Dealing with Grief and Finding Hope

Nobody wants to die but want to go to heaven.
Death is inevitable. But death─ sudden or expected─ always brings sorrow and grief to the ones who are left behind. However, life still marches on. It is hard, but we must remember that as humans we have an immense ability to cope with anything that life brings. Although we all have different levels of coping abilities, there are several basic and universal steps to dealing with grief and finding hope again…

Allow The Feelings To Flow: Losing someone you love will conjure all unimaginable emotions within you, sorrow, regret, guilt, pain, grief, heartbreaks, misery, anger, sadness and many more. Feeling these emotions all at once can be extremely difficult. It is quite normal, so let them flow. You do not need to suppress them. Cry all you want. With time and allowing grief to be released, it will become less painful. It is an important process that will help you in dealing with grief and accepting your loss.

Talk About It When You Can: Talking about the death of your loved ones can be a way of remembering them and can help you understand what happened. It will give you the opportunity to start the healing process. Denying the death of a loved one can result in isolation and you pushing away your family and friends.

Find A Support System: Coping with a loved one’s death is never easy; especially if you are dealing with it alone. You need support coming from your family and friends so that you can find comfort and overcome grief faster. Moreover, while your family and friends can be your greatest source of support for overcoming the death of someone, but it is also advisable that you take advice from professional people when you find all the emotions and pain too hard to handle. Psychologists give professional advice and develop strategies according to your needs to get you through the grieving process.

Understand The Grieving Process: Dealing with grief and bereavement is a process. It is quite important to allow yourself to experience every stage of the grieving process for you to completely heal. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief in her book titled “On Death and Dying.” These stages are not necessarily experienced in order and some stages can be revisited. These five stages are:

  • Denial: Dealing with death can be overwhelming. It is an incomprehensible experience and you can find it hard to believe that your loved one is gone. You continue to deny that it is not happening and there is no way that your loved one left you.
  • Anger: As you realize the reality of your situation you begin to feel angry. Your anger or fury might be directed to your loved one for leaving you, to the doctors for not doing their job and healing your loved one, to God who took your loved one or even to yourself for maybe not being a better person to your loved one. All of this is quite normal and will pass.
  • Bargaining: It is quite common for an individual to start bargaining or negotiating with a higher power, like God. Do not be surprised or think that you are crazy when you start making deals with God like: “I will be better, just please give him back to me.”
  • Depression: The sorrow and overwhelming sadness you feel after the death of a loved one is normal. It is common to feel that your life will never be the same again. This feeling does not last forever and will pass with time.
  • Acceptance: This stage does not necessarily mean that you accept or come to terms that your loved one is already dead. It does not mean that if you are already at this stage, you will not revisit the other stages above. But rather, it means that the pain and grief of losing someone you love will reduce and become more manageable.

Celebrate Life: You need to mourn the death of your loved ones, but there comes a time when you need to turn from the mourning toward a new stage, of celebrating life again. Understanding that death is inevitable and that we will all die someday will give you an opportunity to live your life to the fullest. Remember that your life does not stop when someone you love passes away. Ask yourself this: “Would he or she be happy seeing me like this forever because they passed?” Cry as much as you need to, but know that your family and friends are still there for you, ready to walk forward and to live life fully with you now. Celebrate the fact that you are living.

Preserve Precious Memories: Someone so special to you might be gone but their memories stay. Keep all photographs, things he or she gave you, or create a memorial like planting a tree to remember your loved one. This will help you keep all the memories you shared together and overcome your loss.

Final Thoughts: It always feels so unfair when someone you love passes away, but that does not mean you have to stop living. God created us, human beings, to be strong and to survive anything. So, grieve as much as you need to, and remember you will be able to stand up and smile again. After all, your loved ones may not have stayed with you, but the memories you have with them will forever stay in your heart.

I can testify to each and every point stated here. I don’t know about you but if you have anyone facing the difficulty of not passing through grief and lack hope. Please share this with them.

Have a blessed day!!!

By: Brian Zeng

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    Positive Thinking Versus Positive Knowing

    Many people today talk about the importance of “positive thinking.” Positive thinking is important, But It is not enough. Left undetected and uncontrolled, positive thinking can quickly degenerate into positive wishing and positive hoping.

    Instead of serving as an energy force for inspiration and higher achievement, positive thinking can become little.more than a generally cheerful attitude towards life and whatever happens to you, positive or negative.

    To be focused and effective in goal attainment, positive thinking must translate into “Positive knowing.” You must absolutely know and believe in the depths of your being that you are going to be successful at achieving a particular goal. You must proceed completely without doubt. You must be so resolute and determined, so convinced of you ultimate success, that nothing can stop you.

    Practice Makes Permanent

    Good to be back!

    You can begin the process of developing courage and eliminating fear by engaging in actions consistent with the behaviours of courage and self- confidence. Anything that you practice over and over eventually becomes a new habit. You develop courage by behaving courageously whenever courage is called for.

    Here are some of the activities you can practice to develop the habit of courage. The first and perhaps most important kind of courage is the courage to begin, to launch, to step out in faith. This is the courage to try something new or different, to move out of your comfort zone with no guarantee of success.

    Tips: Dealing With Perfectionism

    You already know if you’re a perfectionist.

    It’s likely to be a word you use to describe yourself.

    A part of you might enjoy the fact you are a perfectionist, as in many ways it seems to support your success. You never let things slip. You only produce the absolute best quality in anything you do. You have a reputation for excellence. And when things are perfect, you feel great!

    But, if you’re a perfectionist, you also know that you don’t always get things done in a timely way, as you spend A LOT of time making sure things are perfect before you proceed. You also know that you find it stressful when things in your personal or professional life are not the way you think it should be. And while you know your high standards lead to some success, you also know that you’re holding yourself back from achieving greater goals.

    In proactively dealing with perfectionism it doesn’t mean you have to let go of your standards. It just means loosening up the reigns a little bit, giving yourself more room to be human!

    Here are 9 practical little tips you can use to ease up and allow yourself to breathe, to be, to play with life, while still achieving great results and feeling good about yourself and what you do.

    Source: Daily Positive

    You Got This!!!

    According to Bernadatte Logue…

    You are unbreakable, unstoppable and unbelievably powerful. In all situations, remember… YOU GOT THIS!

    Do you ever have days where you wish you could take a break from being an adult?

    You know… there’s actually a thing called “Adulting” (being an adult)…

    The practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.”
    “To carry out one or more of the duties and responsibilities expected of fully developed individuals.”

    No wonder we want to get off that treadmill sometimes! ???????????? I know I do!

    Don’t get my wrong… life is A-MA-ZING. But let’s keep it real… it is also freaking hard sometimes too!

    So for those days when you’re not feeling up to this whole “Adulting” thing, I want you to remember…

    YOU GOT THIS!

    • Even on the days you would rather crawl under your bed cover.
    • Even on the days when there are too many tasks to do and not enough time.
    • Even on the days when you boss is being unreasonable.
    • Even on the days when everyone is at you wanting something.
    • Even on the days when your body feels exhausted.
    • Even on the days when you have no idea what you’re meant to be doing, and you’re trying to look like you do!

    One if the major reasons why I love to read, research and post on my blog platform is because I got the opportunity to spread good news and contribute to someone’s life daily.

    I want to appreciate Bernadette for her continuous work and writings that inspires me to also be amongst the team of life coaches.

    Ways to Replace Temptation with Self Control

    Surfing the internet this morning, I couldn’t help but share this write up from daily positives.

    Overall, I would consider myself a fairly controlled person. Yet when it comes to men, food, and social drinking – sayonara! As much fun as it might be at the time, the regret of: “Man, I told myself I would be in control this time” that comes later is not a good feeling.

    Sound familiar?

    Saying you want one thing and doing the complete opposite can create a lot of unnecessary chaos in life.

    Not only does being impulsive throw off our equilibrium, but it also takes away from our broader personal goals.

    When it comes down to avoiding what’s good for us or making decisions we will regret later, it’s a matter of exercising self control and learning how to BUILD that muscle.

    Yet, this tends to be easier said than done and requires a conscious, mindful effort.

    Here are 5 simple ways to practice more self control during the moments that tempt you most. Pick at least 2 you can use right now, practice them for 7 days, and see what a difference it makes!

    1. Be Honest About Your Temptations

    The first step is being truthful with yourselfabout what your temptations are, so you know how to manage them in the future.

    What situations, without fail, always leave you saying, “I wish I didn’t do that”?

    For example, if you know you can’t have chips in the house without finishing the entire bag upon opening them, deciding not to buy them in the first place is a good starting point. Recognizing the temptations lets you help prevent them before you’ve gone too deep.

    2. Quit Cold Turkey

    While we want to believe we are strong enough to overcome temptation when faced with it (or at least try to), avoiding the temptation altogether is the only guarantee for doing so.

    Living in extremes can require quitting in extremes.

    Try a 30-day alcohol free month, social media detox challenge, or cut off communication from a toxic relationship.

    3. Recognize Your Long-Term Goals & Tie the Present Moment to Them

    When avoiding your temptation triggers may not be an option, consider your long-term goals before engaging in a potential regretful activity.

    Living for short-term gratification can seem harmless, but has the ability to negatively impact your aspirations down the line.

    Make sure that a Wednesday night Happy Hour is really worth the lost productivity at work the next day!

    4. Get an Accountability Partner

    Having an accountability partner (or group) is a great way to stay on track for any goal, and becoming more self-disciplined is no exception.

    It’s always easier to assess a situation and see clearly when you’re not directly in it.

    So the next time you’re feeling tempted, call a friend for encouragement and reminders to help you choose positively, wisely and in alignment with your goal/s.

    5. Listen to & Trust the “Good” Shoulder Angel

    We all have the little voice that tells us not to do something, and the one that tells us to do it anyway.

    Impulsiveness is often engaging in something that goes against our better judgment, and against our values.

    So the next time you feel conflicted, stop and make a deliberate choice to do the opposite of what you might want to do. Over time, this will become second nature.

    Ultimately, every choice in life has a consequence. It is rewarding to engage in decisions that bring you closer to the person you want to be (the person you really are deep down!).

    After awhile, you’ll be able to appreciate the peace which comes from aligning what you say you want with your actions. You will live from a place of equilibrium.

    Credit: Ashley David

    There Is No Hurry. Really?

    In all labour there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Proverbs 14:23

    Procastination the thief of time

    Charles Seindoll introduced him thus: A formidable giant, quick as a laser, silent as a moonbeam, very slick and can pick any lock. Once inside, His winsome ways will captivate your attention such that you world treat him as your best friend; but watch out, he is a professional thief. He will strip you without a blink of remorse. His name is Procrastination.

    He specializes in stealing priceless valuables of time and incentives and leaving cheap substitutes in their place like excuses, rationalizations, empty promises, embarrassment and guilt.

    The greatest weapon of this con-artist is not a bold face instruction of don’t do it but a subtle suggestion of there’s no hurry and with this, he hardly loses. He can outtalk any student when it comes to homework. He can outthink any executive when it comes to correspondence. He can out work any housemaker when it comes to doing dishes. He can outlast any parent when it comes to discipline.

    Why not purpose to defeat this thief of time now. Surprisingly, as powerful and cunning this guy is, he cannot stand one word. NOW! It immediately sends him fleeing in frustration each time you say it and muster discipline to mean it. For starters, today, why not list two projects you’ve put off previously and get one done as we begin this new month.

    Enjoy Grace!

    Never put till tomorrow what you can do today.

    Ways To Stop Worrying About How Your Life Looks And Start Focusing On How It Feels

    Ways To Stop Worrying About How Your Life Looks And Start Focusing On How It Feels

    1. Count how many times you’ve really been happy after you got something you thought you wanted. What happened after you got the relationship you were lusting after? What happened after you got that job? What happened when you made more money? Chances are, things were different, but proportionately good and bad.

    2. Make a list of all the imperfect people you’ve known in your life who have had love. Who have had romantic partners and best friends and jobs you could only ever dream of. Make a list of all the people who are conventionally unattractive and spiritually adrift and imperfect and all the things each one of them had despite being that way. Make it your own personal proof that you do not need to be perfect to be good enough.

    3. Ask yourself what you’d do if social media were no object, and nobody would know. What would you do this Saturday, what would you do tonight? What would your career goals be, how many photos would you really take? Who would you hang out with, where would you live, if you weren’t silently policing yourself through the lens of “what other people see.”

    4. Ask yourself what you’d do if money were no object, and you could do anything. This is a classic exercise that many people dismiss because of how impractical it is. Unfortunately, those people aren’t thinking deeply enough to understand the real point. It’s not to discover what you’d actually do if you didn’t have to worry about money (that’s not our reality) it’s about the essence of what you’d do, and how you can incorporate that into your everyday life. Would you vacation, would you keep your current job? It just goes to show you whether you value relaxation or accomplishments or whatever else, and understanding what you value is crucial to understanding who you are.

    5. Take photos to remember happy moments, not prove that you looked good or did something cool. Make a special album on your phone just for “happy moments.” When you feel good or are enjoying yourself or have some kind of revelation, just take a photo of whatever’s in front of you (however unworthy of Instagram it is.) When you look back at these seemingly random snapshots, you’ll experience those feelings all over again. You’ll see, by contrast, the emotional difference between capturing the moments that matter to you and creating moments to matter for other people.

    6. Identify the “people” you always think are judging you. You know how people always say that? “People are judging me.” “I’m worried about what people will think.” Most of the time, those “people” are a faceless crowd that only exist in your mind. In other words, they’re you, projected outward. It’s what you’re judging yourself for. The first step is realizing that the “people” you worry about don’t really exist.

    7. Think about what makes you feel the most jealous. The things that make us the most jealous and envious are usually the things that we feel we’re not living up to within ourselves. We’re jealous of the beautiful girl not because we want to be beautiful like her, but because we’re lacking something so much more important, which is love for ourselves. We’re jealous of the successful writer not because we also want to be lauded, but because we know we’re not doing the work to get there.

    8. Don’t clean before someone comes over. Save for people who, you know, aren’t hygienic, don’t worry about setting up a stage when someone else visits. I’m not talking about straightening up or putting personal items away, but actually trying to construct an appearance that is the physical equivalent of bleach blonde hair dye. Let people into your life in a true way. Let them enter a moment in your life, just as it’s happening. It’s the only way you truly bond.

    9. Re-think how you celebrate the most important days of the year. Most people do it with relatives they see only on holidays, who they don’t have genuine relationships with otherwise, and who they are vaguely unhappy to have to see. These days are meant to be spent treating the people who love you all year round to parties and meals and gifts. Not the people who you feel morally obligated (but emotionally repressed) into stomaching.

    10. Get rid of things that aren’t purposeful or meaningful. The reason why this is so important is because things are defining, especially when we buy them with the intention of making us “different.” Our things construct our experiences. They create what we see and by extension how we feel. They are the means through which we put ourselves together each day. It’s not about having as little as possible, it’s about having only things that serve purpose or hold meaning. Do it. It will transform your life. (And that’s no small claim to make.)

    11. Ask yourself: “If I knew nobody would judge me, what would I stand for?” What do you inherently agree with, once you’re past all the self-imposed social filters? People think being conscious of their hidden thoughts and feelings and prejudices = being unaware and ignorant, but the opposite is true. It’s being unaware that’s a problem.

    12. Ask yourself: “If I could tell every single person in the world just one thing, one sentence, what would it be?” Would you say: “it’s going to be okay?” “Don’t worry so much?” “Seek the best in others?” “Follow me on Twitter?” What you think you’d want to say to everyone out there is actually a projection of what you most need to hear. That’s what you most want to tell you.

    13. Decide that to be worthy of something is just to be grateful to have it. You choose what your self-esteem is measured by. You decide what your worth is based on. You decide whether or not you’re good enough for something, and because that is the case, decide that the people who are worthy of what they have are the ones who are grateful to have it. Nothing more, nothing less.

    14. Realize that you are not only as accomplished as you are over your biggest hurdle. You’re not only as “good” as you are “perfect,” you’re not only as “good” as you are better than someone else, either. In the words of Oprah (who else?) you can have everything, just not at the same time. Be grateful for this: it means you have the opportunity to appreciate what’s in front of you, and you always have something else to work toward and look forward to.

    15. Assume that all things are for the best. When people care most about how their lives look is when they’re most closed to how their lives feel. When they’re most closed to how their lives feel is when they don’t want to feel pain. Being truly at peace requires realizing that everything is for the best: everything in your life does one of three things: shows you to yourself, heals a part of yourself, or lets you enjoy a part of yourself. If you adopt that perspective, there’s nothing left to fear.

    16. Ask yourself: “If the whole world were blind, how many people would I impress?” This Boonaa Mohammed quote has been making the rounds lately, but it’s always important. Truly imagine a life in which you could not see things. In which all that exists is how you feel, and how you make others feel. In this kind of world, what kind of person are you, and is it for those reasons that, perhaps, creating a life that looks good to earn other people’s love has supplemented having your own?

    Things God Wants You To Remember When Life Gets Rough

    Things God Wants You To Remember When Life Gets Rough

    1. He is listening. He is listening to your prayers, your fears, your pain and your silence. He is listening to what you are asking for and in time he will either give you what you were asking for or something much better.

    2. He is making you stronger. With every unanswered prayer, with every disappointment, with every hurdle, with every loss, he is making you stronger. He is giving you the strength you need so you can be strong for others. So you can be a strong mother, a strong father, a strong wife, a strong husband, a strong daughter, a strong son, and a strong friend.

    3. He has a better plan for you. He knows what’s better for you, he knows what you
    need not what you want . He is planning the perfect timing for your life. The timing of your love, the timing of your career, and the timing of your miracle.

    4. He will answer your questions. He will show you why you didn’t get that job, or why it didn’t work out with that person. He will show you why you lost a loved one, why he broke your heart or why he tested you so much. He will make things clear to you and you will thank him for it.

    5. He will heal you. He will heal your broken heart, he will ease your restless mind, and he will solve the mystery of your puzzled thoughts. He wants you to be patient but he will always fix you.

    6. He wants you to trust him. He wants you to have faith in him, he wants you to leave the big things – the uncontrollable things up to him, he wants you to believe in him, he wants you to go back to him when you think you have no one and he wants you to trust that he will provide for you when you lose everything. He will always rescue you before you drown.

    7. He wants you to know you’re never alone. He is always there with you; when you’re scared or confused, he is there with you. When you’re afraid of the dark, he is there with you. When you are crying late at night and you think no one can hear you, he can hear you. When you’ve given up on your life and on love and think you have no one, you have him. No matter where you are, he is always with you and he wants you to know that he is enough.

    8. He wants you to grow. He wants to you to change, he wants you to learn things the hard way, he wants you to evolve, he wants you step outside of your comfort zone, he wants you to lose your way so you can find him and find yourself. He wants you to be wise and strong and he wants you to prosper.

    9. He wants you to know he loves you. He loves you more than you know, he may be hard on you sometimes but he loves you, he may not give you everything you asked for but he loves you. No matter how many mistakes you’ve made or how many times you got angry with him, he still loves you, he forgives you and he is turning your life around. He doesn’t love you for your money or your looks or your status, he loves you for you. God loves you more in a moment than anyone could in a lifetime.

    10. He wants you to believe in miracles. He is bringing you small miracles so you can believe in the big miracles. In every dream of yours that come true, in every pleasant surprise you get, in every enlightening situation you encounter, in every person who moved you, in every person you loved – he’s making miracles happen. He’s a God of magic, wonder and hope and he wants you to believe that.

    Credit to one of my mentors Rania Naim

    The Free Gift In Hebrews

    Now the king was attracted to Esther more than to any of the women, and she won his favour and approval more than any of the other virgins. So he set a royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti. Esther 2:17

    Without Grace, Life would have been on analogue mode instead of digital. There would have been no basis for Christianity because it wouldn’t have been different from other religions. This Grace comes with the salvation brought to us through the death of Christ on the cross. The salvation through Christ offers us privileges before we ever think of working for any. This is exactly the coverage of the book of Hebrews. The good news of Grace! I’ve realized that not all free things are free. Whenever some freebies get to you, know that someone may have paid for it.

    Some people have become spiritually irresponsible because they think that Christ has done it all so there is no other price to pay. This is wrong since Grace does not stop you from being responsible for the things that pertain to your competence and character. The grave you have requires that you work out your salvation with fear and trembling. This Grace allows you labour in your area of competence and portrays you very efficient and well- priced. Therefore, live your life with this consciousness and be an example. Let your light so shine. Enjoy Grace this new month.

    Christ has paid the capital charges of salvation. Pay the service charge of living a life that points people back to him.

    Source: Daily Discoveries

    When God’s Timing Is Taking Too Long

    When God's Timing Is Taking Too Long

    We all want good things to happen in our lives, but too often we want it now…not later. When it doesn’t happen that way, we are tempted to ask, “When, God, when?” Most of us need to grow in the area of trusting God instead of focusing on the “when” question. If you’re missing joy and peace, you’re not trusting God. If your mind feels worn out all the time, you’re not trusting God.

    The tendency to want to know about everything that’s going on can be detrimental to your Christian walk. Sometimes knowing everything can be uncomfortable and can even hurt you. I spent a large part of my life being impatient, frustrated and disappointed because there were things I didn’t know. God had to teach me to leave things alone and quit feeling that I needed to know everything. I finally learned to trust the One who knows all things and accept that some questions may never be answered. We prove that we trust God when we refuse to worry.

    God wants us to live by discernment—revelation knowledge, not head knowledge. It’s difficult to exercise discernment if you’re always trying to figure everything out. But when you’re willing to say, “God, I can’t figure this out, so I’m going to trust You to give me revelation that will set me free,” then you can be comfortable in spite of not knowing. Trusting God often requires not knowing how God is going to accomplish what needs to be done and not knowing when He will do it. We often say God is never late, but generally He isn’t early either. Why? Because He uses times of waiting to stretch our faith in Him and to bring about change and growth in our lives.

    Photo credit: Pinterest

    Think About What You’re Thinking About

    The Bible presents a lot of detailed instruction on what kinds of things we should think about. Philippians 4:8 alone tells us to think about things that build us up, not tear us down. For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].

    If you’re a believer, you probably think some Scripture-based thoughts throughout each day, but think about this: Are you mixing them with negative thoughts or just any random thoughts that come into your mind?

    For most of my life, I simply thought whatever fell into my head. Much of what was in my head was either lies Satan was telling me or just plain nonsense. The devil was controlling my life because he was controlling my thoughts.

    In Mark 4:24 it says, And He said to them, be careful what you are hearing. The measure [of thought and study] you give [to the truth you hear] will be the measure [of virtue and knowledge] that comes back to you—and more [besides] will be given to you who hear.

    This scripture tells us the more time we spend thinking about the Word, the more power and ability we will have to walk in it. It also says the more we read and listen to the Word, the more revelation we will receive to understand it.

    In the flesh, we are lazy and want to receive from God without any effort on our own part, but that’s not the way it works. You will only get out of the Word what you are willing to put into it.

    I encourage you to make a decision to meditate on God’s Word every day because every moment you spend absorbing it, the more virtue and knowledge you will receive from God.

    Be Determined

    As God works through us, He encourages us to be steadfast, stable and determined to never give up. We need to make up our minds that we will never give up when facing opposition. We may not hit it right every time or the first time, but we shouldn’t quit.

    Have you ever been around people who have so much going for them, yet don’t do anything with their life? Then there are others who don’t have much at all going for them, and they end up doing great things. It’s really not about natural gifting and talent. It’s really about being determined to do something with what we do have.

    Remember, it’s not about what we don’t have; it’s about being determined to never, ever, ever give up.

    By Joyce Meyer