Dealing with Grief and Finding Hope

Nobody wants to die but want to go to heaven.
Death is inevitable. But death─ sudden or expected─ always brings sorrow and grief to the ones who are left behind. However, life still marches on. It is hard, but we must remember that as humans we have an immense ability to cope with anything that life brings. Although we all have different levels of coping abilities, there are several basic and universal steps to dealing with grief and finding hope again…

Allow The Feelings To Flow: Losing someone you love will conjure all unimaginable emotions within you, sorrow, regret, guilt, pain, grief, heartbreaks, misery, anger, sadness and many more. Feeling these emotions all at once can be extremely difficult. It is quite normal, so let them flow. You do not need to suppress them. Cry all you want. With time and allowing grief to be released, it will become less painful. It is an important process that will help you in dealing with grief and accepting your loss.

Talk About It When You Can: Talking about the death of your loved ones can be a way of remembering them and can help you understand what happened. It will give you the opportunity to start the healing process. Denying the death of a loved one can result in isolation and you pushing away your family and friends.

Find A Support System: Coping with a loved one’s death is never easy; especially if you are dealing with it alone. You need support coming from your family and friends so that you can find comfort and overcome grief faster. Moreover, while your family and friends can be your greatest source of support for overcoming the death of someone, but it is also advisable that you take advice from professional people when you find all the emotions and pain too hard to handle. Psychologists give professional advice and develop strategies according to your needs to get you through the grieving process.

Understand The Grieving Process: Dealing with grief and bereavement is a process. It is quite important to allow yourself to experience every stage of the grieving process for you to completely heal. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief in her book titled “On Death and Dying.” These stages are not necessarily experienced in order and some stages can be revisited. These five stages are:

  • Denial: Dealing with death can be overwhelming. It is an incomprehensible experience and you can find it hard to believe that your loved one is gone. You continue to deny that it is not happening and there is no way that your loved one left you.
  • Anger: As you realize the reality of your situation you begin to feel angry. Your anger or fury might be directed to your loved one for leaving you, to the doctors for not doing their job and healing your loved one, to God who took your loved one or even to yourself for maybe not being a better person to your loved one. All of this is quite normal and will pass.
  • Bargaining: It is quite common for an individual to start bargaining or negotiating with a higher power, like God. Do not be surprised or think that you are crazy when you start making deals with God like: “I will be better, just please give him back to me.”
  • Depression: The sorrow and overwhelming sadness you feel after the death of a loved one is normal. It is common to feel that your life will never be the same again. This feeling does not last forever and will pass with time.
  • Acceptance: This stage does not necessarily mean that you accept or come to terms that your loved one is already dead. It does not mean that if you are already at this stage, you will not revisit the other stages above. But rather, it means that the pain and grief of losing someone you love will reduce and become more manageable.

Celebrate Life: You need to mourn the death of your loved ones, but there comes a time when you need to turn from the mourning toward a new stage, of celebrating life again. Understanding that death is inevitable and that we will all die someday will give you an opportunity to live your life to the fullest. Remember that your life does not stop when someone you love passes away. Ask yourself this: “Would he or she be happy seeing me like this forever because they passed?” Cry as much as you need to, but know that your family and friends are still there for you, ready to walk forward and to live life fully with you now. Celebrate the fact that you are living.

Preserve Precious Memories: Someone so special to you might be gone but their memories stay. Keep all photographs, things he or she gave you, or create a memorial like planting a tree to remember your loved one. This will help you keep all the memories you shared together and overcome your loss.

Final Thoughts: It always feels so unfair when someone you love passes away, but that does not mean you have to stop living. God created us, human beings, to be strong and to survive anything. So, grieve as much as you need to, and remember you will be able to stand up and smile again. After all, your loved ones may not have stayed with you, but the memories you have with them will forever stay in your heart.

I can testify to each and every point stated here. I don’t know about you but if you have anyone facing the difficulty of not passing through grief and lack hope. Please share this with them.

Have a blessed day!!!

By: Brian Zeng

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    How to Conquer Your Emotions and Stay Motivated

    It’s natural to find yourself dreading work or feeling burned out. Don’t let these feelings get in your way of success or productivity, though; here’s how to conquer these emotions to stay motivated- Jayson DeMers

    In the professional world, and in entrepreneurship, it’s easy to let our emotions get the better of us. When you’re passionate about what you do, you can become frustrated and disheartened more easily than usual. When you aren’t comfortable or happy in your workplace, it can be difficult to get out of bed in the morning and get excited about working. When you’re nervous or intimidated, you might not want to start a project for fear of it failing or being rejected.

    Emotions are natural and unavoidable, but their effects on our professional lives must be managed. In order to stay motivated and continue doing your best work, you can’t–and shouldn’t–stifle your feelings. Instead, when you experience them, you must find workarounds that mitigate their negative effects.

    Depression: Find Work That Gets You Excited

    When you’re feeling depressed, whether in the clinical sense or just in a low “funk” you can’t snap out of, working productively and consistently is practically impossible. Sadness is a characteristic emotion of depression, but the state runs much deeper than that fleeting emotion. When depressed, you find it difficult to enjoy anything, even the activities you used to love best. With these empty feelings, you could wake up and dread going to work, only to get there and stare at your computer screen, dreading the idea of doing anything.

    Snapping out of this funk is only impossible if you allow it to be. Instead of looking at the work you should be doing and seeing it as dreadful, look at the work you could be doing and imagine what it would be like to do it. Don’t limit your imagination–if you could be doing anything, what would it be? Find work that excites you and try it out. The change of pace could jumpstart you into a new rhythm. If you’re having trouble finding anything that excites you, visit other departments in your company and see what they do. You might find a niche that makes you happier.

    Fear: Do What You Do Best

    Intimidation and fear are powerful, gripping emotions that can completely compromise our productivity. If your proposals have been rejected consistently, five times in a row, you might feel too intimidated to attempt writing another. If your boss is threatening you with disciplinary action if your performance doesn’t improve, it could make the feeling that much worse.

    Rather than fixating on the problem at hand or worrying about underperforming, focus on tasks and responsibilities that you know you can do really well. Work on those, even if they’re small or unimportant tasks, and rebuild your confidence from the ground up. If you can knock out ten easy tasks without blinking an eye, that harder task is going to look far more manageable by comparison.

    Frustration: Take Time to Experiment

    After a failure or after your plans didn’t turn out the way you expected, it’s natural to feel frustrated. Frustration can lead us to a host of other negative emotions and bad habits, including the tendency to isolate ourselves or to give up on work entirely. Rather than try to correct a problem, many frustrated people simply give in to the idea that a problem can’t be conquered.

    Instead, when you feel frustrated, remember that your frustration is probably rooted along one particular path. If you experiment by trying out new paths, you may find your frustration disappear. For example, if you find yourself frustrated when one marketing strategy isn’t giving you any measurable results, try experimenting with a new marketing strategy you have no experience in. Even if you aren’t successful, you may find your frustration easing as a result.

    Anxiety: Get Perspective

    Anxiety is often related to both fear and depression, and it can seriously throttle your attention. If you spend your time worrying about the results of a particular effort, you won’t spend any time improving your performance in that effort.

    There are many tricks to relieve anxiety, but one of the most useful is to get perspective on the problem you’re solving or the fear that’s preoccupying your mind. If you’re worried about failure, get statistics on similar efforts–for example, if you’re trying a new advertising strategy, look up numbers about how similar campaigns have fared in the past. Try to imagine the absolute worst-case scenario–you losing your job or losing the business. That scenario is infinitely unlikely, but even if it does happen, you can still recover with relative ease as long as you apply yourself.

    General Advice: Find a Support System

    In all of these scenarios, and in the case of many other types of negative emotions, reaching out to others is a major key to success. Whether you talk to your supervisor, your coworkers, or a family member on break, find a support system you can rely on for help when you feel overwhelmed. Simply venting your troubles can be cathartic and relieving enough to make you feel better about going back to work. In addition, your partner will likely be able to shed some perspective on your situation and offer helpful advice you haven’t considered.

    There’s no escaping the occasional negative emotions that can compromise your well-being and interfere with your work habits. But if you recognize your troubles objectively and work to find alternative strategies, there’s no negative emotion that cannot be overcome.

    Helpless Love

    Once upon a time all feelings and emotions went to a coastal island for a vacation. According to their nature, each was having a good time. Suddenly, a warning of an impending storm was announced and everyone was advised to evacuate the island.

    The announcement caused sudden panic. All rushed to their boats. Even damaged boats were quickly repaired and commissioned for duty.

    Yet, Love did not wish to flee quickly. There was so much to do. But as the clouds darkened, Love realised it was time to leave. Alas, there were no boats to spare. Love looked around with hope.

    Just then Prosperity passed by in a luxurious boat. Love shouted, “Prosperity, could you please take me in your boat?”

    “No,” replied Prosperity, “my boat is full of precious possessions, gold and silver. There is no place for you.”

    A little later Vanity came by in a beautiful boat. Again Love shouted, “Could you help me, Vanity? I am stranded and need a lift. Please take me with you.”

    Vanity responded haughtily, “No, I cannot take you with me. My boat will get soiled with your muddy feet.”

    Sorrow passed by after some time. Again, Love asked for help. But it was to no avail. “No, I cannot take you with me. I am so sad. I want to be by myself.”

    When Happiness passed by a few minutes later, Love again called for help. But Happiness was so happy that it did not look around, hardly concerned about anyone.

    Love was growing restless and dejected. Just then somebody called out, “Come Love, I will take you with me.” Love did not know who was being so magnanimous, but jumped on to the boat, greatly relieved that she would reach a safe place.

    On getting off the boat, Love met Knowledge. Puzzled, Love inquired, “Knowledge, do you know who so generously gave me a lift just when no one else wished to help?”

    Knowledge smiled, “Oh, that was Time.”

    “And why would Time stop to pick me and take me to safety?” Love wondered.

    Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and replied, “Because only Time knows your true greatness and what you are capable of. Only Love can bring peace and great happiness in this world.”

    “The important message is that when we are prosperous, we overlook love. When we feel important, we forget love. Even in happiness and sorrow we forget love. Only with time do we realize the importance of love. Why wait that long? Why not make love a part of your life today?”