When You Start Showing Up Fully In Your Life, You Stop Caring About Who Might Be Better Than You

The way we see other people is often a reflection of how we see ourselves.
In fact, it is our most extreme reactions to other people that are often the most revealing. When we are intensely jealous of someone to the point of hatred, there is usually a reason. When we cannot stop comparing ourselves to someone else, there is usually a reason.

That reason is that there is something about them, or their lives, that we secretly aspire to have.

We might deny it, we might try to hide it, we might villainize them and victimize ourselves in order to feel better about it.

But in the end, when we are totally preoccupied about who is better than us, more attractive than us, more successful than us, or happier than us, it is always because there is a huge, gaping hole within us that we do not yet know how to fill.

We fill it with action.

We fill it by showing up.

We fill it by no longer neglecting our true desires and our deep needs.

We fill it by going after the life we really want.

We fill it by rising to the challenge, adapting to the competition, and becoming the absolute best version of ourselves.

Do you know what happens when you start showing up fully in your own life? You stop caring about who might be better than you.

When you think you look the best you possibly can, you stop caring that someone might look better. When you think you are doing the best you possibly can, you stop caring that someone might do better. When you think you are being the best you possibly can, you stop caring that someone might be better.

That insecurity almost always comes from our subconscious awareness that we are not doing all that we are capable of, and that person is. Instead of pointing out our own fault, we project it onto them, shaming, belittling, or trying to make them seem to be less than what they are.

This is not effective.

This does not do anything but make us seem petty and small.

Throwing shade at someone else’s light does not make you shine brighter, it only reveals the darkness within you.

The truth is that you don’t actually want to be better than other people, you just want to feel like you are enough, and you are never going to feel like you are enough if you aren’t showing up and trying to do what you truly want to do.

Worthiness is both something we are born with, and yet, something we must prove to ourselves over time. Nobody wakes up with profound confidence, it is something they build by getting out into the world and showing themselves that they are capable of what they desire.

The same is true here.

Someone else’s beauty does not make you less beautiful, someone else’s success does not make you less successful, someone else’s well being does not make you less healthy.

There is enough shine for everyone, there is enough success for everyone, there is enough goodness for everyone.

Instead of fighting to have someone else’s taken away, it’s time to start chasing your own.

When you really start showing up as the person you want to be, you’ll never again fear that you aren’t measuring up to someone else’s standard, because you’re measuring up to your own — and that’s all you really want anyway.

This is a guest post from Briana Weist.

True Motivational Stories: Brie Larson – #Captain Marvel | Be your own hero

Brie Larson Captain Marvel – A Motivational Story.

A story of Brie Larson Captain Marvel, Real motivational story for all girls around the world who ignore themselves and consider themselves inferior to others and thinks the situation and background are all that is stopping them. This story truly fills the strength in the spirit and inspire every girl and women.

Brie Larson thought she wasn’t pretty enough. Every night, Brie would lay awake listening to her mother’s sobs.

Seeing her parents fight terrified her.

When they finally split, Brie moved into a tiny apartment with her mom and sister. Brie would open her closet and see her only possessions… Two t-shirts and a single pair of jeans.

The family lived off nightly dinners of instant noodles, while her mother worked as a waitress.

Being homeschooled made Brie feel isolated from other children. So, she saw movies as a way to escape into a more glamorous world. Brie watched Gone with the Wind so many times the tape wore out, And she worked on perfecting her Scarlett O’Hara impression. But Brie was too terrified to let anyone see it and hid for years.

Her insecurities only grew as she got older. Each day she spent hours staring into the mirror, Obsessively trying to hide every last flaw.


Brie spent so much time preparing for the life she wasn’t actually living it. And knew she had to take a leap.
Becoming a superhero means saying goodbye to your old life, and becoming something greater than yourself. Brie knew this when she agreed to play Captain Marvel. When the trailer was first released, online trolls told brie to smile more.

But Brie shut them down in true superhero style:

“You can be strong in the ways you want to be. You can own who you are.”

She posted photoshopped faces of male superheroes with smiles on their faces. Finally becoming the hero she needed as a child, Brie gave girls the strength to be themselves. She endorsed #CaptainMarvel raising money for girls to see a female superhero on the big screen.

Despite the spotlight, Brie never forgot her humble roots. She refuses to splurge on clothes and shops at thrift stores when she can.

Brie reminds us that we are all capable of being our own hero, I think it’s always the moments that are trials that end up making you the hero in the end.

Be inspired!

Despite What People Say, Your Reputation Is Just As Important As Your Character

Hey guys!

As I was surfing the internet as always for inspiration, I stumbled on this piece that will blow your minds out. At first when I was reading through, it was as if everything was all about me. Am sure reading through also can relate to you too.

Conventional wisdom tells us that your character should matter more than your reputation. After all, one is who you really are, while the other is just what other people perceive you to be.

While there’s certainly virtue in knowing that no misperception of you can really impact the truth of who you are, it is a false notion to think that we don’t have to care what other people think about us.

However, we hear the opposite as a rally-cry all the time.

It doesn’t matter what other people think!

Except it does, because everything you want in life involves other people.

Now, small-minded people who are intent on disliking you for their own prejudiced reasons are not what we’re talking about. No, we’re not even talking about the people who dislike you for legitimate reasons.

Your reputation does matter as much as your character because the way people perceive you is who they imagine you to be, and who they imagine you to be determines how they will interact with you, what they offer you, whether or not they want to work with you, and whether or not they show up for you.

You cannot behave like a social pariah and then just fall back on the idea that it “doesn’t matter what other people think” because you’re a good person at heart.

All that goodness will be for nothing if you aren’t actively considering the opinions of others. No, not so they can weigh you down and stop you from pursuing your goals, but because when other people have a consensus about you, you’re typically the common denominator.

It matters what the people in your close circle think.

It matters what your partner thinks.

It matters what the people you love think.

If everyone in your life thinks you’re making a mistake, you might really need to take a moment to consider whether or not you might be. If everyone in your life is warning you about your new partner, you might need to take a moment to consider if perhaps they have a point. If everyone in your life seems to have the same problems with you, for the same reasons, in the same patterns, at the same frequencies, you might really need to take a moment and determine whether or not the world is just crazy and out to get you or if, perhaps, there’s also a pattern in your behaviour.

It’s easy to not care what other people think.

It’s convenient, actually.

It totally lets us off the hook, it allows us to validate our own motives and desires without any real consideration for those around us.

The work is not that we completely neglect our own needs and opinions in favour of other people’s.

The work is that we both advocate for and tend to our own needs, honour our own opinions, and still remain cognizant of how people are responding to us.

If you want to get anywhere in life, you have to be a reasonably likable person, or at the bare minimum, not impossible to work with, difficult to connect with, or challenging to love.

And to do that, we have to think about what other people are thinking. Not so their opinions of us can become our own, but so that their opinions of us can inform our own.

In all, I appreciate one of my mentors and excellent writer Brianna Weist for always coming through whenever I need a push in my life. Her piece of work is very deep and encouraging. Also it’s a privilege to always acknowledge your work on my page.

Celebrate Your Silent Milestones

You should also celebrate the things that aren’t as obvious, that are invisible to the eye. You should celebrate the fact that you’ve gone a few days without engaging with anyone toxic. That you’ve gone a few weeks without falling back into your bad habits. That you’ve gone a few months treating yourself with more kindness than in the past.

You should celebrate the fact that you’ve grown into a stronger person within the last few years. Your heart has reformed. Your personality has reshaped. You might not be able to see your progress, because it’s not something you can track the same way you can track the money in your bank account, but the results are hidden right there.

Take a second to think about how far you’ve come. Not in terms of your career or your love life. As a living, breathing human being. Throughout these last few years, you’ve grown more mature. More responsible. More accountable. More aware of your own feelings. You’re turning into a slightly better person each and every day, even if you aren’t able to see that yet.

When you’re feeling down about how far behind you feel, about how much you’re struggling to reach your dreams, you have to remember the material items you own and the external accomplishments you can brag about online aren’t the only signs of success.

Your silent milestones matter, too. They’re worth celebrating, even if you’re celebrating on your own. You might not be able to brag about them on social media, but it doesn’t matter if anyone else recognizes how much you’ve grown. All that matters is that you realize. That you see how much you’ve done. That you understand you aren’t a failure, you aren’t doing as poorly as you think, you aren’t actually a screwup.

Your silent milestones matters more than you realize.

The First Step To Self-Care Is Actually Giving A Shit About Yourself

Hey guys!I was amazed when I set my eyes on this write up. I have no other choice but to share it with you. It is a guest post from one of my role model and beautiful writer Holly Riordan 🙌🔥Please be patient when reading.

The first step to self-care is deciding you matter. You deserve to feel confident. You deserve to feel loved. You deserve to feel whole.

You have to stop telling yourself that it doesn’t matter what you do with your time because no one cares anyway. At the very least, you have to care. After all, you’re the only one who matters.

If other people aren’t paying attention to you, aren’t supporting you, aren’t loving you, that’s outside of your control. The only thing you can control is our own actions, your own thoughts, your own choices.

The first step to self-care is actually giving a shit. It’s deciding that you care about where your career is headed. You care about whether your friendships are stable. You care about what happens to your heart. You care about whether you get enough exercise that day, whether you eat enough that day, whether you take care of your hygiene that day. You care about yourself.

If you don’t care about yourself, if you continue to believe that you are worthless and aren’t going to make it so there’s no point in even trying, then you’re going to get caught in a self-destructive cycle. You’re never going to take a chance on yourself. You’re going to keep coming up with excuses to stay hidden inside your comfort zone. You’re never going to change.

It’s a pretty simple concept. If you don’t care about yourself, you’re not going to take good care of yourself. You’re going to stop trying. You’re going to let yourself waste away. And you cannot let that happen. You cannot forget your worth. You cannot treat yourself so unkindly.

Maybe you’re unable to love yourself right now because you’re distracted by your flaws. Or maybe you made a mistake you consider unforgivable and can’t stop thinking about the past. Or maybe you’re just in a toxic mindset right now.

If learning to love yourself sounds like too big of a leap from where you are right now, you can start by learning to give a shit about yourself.

You don’t have to love your body yet, but you should give a shit about keeping it clean and healthy. You don’t have to love your job yet, but you should give a shit about whether you’re doing the right thing at work. You don’t have to love your life yet, but you should give a shit about continuing it, strengthening it, bettering it.

It’s not going to be easy to change the way you think. It’s not going to be easy to suddenly start giving a shit about yourself after years of not caring at all — but it might be a little bit easier than suddenly loving yourself unconditionally.

Give a shit about whether you make healthy decisions that day.

Give a shit about whether you compliment yourself that day.

This is a guest post.

Enjoy your Life!

Life happens so fast these days. We are always on the move; we are always changing or working toward something new. The next big thing is always almost here or about to happen. We are so focused on getting where we want to be that we forget where we came from and we forget where we are in that moment. Most people would tell you that they are not happy with where they currently are. Why is this?

The world has always tried to sell this statement to the people within it: “Happiness is right around the corner.”

The truth is that happiness is not around the corner, the next thing to be excited about is what you are being sold. Happiness is temporary and based on your circumstances. Your circumstances change daily. This has become more and more troubling to me as we live in an increasingly unhappy world. The problem is not the world itself; the problem is that the people who follow Jesus are following this suite of unhappiness. We are called to be in the world, not part of it. (John 15:19)

More people would want to know Jesus and be saved if they saw genuine joy in the lives of those that call themselves believers. We are called to be different than the world. Even during difficult times in life, we are still called to be full of joy. James 1:2-3 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

1 Kings 4:29-34 speaks of how wise King Solomon was. Leaders from all around the world came to seek counsel from him. 1 Kings 4:29 says, “God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore.” Solomon says something that really sticks out to me in Ecclesiastes 3:12 “I perceived that there is nothing better for people than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live.”

In Solomon’s unmeasurable wisdom from God, he says that there is nothing better for people than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live. It seems so simple when you read it, but why aren’t we living it out?

Whatever it is that you are currently doing, stop for a minute! Refocus. Remember to enjoy your life! Your life is a gift from God. We were not created to be unhappy and unfulfilled in this life. God ultimately created us so that He could watch His creation do good works and be full of joy in the process. God created us to watch us be happy. Colossians 3:17 says, whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Have you ever thought of it that way before? God created you so He could enjoy you and for you to enjoy Him through your joyfulness in life. Today, give thanks in all things; be joyful on the journey of your life no matter what season you are in. Let God look down at His creation and see you enjoying what He has given you. Start enjoying your life today!

Source: BY

Which Do You Prefer: Working From Home or In The Office?

Hi guys!

So currently some countries have ease the ongoing lockdown that compulsorily made everyone stay at home for a long period of time. During this lockdown, a lot have been going down. Most of us discovered a talent or two, some new skills, and ideas.

Working from home

I for one have definitely found a new skill and idea on a project.

As we all know this pandemic will change a lot of things especially one that has to do with our daily bread or businesses.

The use of technology is on a top notch level at the moment. Because that is what is used to communicate with everyone: staffs, colleagues, fellow students, etc… Well I can speak for myself that working from home can be related to working smarter and faster. It will save a lot of time and money spent on transportation and feeding. But this is not for everyone, especially those who are not used to working from home. It can be exhausting, boring, and can make one lazy that results to sleeping.

Working from the office

Now the question is thrown to you guys. Which do you prefer, and also will you continue with your choice if you were given the chance?

In all, please be safe and mask up when you go out.

Have a wonderful day!

Learn Something New During This Lockdown

Hey guys!

I will dive straight through on the topic today. Hope you learning something new during this lockdown.

This is an opportunity for everyone of us to be creative in whatever area we find ourselves. It is not easy to be on a lockdown, the boredom alone can get people crazy. But it depends on those who know how to manage the situation.

Skills you can learn

  1. Cooking/ Baking
  2. Graphics design
  3. Photography
  4. Writing/ blogging
  5. Makeup
  6. Video Editing

And many more…

Whatever you want to do, you can do, don’t be idle.

In all, stay safe✌

How to Avoid Toxic Venting

This is a sponsored post.

Hello guys, been a while, trust you all doing well and staying safe. This too will pass very soon.Venting can be a healthy way to express frustration, but when it becomes toxic, it creates a cycle of negativity that’s hard to repair. Though it feels good to vent in the moment, toxic venting creates significant anger and resentment that is unhealthy for you and your relationships.

On the other hand, healthy venting helps you to heal and move forward. By reasoning things out with someone else, you gain clarity on what’s happening. Confiding in someone often lessens the pain because you feel supported. You avoid getting stuck in all that negativity.

What is Toxic Venting?

Toxic venting feels like an attack on someone’s character. Whether you are the one venting, or you’re listening to someone else do it, this communication makes the other person out to be “the bad guy.” This type of bad-mouthing becomes an intense form of gossip.

With toxic venting, the person gets fixated on the other person’s faults. There is no rationale, only targeted rage. Instead of feeling momentarily upset, the venting mimics contempt, which according to The Gottman Institute for Couples Therapy is the single best predictor of divorce.

Examples of contempt include:

  • Name-calling, put downs or criticisms that hit below the belt
  • Acting like the other person “is beneath you”, lazy or stupid
  • Making comparisons to another person or implying they don’t deserve you
  • A lack of accountability for your part in the situation

But toxic venting isn’t just about complaining. It’s telling the same story repeatedly from a victim’s point of view. This behavior fuels gossip and resentment which can make them difficult to give up. Unfortunately, some people feed off of a juicy story!

Those who learn this type of behavior as children, may rely on it a way to get attention. Listening to family tell negative stories makes an impact on how we view conflict. These negative stories become almost entertaining, but unfortunately, at someone else’s expense.

Primary Examples of Toxic Venting

  • Repeatedly criticizing someone’s character but rarely acknowledging their good qualities
  • Complaining about what others do but never admitting your own behavior
  • Implying that someone is less than, stupid or worthless in any way

Each time the person re-tells the negative story, the emotional intensity makes it harder to forgive and move forward. Over time, this can impact physical health and create stress-related illnesses.

Living in the negative story feels draining even though temporarily it gives us energy. Over time, people who are emotionally healthy become repelled by the behavior. Some may distance themselves as a way to avoid having to listen to it.

What is Healthy Venting?

When venting is healthy, the boundaries are clear; you are expressing frustration to get support and seek solutions. It’s not a free-for-all to say whatever you are thinking out loud. There are firm limits that don’t get crossed.

Healthy venting acknowledges frustration while not getting stuck in the feelings. When the person vents in a healthy way, their focus is to get relief, not to be right. The person can communicate what’s upsetting without blame or condemning the other person. While this may include some complaining, it’s not the primary focus. Healthy venting addresses what’s not working while brain storming solutions.

Tips for Healthy Venting

  • Reaching out to trusted friends to reason things out
  • Expressing yourself through “I” statements which keeps the focus on feelings
  • Acknowledging anger and other emotions without getting into character attacks
  • Writing in a journal to express yourself without being censored

Final Thoughts

When done constructively, healthy venting helps you recognize what needs to change in order to seek solutions. Making an effort to see things from the other person’s point of view tranforms the story. For instance, instead of getting increasingly upset, you start to empathize with the other person. You can hold two different points of view rather than being right.

Healthy venting provides a sense of emotional release and connection because you feel heard. Acknowledging your upset in a healthy way makes it possible to resolve issues without damaging the relationship. That way, everyone wins!

Source: Michelle Farris

Prayer Is The Motivation We Need Right Now

Dear Father,

Thank You that we get to be a part of Your global Church at this moment. Thank You for the opportunity to spread Your love and hope to a world living in darkness and despair.

Your Word says that if Your people humble themselves, turn away from wickedness, and call on Your name, that You will answer them and heal their land.

So we, Your people, are asking Your forgiveness for the times we’ve chosen not to love the people You put in front of us.

Allow this season to strengthen Your Church and to remind us of how much You love this hurting world.

Please heal our land and use us to meet the needs of others. Grow our faith as You grow Your global Church.

Come, Lord Jesus, and do what only You can do.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Let us spread Faith and not Fear.

Covid19: Motivating Yourself While Working From Home

Studies have shown that working from home can increase productivity; however, without proper checks & balances put in place, it can spiral into a lonely and weird feeling that might lead to a Lack of Motivation. Here are a few tips to motivate yourself and increase your productivity while working from home.

Have A Dedicated Workspace

Within your home, find your concentration zone and make use of it each time you intend to get some work done. As much as possible, avoid working on the bed, playroom, and the living room except you can prevent or control any distraction caused by people around you or your environment.

Wrong way to work from home.

Get Dressed Like A Professional

Since the mindset for work has been accustomed to a semi-professional dress code, being too casually dressed can hinder one’s brain from getting set for some serious task, so get out of those pyjamas right away!

Set Boundaries for Family and Friends

Depending on the set up of your home, friends and family are more likely to see you around more often. Make them understand that you are not on vacation and would be grateful if they left you to work at certain hours of the day. This also means that you should resist the urge to invite guests to your house during this period.

Create An Activity Schedule

Working from home demands concentration and dedication; therefore, you should create an activity plan or task schedule to help you remain organised and productive. Set up automated reminders for important tasks, online meetings, and deadlines; decide ahead how you’re going to proceed each workday.

Get The Right Tools and Facilities for The Job

Especially in Nigeria and some other developing countries, working from home requires certain facilities which you always enjoyed at your office, such as internet service and electricity supply. Endeavour to find out what quantity of data will be adequate for your work as well as what network works perfectly in your residence. Try to make the best use of times when you are supplied electricity by the power company and get an alternative source of electricity if you can afford it.

Adopt Apps To Control Your Social Media Usage Each Day

Social media interaction and entertainment has been a major distraction over the years, even at workplaces; working from home could further aggravate the distraction rate if it is not intentionally controlled. It is therefore important to research and invest in getting tools that can help you manage your time on those platforms. Moment; App-detox; Stay on Task; Break-free & Stay Focused are some of the most commonly used Apps for this purpose.

Avoid Procrastination

Do not give room for the postponement of any task that can be completed immediately. Do not derail from your daily schedule and avoid the urge to do house chores during your working hours; instead, schedule an appropriate time to get them done so that they don’t interfere with your work.

Take a Lunch and Walk Break

While working at home, time tends to move very quickly, especially when you aim at completing scheduled tasks. Indeed, you can sometimes forget to eat or change your sitting position for hours. Do not neglect the need to go on your usual lunch break like you would do if you were at the office; furthermore, take a few minutes to walk around, it helps you stretch your muscles and makes you feel refreshed. For every 55 minutes of work, you can indulge yourself in about 10-15 minutes of break to grab a cup of water or just get some fresh air.

Reward Yourself For Good Behavior and Concentration

For productivity sake, promise to give yourself a treat at the end of the day or after completing a strenuous task. When you feel satisfied with what you have achieved at the end of the day or week, put something together to reward your diligence and commitment.

Plan To Interact With Others At Specific Times

Staying at home to work can sometimes be mentally stressful and breed the feeling of loneliness; therefore, while practising self-isolation during this crucial period, endeavour to often interact with people living with or around you, just like you would with your colleagues at work.

Finally, working from home demands a lot of discipline and commitment on your part; however, you might not fully enjoy its benefits until you have been fully immersed in it. One last task which must not be overlooked while working from home is to Workout or Exercise regularly during the day. This helps your muscles to relax, improve your breathing, boost your immune system, focus your energy on what matters, and sometimes, inspire solutions to a task that has been proving difficult to solve.

In the midst of the virus outbreak, we are all advised to work from home, especially those who are career oriented. Let’s obey the rules as it will help stopping the spread of this pandemic virus.Be Safe!Source: Big Field Digital Ibadan Nigeria.

The Big Risk if You’re Seeking Approval from Other People

As human beings we crave acceptance and approval – to feel a sense of belonging and security.

It makes sense if you think about our primitive nature and history – the need to be in tribes/communities together, for safety and survival.

That seems to drive so many of us in modern life to go seeking approval and acceptance from others – be it our families, our friends, our work colleagues and employers.

Heck… we even go on social media and seek “likes” from complete strangers in order to get that sense of acceptance.

But here are the cold hard facts about living for the acceptance, approval or praise of others…

  • Yes, it feels good (we all like it!)
  • But, you can’t guarantee you’ll always get it.
  • And as long as you’re attached to the acceptance, approval and praise of others, you’re also equally attached to their judgment, criticism and rejection.

The powerful truth that I’ve personally learned over the years is this…

  • When people say nice things about me, that’s lovely and it’s just what they’re thinking and feeling in that moment. It has nothing to do with me. It’s none of my business. ????
  • When people say unkind things about me, that’s unpleasant and it’s just what they’re thinking and feeling in that moment. It has nothing to do with me. It’s none of my business. ????

If you live by the praise of others, you die by their criticism.

Everyone is simply projecting their inner experience into the outer world – be that positive or negative, be that praise or criticism. To live your life at peace and empowered here are 2 TIPS…

  • Don’t take things personally – even when it’s nice things (acknowledge the love the other person is expressing, and witness it with appreciation, but don’t attach to it like an umbilical cord!). ????
  • Don’t go looking for people to validate, approve, accept or praise you – GIVE IT TO YOURSELF. The only person’s opinion who truly matters is yours. From your own approval, the world is your oyster and you can enjoy the good and detach the bad, forever free to simply be.

To support you in breaking free of needing the validation and approval of other people, listen to this affirmations audio every day for 30 days. It will help to shift your mindset and energy away from that old pattern…

Lots of credit goes to Bernadette Logue for her brilliant piece to the world.

Why Rejection Doesn’t Scare Me Anymore

The word ‘rejection’ terrifies this generation because we assume it means that we failed or we’re not good enough. We assume it means that we can’t win the game or get what we want. We assume that it makes us look weak, bad and inadequate.

But the essence of life is change and adapting to the things we can’t control including the things that rejected us and the things we couldn’t get. It’s not a direct reflection of our own shortcomings but it’s just a natural part of life and it happens to everyone. And I mean EVERYONE.

But we never look at the other side of rejection, at the possibility that maybe we wanted something that wasn’t going to be right for us or we wanted someone who wasn’t going to treat us right. We never try to understand what rejection is trying to tell us. It’s trying to tell us that we’re knocking on the wrong door. We’re going the wrong way. We’re trying so hard for something that could cause us so much pain.

I always look back at the times I was rejected from something and how it always led me to something better. I look back at the times I thought someone was great or irreplaceable only to discover that they were not genuine or kind. Sometimes we don’t see the obvious truth because we’re fixated on the word ‘rejection’ and how we can literally do anything to avoid it, even if it means destroying ourselves and forgetting our worth. I eventually found something better and wondered why I can’t learn to embrace rejection and take it as an opportunity to grow.

You might not get the things you want but you will get the things you need. You might not get the person you love but you will end up with the person who adores you and shows you a different kind of love.

Why can’t we see the blessings in rejection? Why are we only looking for the instant gratification of the word ‘yes?’ Given that many times ‘yes’ broke our hearts too and left us with nothing.

We contradict ourselves because we keep saying that if something is meant for us, it will find us, yet we can’t seem to shake rejection off, we can’t stop it from crippling us when it comes to taking risks and loving ourselves.

Rejection is also fate telling us that some things are not meant for us and if they were, we wouldn’t have been rejected. Rejection is another word for redirection.

Rejection sucks by all means and no one likes the bitter taste of the word ‘no’ but it’s also preparing us for something bigger than what we wanted for ourselves. It teaches us that God’s plan will always be better than ours and sometimes that’s all the faith we need to get over the fear of rejection and actually learn how to embrace it.

Guest post from Rania Naim.
Originally posted on Thoughts Catalog.

Photo credit: Pinterest

7 Basics For Getting Your Life in Shape: Bruce Lee

If you haven’t been living under a rock for the last 30 years I’m pretty sure you know who Bruce Lee was. 😊

If you have, then you may be interested to know that Lee was a very famous martial artist and actor who sparked the first big interest of Chinese martial arts in the West in the 60’s and 70’s.

But besides being an awesome fighter and iconic figure Lee also had some very useful things to say about life.

Here are 7 of my favourite fundamentals from Bruce Lee.

1. What are you really thinking about today?

“As you think, so shall you become.”

Perhaps the most basic statement of how we work. Think about what you are thinking today. What do those thoughts say about you? About your life? And how well do they really match your plans for your life and your image of yourself?

It’s easy to forget about this simple statement in everyday life. It’s easy to be quite incongruent with what you think on an ordinary day compared to how you view yourself and your goals.

A simple external reminder such as a post-it with this quote can be helpful to keep you and your thoughts on the right track.

An brilliant and beautiful expansion on this thought can be found in James Allen’s “As a man thinketh”.

2. Simplify.

“It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”

If you want to improve your life then it’s tempting to want to add more. One problem with this may be that you don’t really have the time or energy to do more though. And so your efforts to improve become short-lived.

Adding more and more just creates more stress, worries and anxiety. Removing clutter and activities, tasks and thoughts that are not so important frees up time and energy for you to do more of what you really want to do. And as the clutter in your outer world decreases the clutter in your inner world also has a tendency to decrease.

This has the added benefit of making it easier to actually enjoy whatever you are doing even more while you are doing it.

Adding more thoughts and thinking things over for the 111th time may create a sense of security. It’s also a good way to procrastinate and to avoid taking that leap you know you should take. And the more you think, the harder it gets to act. Perhaps because you want to keep that comforting sense of security and avoid the risk of wrecking that feeling.

Thinking has its place. It can help you plan a somewhat realistic route to your goal and help you avoid future pitfalls. Overthinking is however just a habit that will help you waste a lot of time. It’s more useful to replace that habit with the habit of just doing it.

3. Learn about yourself in interactions.

“To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.”

The one person that is the hardest to get to really know may be yourself. Studying yourself while you are alone may result in some insights. But it’s also likely to produce a lot of made up thought loops and doubts in your mind.

A good way to really learn more about yourself is study yourself in interactions with other people. How people react and act in these interaction can over time teach you a lot. And what you think and how you react can perhaps teach you even more.

What you see, feel and hear in other people may be a reflection of you. The things you learn by thinking this way may not always be pleasant, but they can be enlightening. They help you to see yourself and also how you may be fooling yourself.

And these powerful insights can be very valuable for your personal growth. So, in interactions with others, try asking yourself: what is reflected?

4. Do not divide.

“Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.”

This is a very useful and powerful thought. It is also one that obviously is hard to live by. Why? I believe it’s because the ego loves to divide and find ways to “add more”� to itself. It want’s to feel better than someone else. Or more clever. Or prettier. Or cooler. Or wiser.

How can you overcome this way of thinking and feeling?

To me it seems to boil down to not identifying so much with your thoughts or feelings. That doesn’t mean that you stop thinking or feeling. It just means that you realize – and remember in your everyday life – that the thoughts and emotions are just things flowing through you.

You are not them though.

You are the consciousness observing them.

When you realize and remember this it enables you to control the thoughts and feelings instead of the other way around. It also enables you to not take your thoughts too seriously and actually laugh at them or ignore them when you feel that your ego is acting out. When you are not being so identified these things you become more inclined to include things, thoughts and people instead of excluding them.

This creates a lot of inner and outer freedom and stillness. Instead of fear, a need to divide your world and a search for conflicts.

To learn more about this I would recommend Eckhart Tolle’s books like “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth”.

5. Avoid a dependency on validation from others.

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.”

The ego wants to add because it thinks it’s not enough. One way of doing that is by craving validation from others. We want to feel smart, pretty, successful and so on. And the validation makes you feel good for a while. But soon you need a new fix.

And the problem with being dependent on validation from other people is that you let other people control how you feel. This creates a rollercoaster of emotion in your life.

To find more emotional stability and to take control of how you feel you need to get your validation from to a more consistent source. Yourself. You can replace the expectations and validation of others by setting your own expectations and by validating yourself.

And so you validate yourself by thinking about how awesome you are. You don’t sell yourself short. You appreciate how far you have come and the positive things you have done. You appreciate your own value in the world. You set goals and you achieve those goals. This builds confidence in yourself and in your abilities. These things will help you to build a habit of inner validation.

Now, showing off. Why do we do that? To get validation from others. However, this need for validation often shines through and that is why a thing like bragging seldom works. Instead of seeing the cool and successful person you are trying to project people just see the insecure and needy person looking for validation. And your bragging falls flat.

6. Be proactive.

“To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.”

It’s easy to get locked into a reactive mindset. You just follow along with whatever is happening. You do what the people around you do. You react to whatever is going on.

And so you get lost in your circumstances. This way of thinking doesn’t feel too good. You tend to feel powerless and like you are just drifting along.

A more useful and pleasurable way of living is to be proactive. As Bruce says: to create opportunities despite the circumstances around you. This feels better and provides better results (no matter if that with your blog or business, while dating or when it comes to your health). But on the other hand it’s also more difficult. It’s easier to just drift along in the reactive stream of life.

And if you want to be proactive then you may have to take the lead quite often. And that can be scary.

Still, living proactively is so much more rewarding and exciting.

7. Be you.

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”

Just being yourself is a hard thing to do. You may do it sometimes. And other times you may forget or fall back into old thought patterns. Or you may imitate someone else.

And that comes through too. And it may work.

But I believe that being the real you will work better. Because there the genuine you is shining through. Without incongruency, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness. It’s you to 100%. It’s you with not only your words but you with your voice tonality and body language – which some say is over 90% of communication – on the same wavelength as your words. It’s you coming through on all channels of communication.

So I’m not saying: “yeah man, you should just be yourself because it’s the right thing to do etc”.

I’m saying that I think being your authentic self – the one where you do little dividing, the one that needs little validation from others, the one where your ego is not running the show and trying to get something from someone – will give you better results and more satisfaction in your day to day life because you are in alignment with yourself.

And because people really like genuine and people really like authenticity.

Image credit: Pinterest

Source: Positivity Blog.

The Truth About Transforming Your Life Is That It Is Often Means Doing Less, Not More

The beginning of a self-transformation requires action, but the end of it requires something deeper, something harder, something you’ve probably never realized before.

While doing more will almost always generate results, there’s an untapped, life-changing magic in doing less.

Sometimes, your problems don’t come from what you’re not doing, they come from what you can’t stop doing.

To really change your life, you probably need to consume less. You probably need to learn to use what you have, to take a breath and stop yourself every time you think you need that one new perfect thing that will magically transform you into a new person.

You probably need to spend less. You probably need to reevaluate your patterns and behaviors and refocus on your long-term goals, prioritizing your future comfort over your immediate gratification.

You probably need to engage less, both with people who are not mentally mature and people whom do not have any intention of having a civil discourse with you. This is not because you can’t speak freely, but because having an exchange with someone whose intent is to fight you rather than connect with you will always be a losing situation.

You probably need to change less. When we start out on our healing journey, it’s about uprooting, replanting, and sprouting. But if you’re unhealed beneath the surface, you won’t be able to lay roots without wanting to rip them out again. Healing, you will find, is not about how many times you can start over, it is whether to not you can bloom.

You probably need to care less. When your mind is consumed with trying to master and perfect every single little thing in your life, you get overwhelmed and give up. Instead, you have to focus on the few things that are actually requiring your attention, and then build from there.

You probably need to do less. Not because you shouldn’t be productive, but because you only have so much energy in a day, and when you spend it on things you don’t really care much about, you find yourself constantly exhausted, drained and at your wit’s end.

You probably need to have fewer expectations. Often, we conflate that with having high standards, but they aren’t the same thing. Unrealistic expectations will slowly wreck you, because they require that you achieve perfection immediately. When your expectation is that you should be a natural-born master of whatever you try to do, it becomes really hard to show up and do the work consistently, which is what you actually have to do to achieve mastery.

You probably need to not try so hard. When you try to force people to like you, it usually has the opposite effect. When you try to convince yourself you’re attractive, you usually seem less so. When you are trying to force every outcome in your life, there’s usually a reason they aren’t coming together on their own.

You probably need to give fewer excuses. Not because you’re going to be unkind to yourself, but because the kindest thing you can possibly do is stop avoiding the honest truth about what’s wrong. You cannot keep trying to positive-self-talk your way into thinking you love your life when you do not. When we’re ready to make fewer justifications, it means we’re also ready to make greater change.

The truth about doing less is that it’s going to bring you into stillness. It is going to require you to face that discomfort you’ve been running from head-on.

The truth is that when we first realize we need to change our lives, it is easy to get swept away in the escape fantasy of it all. Everything has to go, and nothing can stay. There’s an addictive quality to starting over, and if you’re not careful, you can confuse it for actually healing.

Truly getting better is learning to be okay where you are, wherever you are. It is actually metabolizing that discomfort for once, listening to it, letting it show you where you are deeply misaligned.

It is to become grounded, to make positive decisions for the long-term, to start breaking those destructive habits that have been fueled by the pain you haven’t quite had a name for all these years.

It is to no longer be controlled by your feelings, but by your ambitions, by your dreams for the future.

When you go about changing your life, sometimes, the most radical shift of all is to do absolutely nothing — and wait for the sun to rise.

This is a guest post from Brianna Weist.