Things You Learn When Life Doesn’t Turn Out The Way You Wanted

We often grow up with an idea of what our life will look like when we are at a certain age, more often than not, it is a realistic image, and more often than not, life doesn’t necessarily mirror the image we had for it. At that moment, we can feel inadequate, we can feel like a failure and we can feel that we failed to create the life we want or deserve, but if we take a closer look sometimes the magic is in the journey rather than the destination, it is in the lessons we learn along the way and the changes we have to go through to become the best versions of ourselves.

My life didn’t turn out to be anything like I imagined, in fact the image I had for my life doesn’t even come close to what it is now, and even though I do have my days when I brood about it and wonder where I went wrong, I still smile when I look back at the things I learned when the pieces of the puzzle didn’t fit.

1. You Learn To Steer The Wheel In Another Direction

You know how the saying goes “If you don’t bend you will break” You will find yourself face to face with your fears and your worst nightmares, but you will have to face them, even if you don’t win, even if you fall short, even if you will never be the same person again, you will navigate through them to reach your destination. It is exactly like driving, sometimes you get lost, sometimes you take roads you don’t want to take, sometimes you drive alone at night and it can get scary, sometimes you will have to stop at a red light even though you can’t wait to go home, sometimes you will get into an accident and it may or may not be your fault, but the key will always be to keep driving and steer the wheel in another direction, whatever direction leads you back home.

2. You Will Be Forced To Look Within For Validation

If you are a people person like myself, you get your energy and your validation from those around you, you always wonder do they like me? Did I say the right thing? Are they going to speak well about me? Does my boss think I’m smart enough? Will this man stay or will he get bored and leave? You constantly expend your energy on those around you and that sometimes can be the demise of your own identity and personal growth. This may sound like a cliché but it is true, the best way to use your energy is to consume it on yourself first, and be in touch with who you are regardless of what those around you think of you. You have to embrace your flaws and shortcomings while working on them rather than seek validation from those around you. It helps when someone sees something good in us that we ceased to believe and it helps when someone picks us up when we fall, but at the end of the day, it is temporary relief. If you want long-term relief, you need to seek validation from yourself first and welcome the validation of others second, but you should always come first.

3. You Might Want To Reconnect With God

“When we have nothing left but God, we discover that God is enough.” This is one of my favorite quotes to sum up faith and life too. When things don’t go as planned, and when life gets hard, it is easy to sink in a dark hole and drown in a sea of anger, negativity and despair; also known as rock bottom. The good thing about hitting rock bottom is the fact that it allows you to reach to a higher power, ask for help, pray and seek guidance from the creator. If it takes a toll on your faith, let me assure you that you will not make it out of rock bottom easily, however if you use it as a tool to reconnect with God and strengthen your faith and the belief that God has a better plan for you and that his plans will make you happier than you ever thought you will be, you will be just fine. God sometimes gives us what we need rather than what we want, sometimes it is best not to ask questions and try to go against the ebb and flow of what God brings to our life, sometimes it is better to look up and say I know you got this, let go and keep the faith.

4.You Are Going To Lose Some People

It is a part of life, the more you know who you are and seek validation from within, the more people you are going to lose. Some people will not like it, some people will try to bring you back down, some people will hurt you, some people will walk away, some people will give up on you, and others will stab you right in the face. Only a few good ones will stick around and respect the transition, those people are the ones that are in your life to stay and will help you become your best self. I must say this is the hardest lesson, it doesn’t only require strength and self-control, it requires you to never look back, to close some doors that you so wanted to remain open. The hardest part is not letting them go, the hardest part is letting them go knowing you will not let them back in again, knowing that deep in your heart this person will cause you more damage than good and they have to go. In some cases, losing is winning.

5. It Will Make You A Better Person

Finally, when your life doesn’t turn out the way you wished for, it will humble you. It will make you a kinder person, a more sympathetic person, a wiser person, a stronger person, a less judgmental person, a deeper person, or simply it will make you human. You will learn that you can’t be perfect and you never will be, you will learn that you will fail at things you thought you were good at, you will learn that you can be hard to love sometimes, you will learn that you have bipolar tendencies, you will learn that you cannot control your surroundings and you cannot make someone change or someone love you. You will learn to accept your fate and stop trying to change it. You will learn that life will scar you, and it will hurt you but it will also surprise you-sometimes in a good way, and one day you will look back and be able to connect the dots, one day you will look back and make sense of all the confusion, one day you will surprise yourself when you look at the image you had for your life and realize that it doesn’t resonate with you anymore and it doesn’t matter.

Advertisements

Powerful Lessons You Can Only Learn Through Experience

No matter how many degrees we have or what kind of education we received, there are some thing that only life can teach us-lessons that we only learn in the school of life.

1. The meaning of purpose.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”~Friedrich Nietzsche.

We may graduate with honors and pick a great career, but it can still make us feel unfulfilled, this is when we learn the importance of finding meaning and purpose in our lives that goes beyond the realm of a secure job and a good education.

2. How to be independent.

“To find yourself, think for yourself.”~Socrates

We learn that we have to stand on our own and take care of ourselves. Our parents and teachers won’t guide us anymore, so it’s just us against the world and we have to be prepared for it, because no one is better equipped to answer our own questions but ourselves.

3. We can’t control time.

“You can have it all. Just not all at once.”~Oprah Winfrey

Life teaches us that we won’t always get what we want right away, it teaches us that we still don’t have control over time no matter how good our time management skills are and no matter how good we are at predicting our future. If it’s not our time yet, we can do nothing about it.

4. How to move on from failure.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”~ Winston S. Churchill

In school when we failed a class, it was easy to make up for it or study harder for the next one, but in life, failure can scar us or even change our whole perspective on the meaning of life. Life teaches us that failure is a part of it, and that success can only come after so many failures. We learn how to move on from failure and accept it as part of our journey.

5. How to be patient.

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”~Aristotle

If we can’t control time, then we must be patient enough to wait for what we want. Life doesn’t have a specific timeline set for us by our teachers, we now have to be patient and have faith that the things we want will come when we are ready for it rather than when we want it.

6. We all need love.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”~Lao Tzu

Not the puppy love or the high school love; we need the real kind of love, the love that is reflected in the support of others, the kindness of others and the love that elevates our lives. We never studied how to find love or how to be loved, so we keep learning as we go, even if it means that we won’t find it right away.

7. Life is difficult.

“Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”~M. Scott Peck

As we grow up, we learn that life is not going to be easy, it is not like a hard semester that will pass and we will never have to worry about it again. We learn that it can actually get harder as your responsibilities grow. Life teaches us how to roll with the punches to survive and that it is not always smooth sailing.

8. We will scatter our hearts in the wrong places.

“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.”~Mark Z. Danielewski

We will pick wrong careers and wrong partners that will not be very kind with our hearts. We may not always understand why we wasted our deepest emotions over something that introduced us to misery but life will let us know the reason eventually-in time-or maybe we will never know.

9. We have a choice.

While many things will be out of our control, we still have a choice. A choice in the way we see things, a choice in the way we react to things, a choice in the way we become more cautious in the future, a choice in the way we let our circumstances define who we are.

10. We all need help.

“God gave us crying so other folks could see when we needed help, and help us.”~Joshilyn Jackson

No matter how independent we are, we will need some sort of help along the way. We are not immune to disappointment and heartbreak and sometimes we just can’t find the strength to pick ourselves up. Life will teach us that we can’t make it alone even if we try.

11. Everything is temporary.

“Everything in life is temporary. So if things are going good, enjoy it because it won’t last forever. And if things are going bad, don’t worry. It can’t last forever either.”~Unknown

Pain is temporary. Feelings are temporary, even our time on earth is temporary, which is why we have to make the best out of this temporary time and try not to give power to temporary emotions to ruin our lives.

12. Nothing is impossible.

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”~Shel Silverstein

Life is difficult but it’s also fascinating. In the blink of an eye it can present us with a wonderful opportunity that can change our life around. It can bring us closer to our dream job or our dream partner. Life can make our dreams come true.

13. Never get attached to plans.

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”~ Woody Allen

It’s good to have a blueprint of how we want our lives to look like in 5 or 10 years but we must not get too attached to it because we change and our plans surely change too. Life teaches us that we need to have plan b, and c and d.

14. We have to face our fears.

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.”~ C. JoyBell C.

Life teaches us that at some point we will be faced with things that absolutely terrify us. Losing someone we loved, losing our job, moving away from home,…etc. We can’t escape fear so we have to learn how to face it and walk with it.

15. We have to love who we are.

“If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.”~Unknown

If we want to make our lives a bit easier than we have to love ourselves- not in a narcissistic way- but in a compassionate way. We have to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and failures, we have to believe in ourselves even if those around us aren’t believing in us, we have to learn when to walk away from people who are not good for us, and we have to love ourselves even if we are not who we wanted to be or where we wanted to end up.

Joy Is The Result Of God’s Presence

Good morning my brothers and sisters, again let me use this opportunity to welcome you into the new year. As you know it’s a Wednesday 🕺🕺🕺. Today’s story is about experiencing Joy when you just don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.

“Joy is the result of God’s presence” i was surfing the net when i came accross this phrase by Kristen Spencer.

Want to go on a flashback journey when I was in school. I remembered when I gained admission, the joy of going to school, making new friends, and start another phase in my life. I was privileged to attend a private school. Firstly, I thank my parents for that opportunity, because my dad used his retirement pay to send me off to school, my mum was fully supportive to my feeding, for me  to have the best education they never had. 

Have been told am very easy, friendly  and social. Everybody wanted to be my friend in school because I was active and never wear my struggles or worry on my face. People come to me for assistance and I deliver. Most of my friends think am a son of a rich man, just because am very jovial, I don’t worry but always full with joy. There was a day I was discussing with some friends and I decided to tell them how much was my pocket money for a month. They were all shocked and surprised how I was coping with the little I was receiving from my parents. The little I have eventually end up sharing with others and it doesn’t get to me. I simply replied, I cannot steal but grateful for all what my parents are doing for me. I was expecting  they will spread the gist they heard with peeps about me, but they didn’t. Still I wasn’t worried if they told anyone, it’s my life to live.

In my 200 level, I started a small business 😁. I started selling anti virus for my colleagues and friends in school. It was just like a dream when I started, i thought I was not going to make it in that area, but as always God saw me through. I stopped requesting for money from my parents except they send me money. Later I ventured into selling plantain chips to every departments. I will carry a big sack of chips all around the departments for students to buy. This was done during my free period. Some even call me and order for chips.. lol!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 now that was a great experience for me. I did it with no remorse or worry about what people will say, but with a big smile filled with joy. Then after the chips business I partnered with some friends to buy a satellite dish to start showing football (soccer) matches to students. This was just like a joke to me but I was amazed by the turn up of students. Till I left the school, the satellite was passed on to the next set to continue with the tradition. 

My life in school was just the best. I made a lot of friends, even with the little I had, I was very popular!!! Active in every activities was just the height of it.

Nobody can buy Joy, you make it happen. But most importantly Joy is the result of God’s Presence. Whenever you feel down, talk to someone about your deepest perspectives and experience, invite friends into your life, and also contribute to the joy around you.

Be joyful in all circumstances this year, it will build your confidence, you will be inspired and generally Happy!!!! Make that a 2018 goal in your life.