Video: 13 Steps To Rebuild Unpleasant Reactions into Peaceful Responses

Life is full of people, situations and things that will trigger you.

No one else is like you. You have your unique perspective and your unique expression.

Life is not designed for us all to be the same, with the same values, views, opinions, thoughts, feelings and actions.

It is natural to anticipate that there will be PLENTY of external experiences that will trigger you as they push hard up against what you believe to be “right” and “good”.

In these situations, there is nothing at all wrong with the experience, there is also nothing wrong with the trigger that has pushed your buttons, and furthermore there is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do.

Having said that, you are FULLY responsible for how you react to life whenever you are triggered by something that doesn’t align to what you believe to be “right” and “good”.

Most people live in a constant cycle of painful reactions to such experiences. Someone says something you don’t like, and BOOM… you painfully react like a volcano erupting. Someone does something you don’t like, and you allow your ego to judge them, and to make yourself righteous, and to look upon the situation and person with distaste. You may not even say anything, but the look on your face could be enough to express your pain and displeasure.

So, you have a choice. Your life is one long timeline of choices. Your choices define the quality of your life experience, and flow into your outcomes for your health, emotional wellbeing, psychological wellbeing, and overall energy vibration (which has a massive impact on your life results professionally, interpersonally, financially, and so on).

Here are 13 simple steps to practise for instantly transforming your pattern of painful reactions to people, situations and things that trigger you, into peaceful responses that serve you and move you forward powerfully.

Credit: Bernadette Logue

Life Coach

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The Skill Of Not Reacting to Negative People – in 3 Simple Steps

Every day we wake up ready to go into the world, looking to experience our optimal type of day.

We want peace and happiness. We want productivity and success. We want rewards and fulfillment.

And we plan as best we can to create that type of day we want.

We can create the right mindset and energy before stepping into the world.

We can take focused action toward the results we want.

We can choose where to go, who to be with and what to do.

These are all things we can control.

But, there’s something we can’t control, and it can have a major impact on ALL the things we want to achieve and experience.

That something is OTHER PEOPLE!

Dealing with the Negativity of Others

We quickly learn in life that no matter how zen we choose to be, other people might cross our path and bring their negative energy into our zone.

We also very quickly learn that if we get upset about their negativity, if we buy into it, if we judge them, if we resist and say it “shouldn’t be this way” … then we end up suffering and in negativity with them!

So one of the best things we can learn on our personal growth journey is the ART OF NOT REACTING TO NEGATIVITY.

It’s an art form because it takes practice, and grace.

Our human nature tends to be that we drop down into negativity unless we consciously choose to keep ourselves up above it.

When someone brings their negative energy your way, here are the 2 important things to remember:

  1. It’s like fishing. They throw out the fishing line with negativity bait on a hook. Will you be the fish who isn’t aware and bites, taking the bait and ending up in a tug of war? Or will you be the wise fish who sees the bait and keeps on swimming past it?
  2. If you give your energy to negativity and negative people, you’re flushing it down the toilet. Your energy is so precious, and each day you only have a certain amount of that energy to give to the world. So you have to be super smart about what and who you give your precious energy to. If you give it to negativity, you can’t give it to your goals and dreams!

So, in order for us to experience the type of peaceful, happy, productive and successful day we want, we have to learn the art of not reacting to negativity if it crosses our path.

We get prepared in advanced, so we can masterfully deflect it.

The Art of Not Reacting to Negative People – 3 Simple Steps

Here’s a 3 step process to help you practice non-reaction…

1. See it Coming

You know what negativity looks and sounds like. So be present and aware for when it crosses your path. If you see it coming (like a baited hook dangling in the water!), you have a chance to stand back and breathe before biting! You can instead make a conscious choice not to engage with that negativity.

2. It’s Not About You

Always remind yourself that other people’s negativity is not about you. It’s a reflection of something that is going on inside their mind and emotional system, and it’s being projected around you or toward you.

Too often we get tangled up in other people’s negativity because our egos take it personally and react to their behavior or words. Rather – keep accurate perspective that someone who is being negative is just a fellow human being going through pain. It’s not about you.

3. Wish them Peace & Happiness

The quickest way to non-reaction and inner peace when you’re witnessing someone being negative around you or toward you, is to wish them peace and happiness.

This doesn’t mean saying out loud to their face, “I wish you peace and happiness”.

It’s a mantra you say inside yourself.

This is a practice of conscious and spirited living to say within your own mind and heart, “I wish them peace and happiness. I wish them peace and happiness. I wish them peace and happiness…”

I know you don’t want anyone on this planet to suffer, not you or any other person who crosses your path. And using this mantra helps you to sit in the energy of forgiveness, compassion and detachment.

Inspired by: Bernadette Logue

Life Coach

Dead Fish Or Smart Fish

This post was originally posted on The Daily Positive.

When you genuinely don’t know what to do or where to go, you are in a blessed position. It’s time to stop “trying hard” to figure it out, and instead start tuning into life around you. You are being guided. If your mind is still, your heart is open, and you are patient… the way will become clear.

There’s an old saying, “Only dead fish go with the flow”.

🌊🌊🐠🌊🌊

The meaning of this saying is pretty clear…

Fish swim with the current or against it, but they are always intentional and active, going somewhere.

If not, and they were simply going with the flow, they would be dead. I’m not sure if that is true, but we get the point.

Applying that to life as a human being, you might accidentally think that “going with the flow” means you are inactive, unintentional, directionless and not fully living.

Today let’s reflect on an alternative viewpoint to this – because mindfulness, conscious living, faith and spirituality all teaches us differently about the VALUE and PLACE of going with the flow at certain times of our life.

Let’s say there are 3 ways you could be living right now:

🐟 You’re a fish on a mission achieving your goals – you know what you want, you’re working on it, your life has a clear vision and you’re feeling good about that.

🐟 You’re a fish without clarity on what you want or where you’re going – as a result it’s a little challenging! But, you’re a smart fish, so you’ve decided to go with the flow of life as best you can, and you’re paying attention to your inner voice, to the energy of life around you, to opportunities and synchronicities – ready for guidance and direction to become clear in divine and order timing. You trust.

🐟 You’re a fish who has given up and you’ve stopped participating in life completely. You don’t know what you want or where to go, and you’ve closed your mind and heart. There is no interest in or presence to the incredible force of life and divinity all around you… so you’re highly unlikely to see any guidance when it comes knocking on your door.

Should you ever face a point in your life where your direction is unclear, this does not mean you have no direction.

It means you are in a blessed position for an exciting, new, divinely ordered unfolding to take place for you and through you.

It only requires that you be open and patient, and that you are ready to say YES to whatever intuitive nudges or signs might show up to guide you.

Success Depends Upon Maturity!

Hey guys, thanks for stopping by…

Maturity is many things. It is the ability to base a judgment on the big picture, the long haul.

It means being able to resist the urge for immediate gratification and opt for the course of action that will pay off later.

One of the characteristics of the young is “I want it now.”

Grown-up people can wait.

Maturity is perseverance–the ability to sweat out a project or a situation, in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks, and stick with it until it is finished.

The adult who is constantly changing friends and changing mates is immature. He/she cannot stick it out because he/she has not grown up.

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction. The mature person can face unpleasantness, frustration, discomfort and defeat without collapsing or complaining. He/she knows he cannot have everything his/her own way every time. He/she is able to defer to circumstances, to other people-and to time. He/she knows when to compromise and is not too proud to do so.

Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say, “I was wrong.” And, when he/she is right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, “I told you so.”

Maturity is the ability to live up to your responsibilities, and this means being dependable. It means keeping your word. Dependability is the hallmark of integrity. Do you mean what you say-and do you say what you mean? Unfortunately, the world is filled with people who cannot be counted on. When you need them most, they are among the missing. They never seem to come through in the clutches. They break promises and substitute alibis for performance. They show up late or not at all. They are confused and disorganized. Their lives are a chaotic maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that somehow never materialize. They are always a day late and a dollar short.

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. Immature people spend their lives exploring endless possibilities and then doing nothing. Action requires courage. Without courage, little is accomplished.

Maturity is the ability to harness your abilities and your energies and do more than is expected. The mature person refuses to settle for mediocrity. He/she would rather aim high and miss the mark than low-and make it.

Maturity is the art of living in peace with that which cannot be changed, the courage to change that which should be changed, no matter what it takes, and the wisdom to know the difference.

You Have Nothing To Prove

Everyone struggles with the need to impress people at some level. And much of the pressure, fear and stress we experience in our lives is caused by our need to impress others.

Can you imagine how free we would be if we just lived for God and didn’t worry about what others think about us? How wonderful would it be to know that you don’t have anything to prove and you’re satisfied being who God created you to be!

We need to know who we are in Christ, what we can do and what we can’t. We need to be humble about what we can do, and we need to accept and have peace about the things we can’t do. Too many people are proud of what they can do and bothered by what they can’t do.

I’ve discovered that there’s real freedom in being able to say, “I can’t do that. It’s not my gift or calling from God. I don’t believe God is leading me to do that.”

When we have this attitude, we’re not comparing ourselves or competing with others. And we’re not worried about living by the world’s standard, like having to wear what the fashion magazines say is “in” or having the “right” job or level of income to make us “important.”

Jesus knew who He was, where He came from and where He was going. Because He did, He could take off His garment, put on a servant’s towel, and wash the disciples’ feet. (See John 13:4-5.)

Living For God Means Freedom For Me

I want to glorify God whether I’m running errands, staying at home by myself or writing. I want my life to be all about God and focused on Him. When it is, I know what I can do and what I can’t, and I don’t have to be able to do it all. I’m secure in who I am in Christ and not threatened by others who can do things I can’t do. And I don’t have to know everything and have all the answers to be okay.

I’m also free to have limits and say no when I need to say no because it’s not about pleasing people but being obedient to God. And serving God makes me a better servant of others. I can really love people when I’m not thinking about myself or wondering about what they’re thinking about me.

You don’t have to be like everybody else or do things like everybody else. God created you to be a unique individual and He wants you to be free to be who He made you to be. Keep your heart and mind on Him, and whatever you do, do it for Him.

A life of freedom is a life that’s all about Him!

The Greatest Gift Is Love

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them.

She said, “I don’t think i know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat”.

“Is the man of the house home?”, they asked.

“No”, she said. “He’s out.”

“Then we cannot come in”, they replied. In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

“Go tell them i am home and invite them in!” The woman went out and invited the men in. “We do not go into a house together,” they replied.

“why is that?” she wanted to know. One of the old men explained: “His name is wealth, “he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, “He is Success, and I am Love”. Then he added, “Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home”.

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. “How nice!!”, he said. “Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!”

His wife disagreed. “My dear, why don’t we invite Success?”

Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: “Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!”

“Let us heed our daughter-in-law’s advice,” said the husband to his wife. “Go out and invite Love to be our guest.”

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, “Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest.” Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: “I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?”

The old men replied together: “If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would’ve stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!”

What an inspiring story.

In life we all wish and attain to be successful and wealthy. Leaving behind the most important thing which is Love. When we love one another in our; homes, office, friends and family and so on. We will experience a great difference in life.

Enjoy Life At Every Moment

As some great men have said “My riches consist not in extent of my possessions but in the fewness of my wants”.

Let me share a conversation between a businessman and a fisherman.

Once a fisherman was sitting near seashore, under the shadow of a tree smoking his beedi. Suddenly a rich businessman passing by approached him and enquired as to why he was sitting under a tree smoking and not working. To this the poor fisherman replied that he had caught enough fishes for the day.

Hearing this the rich man got angry and said: Why don’t you catch more fishes instead of sitting in shadow wasting your time?

Fisherman asked: What would I do by catching more fishes?

Businessman: You could catch more fishes, sell them and earn more money, and buy a bigger boat.

Fisherman: What would I do then?

Businessman: You could go fishing in deep waters and catch even more fishes and earn even more money.

Fisherman: What would I do then?

Businessman: You could buy many boats and employ many people to work for you and earn even more money.

Fisherman: What would I do then?

Businessman: You could become a rich businessman like me.

Fisherman: What would I do then?

Businessman: You could then enjoy your life peacefully.

Fisherman: Isn’t that what I am doing now?

Moral – You don’t need to wait for tomorrow to be happy and enjoy your life. You don’t even need to be more rich, more powerful to enjoy life. LIFE is at this moment, enjoy it fully.

Trust God and Step Out In Faith. Embrace change!!!

Screwed up like a ball
Protected by a covering
Afraid to share at all
Wound up by fear of change
A person can survive
Sitting on the outside
Looking at the beauty
Of what He’s doing today.

What’s the use of change
It only brings you problems
I’m perfect as I am
I do my best by Him
But there is something more
A loving kind of future
If only I would trust
And let dear Jesus in.

Oh peel away these layers
These chains that are my jailer
Let me open out
Into the flower that I am
The joy that lives within
Is buried deep inside me
Someone notice me
And help me live again.

Let me feel the power
A deluge of the water
Cleansing deep inside
Removing all my pain
Take away the fear
The thought of being foolish
Here, have all of me
I cannot stay the same.

Walk today in faith and have expect a change you never expected.

Prayer For The Beginning Of The Month

Today 01-09-2018.

Expect;

  • A fresh outpouring in your life
  • Pleasant surprises you never expected before
  • New job and income
  • Someone will be celebrating God for providing a brand new house
  • Someone will be dancing and giving thanks for a brand new car
  • Barreness is no more, as you carry your child this new month
  • Wisdom and Knowledge will flow you all through the days of your life
  • Every weapon of the enemy fashion against you will never prosper
  • You will overcome and be victorious through Christ Jesus
  • You will possess your possession this new month.

So I pray and shall come to pass in your life in Jesus wonderful name have prayed. Amen!

Happy New Month guys

Be Content About Your Life

Wonder if any of you ever had the feeling that life is bad, real bad and you wish you were in another situation? Do you find that life seems to make things difficult for you, work sucks, life sucks, everything seems to go wrong?

It was not until some few months back that I totally changed my views about life; after a conversation with one of my friends.

He told me despite taking 2 jobs, and bringing back barely above N60,000 per month, he is happy as he is. I wonder how he can be as happy as he is now, considering that he has to skimp his life with the low pay to support a pair of old-age parents, in-laws, wife, a child and the many bills of a household.

He explained that it was through one incident that he saw in an Indian movie. Movies sometimes have a lot to contribute to our daily lives.

It happened a few months ago when he was really feeling low at home watching an Indian movie after a major setback. He said that right in front of his very eyes on the screen, an Indian mother chopped off her child’s right hand with a chopper. The helplessness in the mother’s eyes, the scream of the pain from the innocent 4 years old child haunted him until today. You may ask why did the mother do so, has the child been naughty, was the child’s hand infected??

No, it was done for two simple words — to beg. The desperate mother deliberately caused the child to be handicapped so that the child can go out to the streets to beg. I cannot accept how this could happen, but it really did in the movie. And am sure this happens just in another part of the world which I don’t see.

Taken a back by the scene, the boy dropped a small piece of bread he was eating half-way. And almost instantly, flock of 5 or 6 children swamp towards this small piece of bread which was then covered with sand, robbing of bits from one another. The natural reaction of hunger. Striken by the happenings, a tourist who was in India enjoying himself, saw the incident and instructed his guide to drive him to the nearest bakery. He arrived at two bakeries and bought every single loaf of bread he found in the bakeries.

The owner is dumb-folded, but willing, sold everything. He spent less than $100 to obtain about 400 loaf of bread (this is less than $0.25/per loaf) and spend another $100 to get daily necessities. Off he went in the truck full of bread into the streets. As he distributed the bread and necessities to the children (mostly handicapped) and a few adults, he received cheers and bows from these unfortunate. For the first time in life he wondered how people can give up their dignity for a loaf of bread which cost less than $0.25. He began to ask himself how fortunate he is as a Singaporean. How fortunate to be able to have a complete body, have a job, have a family, have the chance to complain what food is nice what isn’t, have the chance to be clothed, have the many things that these people in front of him are deprived of…

Now I begin to think and feel it too. Was my life really that bad?

Perhaps….no… it should not be bad at all….

What about you? Maybe the next time you think you are, think about the child who lost one hand to beg on the streets.

Smart Goals

If you ask most people what is their one major objective in life, they would probably give you a vague answer, such as, “I want to be successful, be happy, make a good living,” and that is it.

They are all wishes and none of them are clear goals. I learnt on planning my goals smart by these methods.
Goals must be SMART:
1. S–specific. For example, “I want to lose weight.” This is wishful thinking. It becomes a goal when I pin myself down to “I will lose 10 pounds in 90 days.”
2. M–must be measurable. If we cannot measure it, we cannot accomplish it. Measurement is a way of monitoring our progress.
3. A–must be achievable. Achievable means that it should be out of reach enough to be challenging but it should not be out of sight, otherwise it becomes disheartening.
4. R–realistic. A person who wants to lose 50 pounds in~30 days is being unrealistic.
5. T–time-bound. There should be a starting date and a finishing date.