Dealing with Grief and Finding Hope

Nobody wants to die but want to go to heaven.
Death is inevitable. But death─ sudden or expected─ always brings sorrow and grief to the ones who are left behind. However, life still marches on. It is hard, but we must remember that as humans we have an immense ability to cope with anything that life brings. Although we all have different levels of coping abilities, there are several basic and universal steps to dealing with grief and finding hope again…

Allow The Feelings To Flow: Losing someone you love will conjure all unimaginable emotions within you, sorrow, regret, guilt, pain, grief, heartbreaks, misery, anger, sadness and many more. Feeling these emotions all at once can be extremely difficult. It is quite normal, so let them flow. You do not need to suppress them. Cry all you want. With time and allowing grief to be released, it will become less painful. It is an important process that will help you in dealing with grief and accepting your loss.

Talk About It When You Can: Talking about the death of your loved ones can be a way of remembering them and can help you understand what happened. It will give you the opportunity to start the healing process. Denying the death of a loved one can result in isolation and you pushing away your family and friends.

Find A Support System: Coping with a loved one’s death is never easy; especially if you are dealing with it alone. You need support coming from your family and friends so that you can find comfort and overcome grief faster. Moreover, while your family and friends can be your greatest source of support for overcoming the death of someone, but it is also advisable that you take advice from professional people when you find all the emotions and pain too hard to handle. Psychologists give professional advice and develop strategies according to your needs to get you through the grieving process.

Understand The Grieving Process: Dealing with grief and bereavement is a process. It is quite important to allow yourself to experience every stage of the grieving process for you to completely heal. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief in her book titled “On Death and Dying.” These stages are not necessarily experienced in order and some stages can be revisited. These five stages are:

  • Denial: Dealing with death can be overwhelming. It is an incomprehensible experience and you can find it hard to believe that your loved one is gone. You continue to deny that it is not happening and there is no way that your loved one left you.
  • Anger: As you realize the reality of your situation you begin to feel angry. Your anger or fury might be directed to your loved one for leaving you, to the doctors for not doing their job and healing your loved one, to God who took your loved one or even to yourself for maybe not being a better person to your loved one. All of this is quite normal and will pass.
  • Bargaining: It is quite common for an individual to start bargaining or negotiating with a higher power, like God. Do not be surprised or think that you are crazy when you start making deals with God like: “I will be better, just please give him back to me.”
  • Depression: The sorrow and overwhelming sadness you feel after the death of a loved one is normal. It is common to feel that your life will never be the same again. This feeling does not last forever and will pass with time.
  • Acceptance: This stage does not necessarily mean that you accept or come to terms that your loved one is already dead. It does not mean that if you are already at this stage, you will not revisit the other stages above. But rather, it means that the pain and grief of losing someone you love will reduce and become more manageable.

Celebrate Life: You need to mourn the death of your loved ones, but there comes a time when you need to turn from the mourning toward a new stage, of celebrating life again. Understanding that death is inevitable and that we will all die someday will give you an opportunity to live your life to the fullest. Remember that your life does not stop when someone you love passes away. Ask yourself this: “Would he or she be happy seeing me like this forever because they passed?” Cry as much as you need to, but know that your family and friends are still there for you, ready to walk forward and to live life fully with you now. Celebrate the fact that you are living.

Preserve Precious Memories: Someone so special to you might be gone but their memories stay. Keep all photographs, things he or she gave you, or create a memorial like planting a tree to remember your loved one. This will help you keep all the memories you shared together and overcome your loss.

Final Thoughts: It always feels so unfair when someone you love passes away, but that does not mean you have to stop living. God created us, human beings, to be strong and to survive anything. So, grieve as much as you need to, and remember you will be able to stand up and smile again. After all, your loved ones may not have stayed with you, but the memories you have with them will forever stay in your heart.

I can testify to each and every point stated here. I don’t know about you but if you have anyone facing the difficulty of not passing through grief and lack hope. Please share this with them.

Have a blessed day!!!

By: Brian Zeng

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    Addiction is Real. Here’s How to Beat It

    Addiction is real

    Have you known an addict or been an addict? Are you an addict now?

    Unfortunately, addictions come with the human condition. We’ve got alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts, workaholics, self-mutilators, and more. You name it, our culture has found it and become addicted to it.

    Addiction is defined as anything we do repeatedly that causes harm to ourselves and/or others. The underlying driver to addiction is a general dissatisfaction with your life, your self-image, or identity. In extreme cases, an intense self-hatred and a sense of hopelessness and despair are the foundations of addiction.
    Are you saying to yourself right now, “I can’t think of anything I’m addicted to”? Well, I’d say to you, “Come on. We’re all addicted to something.” If you don’t think that’s true of you, look through this list with me.

    Are you addicted to:

    • Achievement – Always needing to perform to feel valuable
    • Self-Pity – Constant feeling of “poor me” and “life is unfair”
    • Worry – A consistent lack of peace
    • Drinking – You need a drink to be happy, sleep, or feel connected to people
    • Being Busy – If you’re alone or still, you feel depressed or lonely
    • Sex – You can’t stop viewing porn, quit masturbating , or view the others without sexual thoughts.
    • Social Media – You’re constantly connected to your phone or computer, ignoring the people right in front of you
    • Gambling – A need to take risk, make money, and feel valued from winning
    • Self-Sabotage – You can’t hold on to a relationship, you screw up great opportunities, and you can’t allow yourself to succeed.

    Yes, you can be addicted to so-called positive things such as achievement. Look at Dale Partridge for example. He struggled with a serious addiction of being busy and achievement. Achievement became part of his identity. He started 6 businesses within 8 years producing over $15 million in revenue. But he didn’t know who was apart from outside praise and achievement. His addiction to work and achievement linked directly with a general dissatisfaction, if not, a downright dislike for who he was. He thought that his identity and worth was based solely in what I accomplished instead of who he was.

    The bottom line is this: we all just want to be loved. We want to feel loved. We all deserve love. We starve for connectivity and depth, but we’re seriously scared and often times, lack the basic relational ability to reach out and get it.

    So, if you had to choose something, what would you say you’re addicted to? Think about your thoughts for the day. Are there patterns? Ruts? Are there places in your mind that you continue to visit and obsess over during each 24-hour period?

    What are they? Be brave and write them down. Let’s begin the healing process.

    I want you to pay attention here. You deserve better. You deserve more. You were created for awe and purpose. You were created to love and be loved. The things that grip you don’t have to strangle the life out of you. There is hope and there is a way out.

    Today begin telling yourself the opposite of the lies in your head. Begin practicing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control. Tell a trusted friend about your addiction. Reach out. Call a group. Don’t wait. This is your life we’re talking about.

    You deserve normal. You deserve love, balance, joy, peace, and success. Go after it.

    Maybe One Day We’ll Figure This Life Out

    Figuring Life Out

    Maybe one day we’ll know why certain people have left us and why they didn’t come back. One day we will be able to connect the dots and understand how the pieces we didn’t understand all found their way to fit into the puzzle of our lives and complete the picture.

    Maybe one day we’ll know why destiny keeps bringing certain people back into our lives or why their lessons had to be learned over and over again so we can finally know it by heart.

    Maybe those people are meant to be a bigger part of our future and they keep reappearing to remind us that their part in our story is not over.
    Maybe one day we’ll know why we left certain jobs and why we were forced to change directions. Maybe we were meant to change the world and our jobs weren’t going to make that happen. Maybe we are free spirits who are destined to roam the world freely without being caged in an orbit of predictability.

    Maybe one day we’ll know why we didn’t get along with our parents or our relatives. Maybe we were meant to go out and make new friends and find people who teach us that we don’t have to share the same blood to count as family. Maybe we were meant to get lost and wander to find where we truly belong – to find a home we don’t want to escape from.

    Maybe we were meant to fail and be laughed at to learn how to shield ourselves from the stones that keep getting thrown our way.

    Maybe we needed to learn how to walk on pebbles so we can walk slowly and discover that there is more than one path along the way.

    Maybe we were meant to be laughed at so we can understand that one person’s tragedy is another person’s comedy.

    Maybe we were meant to fall in love with the wrong people to learn that love doesn’t discriminate. That the heart doesn’t know the rules or the terms or the social conduct. It just feels and jumps recklessly into anything that moves it. Maybe we need to learn that love will always be inexplicable, something of the Gods, something that calls us to do things that are unfamiliar to us. Something that makes us believe in magic – a dream that meddles in the nightmares of reality.

    Maybe we were meant to sail away from the shore to learn the methods of surviving alone, to learn that loneliness won’t kill us and solitude can be our friend. Maybe we need to disappear to see who will care to find us, who will care to bring us back to life, who will wonder about us and who will wish we never find our way back.

    Maybe we needed to be scared so we can understand that we will never be fearless but we can be courageous and we can be brave. Maybe one day we will know if our fear is merely a reflection of our own insecurities or fear of our own greatness . Maybe one day we will know why we were so afraid to shine.

    Maybe one day we will know why we just can’t be happy, why we are always searching for something to stress us out so we can feel like we are part of society, why we always have to feel ‘useful’ to be accepted, why we always want more than what we have and why we feel like it’s a crime to just exist – just be – bounded by our nothingness.

    Maybe one day we will look back and life will make sense, maybe one day we will stop asking so many questions and let the answers find us. Maybe one day we will know for sure why we wasted so much trying to get a grasp of life that we forgot that we are here to live it – not understand it.

    Things God Wants You To Remember When Life Gets Rough

    Things God Wants You To Remember When Life Gets Rough

    1. He is listening. He is listening to your prayers, your fears, your pain and your silence. He is listening to what you are asking for and in time he will either give you what you were asking for or something much better.

    2. He is making you stronger. With every unanswered prayer, with every disappointment, with every hurdle, with every loss, he is making you stronger. He is giving you the strength you need so you can be strong for others. So you can be a strong mother, a strong father, a strong wife, a strong husband, a strong daughter, a strong son, and a strong friend.

    3. He has a better plan for you. He knows what’s better for you, he knows what you
    need not what you want . He is planning the perfect timing for your life. The timing of your love, the timing of your career, and the timing of your miracle.

    4. He will answer your questions. He will show you why you didn’t get that job, or why it didn’t work out with that person. He will show you why you lost a loved one, why he broke your heart or why he tested you so much. He will make things clear to you and you will thank him for it.

    5. He will heal you. He will heal your broken heart, he will ease your restless mind, and he will solve the mystery of your puzzled thoughts. He wants you to be patient but he will always fix you.

    6. He wants you to trust him. He wants you to have faith in him, he wants you to leave the big things – the uncontrollable things up to him, he wants you to believe in him, he wants you to go back to him when you think you have no one and he wants you to trust that he will provide for you when you lose everything. He will always rescue you before you drown.

    7. He wants you to know you’re never alone. He is always there with you; when you’re scared or confused, he is there with you. When you’re afraid of the dark, he is there with you. When you are crying late at night and you think no one can hear you, he can hear you. When you’ve given up on your life and on love and think you have no one, you have him. No matter where you are, he is always with you and he wants you to know that he is enough.

    8. He wants you to grow. He wants to you to change, he wants you to learn things the hard way, he wants you to evolve, he wants you step outside of your comfort zone, he wants you to lose your way so you can find him and find yourself. He wants you to be wise and strong and he wants you to prosper.

    9. He wants you to know he loves you. He loves you more than you know, he may be hard on you sometimes but he loves you, he may not give you everything you asked for but he loves you. No matter how many mistakes you’ve made or how many times you got angry with him, he still loves you, he forgives you and he is turning your life around. He doesn’t love you for your money or your looks or your status, he loves you for you. God loves you more in a moment than anyone could in a lifetime.

    10. He wants you to believe in miracles. He is bringing you small miracles so you can believe in the big miracles. In every dream of yours that come true, in every pleasant surprise you get, in every enlightening situation you encounter, in every person who moved you, in every person you loved – he’s making miracles happen. He’s a God of magic, wonder and hope and he wants you to believe that.

    Credit to one of my mentors Rania Naim

    Testimony: Stop The Pain 

    ​Can you imagine hating life so bad that you cut and burn your body to try to feel better? I have over 250 cut marks on my body that I’m not proud of … but they are past reminders of what my miserable life was like before God rescued me from my self-destruction. If you can identify and are looking for some hope … please keep reading.

    I was born in 1968 in Pennsylvania. I was raped by a male acquaintance of my mother’s at age five. I was physically and sexually abused by my older brother from ages 7 to 17, and raped twice by an uncle at age 19.

    Like most – as a result of the sexual abuse and violence that occurred, it led me into a path of destructive behavior, and a life of utter confusion and feelings of great inadequacy.

    There’s no doubt in my mind that due to the abuse and sexual violence I was visited with through those first 20 years of living, the many problems and psychiatric issues that visited me stemmed from all that abuse.

    From an early age … I struggled with feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, anger and hatred toward men. (Being sexually abused at a young age typically does that to a person). As a child I was in therapy, a bed-wetter, was attracted to girls, had strong desires to be a boy, and often dressed as a boy. As I entered my teens, I endured a sexual identity crisis, dealt with self-destructive behavior, developed anorexia and bulimia, was an alcoholic, dabbled in drugs, was in and out of therapy and entered the Marines.

    By early adulthood I was causing self-inflicted injuries on my body as a way of coping, in and out of Eating Disorder Units and psychiatric hospitals, dealt with suicidal tendencies, battled with numerous suicide attempts, was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance, clinical depression and Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP).

    By age 25 I had self-injured my body by cutting and burning (one 5″ scar and one 4″ scar from 3rd degree burns and over 250 scars from cutting). I had been involved in various relationships, led a homosexual lifestyle, was in a gang, had an abortion, filed bankruptcy due to high medical bills, was on psychotherapeutic medication (17 pills daily), had battled with mental illness and was in and out of psychiatric hospitals.

    As I approached 27, I was dependent on psychotherapeutic medications, totally exasperated and felt as though I was just existing and taking up space. I was at a point in my life that although I doubted anything could be better, I was drastically looking for my life to somehow change.

    Although I thought I had tried everything possible to get better, somehow I was still open for help. It seemed that whatever I tried, it was only good for a few hours … maybe a day. Sometimes – if I got “lucky” – it lasted a couple days.

    I was not brought up around church or anything godly. One Sunday in March of 1995 I was invited to church and reluctantly went. It was my first time going to a church in over 15 years, and this was no church like I had ever been to. From the moment I stepped through the doors, I sensed something different.

    When I walked into that church in Florham Park, NJ, I remember sensing such love and peace. (I honestly thought it would be over once I left because that’s the way everything else went). I wasn’t quite sure what my spiritual beliefs were, mainly agnostic, as I spent most of my life blaming God, or questioning Him, why all this had happened to me. Can you identify? I was at a point in my life where I was not ready to be let down again. I was so tired of being let down again and again.

    All I knew was that when I walked into that church, I felt great and didn’t remember feeling so much peace like that ever before. And I knew it was real. No medication made me feel this alert and alive. I knew it was real.

    I wanted so much to be normal but had no clue how to do it, as everything else I had tried proved a failure. After going to that church, I asked God to make Himself real to me.

    Within days I noticed that I was more peaceful, able to think clearly and the negative desires I had were not so strong. Even though to an outsider that would seem so small of a change … for me, it was a big thing just to see any change. It was then that I knew God was real. Nothing had ever lasted this long!

    A few weeks later, I bought a Bible and it opened right up to the book of Mark. I began reading in Mark, Chapter 5, verses 1 through 19. As I read, I saw that a guy who had cut himself day and night and appeared to have mental illness; he was healed by Jesus. I then became very agitated with God and threw the Bible to the floor. I just didn’t understand why I wasn’t well; if He had healed this guy so long ago, why did I have to be in so much pain?!

    I began to yell and swear at God: “If You are real, then why the $%#@ can’t you help me? Why can’t you do for me what you did years ago for that guy? I’m so tired of this !@#*, and tired of living this way. Don’t You understand that I’m tired of crying all night long … cutting and drinking because I cannot cope? Life isn’t supposed to be this way. I don’t want mental illness. Please help me.”

    I do realize now that swearing to God may not have been the best thing, but at that time I wasn’t accustomed to talking with Him and tried my best to be nice. After saying this, I pleaded with God; I truly petitioned Him for His help.

    I figured my last resort was this God who I wasn’t even so sure about. I put all my doubts aside and immediately I began to pray to God. Actually – I challenged Him that I wanted answers and that I would give Him three weeks to “prove Himself” to me. Even though I wasn’t sure if I believed in God, I thought it would be a good idea if I at least put my efforts into it. I wanted my life to change and was looking for a difference.

    I figured that I had done everything else possible, so why not at least give God a chance? It seemed as if nothing else had worked, but I had never thought of including God . . . because I mainly blamed God. Part of me thought that what happened to me was His fault. Additionally, part of me wasn’t convinced that He even existed. I wasn’t sure what I believed in — I wasn’t even certain about God.

    God honored those three weeks, I’m so thankful to say.

    Ever since I “challenged” God, my life turned around completely and has never been the same! I “officially” accepted Jesus into my heart and life in April, 1995, during a revival meeting with Janny Grein. What happened over the next 1 1/2 years was absolutely breathtaking!

    With the love and mercy of God, I learned to cope with the past and look forward to the future; there is hope and there is a better way of life. I learned that I don’t have to live my future based on my past. I am not sure why God allowed all that happened to me, but I do know that what was meant for bad is now being turned around for good. God has now given me opportunities to help others who have been abused and because of my past abuse, I can identify with them, and I can have compassion for them that I probably may never have had otherwise.

    I have forgiven all the people that have hurt and abused me. It took me a long time to discover that forgiving those who abuse you is the only thing that will set a person completely free from the pain and devastation the abuse causes. It takes the help of God to forgive, I realize, but He is right there waiting to help a person forgive, when they are ready — ready to be set completely free and be made whole.

    Let me say something before going further. Forgiving those who has made your life a living hell makes no sense whatsoever, I realize. Humanly speaking, they don’t deserve forgiveness, right?! They deserve to rot and burn in in hell, right?! Yet think of this — if that person who abused you was burning in hell right now, would that heal you of all the things going on in your life? Would it somehow suddenly deliver you from the emotional hell you have known so long? What is your real heart’s desire? To be free from your hell, and be made whole, or vengeance against the one who has abused you? Why not do yourself a huge favor and do what God will help you do if you want to be healed and made whole the way God would like you to be? Please don’t waste another day suffering because of what someone else has done to you that has so messed up your life. Take some action that will shut off the poisonous tie your soul has with that person. Do you want to know what God’s remedy is that will cut that poisonous soul tie off from the one who abused you, so you can put yourself on the road to total freedom from your emotional hell, and be a whole person? It’s the “medicine” God prescribes called: forgiveness.

    Oh — c’mon now, Vicki. Now you’re playing those stupid religious games! I’m not going to forgive that person for doing what that person did to me! They don’t deserve my forgiveness! Besides … I couldn’t forgive them even if I wanted to!

    Fair enough. Please consider this, though, before rejecting my offer completely. Let’s say the role was reversed. Let’s say you were the one who did the violent raping. Let’s say you are the one who has hurt other people and made their life a living hell. And … let’s say you didn’t want to risk going to hell on the Judgment Day. Let’s say you would like God’s forgiveness for all the terrible things you did against other people, so you could be positive you would go to heaven and stay there for eternity, and not go to hell. Wouldn’t you like a heavenly Judge who actually would and

    will forgive you?

    Take it a step further. Let’s say you’re a serial killer. Let’s say you’ve raped a few dozen or more little girls and boys and then murdered them. Let’s say you are about to die by lethal injection for it, and you now would like to be certain that somehow you could get God’s forgiveness for all the wrong you have done? You know full well you don’t deserve to be forgiven — certainly not by the living relatives of those you killed, nor can you possibly forgive yourself, so why in the world would God want to forgive you, right? You don’t deserve forgiveness, and you know it … though you surely would like to be forgiven.

    Suddenly … God shows up in front of you and says … “I’m the Creator, and do you know that I died on the cross and paid the penalty for all the wrong and evil you caused against those little innocent girls and boys? Do you know that I shed my innocent blood – I gave my life … when I didn’t have to … so that you can be forgiven, and be made a new spiritual creation? Do you know that there is no evil — no wrong — no amount of wrongs … that I won’t forgive, if you’ll just accept My love. My sacrifice on the cross is the evidence of My love for wrongdoers – for sinners. It isn’t because you deserve it, I want you to realize. You deserve punishment in hell for eternity. But … my loving sacrifice frees you from hell and everlasting torment … if you will just grab hold of it and accept it as the free gift to you that it is. It’s a free gift to anyone who wants it, no matter how much wrong they have done to others.”

    You see … that is what the heart of Christianity is: Love and Forgiveness. God loves us so much that He forgives us of everything wrong we’ve ever done, because of the sacrifice Jesus Christ gave on the cross. You’ve probably heard that, though maybe you sort of flipped it off as a bunch of religious garbage, or lies. It’s not, precious one. It’s the secret I found to be set free from the hell I was living in. I came to the conclusion … that if God is willing to forgive me of every one of my wrongdoings … He will give me the power and strength and courage to forgive those who have wronged me. When I forgive them , God releases healing power in me. The one who has abused me isn’t free from answering to God about their wrongdoing … but I get set free from my hatred and bitterness (emotional cancer if you will) and the torturous memories from the abuse of the one I forgive. This can only happen though with God’s help. We don’t have the ability to do that by ourselves. But I can assure you God will be right there with you to give you the courage and strength to do it.

    Let me say this as well. Forgiving someone who abused you doesn’t mean God is expecting you to

    like that person either! Liking a person and forgiving a person is entirely two different things! When I hold bitterness and anger toward someone who has hurt me … it is like drinking a glass of emotional and spiritual poison every day of my life. I am committing slow suicide without even knowing it! Bitterness and anger is poison to our soul, and the only sure remedy that God says works is telling God you forgive that person for what they did to you. Remember … God is

    not going to forgive that person for what they did to you, if they don’t ask His forgiveness, and they will answer on the Judgment Day to God for what they did to you. However … that is between them and God. When you forgive … God makes certain you get rewarded for it, and for starters, your reward is healing!

    Well, with God’s help from the Holy Spirit, I forgave my tormentors, and I am a living testimony that forgiveness works! I am completely healed, recovered and overcome in every area! I am now married to a wonderful Christian man. We married in April, 1999. My life has taken a 360 degree turn and I am amazed at what God can do! He can do the same for you, and even more … if you’re ready to be set completely free. All you have to do is mean business with Jesus Christ.

    It is my hope that every person reading this will come to the realization that they can overcome anything in their life, as nothing is hopeless! Hey folks … we’re talking about being connected with the Creator of the universe here … the Creator of all things. Nothing is impossible for Him!

    Whatever you have gone through, or may be facing right now, you can get through it just like I did — get completely healed and set free from it — and lead a normal healthy life as God intended for you to live. You do not have to let the past hold you in its painful grip. You do not have to be a victim of circumstances of the past. You can be victorious over life … instead of being a victim of life. God wants you to be victorious! I’m not lying to you one bit.

    Why did God allow all your hurt to happen to you in the first place, you still want to know? You may not believe there is a devil right now, but let me tell you, there’s a devil alright, and he is using evil people to abuse children and older people every hour of every day somewhere on this planet. There is a battle between good and evil going on in this planet … and if you want to spend the rest of your life hating God for what has happened to you, God gives you that right, but it grieves Him when you do. Please … don’t waste any more time hating the very One who can help you, and set you free from the pain you are in. He truly wants to, but you have to do things His way, not yours. He’s God. He knows what He is doing.

    I had such a lopsided view and understanding of God. Everyone does to one degree or another, until they become saved — become spiritually born again — and get properly connected to God and be around spiritually mature people who can help you and pray with you and encourage you. Once that happens, the Holy Spirit helps you to begin to understand the way things really are. The scales come off our eyes, and we begin to see and understand God in a totally different light. It is incredibly amazing!

    God will touch you. He will change you. He is just a prayer away. Are you ready to surrender to His love and forgiveness and help that knows no limitations? He longs to set you free from your hell. His heart grieves over your pain. Truly it does.

    I know God will heal anyone … anytime … of anything. They just have to either be desperate enough, or courageous enough – or both.

    Jesus Did It!!!! 

    Testimony: Pornography Widow

    Am always happy when I get to read testimonies. It’s like a movie, where everything is not real but to some extent it is. I tap from this testimony and sure it will save a marriage out there. 

    To my precious sisters in Christ,

    I pray that this testimony will help you who are living with a man that has some kind of an addiction that causes him to live a secret life. It doesn’t matter what kind of addiction it is; it is the devastation that is real and unbearable.

    Let me share some of my past and see if you can relate. I was raised in a family that didn’t show any affection or love. I knew from a very young age that rejection was a big part of my life. I didn’t understand it then, and to be quite honest with you, I really don’t fully understand it now. Let’s face it – rejection hurts! I know that we all experience rejection throughout our lives, but to get it from all sides all of your life, well –

    something is terribly wrong there!

    I married my husband in 1965 and his family never received me as one of the family. Why they rejected me I’ll never know. I never understood why, so Terry and I stayed pretty much to ourselves.

    We lost our first child; he was four days old when he died. He had bleeding of the brain, a ruptured lung, pneumonia, and the chord was wrapped around his neck three times. (However, we will see him in Heaven. Amen!)

    Within a year I was pregnant again. God gave us a little girl named Andrea, in 1967. During our first year, Terry told me he didn’t want to kiss or be affectionate, as he believed that that was an absolute must during courtship, but once we were married, it was not that important anymore. I was shocked! I asked him, “Where in the world did you hear that? “Who told you that?! ” He didn’t have an answer. So now I was rejected by my own husband, and I felt terribly devastated.

    God blessed us with a second child in 1970; a boy named Christian. I put all my effort and life into raising my children and giving them as much love and affection as I knew how. I spent all of my time taking care of my family. We were ready to get divorced after ten years of marriage. Our lives were completely out of control. Terry had a pornography problem that he would not talk to me about. I felt so alone and unloved. “God … help me!” was my constant cry.

    Then in March 1975 we met Jesus and He saved our marriage. Praise God He did, because I was a blackout drunk for three years and turning to other men because my husband didn’t want me! I couldn’t compete with all the women on the Internet. I was a pretty good looking woman with a nice body and a pretty good lover too. But – it doesn’t matter if you look like Marilyn Monroe; it is impossible to compete with a fantasy! Impossible!

    I was delivered and never wanted to drink again or sleep with other men. Our marriage came back together. Although I was delivered and my husband got radically changed, for some reason that pornography demon never left him, and as a result of that, the pornography got worse! 

    He got arrested for being lewd in a public place and I didn’t think I wanted to live anymore, but I knew I had my children to take care of so I just prayed 24/7. I prayed so much that I began to think that God was getting tired of hearing from me. My husband was also praying daily for deliverance because he had a private life no one knew about, and he wouldn’t share it with anyone. I had no idea how much his problem was consuming him.

    We were in church each week and we looked like a good Christian family. Terry joined a support group in church and each week they would talk about their problems. Each person shared their problems and they all tried to help each other. Terry found out that he was the only one in that group that had sexual problems. Of course, as you know, anything said in that group was supposed to stay in the room.

    I tried to get involved with the women’s group, only no matter know many times I offered, no one ever called me. I realized that people believed that I must be the reason Terry had a sexual problem. I wasn’t being a good wife so it was my fault. Only I didn’t have the problem. Terry did! I was a victim!

    Precious women of God, listen to me. It is not your fault if your husband has an addiction. I don’t care what kind it is! It is not your fault. And don’t let Satan or anyone else tell you it is! You aren’t putting the drugs in his mouth! You aren’t making him look at porno! You aren’t making him commit adultery! He has his own God-given free will to do whatever he wants. Even if you are not a good wife, it is still his decision to do whatever he wants. He is going to have to grow up and start taking responsibility for his own actions! AMEN!

    In 1994 Terry was delivered, and in front of the whole church on a Wednesday night, he told his story about his addiction. I remember afterwards that people went to Terry and hugged him, cried with him and congratulated him and praised God for what He had done.

    I found it interesting that not one person in the entire church came up to me and said anything. No hug, nothing. I felt rejection again. I really 

    thought that things would be different in our marriage after his deliverance, but Terry still never turned to me. He never learned to walk in his deliverance, so like a dog returns to his vomit, Terry returned to his pornography and as usual I didn’t know about it. He totally hid it from me. But still, there was no affection, and now I know why.

    In 1996 I felt a great, great hurt in my heart … and all of a sudden it seemed like a switch was turned off. At that time I lost all hope. I also

    lost all my love for my husband. I just couldn’t deal with life anymore. I told him that I didn’t love him anymore, and he asked me how long had it been, and I said about a month at that time. He cried for two days straight. My self-esteem was gone. I felt dead inside.

    I continued to pray and seek God and began to heal slowly. We continued to go to church and in 2005 my husband was totally delivered, and is walking in his deliverance. The stronghold has been broken. That spirit of perversion has been cast out. Thank you Jesus! He is a new man. For the first time in our life he is talking to me. He has turned to me and is affectionate, and God is restoring our relationship.

    On our 40th anniversary we had a party. We renewed our vows to celebrate our newfound love. A week later he took me to Hawaii, our first honeymoon. We had sex every night for seven days, and for the first time in our life it was intimate. There was closeness…there was oneness…and God was present. Not like before where it was just vaginal masturbation for my husband after looking at other women all day long.

    You know – God is good. I feel free from rejection regarding our marriage and it is a wonderful thing. Thank you Jesus! Our lives are getting better and we are for the first time in a real relationship — talking and getting to know one another — all to the glory of God.

    Women of God, just continue to seek God and pray. Don’t ever give up hope. Don’t let the enemy steal your life. Trust God for everything. I just want to remind you that God loves you and will not leave you ever. Please, trust Him especially when there seems to be no hope. Let God have all the burden, and don’t forget that you have to receive what He has already given you. We walk by faith, not by sight. ‘Let go and let God’ … is right on and it works.

    Dear sisters – I hope that something I’ve said has helped you. If you have no hope as I once had no hope, just remember that Jesus has all the hope you need.

    God has provided everything that we need through Jesus. God has done His part. We need to be responsible for what we do, and walk in our deliverance no matter how hard it is. God will not leave us or forsake us ever. We need to be as faithful to God.

    I would love to hear from you, if you feel you need someone you can open up to without judging you.

    I hope everyone reading this realizes I did not have to share this testimony publicly. I’ve done it because God has asked me to share it publicly, so others can be helped like He has helped my husband and I. Pornography is a growing spiritual virus (sin) in the Body of Christ every bit as deadly as the Aid’s virus, and it’s spreading rapidly, and will continue to do so, because the devil realizes just how effective it is in destroying relationships and self-esteem.

    His tactic is to keep Christians silent about it however. Well, God has asked my husband and I to not bury this part of our testimonies … but to let God use them to give courage and transparency and hope to others who know that they need deliverance from something much more powerful than what they ever realized in the beginning.

    May God bless you. 

    Jesus Did it!!!