Getting Sucked Into Comparing Yourself To Societies Norms

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Have you ever observed people or yourself feeling taunted by social norms?

I’ve noticed the history of this for myself, spanning back to childhood, and I’ve noticed it time and time again for others I encounter in my work, where people have fallen into the hole of comparing themselves to others and comparing themselves to socially accepted norms and measures of ‘success’. Granted, it’s a pretty darn big hole, so actually it’s not that hard to fall into! When I’ve witnessed this Comparison Conundrum as I like to call it, it’s like hearing a cry echoing from deep within the hole, which sounds a bit like this:

  • Everyone else is married now, and I’m not. Something’s wrong.
  • Everyone else is buying houses now, I guess I should too.
  • I’ve got this job but it’s not really a career like other people have.
  • They’ve found their passion, I still don’t know what mine is.
  • I’m falling behind.
  • I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
  • I want to ‘switch lanes’ in life but I don’t want to go backwards. It’s too risky.
  • They are successful and did it that way; I should do it that way too.
  • They are thinner/more attractive/more fashionable/more successful/braver/stronger than me. I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough.
  • I’m not capable like them, I guess I’m just not destined to have a life like them.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This hole is so easy to fall into because often we’re invited into the hole, with our mind reinforcing that we’re falling behind via negative thoughts, supported by well meaning people telling us that we should do this and that. So of course we’d then end up in the hole when everything points that way. Our mind reinforces what we see and hear, telling us it is true and if only we could figure out what we need to be and do in order to be like everyone else, then everything would be fine, right?

Except, you’re not everyone else. You’re you. No one is like you. No one. You make your own decisions about what you need and want, and when it feels good to you. If you want a house right now, buy one. If you don’t, don’t. If you want to travel, travel. If you want a big career, have it. If you want to do volunteer work, do it. If you want to be single, be single. If you want kids, have them. If you don’t, don’t. Do what feels good to you, not what others tell you that you should feel good about. And when I say others, I primarily include in that all the advertising, all the propaganda and all the mass media messaging we see day to day that conditions us in a way that we don’t even consciously realise. Start listening to the one thing you can trust – your soul. Your soul is your true self, below any rampant negative thoughts that are leading you astray.

And you might say, “I can’t hear my soul. I don’t know what it’s telling me!”

To which I would suggest that you be still and quiet as often as possible. Listen without fear to what rises up from within you. You do know what you want and need. You do know what makes you feel good. And, let your signals guide you home.

Listening to the advice of others, proffered from their own paradigm, will never triumph over your inner knowing and divine guidance.

  • Do you compare yourself to others?
  • Do you compare your situation and status to that of others?
  • What prompts you to do that?
  • How does that make you feel?

If you’re feeling sad, alone, disconnected, lacking, not enough or plain old exhausted from it, then give it up. Chose to let it go and be open to exploring who you are and what is important and meaningful to the real you – that is, the you below any negative thoughts, any conditioning and any fear. We all have negative thoughts, we have all been conditioned and we all have fear. If you are alive, then you have experienced all of this, it is impossible not to. But now you are awake, and you have the choice to either be defined by these things, or to break free.

Being someone you are not, in an attempt to live up to social norms, means that signals will eventually intervene to help you. As Marianne Williamson says, “The universe is self organising and self correcting”. If you are not aligned to who you really are, your true self, the natural order of the world in which we live will eventually assist you to see this. Intervening signals are not always pleasant, but they are signposts to help us head in a new, better, healthier, more beneficial direction. When things in your life ‘turn to custard’, it could well be because you are not in your flow, you might have accidentally swam into someone else’s flow. So, get out of their river and get in your own

Here is my final word on this subject, and when I say it to you, know that whatever I write is really a message to myself as much as it is to you. For in saying it to you I am reminding us both:

  • NEVER compare yourself to others. EVER.
  • NEVER try to be someone else. EVER.
  • You were born extraordinary and unique.
  • Any time you compare yourself to others, trying to be something else or like someone else, you deny the beautiful individuality that you were gifted when your soul chose to come into this life.

Create your own norms in life. The norms of society have no bearing on you unless you choose them. At all times, be yourself. There is nothing more magical, perfect and beautiful than you being you.

Credit Source:  BERNADETTE LOGUE

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How to Overcome Frustration: 3 Simple but Effective Steps

Collage shot of stressful dark skinned male, shocked pinup girl, blonde adorable woman blows cheek, cheerful beard male plugs ears, funny man in spectacles, express different emotions, pose indoor

Frustration. It winds you up and can take so much out of you.

Because it not only sucks energy but also distracts you and can steal quite a bit of time.

So what can you do?

Well, sometimes that frustration can actually be positive and can give you a new idea or angle on things. Or it can give you the power to keep going just a little bit more until you reach your goal.


But when you start going in circles, when the frustration just makes you mad or your mind foggy and the day is starting to slip through your fingers then there are steps you can take.

High Five Sports Bar GIF by Originals


There are ways to turn such a state of mind or day around.

Into something better. Into something more helpful. And into something that will make you feel better again.

Step 1: Be here now.

When you are frustrated then you are often somewhere in the future in your mind. Somewhere you wish you would be. Or you are reliving a stumble or failure from your past.
Snap out of those headspaces and calm down by focusing your mind and attention on what is now, right here at this moment.
You can do so by for example:
Focusing on your breathing. Sit down, close your eyes and just focus on the air going and out of your nose for 1-2 minutes. Take calm and slightly deeper breaths than usual and breathe with your belly and not your chest.
Focus on what is around you at this time. The sun shining in through your window. The kids playing out in the street and the cars and people going by.

The smells and feeling of the clothes and warmth of the sun on your skin. Do this for 1-2 minutes to get your attention back to the present moment.

Step 2: Appreciate what you do have.

After you have pulled your attention back to where it can be most helpful focus it on what is still positive in your life.

The quickest and easiest way to do so is to focus it on appreciating what you do have.

A favorite of mine during this step is the important things we may sometimes take for granted. Like for instance:

  • A warm home and a roof over your head.
  • Plenty of drinkable water.
  • Not having to go hungry.
  • Access to the internet (and perhaps
  • your own place to express yourself ).
  • Your friends and family.

Spend a few minutes on this and you’ll find much to be grateful for.

Step 3: Focus on what you can do right now.

With your attention in the present moment and your mood a more grateful and positive one it is now time to get constructive about what frustrates you.

You can do that by asking yourself:
What is one small step I can take right now to improve this situation?

It may be to see what you can learn from what frustrates you and to try another path towards your goal.

Or it could be to try one more time and to keep going (because not all things in life will come to you the first, second or third time you try).

Or it could be you simply realizing that you may have taken on a bit much lately or things have been tough and that you need to take this evening or a few days to just relax, take care of yourself and perhaps simplify a bit.

So that you can recharge and then get back into moving towards what you want out of your life in a more focused way.

Bonus Tips

Make note of your triggers and see what you can do about them.

What triggers your frustration?

Is it when your partner doesn’t take out the trash as you had agreed? Or when you’re not making progress as fast you like with your career or hobby? Or when your phone’s interrupting your work all too often?

Whatever it might be, first ask yourself:
What can I do to prevent this trigger in the first place?

For example, put your phone in silent mode or airplane mode and then get back to people during 1-3 scheduled times throughout your workday.

If you can’t prevent it then ask yourself:
What can I do to reduce the frustration caused by this trigger?

For instance, if you get frustrated with delays or waiting time while on your daily commute then ask your friends or google for answers for how others handle this common issue.

You may discover that one helpful solution is an audio book or podcast to listen to divert your attention and to get something good out of the situation while you’re waiting.

Remember: you’re human (and so is everyone else).

Perfectionism towards yourself or others does most often lead to plenty of frustration and disappointment. So set your standards both for others and yourself at a human level rather than at perfection.

Accept that sometimes you will make mistakes, have setbacks and not reach your goals when you’d like to. And so will people around you too.

Source Credit: HENRIK EDBERG

Interview With Ex- Beauty Queen And Super Model: Joyce Ngozi Chidebe

Am so privilege to have the opportunity of interviewing an Ex- Nigerian Beauty Queen, a super model, and a friend over the weekend.

Guys, join me as I welcome Joyce Ngozi Chidebe

1. Tell us a bit about your background, school, and Where were you born?

I am the 3rd child in a family of 7. Was born in Lagos state. I attended both primary and high school in Lagos state, and my university (UNIBEN) in Edo state.

2. How was life growing up?
Growing up was something!
I grew up in a 3 bedroom apartment that had a cacophony of people in it because my parents never turned a blind eye to a person in need.
You have accommodation problem, there’s always a couch/bed for you to sleep in.
No food, there is always a plate for you.
The pro of that was that I understood people’s suffering from a really young age and it taught me humility.
The con on the other hand is I am a very quiet/private person so the inability to quiet the noise and have an alone time irked me.
In all it helped shape me into who I am today: strong, grounded and disciplined.

Me: that’s so kind of you guys.. Both 😂😂😂

3. At what age in your life did you decide you wanted to go into modelling?
I decided to go into modeling when I was 17 years old.

4. How did you cope with running your daily activities and modelling?
I always say the best way to live is to make sure there is a sync or balance in the things you do. My daily activities and modeling is very much inter woven so there is never a clash.

5. Is being a supermodel a burden or a blessing or a bit of both?
It’s been an absolute blessing. I’ve met amazing people, achieve feats that were just imaginations before now and also been able to give me financial freedom.
6. What’s the weirdest thing your fans has ever told you?
“You are my role model” it was overwhelmingly but highly flattering/appreciated. It was like a bitter sweet feeling because here I am trying to constantly improve myself and with that comes self criticism so it was absolutely amazing to hear that someone appreciate the work I am doing.
7. Your self confident is so bold, do you sometimes have the fear of the unknown?

Absolutely! I believe a person without is a person without dreams. Confidence/courage isn’t the lack of fear but the ability to look at your fear and with a sweating palm/racing heart hold on to it so tight that even the universe will help you make those dreams come true!

8. Which other professional are you looking to work with or have something coming out with?
Fashion designing, animation, interior design and architecture.

9. If you had a chance to work with one person in the world, who would it be?

This is difficult question to answer as I have a long list of people I would love to work with in every field I am interested in. It ranges from Namoi Campbell, Coco Rocha, Edward Enninful, Karl Lagerfeld, rElon musk, Richard Branson, Meryl Streep, Mia jocovich, Emma Stone, Johnny Deep, Chimamanda Adiche and much more.

10. What are your top 3 points in your note or pad that you always reflect on?
Is it weird to say I don’t have a go to note pad cos I actually don’t.
11. You were MBGN 2012 runner up and also West Africa Beauty Queen runner up. How has life treated you after the beauty pageant?

Beauty pageantry was a beautiful stepping stone for me. It help me dream even more, made me push more and it has help me drive myself in the direction I currently am right now.

12. What advice would you give to aspiring young models?
Things are not going to be given to you, you have to work for it. Show up for your casting, be prompt and have a “can do” energy. A lot of no’s might be thrown at you but shake it of, keep pushing and give them a reason to say yes. Believe me when I say it’s quite worth it.

13. Please advice the unmotivated and non inspired people around the world today on why they shouldn’t give up but keep trying. Please explain???
Life is tough, I truly do understand that but putting too much thoughts to your problems won’t solve it. So just like a tough exam in school, solve the easy problems: that would give you an energy/mental boost. That way you have a few more things to be grateful for and helps you look at the tougher problems with more of a positive light. Don’t rush but also dont be lazy, a steady pace will keep you balanced and help you enjoy the small miracles on your way to your big picture.

14. What’s next for Joyce?
I am busy dreaming with my eyes wide open.

We all from Motivated and Free Blog appreciate you for sparing us a bit of your time because we know you are a very busy lady. We wish you the best in all your endeavours.

Thank you.

Not In Vain

What I once thought an exhausting wrestling match
I now see as God’s loving embrace,
I once thought it was I holding on for dear life
I now see I am held by God’s grace.

For so many years I’ve cried torrents of tears
And thought they were poured out in vain,
But God stored each one up in a bottle
And used anguish of soul for great gain.

So please dear Christian don’t give up
Even when things seem hopeless and dark,
For Christ can set the whole world ablaze,
With a smoldering wick and one spark.

True Health And Wealth

Some invest in stocks and bonds
Others stockpile real estate,
Some tie their fortunes to this fleeting world
Along with their lives and fate.

Some squirrel and horde earthly wealth
Clinging to it with all their might,
Some can’t get it off their troubled minds
And worry about it all through the night.

Some scheme, some dream and others steal
In an effort to get further ahead,
Some hope to land the ultimate deal
Or inherit wealth from the dead.

Some think that just a little more
Would cure all earthly woes,
“Cash is king” the masses sing
As the well worn saying goes.

But the wealthiest Man to ever live
Had no earthly home nor a bed,
He had no comfortable nest like the birds
To rest His weary head.

His accountant was an acknowledged thief
A tax collector part of His band,
He had no money in His moneybag
While He spoke of a heavenly land.

He preached that you can’t serve two masters
You must choose between God or wealth,
One leads to spiritual atrophy
The other to spiritual health.

He preached that the truest blessing
Was to givers not those who receive,
That His Father had beautiful mansions above
If we trust Him, love Him, believe
Jesus the Father’s beloved Son,
Who made all that we can and can’t see,
Laid down His life and His glory
To make us rich for eternity.

So if you’re burned out on the treadmill of life
Chasing after mirages that fade,
Turn your eyes to Calvary’s cross,
And thank Christ for the price that He paid.

Admit That You Are Not Perfect

One thing you should know about life is that nobody is perfect. You must learn to say to remain flexible is, “I made a mistake. ” It is amazing how much time, energy, and money is wasted because some people’s egos are so large that they will not admit they have made a mistake, even one that is obvious to everyone around them.

Once you say, “I was wrong” or “I made a mistake, ” the issue is largely over. From then on, everybody can get on with resolving the problem or achieving the goal. But as long as a key person is unwilling to admit that he or she has taken the wrong course, everything comes to a stop.

We have seen this repeatedly in national politics where the failure of a single person to admit a mistake or blunder has led to tremendous waste of time and energy for everyone involved and often for the entire nation.

Photo credit: Pinterest

Identify Your Major Worries

depression, teen depression, pain, suffering, tunnel.

The flip side of the above questions is this: What are my three biggest worries or concerns in life right now? What bothers you, worries you, concerns you, and preoccupies you in your day-to-day life? What aggravates or irritates you? What is robbing you of happiness, more than anything else? As a friend of mine often asks, “Where does it hurt?”

Once you have identified your biggest problems, worries, or concerns, ask yourself,

  • What are the ideal solutions to each of these problems?
  • How could i eliminate these problems or worries immediately?
  • What is the fastest and most direct way to solve each problem?

Make Your Goals Personal This Year

Realize what you really want. It stops you from chasing butterflies and puts you to work digging gold – William Moulton Marsden

Clarity is the word for goals setting and in success in general. There is a direct relationship between the level of clarity you have about who you are and what you want and virtually everything you accomplish in life.

Paper plane shadow concept

For your desire to be intense enough, your goals must be purely personal. They must be goals that you choose for yourself rather than goals that someone else wants for you or that you want to achieve to please someone in your life. In goal setting, for the process to be effective you must be perfectly selfish about what you really want for yourself.

This doesn’t mean that you cannot do things for other people either at home or at work. This simply means that in setting goals for your life, you start with yourself and work forward.

You Will Never Always Be Motivated, So You Must Learn To Be Disciplined

Hi guys, thanks for dropping by.

I congratulate you again for making it into 2019. We will accomplish greatness this year. But it won’t just come like that, we have to be disciplined to be motivated to accomplish every goal written for this year.

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Don’t limit yourself this year, try and break the boiling point
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Make sure whatever you want to become in life as a person, you need to be persistent and be ready for any hurdles along the way because challenges will surely come. So be ready to take charge and follow the right path
motivational you can do it GIF
If you dream whatever you want to do, you can surely put it into action and make it a reality
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Don’t just dream it, work on it
king of queens running GIF by TV Land
You can do it

Have a wonderful day.

What Are You Grateful For This Year

This year is such a blessing for me. God truly answers prayers, He never fails.

Am grateful to God for the gift of life and saving me from death traps during my traveling.

Am thankful and grateful to God for my family and friends that stood by me this year.

Am grateful to God for Good Health and sound mind.

Am grateful to God this year, allowing me to marry my best friend and Queen this year.

Am grateful to God for providing for my needs.

Am thankful and grateful to all of you reading my blog, and my community members. You guys are my professional colleagues. Thank you for everything have learnt from you guys this year.

Am grateful for the word of God. A-side the persecutitof Christians around the world, the gospel is still spreading very fast.

Am grateful for my country Nigeria. With the difficulties and economic downfall. God still kept us moving and alive.

Am grateful for my place of work and the favour and protection God gave to me.

We all have something to be grateful for this year. If you don’t have anything, just look at the way you breathing and alive. If you feel you asked God for something and you didn’t get it. Don’t fret and be dissapointed, God will surprise you in 2019 in Jesus name.

I love you guys, see you in 2019

Happy New Year in advance…

Perform At Your Best

The moment that you begin walking, talking, and behaving in ways that are consistent with your highest ideals, your self- image improves, your self- esteem increases, and you feel happier about yourself and your world.

For example, whenever you are coplomented or praised by another person or given a prize or an award for accomplishment, your self- esteem goes up, sometimes dramatically. You feel happy about yourself. You feel that your whole life is in harmony and that you are living congruent with your highest ideals. You feel successful and valuable.

Your aim should be to deliberately and systematically create the circumstances that raise your self- esteem in everthing you do. You should live your life as of you were already the outstanding person you intend to be sometime in the future.

Your Past Is Not Your Future

wake up success GIF by Interstellardesignz

Many people had difficult experiences growing up. They fell on hard times and became associated with the wrong people. I am a perfect example of this, after giving up on writing different exams to enter the university, I was miserable at home. It led me to different bad kinds of stuff like following the wrong set of people, I stole, and was very rude and disrespect my mum.

Anyways let us go on with the main reason for this post.

Some people were convicted for their crimes after behaving in ways that were illegal or socially unacceptable. Thank God I wasn’t…

They thought seriously about the kind of person they wanted to be known as, and thought of, in the future. They decided to change their lives by changing the values that they lived by. By making these decisions and sticking to them, they changed their lives. And what others have done, you can do as well.

Remember: It doesn’t matter where you’re coming from; all that really matters is where you’re going.

If you were an outstanding person in every respect, how would you behave toward others? What sort of impression would you leave on others after you had met them and spoken with them? Imagine you could be a completely excellent person. How would you be different from who you are today?

Please drop your comment and contribution to this post.

Have a blessed day!

Make A Difference In 2019

what are your goals GIF by The Hills

You have goals for your 2019 which is just in a few days. Have different goals for your blog, family, work, social and community involvement and contribution as well. What kind of difference would you like to make in this world next year? What organizations, causes, needs, or social problems would you like to work on or in? What changes would you like to see? Who is there who is less fortunate than you that you would like to help?

If you were independently wealthy, what causes would you support? Most of all, what could you do today to begin making a difference in the world? Don’t wait until some future date when everything will b ideal. Instead, start today in some way.

happy new years eve GIF by Matthew Butler

Am happy to say welcome to 2019 guys because am already in 2019.

Determine Your Heart’s Desire

Beauty happy girl with Valentine gift box.In his book “The Importance of Discovering Your Hearts Desire”, Emmet Fox wrote What is your heart’s desire? What is it that, deep down in your heart, more than anything else, you would like to be, have, or do in life? A s a friend of mine asks, “What do you want to be famous for?”

What words would you like people to use to describe you when you are not there? When you gone, what will you like people to say at your funeral? How would you want your family, friends, and children to remember you? How would you like people to talk to them about you?

What kind of a reputation do you have today? What kind of a reputation would you like to have sometime in the future? What would you have to begin doing today in order to create the kind of reputation that you desire?