God, I’m Trusting You To Fight My Battles When I Can’t

This is why am trusting you to fight my battles my Lord God.

Some days I’m strong and capable of fighting my own battles. The battles in my head. The battles in my heart. The small battles I fight every day between the moment I wake up till the moment I fall asleep but some days I just can’t lift a finger, some days I can’t even find my sword and some days I forget what it takes to fight. I forget what I need to do to believe again.

So on these days. I’m trusting you.
I’m trusting you to fight the battles I can no longer fight, to finish these battles for me, to help ease the pain of fighting all alone. I’m trusting you to protect me from the things I’m not prepared for and shield me from the unpleasant surprises of life and people.

I’m trusting you to protect my heart when it’s tired, confused and broken. I’m trusting you to give my heart a break and open a door that leads to happiness. I’m trusting you to detach my heart from all the battles it’s going to lose. I’m trusting you to win this time. I’m giving all my power to you.

I’m trusting you to send me good people in my life — guardian angels who will heal my broken heart and help me trust again. People who will help me heal. People who will not destroy me.

I’m trusting you to bring the right people into my life because I’ve only been picking people who hurt me, people who betray me and people who leave me alone as soon as I’m on the battlefield.

I’m trusting you because I can’t fight anymore. Alone or with people. I’m trusting you because I don’t even know how to pick my battles anymore and I am exhausted . I’m drained. I’m tired of trying to prove people wrong. I’m tired of making the wrong decisions. I’m tired of the same vicious cycle that I keep finding myself in. I’m tired of the same ending.

I’m trusting you because I thought I could do it on my own and I thought I had the tools to win the war but now I don’t know if I can use them wisely. I don’t know if my mind is clear enough to think of a strategy. I don’t know if my heart can take any more stabs. I’m running out of band-aids to cover all these wounds.

I’m trusting you because at the end of the day, I know you’re the only one who can help me. You’re the only one I trust by my side. Everyone else is flakey. Everyone else is weak. Everyone else is just as lost and confused. And you always know. You always have the answers. You always have the key. You can turn any disappointment, any loss, any mess into something wonderful.

You can turn everything around. You are my victory and I am counting on you to fight the rest of my battles because I can’t anymore.

This is where I stop. This is where I put all my faith in you and ask you to fix all the broken pieces. To transform everything I’ve ruined. To heal every place that hurts. To grant me the wishes I’ve been praying for.

I’m trusting you to fight my battles because this is what I should have done a long time ago instead of depending on anyone other than you, including myself.

We all have battles we fight everyday of our lives. If not for the grace of God, am sure a lot of people would have gone astray or even commit suicide in the process. God I put my trust in you each day of my life. Thanking you for what you have done and what you will still do.

Guest post from Rania Naim

10 Things That Happen When You’re Fighting A Battle No One Knows About

1. You feel all alone even in a big group. You feel disconnected from everyone around you, you can be talking and having great conversations but still feel like no one really gets you or understands what you’re trying to say. You’re more likely to listen than talk because it’s easier this way.

2. People will give you all sorts of labels. They’ll call you ‘moody’ or ‘unpredictable’ or
‘distant,’ but that’s mainly because some days are better than others and no one really knows what’s happening inside you.

3. Talking about it no longer makes you feel better. You talked to your friends, your family and maybe your therapist about it but it’s still a challenge to explain what you’re going through. Sometimes even the wisest person won’t understand what’s happening to you until it happens to them.

4. You’re tired of pretending you’re okay. You’re tired of saying there is nothing wrong with you when there is, you’re tired of having to lie to people about what’s going on and you’re tired of pretending to be strong and smiling when all you want to do is cry. You wish you could just let everyone know what’s wrong with you so they can leave you alone but you also know that it’s not possible.

5. You’re more guarded. You’re not as open and friendly as you used to be. You’re cautious with everything because you don’t want anyone to make your battles worse. People mistake you for being aloof when the truth is you’re just trying to protect yourself.

6. You’re easily disappointed. When you’re fighting a battle no one knows about, the smallest thing can put a damper on your mood and trigger negative emotions. You’re easily hurt by the slightest remarks or even jokes just to give yourself the right to get mad at something.

7. Your mind is perplexed. You’re easily distracted, you’re forgetful and you always feel like there is just not enough hours in the day to do everything you’ve been wanting to do. You’re always stressed out and you’re always anxious — even in your
sleep.

8. You crave isolation. You think the more you participate in real life, the more you screw up. You feel like you need a vacation, somewhere far away — away from people and away from the noise to piece yourself together again.

9. You keep praying but you’re losing hope. You keep praying for things to get better, for things to change but part of you feels like that’s something that will stay with you because you don’t know how to shake it off and you don’t know if anyone can help you with it.

10. You know you’re the only one who can help yourself but you’re still trying to figure out
how.

Source: Rania Naim

Photo credit: Pinterest