power. He HAS set me free and given me every promise in His Holy Word, The Bible, including this fitting verse below:

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Testimony Of Faith #Jesusdidit #Truthsaves

This isn’t a life-changing story but just a testimony of my faith.

All my life I learned Bible stories from my mom. I always believed in God but I never committed my life to Jesus. We went to church until I was about 10 years old. Then there was a three-year gap where we didn’t go at all. My mom became a true believer and she started attending different churches when I was about 12-13. I went with my parents to Community Church. My mom said it was up to me to choose from Community Church and some other church but I chose Community Church because it had comfortable chairs and the pastor seemed to get my attention. A few months later my mom was driving me somewhere. She wouldn’t tell me where she was driving and then she pulled into a driveway of a house. The house was the location of the Youth Group of Community Church. I was a afraid to go in. Once I went in and got to know everyone I felt included. The name of the Youth Group is “IT.” I still attend it on Wednesdays. I liked Youth Group because everyone was nice and they taught me many things from the Bible.

Every Wednesday they would talk about Jesus. Ever since I was a kid I knew he died on the cross and he was born in a stable but I didn’t know the true significance of it.

My youth leaders would speak of how Jesus died for the whole world’s sins and whoever believes in Him and asks Him to come into their hearts, can be saved. I also was taught in Church that “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.” (NIV Ephesians 2:8-9)

My mom was excited about her faith and she told me about it. A few days later, I asked Jesus to come into my life on my own decision. I don’t remember the exact date. When that happened I knew what I did was good. I talked to my pastor about it and we discussed Christianity on some questions I had. I got baptized with my mom in Lake Winnabago in lots of green slime and water.

During that three years I believed in God and Jesus but I never really questioned my faith. Then when my 16th birthday came around the corner I started questioning my faith and I would sometimes doubt my faith. I would go to many Bible studies and read as many books I could. Many topics I read about were about Jesus, God, creation vs. evolution, etc. I would go to my pastor and ask questions. When I went to a Christian camp, Camp Forest Springs, I asked my counselor and the speaker questions. Some questions were so explainable on both points of views and had so much indirect evidence that it was hard to come to terms with my faith and which side to believe.

Several reasons I have faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior are the accounts in the Bible, the prophecies, and that fact that the Bible speaks of a personal God who wants a relationship with us. I read many books on evolution/creation and creation seems to fit better because everything seems as though it were intelligently and artistically designed. I believe in God because of all the indirect evidence and I think if there were an impersonal force that made everything happen (cosmic accident), I don’t see how unpurposeful human beings can think up purposeful ideas on how we got here. Everything is just so complex that there just has to be a God.

The God I believe in is the God that is spoken of in the Bible. That’s why I believe the Bible is God’s Word. I believe that God is my Creator and Redeemer.

Since my 16th birthday, I can tell you one thing. I’ve never learned so much in my life about God as I have now. It’s like my eyes have been opened and I have gained so much knowledge and wisdom. I’ve learned more at Community Church in a month than I ever have in the 10 years I was at the other church I previously attended. I am not perfect and I still fall a lot into sin but I am saved. My faith isn’t to be taken for granted. Many people say, “Oh, I believe in Jesus and he forgives my sins so I can do whatever I want.” God isn’t like that at all. He hates sin. Sin is totally going against Him. Do you know why he sent a flood on the Earth? To destroy all the wicked people who were full of sin. I think when you become a Christian you want to become more and more Christ-like. I have high and low points during my faith. Some days I will be really happy about my faith and won’t care what people think and other days I will be scared. I think this is normal when you grow as a Christian. Now that I know I have a purpose, I have joy even at the lowest times because I know God has something planned for me.

Out of a Homosexual Lifestyle #Jesusdidit #truthsaves #testimony

Here is the Christian testimony that Jesus gave me.

I was trapped in a homosexual lifestyle; well I was a success as far as the world could tell–a good job, nice home, and a Lexus! Does it get better than that? Oh yes, and a different guy every Saturday night! That all changed in the fall of 1995; let me tell you just what happened.

I noticed a real cute guy who lived down the street. He drove a small truck with a Harvest Crusade bumper sticker. Now I had been a Mormon for 25 years. Although not active all those years, I knew about Harvest Christian Fellowship and Pastor Greg Laurie–it was part of the Calvary Chapel. And every year at the Anaheim Stadium they had a “Crusade ” and a lot of long-haired people who had nothing else to live for gave their lives to Jesus. Well, I thought, if that is what this guy believed, then I could ” convert ” him into being a homosexual very easily. I even sent him a note, although I didn’t sign it. No matter, I was going to somehow meet him and he would like me. Since he was a “born again Christian” I had better get to know something about it. I had a C-band satellite dish, and got the “Z” music channel–Christian music–MTV style network. I bought some discs–Michael Card, Wayne Watson, Gary Chapman, and a Maranatha Music one too.

An SDA friend invited me to a Michael Card concert at Loma Linda Campus Church in October, 1995. Also I Invited my neighbors over for Thanksgiving dinner. Something just kept drawing me to “Harvest Dude” as I had nicknamed him. Well, Thanksgiving came, and I found out that “Harvest Dude’s” name was Joe but he would not be able to make it. He was single and going to his parent’s for dinner, but he did come over and thank me for inviting him. But the neighbor, who lived next door to Joe (Ruben) came over. Ruben’s wife had left him, and he had no place to go for dinner. Also, Terry, the lady across the street from me who was divorced, came over. Ruben was born again, and went to Harvest; Terry was not attending any church at the time, so Ruben invited Terry and I to Harvest. We had a great dinner, and agreed that the following Sunday, Terry, Joe, (he found out later) Ruben and I would all attend church. Well, it was a shock! There was a live band on stage, (not in your wildest dreams in the Mormon church) and everyone was dressed like they were going to the beach! And Pastor Greg was a bald-headed 40-year-old! He was not at all like I had heard–a long-haired hippie freak. Well, the “praise music” was loud and not The Old Rugged Cross but rather songs like Lord, I Lift Your Name on High, Awesome God and I Love your Grace .

Also, the people seemed to be singing to God, not to just sing out loud. Pastor Greg read from the Bible, not just one verse, but a whole chapter! And then he explained it in modern terms and even made me laugh! The meeting had started at 6PM and it was now 8PM. Two hours at church? Pastor Greg did an altar call and about 50 or 60 people went forward. I remember thinking, I don’t need to go; I am a Mormon and know all about Jesus.

The next week was hell. The water heater blew up at 2AM. Things at my job started looking real bad, and the Lexus was giving me some trouble. Also I had just broken up with a guy. As I drove the car into the garage, I thought about letting the door close behind me and turning the radio on and just letting the exhaust build up in the garage. And I would just drift off to sleep forever. But something stopped me.
I went to church the following Sunday and it was about the same, but this time I almost got up at the altar call. But I said that was stupid. I already knew the Lord, or so I thought. The week went along fine; Christmas was going to be on Monday, and it was now Saturday. I was getting out of the shower, when all of a sudden I started to cry, and I don’t mean a little! Sobs and a feeling of doom came over me. I went to my bedroom and knelt by the side of the bed. I started to pray like I never had before; I told God that I was sorry and that I knew the life I was living was wrong. I now had no tears left, just heavy sobs, and my side hurt. I never felt so bad in my whole life, then inside my mind came these words: my Son, I love you. I forgive you.

WOW! I can’t tell you the joy and love that I felt, and when I got up from that prayer I had lost all my desire to sin. I no longer had a lust for men! Praise God. He had removed all that from me. The next day was Christmas Eve, and at 9PM at a Christmas Eve service at Harvest Christian Fellowship I gave my life publicly over to Jesus Christ.

I later told Ruben and Joe about the letters I had sent. Joe said “Praise the Lord! I have a new brother in Christ.” Ruben also praised God and said, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” No matter what the sin, the answer is Jesus Christ.

Do you know Him? Do you know, if you died today, where you would be? Romans 3:10 tells us:

As it is written: “There is none righteous, no, not one.”

Also in Romans God’s Word tells us:
. . . for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 3:23
Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned . . .

Romans 5:12
We can see by reading God’s Word that no man can stand in his own righteousness and that: . . . the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 6:23
Because God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8
The inspired Word of God also tells us in Romans 10:13 that “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

Have you called on the name of the Lord? Jesus says to us in Mark 16:16:
But he who does not believe will be condemned.

There is a place called hell. It is real. The Bible speaks of it as a place of eternal torment. Eternally apart from God. Again I ask you–if you died today where would you go? Would you go to heaven with God, or hell apart from God forever?

God’s Word tells us:
. . . that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

Update: January 2002
Well, after asking Jesus into my heart in December 1995, The Lord richly blessed me! And for one full year all of the homosexual thoughts and desires were gone. But then, one day when I was seated in church singing a worship song, someone in a tank top and shorts walked down the aisle to find a seat. And thoughts so perverse entered my mind with such force that I really had to turn my head to see if the people seated on either side of me heard my thoughts!

Well , I thought, I lost my salvation . I had told everyone that I’d been delivered from homosexuality, now a year later, I was starting to have those old thoughts and desires return! Who could I go to? I thought all my new Christian friends would run away from me now!

Well, as you know, our Lord is so faithful. He placed godly men in my path, and they had never struggled with homosexuality. They were able to reassure me that I was still “saved” and that I needed to take up my cross daily and follow Him! So, 1997 passed to 1999, and in January of 2000, one of the counselors at my church asked if I would be interested in being used by the Lord to start up an ex-gay ministry. So started the Rainbow Cross Ministry. We started a phone prayer team, an email prayer team, then a Bible study six months later. The Lord was faithful to bring alongside me a godly brother, who helps me and encourages me. He has also come out of the homosexual life.

I don’t know if I will ever be totally free from the thoughts and temptations of homosexuality. I pray, and see the Lord’s guiding hand in my life. I agree with God that it is sin. And the desire is getting less and less. But this I know: I will never be ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and what is amazing is that Jesus Christ is not ashamed of me! I encourage all believers to be open and honest with their struggles.
God resists the proud, but He gives grace to the humble. James 4:6

A Life Changing Jail Service: Esmerada’s Story

HERE IS A TESTIMONY FROM SOMEONE WHO CAME TO THE LORD IN THE JAIL IN ONE OF OUR SERVICES. SHE LOVES TO SHARE IT SO PLEASE DO: I FIRST MET ESMERALDA IN ESTRELLA JAIL AT JAIL SERVICES WE CONDUCT. WHAT A CHANGE IN A PERSON! I PRAISE GOD THAT HE IS NEVER FINISHED WITH US AND SEES THE “JEWEL” HE HAS CREATED BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH ESMERALDA BY THE “TOUCH OF THE MASTER’S HAND.” “I was once lost and blind and I refused the presence of God in my life. What I mean is the religious dogma of the Jehovah Witness religion. The view of God through religion was that he was just a commanding “freak” that turned His back on those who don’t believe in Jehovah. I always thought that Jesus was just a dead man; I refused God, His dead son, Jesus and everything to do with Him. I was so rebellious my whole life but looking back I see many times that God tried to reach out to me and to stop me from persecuting everyone that was obedient to God. I tore apart everyone who would try to show me that God is good and that Jesus is real and that they loved me. Growing up I was molested by one of my elementary school friend’s dad and as a result I became suicidal and suffered with bulimia. I was introduced to alcohol abuse due to the fact that my father was an alcoholic and could be very physically and mentally abusive, who also put a lot of stress on my mother. She had strong love in her but she was under all this stress due to the bad times we as a family endured. I left home and became independent at the age of 15 and turned into a “boracha” (alcoholic) – a regular “party animal” capable of lot’s of violence. At 16 I moved from NM to AZ but kept running back and forth to try to escape my problems. I worked as a CNA at 16 and just tried to be successful but it didn’t work out. One of my biggest problems was that I liked to party and to go clubbing using a fake ID, doing beer runs on a regular basis and this led to dealing drugs, doing drugs, and messing with counterfeit money to stealing cars (please forgive me if I car jacked yours). This all led to robberies and hanging out with gang members even though I never officially joined a gang (mainly because I wouldn’t let “homies” tell ME what to do!) I am ashamed to admit that I helped “homies” hold a hostage once – I was a driver for an escort service, in and out of jail constantly and even played with witchcraft. Through all of this, I was demonically tortured, I have been left for dead twice, raped with my baby in my arms and constantly involved in bad lustful relationships – at one point I think one could be referred to as “Lucifer’s brother” and as my robbery partner he shot my best friend, he put a bag over my head and suffocated me leaving me for dead and then came back to set my body on fire and so much more. I fell into another relationship who was involved in the Mexican cartels which I shot at him for leaving me for leaving me for dead and leaving my face like a complete monster. All I can say is that I am still alive today because of the mercy and grace of God. I once was lost but now I am found – it was God’s love through Jesus His son, my Redeemer that saved me when I was knocking at Hell’s door. Once I thought sin was fun but through my relationship with Jesus Christ (not religion) I have found “life and life more abundantly!” When I came to the realization that I was daily dying inside I bowed my knee, repented before the Lord for all I have done and asked Jesus to come into my heart. It says in Psalm 116:1, “I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice…” Yes, He heard my cry for mercy and forgave me. One of my favorite verses that has been a comfort for me is Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” This verse expresses what God has done for me and is continuing to do for me. God has blessed me with my husband, a true man of God, just what I asked for! My husband has adopted my three sons, Micklo, Ceazar, and Santi and with his and God’s help I am becoming the mother they need. God is day by day helping me to completely change my ways into the woman of God I want to be and a better citizen in my community. I attend Victory Outreach Phoenix with Pastor Toni and Sister Patsy and my church family stands with me and my family. I am in the process of opening my own little boutique store called Lala’s anointed Muneca’s (dolls) and also a website now is open for my product. http://lalasmunecasboutique.weebly.com and God is helping me do this because I was unable to get a job due to my felony. I want you to know that there is no need to be walking around hopeless and thinking its ok to be crazy. This isn’t normal behavior to be filled with guilt or to be suicidal. I had to live with guilt for taking a life (abortion). Yes, I have overcome an addiction to gambling and to alcohol and so can you no matter what your addiction may be! There is an almighty God, a forgiving God that loves us all so much and just wants to bless us and is just waiting for us to turn to him and ask him to forgive us of our sins. God and all of heaven rejoice every time someone repents and turns away from the lifestyle of sin. Yes, there was a party in heaven when I did it and there will be one for you when you give your heart to Jesus. God can and will heal any pain in your heart, any disease, any sickness and He can transform and heal anyone’s relationships. He can change hateful families to loving families. The Bible is so powerful, and I give all the glory to the Lord because I am supposed to be in prison or dead right now but instead I am out free – I thought my life was over but it is just beginning. At one time I was sitting in jail in the hole thinking of hanging myself as I thought my kids were better off without me and I was facing years in prison but then the Lord led me to the church services in Estrella Jail with Pastor Shari where she preached the Word of Jesus Christ and gave me so much hope and prayed for me, and helped me build my faith. She didn’t know this at the time but she saved my life and she never left my heart, then is when God started to do many miracles in my life. I went from a depraved woman to now being a woman of destiny and dignity and my life has purpose to it. I have found out that Jesus isn’t just a dead man but my living Lord and Savior. Don’t be stubborn today, Let Him love you and change your life forever. Esmeralda” (More of my favorite verses: Psalm 106:1; 1 John 1:9; Jeremiah 29:11; Ephesians 6:24; Hebrews 3: 7-8; Psalm 40:4; Romans 12:21; Matthew 7:7; 2 Thessalonians 2:13; john 16:23-24) AND PROVERBS 31:25, “SHE IS CLOTHED WITH STRENGTH AND DIGNITY…” Photo credit: Google

Testimony: Prayer Works!

One thing have witnessed is that no testimony is small. Every testimony is a story and a blessing to someone out there. 

I would like to testify on how GOOD God is. I had lost my wallet in a cab last August and i was panicking and going crazy because my life was in there. When i say i had everything in my wallet, i had everything (including my social security)! I prayed and prayed and had other people praying for me and as time went by i went about my business and got new credit cards and social security cards. I replaced everything little by little.

In October, a women (who i like to call an angel) came to my house and brought me back my wallet with EVERYTHING inside, including my social security card. My money was stolen but I didn’t care about the money -all i cared about was that my valuables was given back. The women was very nice to me and i tried to repay her with money to show how appreciative I was but she wouldn’t take it and she said that she was just so happy to have given it back to me because she would want someone to do that for her if she lost her wallet.

So the cab driver had my wallet all that time and she fought him to give it to her and she also got him to drive her to my house to personally give me back my wallet. God showed me favor. Man oh man GOD IS GOOD! He is more than good he is GREAT! i know there is a God and that prayer works. This is my testimony that i had to share. Lord I love you (shouting the victory!)

Jesus Did It!!!

Testimony: No More Miscarriages

My husband and I got married about 10 years ago. During the first 6 years of our marriage, I had 6 miscarriages. The only thing I ever wanted to do was to be a wife and mother. This was so devastating to me. The doctors could not find out why I kept miscarrying. The longest I held the pregnancy was about 9 weeks. Its like I always expected the worst.

My relationship with God would have its ups and downs. I would pray, fast, and believe, and yet, I would lose another one. If I could only get through that first trimester. The day I went for an ultrasound and the doctor told me my baby had no heartbeat was so divesting to me. Most of the time, I miscarried before I had an ultrasound. I was all alone at that appointment. That was the longest drive home I have ever had. I cried all the way. I couldn’t understand why God would allow me to have the desire to be a mother and yet I couldn’t be. I prayed so hard to either take the desire from me, or to allow me to have a child.

In December 2007, I had my tonsils removed. My doctor had been trying to get me to have them out for a year or so. Finally, I did it. I was so nervous, I literally thought I would not make it through the operation. By the time Feb 2008 came around, I found out I was 12 weeks pregnant!! I couldn’t believe it! I had wanted this so bad, and yet I couldn’t believe that I didn’t know already. I was past the critical stage, and I was able to have a perfect ultrasound! My husband had told me that he wouldn’t let me go to another appointment alone.

I am so amazed that we were able to have a beautiful perfect little baby girl. I felt like I was on an emotional high for the entire first year. I didn’t want to be greedy, and I was fully content on having one child. But I prayed for us to have a boy, because I wanted my husband to have a son, and do all the father/son things. I specifically prayed for a boy. Amazingly, 10 days short of two years apart, I now have a son!! Both my pregnancies were problem free, even though I was treated as high-risk. Another thing was that I didn’t want to have a C-Section. I prayed that I would be able to have the babies naturally, and I was able to do that as well…The births were so easy and QUICK. To any of you out there who are experiencing infertility, I just want you to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I had my first child in my 7th year of marriage…she was my 7th pregnancy. Amazing!!

Testimony: I DIDN’T THINK I DESERVED TO LIVE ANYMORE, BUT JESUS CHANGED THAT- Repost

I wasn’t raised in the church growing up, so I wasn’t ever really religious. I had gone to church just a few times and had heard of Jesus, but I guess you could say I thought of Him more as a fictional character. I knew there was a God, or I used to say “a higher power” a lot. I had spent most of my life thinking that way.


I was always interested in spirits, psychics, and New Age kind of stuff; all things I now know for a fact, the Word of the true God says to stay away from.

After one of my siblings died, I got even more involved with trying to communicate with “the other side.” I did these things for a few years; I have experienced many strange things … many!

One night something horrifying happened. My boyfriend at the time and I went to a graveyard one night so I could take some photos, and try to get some EVP ( Electronic Voice Phenomenon ). A green orb started floating towards us. I thought it was so cool. I took picture after picture! My boyfriend was so scared, he was about to leave me there. So I got back in the car and we went home.

Later that night – it was probably around 2:00 AM – we were still up watching a movie. I got up to take the garbage out, and about 15 feet away at the end of my driveway was this really tall, shaggy looking black figure. I was racking my brain trying to think of what it could be, and no sooner than I had that thought — this thing turned around and had long-slanted yellowish green eyes. It was just staring at me.

I know I screamed, but I could not hear my own scream. I ran inside once my brain finally could comprehend that this wasn’t something natural, and it didn’t look friendly. When I got inside, I told my boyfriend to look outside. He saw it too. He was so scared he wouldn’t talk about it. We separated shortly after that incident after a four year relationship.

It’s after this point that my life went in a complete downward spiral. I literally felt like my life was being drained from me. I also became a completely selfish person, and couldn’t seem to change myself. I loved my family, but it was like – I just couldn’t control myself at all. I had to be on something to be high. I hated the way my mind and body felt sober. I was so depressed and miserable, so I stayed away from family and stayed with a new boyfriend so I could stay high.

He was really abusive, and we stayed in between places; here – there – his car – just so we could stay high all the time. This went on for a little over a year and a half. I was so lost and unhappy. I couldn’t even cry anymore. I just wanted to end it. I didn’t think I deserved to live anymore. I was so tired. I felt like I couldn’t do anything about my situation and no one wanted to be around me because I couldn’t be trusted.

My boyfriend’s mom got me to go to her work with her one day and her co-worker/friend invited me to church. I didn’t really want to go and I was kind of scared too. Well, she ended up showing up at my boyfriend’s mom’s house to pick me up to go to church with her.

I was cornered, so I went because I didn’t want to come off as rude. I definitely think now that I had some demonic things attached to me because when I got to that church, my vision was making the church building and all the people there look like something evil. I was even hearing things. I know this sounds strange, but this really happened. Something did not want me in that church, and wanted to scare me out of there. I was really confused.

The pastor was reading all kinds of stuff from the Bible that I had absolutely no idea what they meant because I had never read the Bible. They asked me if I believed that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and rose again on the third day, and I said “Yes.” I had nothing else to believe in, so I figured … why not? After seeing evil supernatural things in my life, I figured there has to be something out there that’s good supernatural. I sure was hoping so anyway.

When I left the church, the pastor said my life would start to change. I didn’t know if I really believed that, but I hoped it would.

Well, here goes … GOD started making me have these feelings; it’s so hard to explain. Anywhere I went: The store, walking down the road, it didn’t matter … He talked to me everywhere through people, music, or words off a random piece of paper. It was so thrillingingly strange. For example, I’d be thinking something in my head, and pass a flyer on the road and it’d be the exact answer to what I was thinking in my head. ‘Ya’ – some people might say that’s a coincidence, but things like this happened repeatedly for a few days in a row.

In one sense, I thought I was losing my mind, but then I remember what the pastor told me. That’s when I really grasped that JESUS is very REAL!!!! He is real and He’s a personal GOD to all who accept and receive him.

I also kept coming across words like warrior, fighter, high priest, and didn’t know why, but now I know all of those words describe our LORD. He was trying to let me know it was Him making me feel these things and that I wasn’t crazy. He told me, “I love thee”. He really said this to me! I didn’t even know Him, but He knew me, and He loved me enough to die for me. He loved me enough to chase me down in this corrupt world of satanic spiritual deception to wake me up! And He will do the same thing for anyone who accepts Him and

believes what He did on the cross for us .

God makes this promise to everyone:

Jesus said to her , “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live.” (John 11:25 NKJV)

“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me has everlasting life.” (John 6:47 NKJV)

He really did all that, and He really does love all of us. He will move the earth for me and you. He is a hero. We owe Him everything. Repent please; I love you all, and so does Jesus. He loves us so much! I never thought I could feel this way, but if Jesus can help someone like me, He can do all things. He is our salvation; He will help us; He can change us. I really hope this reaches someone. He’s real — He’s alive! Please believe me, and He can make you feel a true feeling of happiness without drugs and alcohol. It’s so much better! God bless you all.

Jesus did it!!!

Testimony: Stop The Pain 

​Can you imagine hating life so bad that you cut and burn your body to try to feel better? I have over 250 cut marks on my body that I’m not proud of … but they are past reminders of what my miserable life was like before God rescued me from my self-destruction. If you can identify and are looking for some hope … please keep reading.

I was born in 1968 in Pennsylvania. I was raped by a male acquaintance of my mother’s at age five. I was physically and sexually abused by my older brother from ages 7 to 17, and raped twice by an uncle at age 19.

Like most – as a result of the sexual abuse and violence that occurred, it led me into a path of destructive behavior, and a life of utter confusion and feelings of great inadequacy.

There’s no doubt in my mind that due to the abuse and sexual violence I was visited with through those first 20 years of living, the many problems and psychiatric issues that visited me stemmed from all that abuse.

From an early age … I struggled with feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, anger and hatred toward men. (Being sexually abused at a young age typically does that to a person). As a child I was in therapy, a bed-wetter, was attracted to girls, had strong desires to be a boy, and often dressed as a boy. As I entered my teens, I endured a sexual identity crisis, dealt with self-destructive behavior, developed anorexia and bulimia, was an alcoholic, dabbled in drugs, was in and out of therapy and entered the Marines.

By early adulthood I was causing self-inflicted injuries on my body as a way of coping, in and out of Eating Disorder Units and psychiatric hospitals, dealt with suicidal tendencies, battled with numerous suicide attempts, was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance, clinical depression and Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP).

By age 25 I had self-injured my body by cutting and burning (one 5″ scar and one 4″ scar from 3rd degree burns and over 250 scars from cutting). I had been involved in various relationships, led a homosexual lifestyle, was in a gang, had an abortion, filed bankruptcy due to high medical bills, was on psychotherapeutic medication (17 pills daily), had battled with mental illness and was in and out of psychiatric hospitals.

As I approached 27, I was dependent on psychotherapeutic medications, totally exasperated and felt as though I was just existing and taking up space. I was at a point in my life that although I doubted anything could be better, I was drastically looking for my life to somehow change.

Although I thought I had tried everything possible to get better, somehow I was still open for help. It seemed that whatever I tried, it was only good for a few hours … maybe a day. Sometimes – if I got “lucky” – it lasted a couple days.

I was not brought up around church or anything godly. One Sunday in March of 1995 I was invited to church and reluctantly went. It was my first time going to a church in over 15 years, and this was no church like I had ever been to. From the moment I stepped through the doors, I sensed something different.

When I walked into that church in Florham Park, NJ, I remember sensing such love and peace. (I honestly thought it would be over once I left because that’s the way everything else went). I wasn’t quite sure what my spiritual beliefs were, mainly agnostic, as I spent most of my life blaming God, or questioning Him, why all this had happened to me. Can you identify? I was at a point in my life where I was not ready to be let down again. I was so tired of being let down again and again.

All I knew was that when I walked into that church, I felt great and didn’t remember feeling so much peace like that ever before. And I knew it was real. No medication made me feel this alert and alive. I knew it was real.

I wanted so much to be normal but had no clue how to do it, as everything else I had tried proved a failure. After going to that church, I asked God to make Himself real to me.

Within days I noticed that I was more peaceful, able to think clearly and the negative desires I had were not so strong. Even though to an outsider that would seem so small of a change … for me, it was a big thing just to see any change. It was then that I knew God was real. Nothing had ever lasted this long!

A few weeks later, I bought a Bible and it opened right up to the book of Mark. I began reading in Mark, Chapter 5, verses 1 through 19. As I read, I saw that a guy who had cut himself day and night and appeared to have mental illness; he was healed by Jesus. I then became very agitated with God and threw the Bible to the floor. I just didn’t understand why I wasn’t well; if He had healed this guy so long ago, why did I have to be in so much pain?!

I began to yell and swear at God: “If You are real, then why the $%#@ can’t you help me? Why can’t you do for me what you did years ago for that guy? I’m so tired of this !@#*, and tired of living this way. Don’t You understand that I’m tired of crying all night long … cutting and drinking because I cannot cope? Life isn’t supposed to be this way. I don’t want mental illness. Please help me.”

I do realize now that swearing to God may not have been the best thing, but at that time I wasn’t accustomed to talking with Him and tried my best to be nice. After saying this, I pleaded with God; I truly petitioned Him for His help.

I figured my last resort was this God who I wasn’t even so sure about. I put all my doubts aside and immediately I began to pray to God. Actually – I challenged Him that I wanted answers and that I would give Him three weeks to “prove Himself” to me. Even though I wasn’t sure if I believed in God, I thought it would be a good idea if I at least put my efforts into it. I wanted my life to change and was looking for a difference.

I figured that I had done everything else possible, so why not at least give God a chance? It seemed as if nothing else had worked, but I had never thought of including God . . . because I mainly blamed God. Part of me thought that what happened to me was His fault. Additionally, part of me wasn’t convinced that He even existed. I wasn’t sure what I believed in — I wasn’t even certain about God.

God honored those three weeks, I’m so thankful to say.

Ever since I “challenged” God, my life turned around completely and has never been the same! I “officially” accepted Jesus into my heart and life in April, 1995, during a revival meeting with Janny Grein. What happened over the next 1 1/2 years was absolutely breathtaking!

With the love and mercy of God, I learned to cope with the past and look forward to the future; there is hope and there is a better way of life. I learned that I don’t have to live my future based on my past. I am not sure why God allowed all that happened to me, but I do know that what was meant for bad is now being turned around for good. God has now given me opportunities to help others who have been abused and because of my past abuse, I can identify with them, and I can have compassion for them that I probably may never have had otherwise.

I have forgiven all the people that have hurt and abused me. It took me a long time to discover that forgiving those who abuse you is the only thing that will set a person completely free from the pain and devastation the abuse causes. It takes the help of God to forgive, I realize, but He is right there waiting to help a person forgive, when they are ready — ready to be set completely free and be made whole.

Let me say something before going further. Forgiving those who has made your life a living hell makes no sense whatsoever, I realize. Humanly speaking, they don’t deserve forgiveness, right?! They deserve to rot and burn in in hell, right?! Yet think of this — if that person who abused you was burning in hell right now, would that heal you of all the things going on in your life? Would it somehow suddenly deliver you from the emotional hell you have known so long? What is your real heart’s desire? To be free from your hell, and be made whole, or vengeance against the one who has abused you? Why not do yourself a huge favor and do what God will help you do if you want to be healed and made whole the way God would like you to be? Please don’t waste another day suffering because of what someone else has done to you that has so messed up your life. Take some action that will shut off the poisonous tie your soul has with that person. Do you want to know what God’s remedy is that will cut that poisonous soul tie off from the one who abused you, so you can put yourself on the road to total freedom from your emotional hell, and be a whole person? It’s the “medicine” God prescribes called: forgiveness.

Oh — c’mon now, Vicki. Now you’re playing those stupid religious games! I’m not going to forgive that person for doing what that person did to me! They don’t deserve my forgiveness! Besides … I couldn’t forgive them even if I wanted to!

Fair enough. Please consider this, though, before rejecting my offer completely. Let’s say the role was reversed. Let’s say you were the one who did the violent raping. Let’s say you are the one who has hurt other people and made their life a living hell. And … let’s say you didn’t want to risk going to hell on the Judgment Day. Let’s say you would like God’s forgiveness for all the terrible things you did against other people, so you could be positive you would go to heaven and stay there for eternity, and not go to hell. Wouldn’t you like a heavenly Judge who actually would and

will forgive you?

Take it a step further. Let’s say you’re a serial killer. Let’s say you’ve raped a few dozen or more little girls and boys and then murdered them. Let’s say you are about to die by lethal injection for it, and you now would like to be certain that somehow you could get God’s forgiveness for all the wrong you have done? You know full well you don’t deserve to be forgiven — certainly not by the living relatives of those you killed, nor can you possibly forgive yourself, so why in the world would God want to forgive you, right? You don’t deserve forgiveness, and you know it … though you surely would like to be forgiven.

Suddenly … God shows up in front of you and says … “I’m the Creator, and do you know that I died on the cross and paid the penalty for all the wrong and evil you caused against those little innocent girls and boys? Do you know that I shed my innocent blood – I gave my life … when I didn’t have to … so that you can be forgiven, and be made a new spiritual creation? Do you know that there is no evil — no wrong — no amount of wrongs … that I won’t forgive, if you’ll just accept My love. My sacrifice on the cross is the evidence of My love for wrongdoers – for sinners. It isn’t because you deserve it, I want you to realize. You deserve punishment in hell for eternity. But … my loving sacrifice frees you from hell and everlasting torment … if you will just grab hold of it and accept it as the free gift to you that it is. It’s a free gift to anyone who wants it, no matter how much wrong they have done to others.”

You see … that is what the heart of Christianity is: Love and Forgiveness. God loves us so much that He forgives us of everything wrong we’ve ever done, because of the sacrifice Jesus Christ gave on the cross. You’ve probably heard that, though maybe you sort of flipped it off as a bunch of religious garbage, or lies. It’s not, precious one. It’s the secret I found to be set free from the hell I was living in. I came to the conclusion … that if God is willing to forgive me of every one of my wrongdoings … He will give me the power and strength and courage to forgive those who have wronged me. When I forgive them , God releases healing power in me. The one who has abused me isn’t free from answering to God about their wrongdoing … but I get set free from my hatred and bitterness (emotional cancer if you will) and the torturous memories from the abuse of the one I forgive. This can only happen though with God’s help. We don’t have the ability to do that by ourselves. But I can assure you God will be right there with you to give you the courage and strength to do it.

Let me say this as well. Forgiving someone who abused you doesn’t mean God is expecting you to

like that person either! Liking a person and forgiving a person is entirely two different things! When I hold bitterness and anger toward someone who has hurt me … it is like drinking a glass of emotional and spiritual poison every day of my life. I am committing slow suicide without even knowing it! Bitterness and anger is poison to our soul, and the only sure remedy that God says works is telling God you forgive that person for what they did to you. Remember … God is

not going to forgive that person for what they did to you, if they don’t ask His forgiveness, and they will answer on the Judgment Day to God for what they did to you. However … that is between them and God. When you forgive … God makes certain you get rewarded for it, and for starters, your reward is healing!

Well, with God’s help from the Holy Spirit, I forgave my tormentors, and I am a living testimony that forgiveness works! I am completely healed, recovered and overcome in every area! I am now married to a wonderful Christian man. We married in April, 1999. My life has taken a 360 degree turn and I am amazed at what God can do! He can do the same for you, and even more … if you’re ready to be set completely free. All you have to do is mean business with Jesus Christ.

It is my hope that every person reading this will come to the realization that they can overcome anything in their life, as nothing is hopeless! Hey folks … we’re talking about being connected with the Creator of the universe here … the Creator of all things. Nothing is impossible for Him!

Whatever you have gone through, or may be facing right now, you can get through it just like I did — get completely healed and set free from it — and lead a normal healthy life as God intended for you to live. You do not have to let the past hold you in its painful grip. You do not have to be a victim of circumstances of the past. You can be victorious over life … instead of being a victim of life. God wants you to be victorious! I’m not lying to you one bit.

Why did God allow all your hurt to happen to you in the first place, you still want to know? You may not believe there is a devil right now, but let me tell you, there’s a devil alright, and he is using evil people to abuse children and older people every hour of every day somewhere on this planet. There is a battle between good and evil going on in this planet … and if you want to spend the rest of your life hating God for what has happened to you, God gives you that right, but it grieves Him when you do. Please … don’t waste any more time hating the very One who can help you, and set you free from the pain you are in. He truly wants to, but you have to do things His way, not yours. He’s God. He knows what He is doing.

I had such a lopsided view and understanding of God. Everyone does to one degree or another, until they become saved — become spiritually born again — and get properly connected to God and be around spiritually mature people who can help you and pray with you and encourage you. Once that happens, the Holy Spirit helps you to begin to understand the way things really are. The scales come off our eyes, and we begin to see and understand God in a totally different light. It is incredibly amazing!

God will touch you. He will change you. He is just a prayer away. Are you ready to surrender to His love and forgiveness and help that knows no limitations? He longs to set you free from your hell. His heart grieves over your pain. Truly it does.

I know God will heal anyone … anytime … of anything. They just have to either be desperate enough, or courageous enough – or both.

Jesus Did It!!!! 

Testimony: Pornography Widow

Am always happy when I get to read testimonies. It’s like a movie, where everything is not real but to some extent it is. I tap from this testimony and sure it will save a marriage out there. 

To my precious sisters in Christ,

I pray that this testimony will help you who are living with a man that has some kind of an addiction that causes him to live a secret life. It doesn’t matter what kind of addiction it is; it is the devastation that is real and unbearable.

Let me share some of my past and see if you can relate. I was raised in a family that didn’t show any affection or love. I knew from a very young age that rejection was a big part of my life. I didn’t understand it then, and to be quite honest with you, I really don’t fully understand it now. Let’s face it – rejection hurts! I know that we all experience rejection throughout our lives, but to get it from all sides all of your life, well –

something is terribly wrong there!

I married my husband in 1965 and his family never received me as one of the family. Why they rejected me I’ll never know. I never understood why, so Terry and I stayed pretty much to ourselves.

We lost our first child; he was four days old when he died. He had bleeding of the brain, a ruptured lung, pneumonia, and the chord was wrapped around his neck three times. (However, we will see him in Heaven. Amen!)

Within a year I was pregnant again. God gave us a little girl named Andrea, in 1967. During our first year, Terry told me he didn’t want to kiss or be affectionate, as he believed that that was an absolute must during courtship, but once we were married, it was not that important anymore. I was shocked! I asked him, “Where in the world did you hear that? “Who told you that?! ” He didn’t have an answer. So now I was rejected by my own husband, and I felt terribly devastated.

God blessed us with a second child in 1970; a boy named Christian. I put all my effort and life into raising my children and giving them as much love and affection as I knew how. I spent all of my time taking care of my family. We were ready to get divorced after ten years of marriage. Our lives were completely out of control. Terry had a pornography problem that he would not talk to me about. I felt so alone and unloved. “God … help me!” was my constant cry.

Then in March 1975 we met Jesus and He saved our marriage. Praise God He did, because I was a blackout drunk for three years and turning to other men because my husband didn’t want me! I couldn’t compete with all the women on the Internet. I was a pretty good looking woman with a nice body and a pretty good lover too. But – it doesn’t matter if you look like Marilyn Monroe; it is impossible to compete with a fantasy! Impossible!

I was delivered and never wanted to drink again or sleep with other men. Our marriage came back together. Although I was delivered and my husband got radically changed, for some reason that pornography demon never left him, and as a result of that, the pornography got worse! 

He got arrested for being lewd in a public place and I didn’t think I wanted to live anymore, but I knew I had my children to take care of so I just prayed 24/7. I prayed so much that I began to think that God was getting tired of hearing from me. My husband was also praying daily for deliverance because he had a private life no one knew about, and he wouldn’t share it with anyone. I had no idea how much his problem was consuming him.

We were in church each week and we looked like a good Christian family. Terry joined a support group in church and each week they would talk about their problems. Each person shared their problems and they all tried to help each other. Terry found out that he was the only one in that group that had sexual problems. Of course, as you know, anything said in that group was supposed to stay in the room.

I tried to get involved with the women’s group, only no matter know many times I offered, no one ever called me. I realized that people believed that I must be the reason Terry had a sexual problem. I wasn’t being a good wife so it was my fault. Only I didn’t have the problem. Terry did! I was a victim!

Precious women of God, listen to me. It is not your fault if your husband has an addiction. I don’t care what kind it is! It is not your fault. And don’t let Satan or anyone else tell you it is! You aren’t putting the drugs in his mouth! You aren’t making him look at porno! You aren’t making him commit adultery! He has his own God-given free will to do whatever he wants. Even if you are not a good wife, it is still his decision to do whatever he wants. He is going to have to grow up and start taking responsibility for his own actions! AMEN!

In 1994 Terry was delivered, and in front of the whole church on a Wednesday night, he told his story about his addiction. I remember afterwards that people went to Terry and hugged him, cried with him and congratulated him and praised God for what He had done.

I found it interesting that not one person in the entire church came up to me and said anything. No hug, nothing. I felt rejection again. I really 

thought that things would be different in our marriage after his deliverance, but Terry still never turned to me. He never learned to walk in his deliverance, so like a dog returns to his vomit, Terry returned to his pornography and as usual I didn’t know about it. He totally hid it from me. But still, there was no affection, and now I know why.

In 1996 I felt a great, great hurt in my heart … and all of a sudden it seemed like a switch was turned off. At that time I lost all hope. I also

lost all my love for my husband. I just couldn’t deal with life anymore. I told him that I didn’t love him anymore, and he asked me how long had it been, and I said about a month at that time. He cried for two days straight. My self-esteem was gone. I felt dead inside.

I continued to pray and seek God and began to heal slowly. We continued to go to church and in 2005 my husband was totally delivered, and is walking in his deliverance. The stronghold has been broken. That spirit of perversion has been cast out. Thank you Jesus! He is a new man. For the first time in our life he is talking to me. He has turned to me and is affectionate, and God is restoring our relationship.

On our 40th anniversary we had a party. We renewed our vows to celebrate our newfound love. A week later he took me to Hawaii, our first honeymoon. We had sex every night for seven days, and for the first time in our life it was intimate. There was closeness…there was oneness…and God was present. Not like before where it was just vaginal masturbation for my husband after looking at other women all day long.

You know – God is good. I feel free from rejection regarding our marriage and it is a wonderful thing. Thank you Jesus! Our lives are getting better and we are for the first time in a real relationship — talking and getting to know one another — all to the glory of God.

Women of God, just continue to seek God and pray. Don’t ever give up hope. Don’t let the enemy steal your life. Trust God for everything. I just want to remind you that God loves you and will not leave you ever. Please, trust Him especially when there seems to be no hope. Let God have all the burden, and don’t forget that you have to receive what He has already given you. We walk by faith, not by sight. ‘Let go and let God’ … is right on and it works.

Dear sisters – I hope that something I’ve said has helped you. If you have no hope as I once had no hope, just remember that Jesus has all the hope you need.

God has provided everything that we need through Jesus. God has done His part. We need to be responsible for what we do, and walk in our deliverance no matter how hard it is. God will not leave us or forsake us ever. We need to be as faithful to God.

I would love to hear from you, if you feel you need someone you can open up to without judging you.

I hope everyone reading this realizes I did not have to share this testimony publicly. I’ve done it because God has asked me to share it publicly, so others can be helped like He has helped my husband and I. Pornography is a growing spiritual virus (sin) in the Body of Christ every bit as deadly as the Aid’s virus, and it’s spreading rapidly, and will continue to do so, because the devil realizes just how effective it is in destroying relationships and self-esteem.

His tactic is to keep Christians silent about it however. Well, God has asked my husband and I to not bury this part of our testimonies … but to let God use them to give courage and transparency and hope to others who know that they need deliverance from something much more powerful than what they ever realized in the beginning.

May God bless you. 

Jesus Did it!!!