We have all been there – in a tough situation that leaves you questioning everything and feeling empty.
Know that you are not alone.
Know that you have the strength and courage to get through this one day at a time. Keep your thoughts positive and your heart open. Be present and grow through this difficult experience.
How To Get Up When You’ve Been Knocked Down
Give yourself time to grieve: This is an important first step. Allow yourself time to feel all the mixed real emotions. Anger, sadness, confusion, disappointment, you might be feeling all these at once or going through a rollercoaster of emotions daily. That’s ok! If you need a personal day to yourself: take it! If you want to watch Netflix and eat ice cream one night: do it! It’s all part of healing. Be in tune with what your body needs and if you need a break, take it. Some distraction is helpful to allow yourself time to relax and de-stress.
Keep yourself open: Don’t curl up into a ball and hide, instead reach out to a close friend or family member and lean on him or her. They will help you make positive choices and will help you get back on your feet. They can mentor you on how to handle the next steps and encourage you to stay positive during this difficult time. Keep yourself open and vulnerable – don’t let this one setback affect your whole heart.
Take some time to cool off and reflect: You have been knocked down and it feels personal. Take some time before you respond or react. Acting out of passion and anger might seem like a good idea at the moment, but will only hurt you more in the long run. If you keep dwelling on this setback, it will only haunt you. Take a walk, put on some music, work on something that makes you happy, and allow yourself to take a mental break.
Setbacks can be a blessing: If you reflect and learn from your mistakes they can only make you stronger. Take responsibility and grow through the failure. Keep a journal and write down how you are feeling and what you are learning. “When we tackle obstacles, we find hidden reserves of courage and resilience we did not know we had. And it is only when we are faced with failure do we realize that these resources were always there within us. We only need to find them and move on with our lives.” -A. P. J. Abdul Kalam
Moving on and letting go are both necessary in healing: Think about it – you need to let go in order to move on and you can’t move on without really letting go. It takes time and self-reflection to bounce back. Allow yourself that time. This setback may not be resolved overnight and, depending on the situation, it may never fully go away. Unfortunately, you might not get the closure you need or deserve, but by understanding the situation and rising above it, you can find peace. You will heal and in time the emotions will settle and you will move on. Maybe you’ll look back and realize what happened was the best thing for you.
Keep moving forward and always choose the high road!
What would you pursue if it was somehow guaranteed that you would be successful?
What’s stopping you from going after your dreams?
If you’re like most other people, the answer is probably fear: fear that you won’t be good enough, you’ll never have enough money, fear that your efforts won’t be rewarded, and the list goes on.
Succumbing to fear is like living with a bad mental cold: it will clog you up and stop you from living your best life. Nothing blocks creativity and potential more than fear.
As human beings, it’s in our nature to avoid anything that causes us to feel fear or discomfort. We take mental and physical “detours” all the time, re-routing ourselves so we don’t have to face fear, and we do this so automatically that it often happens on a subconscious level.
In our fast-paced culture, we are very used to getting what we want quickly and conveniently. This has conditioned us to be a little wimpy—sometimes a lot wimpy.
The truth is, we usually give up way too quickly.
No one is immune to this fear. Let me use myself as an example: I love art, but I haven’t picked up a paintbrush in months. Why? Because I’m scared of failing! It seems like everywhere I look, I see incredible speed drawers, amazingly detailed paintings, and “how to” art videos that make the artist look like they’re not struggling with the creative process whatsoever. Now, when I sit down to paint a picture, spend 3 hours on it, and still don’t feel like it’s all that great, I get frustrated, ashamed, and fearful. So, I stop…and the fear of “what if I never get better” sets in, paralyzing me and causing me to reach for the TV remote instead of picking up a paintbrush, because that way I won’t be reminded of the fact that I’m not as good of an artist as I want to be.
The Vital Mindset Shift to Progress Your Life
However, I have learned something that I know from experience helps a great deal when pushing myself to grow, and that is having a growth mindset.
If you’ve never heard of it, a growth mindset is basically the opposite of a “fixed” mindset.
Growth Mindset:Believing that greater effort yields greater results. You get good at something because you work hard. Or, in the words of Einstein…
It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer – Albert Einstein.
Fixed Mindset:Believing that if someone is better than you at something, it must mean they were “born that way,” and there’s really nothing you can do about it. A fixed mindset would have you believe that your success and skills are “capped,” and you have all the talents now that you ever will.
Note: this is ALWAYS false—don’t fall for it!
2 Reasons to Choose a Growth Mindset & Push Through Your Discomfort
When you have a growth mindset and push through your discomfort, a couple of things will happen:
You will realize that it’s not as hard as you thought. We over-dramatize things that we’re afraid of. Pushing through fear will help you realize that the fear of something is not nearly as bad as the thing itself. Of course, it still may be hard—maybe even very hard—but you’ll realize that you can take baby steps into progress, and baby steps aren’t so scary.
You will get more ideas. It’s good to work creatively under a broad range of emotions. Each emotion “flavors” your work. For instance, what would happen if you only cooked with one spice? It might still taste good, but it would only ever reflect that one flavor. If you cooked with a broad range of spices, however, you’d get a broad range of flavors. Even tough emotions, like fear, can help you achieve something new and interesting. You just have to work despite the fear!
The truth is, fear will always be a part of life. There are famous performers who still get nervous before going on stage every single time. But they keep doing it anyway, because it’s worth it, and even though the fear might not entirely go away, they get used to feeling it and pushing through despite it.
Think about what happens when you lift heavy weights. It’s tough, and it makes your arms sore. It’s not comfortable. But, if you do it everyday, you will get stronger, and it won’t be as uncomfortable. Does the weight get lighter? Nope. It remains just as heavy as it ever was.The changing factor is you getting stronger!
So, even though fear will always be a part of life, the more we deal with it, the stronger we will become.
The happiness you will get from pursuing your passion and charging through the fear will outweigh any discomfort by a landslide.
Plus, fear doesn’t last forever. It’s usually the initial feeling you get before launching yourself out of your comfort zone, but as you get stronger, you will see for yourself that you can do hard things.
The elder, To the lady chosen by God and to her children, whom I love in the truth —and not I only, but also all who know the truth — because of the truth, which lives in us and will be with us forever: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, will be with us in truth and love. It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as the Father commanded us. And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. (2 John 1:1-5 – NIV)
Repost, comment, and share. This video truly might save a life today.
The first time I met this woman of substance was back then at the university. She was a professional dancer and actor on stage. Now she’s a renowned relationship coach on Instagram. She is the spokesperson and owner of “relationship talk with abilight”.
She’s married and a mother of 3 beautiful children. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Mrs. Abigail Ajayi.
1. Tell us a bit about your background, school, and were you born?
My name is Abigail Ajayi, I am from the western part of Nigeria. I grew up in a family of 6. I had most of my education in Nigeria. I am an alumnus of the prestigious Redeemer’s University where I studied Theatre Arts. I am presently running my Master’s program in Paris, France.
2. How was life growing up?
I would say it was fun especially as the only daughter. You can imagine how it felt growing up among 3 soldiers.
Me: Laughs!!! I can imagine
3. At what age in life did you decide to become a relationship coach?
Well, I didn’t decide to be a relationship coach, but experiences from my teenage and adolescent years where I saw some of my friends face relationship challenges which I had to help resolve stirred up my counseling dreams. Toward the end of the year 2017, I was led in my spirit to start the relationship talk. Taking this decision was not so easy, but as Relationship talk with Abilight is a ministry initiated by God, He made all things work seamlessly.
4. How do you cope with running a fast-growing relationship coaching platform?
It’s my passion and a lifestyle so there is nothing to cope. I find joy in what I do.
5. Is being a CEO a burden or a blessing or a bit of both?
It’s being a blessing, never has it been a burden because I feel it’s a privilege to be a blessing to people.
6. What challenged have you experienced as a relationship coach?
Ensuring I do as I preach, also coaching someone who reached out for change but refuses to change.
7. In your opinion, what is the major problem couples face during marriage/relationship?
The major problem in marriage/ relationship is lack of true love, if we love ourselves the way God has orchestrated love, marriage will work perfectly. Where love reigns, submission will be easy, where love reigns Peace reigns…
Secondly, I will say lack of communication.
8. What’s the weirdest thing a follower has ever told you?
Hmm, requesting to be taught how to seduce his own mother (incest) Me: What a hilarious person. I can imagine the kind of weird things you hear during your sessions online.
9. Your videos and presentation confidence are so bold, do you sometimes have the fear of the unknown?
Fear of the unknown no… God has been my strength so far…
Abigail and her Husband
10. You’ve been married for close to 6-7 years now if am correct. What have been the driving force to your successful marriage?
GOD, I can’t over emphasis Him. He forever will remain my reference.
11. You have featured mothers and other personalities on your platform. Which professional do you seriously look at to work with or have something coming out with?
I’ll say a professional marriage counselor who has very good experience in counseling and also a psychologist to speak enormously on depression as it’s an issue a lot of young people face especially after encountering relationship challenges.
12. What are your top 3 points in your note or pad that you always reflect on a daily basis?
Never considering myself as a failure.
Becoming a better ME daily
Impacting the world in my own little way. I sincerely believe I don’t need to be the president before I can implement change… The change could be implemented from you as an individual.
13. You studied Theater arts at the university. What drove you to switch from that profession to become a relationship coach?
*smiling* well I didn’t switch like you think, my career as a relationship coach is complemented by my training as a thespian. Being able to communicate with people and passing my message to the world on live tv to me is part of acting. I will also add that as a relationship coach I can streamline what I want my audience to hear at any particular time.
14. What advice would you give to those women who are depressed on not getting married in time, and those who are facing one problem or the other in their marriages?
My advice to women who are depressed about not getting married in time; please don’t get tired of praying. One thing I realize in life is at times God keeps us away from danger without our knowledge and we blame Him for it.
Work on yourself as an individual, at times we might be our own problem. Beauty could help you get a relationship but the character keeps you in that relationship.
The purpose of marriage is to reflect the relationship of the Godhead and to serve him. But when you don’t even have the opportunity to serve God what’s the essence of it. So, people will tell me there are marriages working perfectly without God involved, hmmm my brother/sister it will tell with time. Am a kingdom bearer and I talk from that perspective.
I can’t over emphasis prayer in marriage. When there is an issue in your home, try to settle it both physically and spiritually. Often run back to your Heavenly Father to take charge and speak to His son/ daughter. He alone knows how to speak to a child.
Lastly, Patience is key. In as much as it’s not an abusive relationship, be patient!
15. Also, what advice would you give to unmotivated and non-inspired people around the world who are tired of life, especially ladies.
No one is useless. Life or experience is a teacher… do not get discourage even in that situation. One driving force that pushes me is a NEW day. I believe a new day brings new blessing. Always remember you ain’t useless! Often remember you are wonderfully made by the most high, So one driving force we all must have is the Holy Spirit. If you haven’t encountered Him, ensure you do today.
You shall make it, never retire today! Be a vision on a mission!
16. What’s next for Abigail Ajayi?
*smile* a lot but right now I just launched my new brand, LIGHT EXQUISITE FUNCTIONS: it’s an event management brand. She was born out of necessity and me exploring my creativity. You can follow me on my IG page @lightexquisitefunctions and @relationshiptalkwithabilight.
We should be the one thanking you for creating time from your busy schedule.
Thanks so much Mr Femi Johnson.
If you want to know more about Abigail Ajayi or you find yourself having issues in your relationship or marriage. Folllow Abigail @relationshiptalkwithabilight
If you finally made it to where you think God has called you, hold on tight because you’re about to be moved forward again.The moment you are comfortable, is the moment for advancement.
God takes you from season to season because in each season you learn more and grow. Once you’ve learned enough to move ahead, through your willingness to serve, He moves you forward. We become comfortable because we have learned all we can learn in that season, therefore, it is pointless for us to stay there. If we stay in our comfortability, we will become stagnant and we will not continue to grow or learn. Comfortability leads nowhere fast. You may be in the place, setting, job, season, state, relationship, etc; that you know God has called you to but with no new challenges or opportunity to grow, you are literally limiting yourself. If you’ve officially reached your life-long goal and you have no goals or plans to follow that, then you’ve capped your growth right then and there.
Let’s be honest, the only thing God asks us to do is be obedient. He gives us more than we could ever need or deserve and yet what are we giving Him? Are we giving of our time, money, or even our lives? If yes to any, how much are we truly giving? Are we giving to the extent that makes us comfortable or are we truly stepping out in faith and giving God EVERYTHING we have. After all, all that we have is from God’s tremendous blessings in the first place. I heard a song that said“You can’t take away what the world didn’t give”how awesome is that? Just try to wrap your brain around that concept for a moment. Only God has the power to take away what He has given, so if we belittle and devalue what He has given us, what’s to say He doesn’t have the power to take it away?
If we’re totally honest, it is kind of depressing when you give someone a gift and at the next special event you see them re-gift it or even worse, give it back to you. How do we think God feels when He gives us a gift and we don’t put any value on it, receive it, or even give it away? When we show no care and put no effort into it, I’m certain God feels the same as we do in those moments. We have to remember, God created us in His likeness, so our emotions resemble His, therefore, He has all the same feelings and emotions we do. With no doubt, His emotions are to a greater extent because we are His children.When God gives us a gift, He wants us to receive it, put value on it, and invest in it.When we put nothing into it, there is no reason for Him to give us anything else. Yet, for some reason, we pray relentlessly asking God for something, He answers our prayers, we receive the gift, and then after the monotony sets in, we devalue this gift we unceasingly asked for. God sees us pushing this amazing gift aside and He also hears the prayers of us asking for more. Eventually we stomp our feet, we yell and shout God down, as if He isn’t listening to us, and we wonder why we aren’t getting anything more.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” -Matthew 7:7
Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at this from God’s perspective. He gave us what we asked for, we pushed it aside, we can’t even appreciate and grow in what He gave us, why would He give us more? So we could throw that to the wayside as well?
“You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” -James 4:3
It’s all about give and take. God can give and God can take away. If we devalue or put a gift above God, He has the power to take it away.
“I was born with nothing, and I will die with nothing. The Lord gave, and now he has taken away. May His name be praised!” -Job 1:21
He is a jealous God who only asks for our willingness to obey His commandments. Why do we complicate everything so much and ask “what’s in it for me”? What if; we asked God for something, He gave it to us, and we gave that thing 100% of what we have? Whether it be time, energy, love, ect… Just watch and see how God blesses your faithfulness, obedience, and diligence.
The concept is simple,if you want more, you’ve gotta give more. Not out of selfish desires but true obedience, love, and passion to do all you can for God. When obeying God, strap yourself in because He will take you on the most exciting journey, throughout your entire life and walk with Him.
“And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” -Colossians 2:6-7
You know what you want to do. You certainly know what you need to be doing.
But you’re off somewhere else.
Because procrastination has once again swept into your mind and actions.
And so you escape.
Onto Facebook, into a video game or a movie or simply by doing easier and less important tasks.
I am no stranger to this. I have been there hundreds of times, especially during my early twenties when I was I college.
But what can you do about it? Well, today I won’t be sharing what has been most helpful for me to minimize my own procrastination.
Instead I’d like to offer 20 of the most motivational and insightful thoughts from the people who have come before us on procrastination and on getting things done.
1. “When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that in itself is a choice.”
– William James
2. “If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it.”
– Olin Miller
3. “It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up – that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.”
– Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
4. “Time is an equal opportunity employer. Each human being has exactly the same number of hours and minutes every day. Rich people can’t buy more hours. Scientists can’t invent new minutes. And you can’t save time to spend it on another day. Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving. No matter how much time you’ve wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow.”
– Denis Waitley
5. “How soon ‘not now’ becomes ‘never.’”
– Martin Luther
6. “In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
7. “Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.”
– Stephen King
8. “A year from now you may wish you had started today.”
– Karen Lamb
9. “If you don’t pay appropriate attention to what has your attention, it will take more of your attention than it deserves.”
– David Allen
10. “Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in.”
– Napoleon Bonaparte
11. “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
– Martin Luther King, Jr.
12. “Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves.”
– Dale Carnegie
13. “Think of many things; do one.”
– Portuguese proverb
14. “Procrastination is the thief of time: Year after year it steals, till all are fled, and to the mercies of a moment leaves the vast concerns of an eternal scene.”
– Edward Young
15. “To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.”
– Eva Young
16. “Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
– Jim Rohn
17. “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.”
– Pablo Picasso
18. “The least productive people are usually the ones who are most in favor of holding meetings.”
– Thomas Sowell
19. “Follow effective actions with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.”
– Peter Drucker
20. “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”
– Anne Frank
The Greatest Success Possible: Self-actualization. Self determination. Hard work. Achievement. Success. A pleased God. Reward.
I was on a church retreat recently that spoke on Jeremiah 2. During a quiet moment with the Lord, surrounded in a world of self-actualization and self-determination, a sudden hard truth impressed me. Regardless of your primary purpose or calling or destiny in this life, you’re actually incapable of doing it. Doesn’t matter what it is, you are incapable of performing the one thing you are created to do by design.
Despite your most intense focus, intention, and effort, you cannot glorify God. By your own efforts, you cannot please Him. Think about that and let it sink in. How could a finite and defective being, even one that’s been redeemed by Christ, ever please an infinite and perfect one? (Isaiah 64:6) By your own efforts, you cannot stop sinning. You cannot add one day to your life. And you cannot achieve anything at all truly great. You simply lack the capability to do so on your own.
We may immediately think of some superstar celebrity names that achieved greatness. Well greatness by our standards. Truly I tell you if they did it on their own then whatever they achieved was far less than what God designed them to be. They failed. Funny, the one thing we all were ultimately created for: to glorify God, is actually the one thing we are most incapable of doing.
Depressed? It may seem sad, but it’s by design.
“My people have committed two sins: they have forsaken me, the spring of living water. They have been for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.” – Jeremiah 2:13
The harder you try to make yourself under your own power a usable cistern, the more useless you become to God. Even when grace saves you under Jesus, if you continue to power forward under your own might, you’ll fail to please Him.
Only God can glorify Himself. Only infinite and eternal can satisfy infinite and eternal.
So the only way you can please God, your actual ultimate destiny regardless of what your calling may be, is to be as humble as possible. Be honest with your inner core of your condition of a being as useful as a broken cistern, sinful and useless under your own strength.
“The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart O God.” – Psalm 51:17
It is through humbly becoming as much of a shell and clearing out your own determination, drive, and passions that God can finally fill Himself in you as a usable vessel. This is in stark contrast to our current culture’s understanding. It’s by breaking yourself down into a limp puppet that God can finally attach His strings. He brings you to true animated life. Then and only then when you have “self-actualized” yourself to what you really are (nothing) and have identified your greatest capability (completely incapable) is when God can finally assume control. He uses you for your real destiny. This will now be 100% by His hand alone and not one iota of your humanity.
Logically, the only thing we humans are ever in control of, is the first step: removing our pride. We were never in control and capable of anything. Under God’s rule and measurement of true success, our own power and strength exists for the sole purpose of removing our own power and strength. We are to make room for *His* power and strength. Hence, the greatest thing we could ever actually “do” for God is to “undo” ourselves.
This post won’t be possible without the inspiration and support of Jesse Hunter.
Every day holds a series of conflicts between the right way and the easy way. On a daily basis, in almost everything you do, you will be presented with the right way, and the easy way. Rarely do these two options have the same result. Every day your strength will be tested through your choices. Your strength is a byproduct of struggle; you must do what others don’t to achieve what others won’t; meaning, you must decide to take the right way, instead of the easy way.
The strength you have at this point in your life is a product of your willingness to struggle in the past. Your strength can be expanded and further developed through perseverance. Perseverance means to be steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. No matter how difficult the conflicts that you face may become, in order to continue to grow in strength you must preserver by making the right choice, not the easy choice!James 1:4 says, “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
In order to grow and become stronger; you must never allow yourself to reach a point where you feel you have ‘arrived’ or a place where you feel that you have everything together. Don’t allow yourself to get to place where you feel that the easy choice has become acceptable for your life. You must continue to push yourself. Be okay with allowing conflict and difficulties in your life. In every season of life and in every day you must always hold the desire to grow and become stronger than the person you are right now. Always be persevering regardless of the comfort you may have to give up during the process.
Making the right choice is hardly ever the same as taking the easy way to get through a situation. Sometimes the right choice can even be draining. When I am having a difficult time pressing on and moving in the right direction, this scripture always helps to motivate me, so I wanted to share it in this post:
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.
Today I encourage you to persevere through whatever it is that you may be going through. Allow yourself to struggle to do the right thing; don’t just take the easy way out. In the end, you will be rewarded and you will grow stronger. Never underestimate the important of little victories in doing the right thing. No matter how big or small something may seem to be, make the right choice; it will encourage you when something big comes around to make the same right choice. I encourage you today; no matter what season of life you are in, remember to press on. Make the right choices in your life today, weigh everything you are deciding on against the Word of God. Let perseverance finish its work in you!
How to achieve more than you think you can, using Justin Timberlake as the perfect example.
Looking at it from the outside, little of how his career has progressed seems to make sense.
JT’s not someone you come across in headlines a whole lot, yet he sits on over 160 awards, a 200 million dollar fortune and one of the most respected reputations in the history of entertainment. At 36 years old, he’s had a globally successful band, four platinum solo albums, starred in the smash hit movies and is considered a fashion icon.
But that’s not what common sense tells us, is it? Though cautions have been added to the famous 10,000-hour rule, the message remains the same: you need lots of deliberate practice and years of time to get good at one thing.
So how can someone like Timberlake switch music styles, industries, even to a completely different skill set, like acting, time and time again, yet still succeed?
What part of the picture are we missing?
Learning To Unlearn
Every lesson in life comes at the expense of unlearning another.
When you learn to be confident, you unlearn to be shy. When you react with humility, you have forgotten your ego. When you’re comfortable taking the risk, you ignore other’s opinions, and so on.
In Chinese philosophy, the idea of Yin and Yang suggests that life consists entirely of dualities. It is only through the completeness of these dualities that we achieve unity. So no matter how contradictory two sides seem, they’re ultimately connected.
For each new piece of knowledge you acquire, you have to let go of an old one. Foggy clouds of ideas make way for facts, which make way for better facts, only to be replaced by new clouds, and so the cycle continues.
What most of us do when we try to improve is resist this cycle. We want every next answer to be the answer to everything. A different diet, a new sleep schedule, a tweak to your marketing — if only we stick to it, it may last us forever. Of course, nothing ever does.
That’s because the underlying skill of acquiring and abandoning knowledge, the unity, lies in change itself. What you’re really learning is how to unlearn.
“Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself.”
The next time someone accuses you of being inconsistent, say this line. It’ll instantly take the wind out of their sails because you can’t argue with someone who accepts being wrong. Especially without making an attempt to defend themselves.
Most people stumble over this idea because one of our biggest innate desires is to be consistent. Add to that our tendency to spend more time on what we’ve already sunken energy into and you get a high level of resistance to unlearning.
People like Justin Timberlake, however, practice something cryptocurrency expert Nick Szabo calls quantum thought:
“In law school, they teach a very different way of thinking in that you need to take both the defendants and the plaintiffs side of the issue and run down the arguments as if each one of them is true. They contradict each other, of course, or at least the conclusions, and so I compare this to Schrodinger’s cat — maybe it’s alive, maybe it’s dead. Maybe the defendant’s guilty, maybe they’re not, and you have to keep both of these in your mind at once.”
When Justin went from child actor to boyband singer, from solo artist to actor, from show host to comedian, from R&B to Soul, and from commercial star to the voice actor, he was in no way convinced he’d be good at all of those things.
He just managed to hold the possibility of two different truths in his head at the same time. Thanks to this skill, Timberlake is never afraid to be wrong, since he is always free to unlearn one thing for another. He has a frictionless mind.
It’s a mental model he likely acquired at The Mickey Mouse Club.
A Child With A Grown Man’s Work Ethic
Even someone as talented as Justin Timberlake isn’t always right. He bought a golf course for $16 million, only to sell it for $500,000 seven years later, and some of his films were really bad. He works incredibly hard too, which we can’t neglect.“There’s a spelling bee and you have to spell the word ‘CAT.’ One student spells it ‘C-A-T.’ The person got it right. The next person spells it ‘K-A-T.’ That’s wrong.
And so we’ve built a system for ourselves where there is an answer and everything else is not the answer, even when some answers are better than others. So our brains are absent the wiring capable of coming up with an original thought.”
As adults, we spend all of our time in this system, so it’s almost impossible not to fall prey to the same thinking. But when we do, when we resist the process of constantly updating our view of the world, we block our own path.
Children aren’t burdened with this problem yet, because they’re still unfamiliar with the idea that “this is how we do things around here.” As Sir Ken Robinson recalls about the time his son was in the nativity play:
“The three boys came in, four-year-olds with tea towels on their heads, and they put these boxes down, and the first boy said, “I bring you gold.” And the second boy said, “I bring you myrrh.” And the third boy said, “Frank sent this.”
What these things have in common is that kids will take a chance. If they don’t know, they’ll have a go. Am I right? They’re not frightened of being wrong. I don’t mean to say that being wrong is the same thing as being creative. What we doknow is, if you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.
And by the time they get to be adults, most kids have lost that capacity. They have become frightened of being wrong.”
What we really see when we look at someone of Justin Timberlake’s caliber, is a child with a grown man’s work ethic. Having traversed the long road of unlearning, he reaps the rewards of unencumbered thought: Originality, adaptability, and the courage to exercise both at a second’s notice.
If nobody told you what you can and can’t achieve in a 20-year career, how much would you dare to try?
Chances are you’d act with an open mind and, like Justin Timberlake, embrace the next line in Whitman’s poem:
“I am large, I contain multitudes.”
What a brilliant write-up. I highly acknowledge Niklas Goke for this wonderful piece of work and how his writing has impacted a lot of people including me.
The last time I checked
And I got Beasty.
Beneath my heart emptiness raided every bit of happiness in it.
My shadow told me “Your prayers won’t heal you, only if you take the bull horns, face your fears and ignore those who claim to have everything like paradise.
Social Media. The modern day Babylon, we’ve idolised her,using her beauty to oppress ourselves on her deceitful platform. Flaunting our achievements like the rest are lazy doing nothing.
Every corners of my city is flooded with depression, ill-wealth, broken marriages, lost values, Gucci snakes with deadly venom. Lifeless body by the roadside with ripped breasts & empty eye-sockets all used to plough money. 😢😢😢
I don’t trust folks,You can be a prospective prey for their new Bentley or Benz. A friend asked “how come they don’t wish me more Benz” he said.
They won’t wish you more Benz because you don’t do what they do.
Our society recent vogue is Holocaust of Pants. Steal pants or supply pants and you will be rich.
Money has taken over religion youngsters are dying faster than the oldies money made him do it
money made her do it.”
The moment Angel of Death requests for your soul, he won’t let you take any hand luggage, so why spilling innocent blood for this money.
After dancing with the Devil, eating fresh feces, stealing pants, Scheming, trading destiny like bitcoins… spent the returns on jewellery’s ,cloths, cars & show off.
Bullshitting education like everyone should follow their footprints.When it gets darker I fear for my loved ones because you & I know we’re not safe in the midst of some folks.We’re in a destructive generations but “who’ll lead the cold war like John snow…..” Those who tried in the past died with their enthusiasm.We don’t want revolution if it doesn’t involve money.
Thanks to So’dini for this deep poetry and truth. For more of this, please follow “the sonder of Babylon blog”
Maybe things are going great. Or at least OK. And you feel pretty good.
Then something happens.
You make a mistake. A setback slips out from around a corner and hits you between the eyes.
Or you fall into a rough patch, a crisis or feel that you’re too far away from achieving your dream and you just want to pack up and go home.
This week’s article is about those times. And about motivating you, recharging you and staying strong when you need to.
Here are 30 of the most though-provoking, encouraging and helpful quotes on strength and making it through tough times.
1. “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
– Dale Carnegie
2. “Sometimes you don’t realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness.”
– Susan Gale
3. “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
4. “Tough times never last, but tough people do.”
– Robert H. Schuller
5. “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”
– Hermann Hesse
6. “When written in Chinese the word “crisis” is composed of two characters – one represents danger and the other represents opportunity.”
– John F. Kennedy
7. “Love does not dominate; it cultivates.”
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
8. “He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak. Strong convictions precede great actions.”
– Louisa May Alcott
9. “I like criticism. It makes you strong.”
– LeBron James
10. “A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.”
– George Bernard Shaw
11. “Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”
12. “Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.”
– Leo Buscaglia
13. “Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, no matter how difficult, no matter how unfair, you will do more than simply survive. You will thrive in spite of it.”
– Joel Osteen
14. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu
15. “Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hope”
– Hal Lindsey
16. “We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.”
– J.K. Rowling
17. “Concentration is the secret of strength.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
18. “Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement – and we will make the goal.”
– Jerome Fleishman
19. “If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.”
– Flavia Weedn
20. “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”
– Albert Camus
21. “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”
– Dale Carnegie
22. “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”
– Harriet Beecher Stowe
23. “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.”
– Maya Angelou
24. “Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
25. “The more one judges, the less one loves.”
– Honore de Balzac
26. “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”
– Mary Anne Radmacher
27. “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
28. “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.”
– Marie Curie
29. “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
– Marcus Aurelius
30. “A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep.”
– Vernon Howard
Pain is a part of this life. Brokenness is all around us. Parents split. Families’ abuse. The cancer wins. Children die. The only thing I know to be true is this: God is faithful. He is a deliverer. A healer. A savior. A protector. A warrior. A lover. A completer.
I’ve seen some pretty dark stuff in my days in this world. Perhaps the darkest was when I was still in the world, doing stuffs that had no meaning but hurting people around me. Also too many of my friends died. There was no escape from the pain. It was crushing. I never considered killing myself, but I can now see how some people could do it. The pain is simply too much to bear. It was the worst time of my life.
But God moved with a Mighty Hand. He heard me crying out and “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” –Psalm – 40:2God brought to me a community of faith that changed my life and surrounded me with an amazing family in Christ. I walked in to new life.
He restored my heart and healed me of the wounds. I saw how good and mighty He really is. I worship Him for His faithfulness to bind up a broken heart. It didn’t happen overnight, though. Even as mighty as He moved, healing is a process. It seemed as though the pain would always be with me but again His promises are true: Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5
The night may last longer than you wish, but when The Lord is your God, the morning always comes.
This year will be the second since I lost some very good friends. Am sure they are in peace and with Jesus. Not only did God help me walk into new life, but He saw fit to completely heal me. I am free. Looking back, I realized that even though He had been healing me, I was still walking with a limp through life. While I was not under the weight of tragedy any longer, joy had not returned to my heart.
There was a weekend outing with some church friends, we challenged ourselves to some games filled with lots of laughs and fun. I cannot remember ever laughing so much. It was the best time I have had in years.
“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.”Psalm 40:3
I would never wish such tragedy on my worst enemy but by clinging to Jesus during the night, He has restored my soul.
I know some of you have experienced terrible things, I know that. Just remember, no matter how long the night, the morning always comes. After that season, the Lord left me with a simple message I would share with you. The pain fades. Love remains. Joy returns.
Life can be incredibly difficult. Relationships. Money. Jobs. Responsibilities. Bullies. Fears. Disease. And the list goes on. But we must remember the flipside of struggle. Joy. Hope. Laughter. Drive. Children. Travel. Smiles. And love.
I stumbled upon this video created by the compelling poet Shane Koyczan. He provides us the powerful reminder of the flipside. The positive truths about our world and the beauty that lives within it. I hope this furthers your journey toward a positive life.
How did this video make you feel? What is your favorite part of life?
We are familiar with the two agents to success. Which are fear and doubt. It is first of all the fear of failure, poverty, loss, embarrassment, or rejection that holds most people back from trying in the first place.
I remember back in 2013, I was blogging for an entertainment blogger. That period was my first experience in the blogging path. I was learning at the same time trying to venture into mine. After a year blogging for someone else, I decided to start my own and create my own path. First of all I was really motivated in starting my own entertainment blog which I did. But at some point I was scared and decided to fall back a bit. Fear of the unknown came knocking at my door, dropping some doubt about me starting my blog. How I was going to make it famous, how will I get my readers from, there are too many entertainment blogs out there, how are you sure you gonna make it. Different thoughts came to my mind. At some point I decided to go back and work for the person I was blogging for. In all I overcame and my path to blogging from then till now started.
You know because of fear of failure and rejection, an average number of times that people try to achieve a new goal is less than one. As soon as they think of the goal, these fears overwhelm them and, like a bucket of water on a small fire, extinguish their desire completely.
The second mental obstacle, closely aligned to fear, is self doubt. We doubt our own abilities. We compare ourselves unfavourably to others and think that others are some how better, smarter, and more competent than we are. We think, “I’m not good enough.” We feel inadequate and inferior to the challenges of achieving the great goals that we so much want to accomplish.
Fortunately, if there is anything good about doubt and fear it’s that they are both learned emotions. Have you ever seen a nagative baby before? Children come into the world with no doubts or fears at all. And whatever has been learned can be unlearned through practice and repetition.
The primary antidotes to doubt and fear are courage and confidence. The higher your level of courage and confidence, the lower will be your levels of fear and doubt and the less effect these negative emotions will have on your perfomance and behaviour.
I leave you with this:
Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.” God actually commands us not to fear, orworry. The phrase “fear not” is used at least 80 times in the Bible, most likely because He knows the enemy uses fear to decrease our hope and limit our victories.
This post was originally posted on Thoughts Catalogue.
There’s an old adage that you should “promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”
It’s not only a nicer way to exist in the world, it’s also really the only way to accomplish anything.
Some people have realized this. Others remain stuck.
When people are dissatisfied with their lives, they usually can only identify what it is they don’t want to feel.
The same thing happens after a break up, when everyone’s telling you to “let go” and “move on.” But how do you do that? How do you come to a place of neutrality over something that all but cut you in half? How do you suddenly find a sense of peace when all you can do is rack your mind over what you did wrong and what it means that the future you once imagined is no more?
The answer is that you do not decide to “let go” one day. You focus so much of your attention and time on other things, and projects, and tasks, and goals and people that, eventually, the pain fades from your memory.
This is what mentally strong people understand: change is what happens when you start building a new city, rather than standing in the ruins of what’s collapsed.
You change your life not by focusing on what you want less of, but what you want to take its place.
You figure out what you really want not through desire, but through discomfort. You identify the exact opposite of your greatest fears and worries. That’s your true dream.
You cannot release anything from your life without something to put in its place. Some people do this in a healthy way, consuming themselves with behaviors that improve their lives long-term. Others turn to coping mechanisms that ultimately erode their mental and physical wellbeing. Either way, it’s the same thing, just with different results.
It’s like if someone tells you not to think about a white elephant. That’s the only thing you’re going to want to think about.
The only way to not think about the white elephant is to think about something else.
So when it comes to enacting real change in your life, stop worrying about what you want less of, and start focusing on what you want more of.
Instead of trying to lose weight, reduce calories and generally become smaller, focus instead on having more healthy foods, more movement, more wellness, more rest, and more positive thoughts about yourself.
If you do this earnestly, the weight will take care of itself.
Instead of trying to get out of debt, focus instead on having more financial freedom, more flexibility, more peace of mind and a greater measure of security.
If you do this earnestly, the debt will take care of itself.
Instead of trying to “let go” of the past, “overcome” your greatest and deepest hurts and anxieties, focus instead on connecting with people right here and now, placing your energy into learning new skills, having more interesting experiences, and doing what makes you feel good each day.
If you do this earnestly, the grief will take care of itself.
You will never be able to lessen yourself into the life that you want. That is not how this works. You cannot expect to focus constantly on what you don’t like and don’t want and think you’re going to magically create what you do like and you do want.
The work is in understanding that your discomfort is the shadow side of your greatest desire.
If you want less weight, you want more health. If you want less debt, you want more stability. If you want less anxiety, you want more peace of mind.
When you focus on the positive aspect of the transformation, you’re actually able to achieve it.
The truth is that you can mourn, grieve, cry and revisit the details of your traumas again and again and again, but the only way you heal them and truly recover is by creating a new experience in the present moment, one that immerses you so deeply, you don’t have the mental bandwidth to even recall the past.