Exterminate The Spirit Of Guilt And Condemnation

As a Christian, we experience the presence of guilt when we sin or do something bad. After fallen into the temptation, we start having this condemnation thought in us that God is angry and whatever we have asked will not be answered.I'm free from the past, free from guilt, free from shame, and free from condemnation. I'm free with a freedom that can only be found in Christ. Christianity is not about being bound by a set of biblical rules; it's  about being set free.   Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:12 #collarbone #tattoo #freedom #free #words #verse #romans

I was surfing through my old notes and saw one of Joyce Meyer’s writing about this particular subject.

“How much time do you waste feeling bad about yourself? Whatever amount of time it is, it is too much! Even if you are not where you want to be in your walk with God, you don’t have to feel guilty and ashamed. You can rejoice that you have made some progress. Jesus, who began a good work in you, will continue developing and perfecting His work in you right up until the day of Christ’s return. When the devil attacks you with guilt and shame, you can say, “I may not be where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be! God is working in me right now, and each day I improve!”

My friend, your problems are not the root. When you go through an evil day, you are like a sickly plant with sick leaves. You may have leaves of sickness, poverty, a broken marriage or depression in your life. But these are just the leaves. These are just the manifestations of the root. It would be foolish to attack the leaves because they are not the cause of your problems. We all know that there’ll be no leaf if there is no root.

Joseph Prince in one of his preaching discussed something similar in dealing with the spirit of condemnation.

When there’s condemnation, there’ll be fear. When there’s fear, there’s going to be stress. And when there’s stress, there’ll be manifestations of the curse.

Now, if you disagree with me that the root cause is condemnation, let me refer you to Genesis, the book of beginnings.

Do you know that Adam was planted in the midst of a finished work? Everything was prepared for him. But the devil told him that he needed to do something to qualify for all the things he had already qualified for. The devil gave him a mistaken identity. He said, You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:4–5)

The truth is that Adam was already like God! But Adam believed the devil, ate the fruit and fell. And the curse came.

Before there was poverty, sickness and death in Adam’s life, there was stress. How do we know that? Well, God said, “In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread…” (Genesis 3:19) And sweat speaks of stress and self-effort.

But if you go deeper, you will find that there was fear. Do you know what Adam said to God when God asked him where he was? He said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” (Genesis 3:10) Adam was afraid. He was fearful. So the deeper root of stress is fear. But before he was fearful, he felt condemned.

The deepest root of all is condemnation.

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Ways You Need To Revolve To God When You’re Far From Him

Sometimes God gives us hardships so we can turn to him and get closer to him; sometimes he just wants to remind us that life is fleeting but he is eternal and that is why we should always go back to him.

I remembered when I was wandering in the wilderness, it was not a funny experience. I disciplined myself to fast, pray and read inspirational books. I learnt that I am nothing without God, I can’t do anything without Him. Putting God in everything I do as turned things around in my life. Both the ones have seen and experienced, and the ones am still expectant of.

Beneath are some ways to revolve back to Him..

1. When you’re heartbroken. Ask him to heal you, ask him to help you repair yourself again, ask him to give the strength to move on, the wisdom to understand, the grace to forgive and the courage to try again. Because he’s the only who knows your heart and he is the only one who knows how to mend it.

2. When you’re confused about life. Ask him to guide you, ask him to help you find the way, ask him for a map, ask him to lead you because he is the only one who can, because he is the only one who really knows where you’re going and he is the only one who has the fuel to keep you moving.

3. When you don’t feel like you’re good enough. Ask him why you’re still here, ask him if you’re special, and ask him for reassurance, confidence and faith . Ask him because he wants to let you know how special you are, ask him because he knows your day is coming soon and ask him because he will bring it to you sooner than you think.

4. When you’re lonely. Talk to him, tell him your problems, cry to him, tell him to stay by your side, tell him you need him and tell him to tuck you in bed and help you sleep. Talk to him even if you’re not saying a word because he is listening to your silence and he is watching your tears and he will make you smile again.

5. When you’re scared. Tell him to give you courage, tell him to take the fear away, tell him to silence the voices in your head, tell him that you’re afraid but you’re willing to take the risk and ask him for strength to handle the consequences. Tell him to make you fearless because he knows you have it in you and he knows how to bring it out.

6. When you’re tired of failing. Ask him to give you peace of mind, ask him to give you the faith you need to trust him and trust that this is all for a reason, that he is putting you through this for a bigger and better purpose and that he is not going to let you down. Ask him for patience to wait for the answers.

7. When you’re not sure if he’s listening. Ask him to remember you, ask him to give you reassurance, ask him for a sign and ask him for a miracle, because he wants you to believe in miracles and he wants you to witness them.

8. When you’re giving up. Ask him to give you hope, ask him to let you see the light at the end of the tunnel, ask him for the silver lining and ask him to give you power to keep fighting your battles until you win the war. Because he wants to see you win and he wants you to be victorious.

9. When you’ve lost someone you loved. Get closer to him, it’s okay to question why this happened to you but ask him to be your friend, ask him to be there for you, ask him for the reason he took something you loved away and then trust him; trust his plan and trust his timing, trust that he will replace what you’ve lost with something even bigger and better and something that never even crossed your mind.

10. When people are making fun of your dreams. Tell him that you think this is your calling, that this is your passion, and that this is what makes you feel alive. Ask him to make it happen, to make it easier, to make it less cruel and ask him to cover your ears from all those who are laughing at you, because he wants to make your dreams come true but he wants to make sure that you’re up for the challenge and that you will fight for them.

The More Difficult Life Is, The More We Appreciate God’s Forgiveness and Grace: Williams Story

I have been thinking about all that GOD has done for me. I have no words to adequately express the love and the appreciation I owe to GOD. To whom much is forgiven, much is required. GOD help me to honor You in all that I do.

No matter what we’ve been through in life, no matter what had happened in the past, no matter what we’ve done and think it’s in for given, we should always look up to God, because God is love. Here is Williams story….

Why I am a Christian

I was a child of rape,
Fatherless,
Unloved by a mother, not wanted, neglected, beaten, burned and abandoned,
Fostered and then adopted by those who did not cherish nor protect,
Molested, raped and shamed,
Told was a mistake, no good, would never amount to anything,
Cursed, kicked, slapped, whipped, beaten,
Learned by example that alcohol and drugs would numb the pain,
Runaway,
Bullied, beat up, drug overdose and left for dead,
Hospitalized, juvenile incarceration, defamation,
Hopeless, angry and alone,
Crimes led to prison,
Attempted rapes, countless fights, stabbed repeatedly, and in isolation hatred consumed,
Unwelcome, homeless and hungry,
Never begged, but ate out of dumpsters and occasionally worked for food or cash,
An object of another’s deviant sexual behavior, who were beaten and money taken,
Alcohol warmed on cold nights,
Lonely women in bars were nothing more than a bed to sleep in,
Uncaring, indifferent, selfish, self-loathsome,
Attempted suicide, and angry that even death evaded me,
Immersed in the bar-tend culture,
A stripper, an escort, drug dealer, a player,
Woke up high, went to bed drunk, every day for the next twenty years,
Mean, calloused, vile and vulgar defines the man I had become.

Then the unexpected happened!

GOD graciously revealed the truth of Christ’s redeeming work on the cross of Calvary to save a wretch like me. So real was GOD’s presence as tears of joy washed away a lifetime of anger and pain. Gone was the guilt of my sin against GOD. Knowing that by accepting Jesus as my Savior and LORD, GOD had declared me righteous.

Nothing in my past had power over me anymore. It was then that I realized why GOD chose me. I know hurt. I know pain. I know intimately the hopelessness felt by all people today. But most importantly, I know that GOD can save. What I did, I no longer do. I’m not without sin, but, the sins I used to love I now hate. When I am wrong I am quick to ask for forgiveness. And shockingly, GOD has birthed in me a sincere concern for the needs people have, and the urgency for their eternal salvation. I am becoming a very different person, and this is my testimony to the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

It is never too late for God. If you know God has done so much for you in anyway and you feel to share your story. You can be anonymous or can reveal your identity, whichever way we will respect your decision.

If you want to share your story, send via mail:

motivatedfree@gmail.com.

Prayer For Jet Li

One thing I love when am home is to either play soccer game or watch a kungfu movie. Am a huge fan of kunfu movies and love to see my action characters in play like Jackie Chan and Jet Li.

Jet Li 55 is trending online recently about his health. I was moved to tears when I saw his recent picture that surfaced online. I screamed that is not Jet Li. He’s been suffering from a terrible sickness “hyperthyroidism”. According to his manager, Chasman confirmed that Li had been battling the condition for 10 years.

“He has hyperthyroidism that he’s been dealing with for almost 10 years. It’s nothing life-threatening and he’s dealing with it,” he said.

Fans around the world are praying for his quick recovery. I know most peeps don’t like kungfu movie nor like Jet Li as a character in a movie. But our prayers together will heal him.

It’s well!!!

Loneliness Is a Powerful Enemy: True Story From Anonymous

Loneliness affects us all at some point or another. Jeff’s testimony reminds us that God can fix even the deepest loneliness.

For years, decades, before I became a born again Christian, loneliness was my best friend. As the old saying goes, “with friends like this, you don’t need enemies.” Even when I was a sophomore in college, I had to admit that I was isolated from my fellow human beings. I took a course in adolescent psychology with Dr. Elizabeth Hurlock, who, in one lecture, described “the star isolate.”

This type of personality might be someone who is popular, who excels, who has friends, and is generally gregarious; yet, he or she at a deep psychological level is isolated from other human beings. A similar problem was noted in Sylvia Plath’s book The Bell Jar. Sylvia was herself a poet who experienced a sense of isolation and intense torments of loneliness even though she was married. Eventually, she committed suicide.
And sometimes this loneliness is described as fear of intimacy or closeness with others. However, it is worth noting that loneliness is not necessarily a condition experienced by “loners” only, but can be experienced by anyone. In fact, one of the classic books in sociology, The Lonely Crowd, written by Leonard Riesman, Nathan Glazer, and Reuel Denny in the 1960’s described the remarkable loneliness found within the American social order despite a superficial gregariousness and friendliness in the population. For Glazer, Riesman, and Denny, this was associated with the “other-directed” personality, people who were trying to please others, to somehow fit in with the expectations of others, but who lacked a solid core of inner motivation and purpose. Another personality type addressed in The Lonely Crowd is called anomie. The person with anomie actually has a deficient self concept, neither able to achieve purposeful behavior from within, nor to pick up sufficient cues from others to become “other-directed.” Rather, they lack not only character, but lack identity. It is defined by the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary as “social instability resulting from a breakdown of standards and values; also: personal unrest, alienation, and uncertainty that comes from a lack of purpose or ideals.”

If one grows up as an only child as I did, that in itself is not the basis of one’s loneliness.

All only children do not find themselves as experiencing extreme loneliness. As we see above, loneliness is not mainly defined by behavior, but by inward conditions based on one’s values, identity, purposes, norms of behavior, ideas about who other people are, what they expect of one, the extent of competitiveness in one’s personality, the sensitivity of as well as the capacity for empathy of the individual, and the degree to which one’s personality is self-absorbed.

Further, as I learned from the pain of bitter experience, the books on sociology and psychology consistently omit one’s relationship with Almighty God when depicting the sources of one’s loneliness and alienation. Thus, the spiritual dimension of experience, which is the linchpin of all other variables is neglected.
When I had the privilege of teaching Expository Writing at Pennsylvania State University, the course was developed around the concept of alienation. All our studies in reading essays, poetry, and short stories as well as the writing assignments were built around alienation of self from self, alienation of man from woman, alienation of humankind from nature, and alienation of self from God. Despite my lack of faith in Christ, I had been influenced to some small degree by the writings of Soren Kirkegaard, and saw that my own experienced belief in God was accompanied by an even stronger alienation from God, and I was interested in examining that sense of alienation. In fact, looking back on my mindset at that time, it is clear to me that my greater interest in my alienation than in seeking God was itself indicative of my fallen and sinful condition. In today’s theology, we could say that that other alienations between self and self, between self and others, and between self and nature were horizontal alienations. And alienation from God is a vertical alienation.

I had friends. I went to parties. I was elected to various leadership positions as an undergraduate student. I was hired into various prestigious teaching positions as a graduate student. I went out on dates. Some girls liked me, but one described me as “conceited,” another said that I always had to be right and was too argumentative, and there were others whom I wished to impress but who were never impressed by me. I helped one young woman to find a doctor so she could get an abortion in Washington DC. My mother had not described me as good looking, but would always say that I was “interesting looking.” I took that to be a euphemism meaning I was not good looking. This was augmented by my hair beginning to come out little by little beginning in my twenties. Would I be able to marry before I lost “the bloom of youth?”
I had told my father about my fear of not being able to find a wife, and about losing my hair. He chuckled in a friendly way and told me not to worry as he would help me find someone. I didn’t know what he meant by that, but felt that somehow, some way, he would come through for me. Nonetheless, although I looked like a scholarly and decent young man, I continued to have an inordinate and adolescent concern about whether or not my appearance was acceptable and attractive. However, my father died when I was twenty-one, and I felt I no longer had someone to support me with my wife-search problem.

Fast forward now through almost two decades of heavy drinking, failed relationships, setbacks in my academic career aspirations, more than ten years of writing and editing employment in marketing and consulting publications in commercial banking and export/import , various temporary college and high school teaching positions, writing of hundreds of poems, short stories, and essays, odd jobs including school bus driver, security guard, retail small appliance clerk, teacher of physically handicapped and delinquent teens, attendant to the developmentally disabled, lathe operator, livery car driver, high school English and social studies teacher, and global wanderer (I took a job teaching in an international school in Teheran, Iran where I contracted amoebic dysentery among other horrible experiences).

Thus, I had gone from the heights of Ivy League education and contacts with some of the country’s highest political figures and executives to some of the grittiest jobs on the planet. I had had lunch with and attended meetings with the likes of Sen. Gary Hart and Sen. Alphonse D’Amato and with various dignitaries of U.S. Customs, the U.S. Trade Representative’s office, and leaders of business in exports, imports, and banking. Yet, during my years of wandering, I was assigned to guard the Harvard Club in New York City, but didn’t tell anyone that I held a degree from that institution. Another time, I was guarding a store in Midtown Manhattan, and in walked my former boss, a VP from the large commercial bank that was my former employer – she was a graduate of Princeton – and there I was guarding the merchandise. We exchanged embarrassed hellos.

During that time of wandering, I was a security guard at a construction site. I occupied a portable toilet that had been converted into a guard shack with a small space heater, and I sat in there during the dark night hours with sub-freezing temperatures outside. On one of my shifts, local ten year old boys climbed the scaffolding at the site and began pelting me with rocks, as I hid in my “shack” while the stones came raining down.

My uprooted wandering meant I had fewer and fewer stable relationships. I would move from place to place, getting along with people; yet close to no one. The loneliness I had known when I was an undergraduate “star isolate” grew deeper and more intractable. Living in the midst of the most populated city in the USA, I became increasingly lonely. Who was I? Why was I on this planet? What hope was there for me?
In an attempt to connect, I went to a meeting held by an old woman in a Catholic Church. She represented a teacher in New Mexico known only as The Professor. She seemed lonely too, as lonely and an outsider as much as I, but she had stability in the philosophy of The Professor, a strange blend of yoga meditation and exercises, Roman Catholic doctrine and practice, and a written collection of “The Teachings of The Professor.” The Professor, an individual whose name I learned was Cyril F. Kilb, lived in New Mexico and was in charge of an entity called The Motivational Research Institute. I became more and more involved with The Program.

At first, there were only two of us who were regular attendees at the meetings in the church, but eventually the other lady dropped out, and CVD continued to meet with me alone for a number of years. At first I felt some relief from the loneliness I had been experiencing. In CVD I had made a connection. She was someone I could talk with about what was happening in my life everyday. We would meditate at each meeting, and that made me feel so-so “spiritual.”

In fact, I was so grateful that I began making larger and larger weekly contributions to The Program. I took a second job so I could give more money to The Professor (she would turn the money over to him), and also to keep busy, with the assumption being that keeping busy would help take my mind off myself and thus, to some degree, ameliorate my loneliness. It worked up to a point: someone to talk to, keeping busy, having someone to have dinner with, being accountable to another, and activities at the local Catholic churches like attending masses, saying the rosary, praying through the stations of the cross, and feeding the homeless all gave me a sense of connection and purpose. CVD had become my closest friend as well as my teacher and my spiritual [sic] director. I remained in that relationship for more than ten years. She was the only person I spoke to at any length except for a few brief polite conversations with my neighbors.

When I broke free of The Program, I found myself alone again. After ten years, I had no one to talk with. Someone I knew said she saw me talking to myself in the street. She said I looked deeply disturbed. I had experienced a life of desperate loneliness from my teens until I encountered The Program. In The Program, I felt exploited, but I still, for the first time as an adult, had someone with whom I could talk and confide on a regular basis. Then, after leaving, I was more lonely than ever – more than in my days of being a star isolate, more than when I was oppressed by the competitive demands of graduate school, lack of intimacy, and lack of love in my life. More than in my days of wandering.
Wait….! Did I not just mention “love” in a previous sentence? Finally, in The Program I had made a connection. I had stabilized. I had stopped wandering. I had someone to talk to. I had someone to discuss my problems, successes, and personal failings with. Yet, it was an exploitive relationship. Was there love? When I stopped participating, when it was over, I was talking to myself. I was experiencing loneliness even more intensely than in my days of wandering, than in my student days, than at any point in my life. Now I was plunged into even deeper despair. I no longer had a loneliness based on being other-directed or from the psychic dysfunction of anomie.

I really knew the agonies of Hamlet’s deep query, “To be or not to be, that is the question….” I understood MacBeth’s agony which I had recited in high school when he says, “Life is a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing….” I experienced the loneliness that comes from a sense of utter meaninglessness, utter absurdity, and utter hopelessness. My soul was bound by pains of experiencing the profoundest sense of rejection, dislocation, isolation, and above all, lovelessness. These terms defined my loneliness. My very being was experienced as a dirty, used mop that had been cast into the waste bin of time and space.

Yet, I had considered myself a “seeker” throughout my 20 years of wandering. I was looking for truth, for God, for ultimate meaning, for a point of perfection, even for absolute perfection. As early as 1975, I had an argument with a couple of folks in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania about the relativism of the many competing philosophies, beliefs, opinions, points of view, etc. that I observed. Everybody certainly had a right to his or her opinion, but all I saw were all those competing “right views” emanating from millions of egos. How could it not be that some might be more right than others? And if another point of view was more “right,” then there would have to be a standard for assessing that rightness? Or, perhaps the truth lay in a point of view that wasn’t expressed by anyone? These were some of the questions that assailed me. Wasn’t there a more credible approach to living and to thought than the one I observed? The Program had seemed to be the answer; yet my outrage at turning over so much money to The Professor, and the cul de sac it seemed to be when I left in a state of terror, dislocation, and despair showed me that what I had thought was true and absolute was bogus and illusory.

I kept writing, kept seeking, kept reading books, kept teaching, kept talking, kept searching for love. Only later would I understand that actually I was not seeking at all, but running away from “the Hound of Heaven,” who was calling me to His kingdom and His love, truth, and eternal life.

Then, during one lonely Christmas season in 1987, I was busy cheering myself up singing Christmas carols in my furnished room in Midwood, Brooklyn. As I was singing and rejoicing in Christ’s birth, comforted by the singular peace of “Silent Night,” gentle but powerful words invaded my stressed out brain, “You must be born again….” I had seen many televangelists, and listened to them on the radio. At the suggestion of one radio preacher, I had laid my hand on the radio and prayed that I would forgive a previous boss for having fired me. (I was still under the illusion that religion was a form of magic, and that it includes different magical rituals.) I really had no understanding of salvation by grace through faith. It was just say the “right words” [sic], practice the “right rituals” [sic], and do the “right deeds” [sic] in the name of Christ, and then, well, then you were going to escape hell, and could walk with dignity and hope on this earth. However, I was soon to learn what Martin Luther, John Calvin, the Puritan fathers, Jonathan Edwards, and millions of others found in the testimony of their walk with Christ.

“You must be born again….” I heard these words, and balked. They came as thoughts, but I sensed deeply they were thoughts from God. “But I am born again, aren’t I?” I protested. . Again, the words penetrated to the deepest center of my being, “You must be born again…there’s a church for you on Flatbush Avenue.”

The next day, I walked the four blocks up to Flatbush & Foster Avenues. Looking left and then right, my gaze fastened upon a large cross hanging in front of a storefront church. It was a classic sign. The words on the cross read, “JESUS SAVES.” I approached the front of the church, and there was a telephone number to call. Later that day, I called, and a woman with a heavy Jamaican accent answered the phone. I asked when the next service was, and she said that in two days there would be a children’s play – not a real service mind you – but a family night when Christ’s birth would be celebrated.

Two nights later, I arrived and the lights were dim as the play had already begun. As I sat down, one of the old women of the church nodded hello to me, and patted my arm. “Jesus is love,” she said, repeating the words two or three times to me as the play proceeded. Her name was Sister Duncan, and her words were so reassuring, so kind, and so comforting. After the play, the congregation sang a few praise songs and hymns, and, at the pastor’s suggestion, the evangelist who was leading the singing had an altar call. Because I was partially obscured by a pillar, neither the pastor nor the song leader even knew I was in the room.

When the call was made, I left my seat behind the pillar and walked down the aisle to the pulpit. I had gone there hoping to be born again, hoping that there would be an altar call as I had seen many on TV, and it seemed that the desires of my heart were answered. At that point in time, I did not know that I was being led by the Holy Spirit. I did not understand that I was being led by Christ himself to a new life in Him, but I was still filled with expectancy and excitement at the prospect, however vaguely defined, of being born again. My deep longing for a deeper walk with Him was being answered by the God of all creation. Had he not put that longing in my heart? Had he not pointed the way during my long, lonely, labyrinthine walk out of my atheism and overly-intellectual approach to life (my pride and false sense of self-sufficiency)? On that night, I was led to take a great turn in the road of life, and to begin to walk 24/7 with my Lord and Savior.

Then, following my answer to the call, I learned that the church was having a baptismal service in two weeks. Normally, they have instruction sessions for those who would be baptized, but recalling Philip’s encounter with the Ethiopian eunuch, the pastor agreed with Philip’s rhetorical reply, namely “what shall hinder you?” and admitted me to be baptized in two weeks.
Since that wonderful time 25 years ago, I have never looked back, never regretted nor questioned for one second becoming a Christian. After two years in the church, many of the old Jamaican ladies who had grown up in the church, and saw me almost six days a week (I was always in church or visiting other churches) assured me that I was truly born again, and I found a rest, hope, peace, love, and joy that I had never experienced in my entire life. Yet, I still had a lot of growing and maturing to do, and believe that I am still growing in Christ as he sanctifies my life, and leads me on the path of being made “conformable to Jesus Christ” as he readies me for my heavenly home.
So many times I have acted in many strikingly un-Christlike ways; yet, He never failed to show me His mercy and forgiveness as I have struggled to conform myself to the Word of God. He has given me wisdom where I have been ignorant and inept. He has shown me how to be more kind and compassionate when I felt disgust, and wanted to walk away from problems or people. He has given me more patience and peace when I wanted to blow my top.

He has replaced my lonely book-centered life, with family love and a Christ-centered life. He replaced my discouragement with teaching, and restored me to my career as a teacher even when I was past 50 years old. Now he has given me a healthier body to help me better enjoy my old age, and to better serve him. He has opened my mind to be able to understand theology, which I had been unable to fathom or penetrate until about eight years ago. My search for truth, begun decades ago in the Ivy League, through many trials, temptations, and snares, through sidetracks of all kinds – high status sidetracks, dangerous sidetracks and sidetracks into extreme poverty – and through the wrongheaded attempt to blend Eastern philosophy and practice with the Truth of the Christ, I came to know He Who Is The Creator of the Universe, and Who Saves Through the Power of His Life, Death, and Resurrection.

True Story: Saved From Drugs, Violence, Prison, Freedom

Testimony

Richard’s testimony is an inspiration. He decided not to be anonymous because he wants his story out there to be told. He believes his story can change someone out there with the same problem he faced before meeting Jesus. Please it might be long but will appreciate if you patient to read it through….

The following text is a personal testimony of how God has brought inner healing from emotional wounds that were inflicted on me as a child, and set me free from a fear of violence and a deeply entrenched behavior pattern that had caused me to hurt others growing up. My hope and prayer is that if anyone reading this is able to identify with any of it, they will come to understand the deep healing and freedom that can be found through repentance and faith in Our Lord.

My story begins with describing myself as an intelligent child who was happy, confident and secure in my home life. This all changed however when my father suddenly left home around the same time I began to experience bullying by a boy who I used to play football with. The boy was a friend at the time, but took it upon himself to beat me and humiliate me at every given opportunity after wrongly blaming me for losing a football game. The bullying I experienced only stopped after I snapped one day and knocked him down, along with his friend who was with him at the time. Both boys had been trying to humiliate me by hitting me in front of others, but something inside just said enough is enough, and I remember a feeling of intense relief because I finally stood up to him. In retrospect I can now see how this was the beginning of a pattern of behavior that was to stay with me well into my adulthood, as I had learnt that people could not hurt me if I hurt them first.

The bullying by this particular boy did not go on for too long, but it was enough to destroy my confidence and teach me that I needed to toughen up to protect myself from being hurt again by others. Subsequently I began to try and create a tough man image that couldn’t have been further from the truth of what I felt inside. In terms of what this looked like for me, as a child I would fight with other kids in the area and would bully and intimidate others. I also became rebellious at home and school, and eventually fell in with older guys who introduced me to drugs and a criminal lifestyle, which caused me to leave school early and enter a very dark period in my life.

Throughout adolescence and early adulthood, I always knew deep down inside I was not really the person I was trying to portray to others. As much as I wanted to try and convince others that I was tough, I knew that there was always someone tougher just waiting around the corner. Inevitably I ended up in a young offender’s institute and I can clearly remember the day I was led away from court in handcuffs and was taken away to spend my first Christmas behind bars. My first sentence was only a few weeks at that point, but whilst incarcerated I was bullied once more by an older guy who took a dislike to me. Despite trying to convince myself I was a somebody, I didn’t really know how to look after myself in an institution, but I quickly learnt that the only way to get by was to make sure that I was able to convince others that I was no pushover. The next time I was sent away for violent disorder, I made sure that I got in with the right crowd and would target certain people to try and establish my reputation even though the fear of violence actually terrified me. This meant that on occasions I would assault someone for no other reason than to try and prove myself. The reality was that I took no pleasure from violence and I always felt sadness for each person I hurt. I knew it was wrong and I wanted to change, but the further I travelled down that road, the harder it became to turn around.

At 21 years old, I was sent away on remand for the first time to a tougher higher prison. I remember walking down some steps and reading a sign that said welcome to Hell. It was made even more chilling by the fact that the prison I had been sent to had been used in a film many years before, and so I actually recognized parts of the building. To make matters worse I was withdrawing from a high amount of opiates and was forced to share a cell with someone who was also coming off drugs. All we had was a small sink and a bucket to use as a toilet and that was one of the lowest moments of my life. We were locked up for 23 hours a day and each morning the door would open for slop out and I would try and get myself together and stick my chest out as I walked down the landing as if I couldn’t care less. The moment I was back in my cell I would sit there in tears wondering how I was ever going to turn my life around.

The fact was that no matter how many times I tried I would always go back to drugs just as a pig goes back to wallow in the mud. I hated life and I hated myself. Other than the drugs I also had been secretly cutting my flesh for years as a way of punishing myself, but also as a way of releasing the anger and pain I felt inside. I would even punch myself at times and hurt myself in other ways, but the more I did this the more confused and fearful I became. I really believed I was becoming insane, because I did not think that anybody else would ever deliberately self-harm. I constantly lived in fear of being found out, but without any obvious way of changing things. I would numb myself with drugs, sex and anything else that would provide temporary relief from the confusion, fear and sadness I felt inside.
Over a number of years, I abused my body to the extreme and it is testimony to God that I am even alive today after having several near-death experiences. Indeed, several times I would experience situations where only the presence of God could account for my being here today to write this, but I will write about them at some point in the future.

After many years of personal suffering and causing suffering to others, I entered treatment in 2007 to clean myself off the drugs. I knew that to continue on the same path would either lead to death or a life sentence in prison, but deep down I had no real hope that things would change. I had tried to get clean many times before, but always seemed to go back to drugs because I could not deal with the intense emotional pain brought by the shame and guilt that the drugs had been masking. After detoxing from the drugs in treatment, I was left feeling vulnerable and naked before others. I really didn’t know how to deal with this and so I spent months trying to push people away by pretending that I felt better than I actually did. I also suspected that I was going to use again when I left treatment, as I could not stand the reality of having to deal with life without drugs. The truth was I was terrified of life and often contemplated suicide, but instead of being honest and sharing this, I would use anger or lies to keep people at a distance and away from discovering how I really felt inside.
It was whilst I was in treatment that a friend took me to church one evening after I reluctantly agreed to go simply to get out for a night. I had previously believed in God as a child, but somewhere along the line my idea of God turned into imagining some ferocious being that punished me every time I made a mistake. I also had church forced on me as a child and all I saw was hypocrites who judged everybody else, but did the very things they judged others for. I therefore went to church that night with no expectations and spent the first part of the service staring at the women in the hope that I may find a nice girlfriend. At some point however, I heard the preacher talking about addiction. He spoke about a God-shaped hole inside each of us and invited the congregation to step forward and accept Jesus. I could really relate to much of what he was saying, but I remember an intense fear of going forward, as I thought that people would be watching me and I could not stand the thought of people thinking that I was a broken man. Even so I eventually fell to my knees and asked the Lord to rescue me from the personal hell that I was living in before quietly leaving the church and travelling back to the rehab.
That night I could think of nothing else other than what had happened at church. I waited till everyone was in bed before closing my eyes and began to pray. I got down on my knees again and repented of the things I had done in life. Despite going to church as a child and going through the motions of repentance, I was suddenly aware of God listening to my cries and I felt genuinely sorry, because I had hurt so many people in my life up to that point. I can see now how unlike my previous prayers of repentance, I meant it wholeheartedly this time and I remember what felt like a cool breeze come over me. I thought that the wind had come into the room, and so I checked all the doors and windows, but they were closed and the heating was on. I now believe this to be the Holy Spirit.
I went to bed that night with a peace that I had never experienced in my life and so began a journey that would ultimately help me clean myself of the drugs, but would actually involve swapping drugs for religious practice, and going to the other extreme of becoming a Christian doormat afraid of conflict and trying hard to be liked by those I placed on pedestals. Of course, I had no idea that this was the case, but in his grace the Lord was good to me and eventually allowed me to understand how I had only partially surrendered my life to the Jesus that I had heard many stories about, but did not really know personally. In terms of the testimony I am sharing now, it is only in the freedom I have found in surrendering to the Lord, that I can now share freely why I acted like some kind of gangsta, when the reality was I was simply a frightened, confused and broken man who had grown up physically, but still felt like a small child inside.

I give all the glory to God for the changes that have happened over time. I have made many mistakes along the way, but I have for the most part been willing to allow the Holy Spirit to convict me of the behavior patterns that have subconsciously controlled me even after becoming a Christian. It is only in the confidence I have in God that I can now share this in the hope it may bring encouragement to others. Furthermore, I can do this without fear of what people may think of me, as my reputation amongst men is no longer as important to me as my relationship with God.

This journey has been long and painful and has involved going through periods where I would just cry for no obvious reason. At times, I wondered if I might be having a breakdown, as I could be simply driving the car and a song on the radio would trigger the tears. I could also be watching TV with the children and I would cry at some cartoon character for no apparent reason. To anyone observing I must have looked like a real wimp at times. I have come to understand however that it’s all part of the healing process and that I do not need to stop myself from experiencing my emotions.

I grew up believing that crying was a sign of weakness in men, but I realize now that could not have been further from the truth.
In finishing this testimony I want to add that I have reached a point in my life where I am no longer afraid of violence or those who would seek to intimidate, because I am one with Him who bore our sins, was murdered, but rose again so that we may find life.

May these words be a blessing to you. Please feel free to share this testimony if you think you may know anyone who might need to hear this.

May all the glory and praise go to HIM…

Resume Of Jesus Christ

Address: Ephesians 1:20
Phone: Romans 10:13
Website: The Bible
Keywords: Jesus Christ, Lord & Savior

My name is Jesus – The Christ. Many call me Lord! I’ve sent you my resume because I’m seeking the top management position in your heart. Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume.

Qualifications:

• I founded the earth and established the heavens (see Proverbs 3:19).
• I formed man from the dust of the ground (see Genesis 2:7).
• I breathed into man the breath of life (see Genesis 2:7).
• I redeemed man from the curse of the law (see Galatians 3:13).
• The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me (see Galatians 3:14).

Occupational Background:

• I’ve only had one employer (see Luke 2:49).
• I’ve never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.
• My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me (see Matthew 3:15-17).

Skills & Work Experiences:

• Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised (see Luke 4:18).
• I am a Wonderful Counselor (see Isaiah 9:6). People who Listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil (see Proverbs 1:33).
• Most importantly, I have the authority, ability & power to cleanse you of your sins (see I John 1:7-9)

Educational Background:

• I encompass the entire breadth & length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding (see Proverbs 2:6).
• In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (see Colossians 2:3).
• My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path (see Psalms 119:105).
• I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart (see Psalms 44:21).

Major Accomplishments:

• I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times (see Genesis 1:26).
• I laid down my life so that you may live (see II Corinthians 5:15).
• I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind & made a show of them openly (see Colossians 2:15).
• I’ve miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead!
• There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot – the BIBLE. You don’t need an Internet connection or computer to access my website.

References:

• Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.

In Summation:

Now that you’ve read my resume, I’m confident that I’m the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart. In summation, I will properly direct your paths (see Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life (see John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence (see Hebrews 3:15).

Jesus Christ Is In The Business of Changing Lives #TruthSaves

I grew up in a very troubled home. My dad had an affair and mum was always unhappy. I was the eldest and had to take on many responsibilities. I was very troubled and insecure which I carried over to adulthood.

I married at the age of 19. I always felt unwanted by my husband. I started having affairs with different people and lived recklessly. I left my husband many times and there was no end to the problems. I was rejected in the end by each guy I had an affair with and finally my back was up against the wall and I didn’t know where to turn because it hurt so bad to be rejected over and over.

That’s when a friend at work introduced me to Jesus. I turned from my wicked ways and decided to carry my cross and follow Jesus. Ever since my life has never been the same again. My husband and I worked through our marriage and are happily married now. God even blessed us with our own house a year ago. He is good. Praise Him.

Truth Saves: Jikky’s Testimony #JesusDidIt #faith #MakingJesusFamous

This God is just too good. A confirm game changer to those who have believe nothing can be done in their lives anymore…. This testimony really touched me, and I know it will touch someone here reading this great testimony. Please take your time and digest the miraculous work of our God.

I don’t know where to begin. The last time I had written a testimony was back in 2010 when my mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer. I had written a witness of how Jesus had taken us through that difficult time. That writing was the first and the last until now. Here I am now writing again to proclaim and testify that Jesus is truly alive.

When the year began, I remember thinking that this is the third year since the cancer and only two more years to go to be off the cancer medication, be cancer free and cross the five-year mark.

But it all crumbled down. Not long ago, we came to find out that the cancer was back. It was shocking. We were devastated. We had thought that we were over this ordeal and that the experience we had in 2010 was the pinnacle in our lives that we needed to find God. We had so many questions. How come this had come again on us? We were supposed to go on with our normal happy comfortable lives. It just wasn’t fair. Not for my mother to go through this again. As we faced this looming darkness building up before us, we were shattered into a thousand little pieces with our uncertainties. It was as if we faced death itself.

It started with an unsuspecting pneumonia, which was treated. This was followed by cough and then suddenly one day right vocal cord palsy. The local tests showed a suspicion of a spread. Our hearts sank as we realized that we had to now prepare to start on another journey. We didn’t know what to do and what was going to happen. We were stepping into a deep dark tunnel and sinking down into it without knowing its end.

All that we took with us when we left for my mother’s treatment was words spoken to us by a visitor who came to pray for us before we left. He said to be prepared to see all the medical facts one by one. He said that we would be overwhelmed by them but to remember that Jesus is above these facts because He is the truth. The preacher said to believe in His miracle and to ask Him for healing. It was with these words and few strands of hope that we left our home. But little did we know at that time that these very words were going to transform us.

Once the diagnosis started, just as the preacher said, one after another we got fact after fact after fact. A pet scan that was done confirmed that the cancer had progressed, not just to the lungs but also to the kidney. The doctors started a new chemo drug in tablet form. My mother had to swallow about eight tablets of these two times a day. She started having very bad side effects including very bad diarrhea and mouth sores. She couldn’t eat anything that she once liked. It was so painful. The doctors advised, after realizing her age, that it was better to give her a “good quality of life” since anyway she will become resistant to these drugs as well. In other words, don’t struggle and fight, just give in and let it be.

We went in search of hope and got none. Not only were we devastated but also helpless with what was happening to us. All we had was the Bible.

After two months, we decided to go for a second opinion in our own country. And we started a new chemo that had less side effects. My mother managed to complete two cycles but during this time, the palsy worsened to bilateral palsy. My mother had a two millimeter gap in which to breathe. She was breathless with every movement and her breathing was so heavy and loud. She was deteriorating so badly. She was so tired. I could see that she was so weak and wanted to give up. She just couldn’t be free and normal. She couldn’t sleep well at nights because of the breathing. She couldn’t eat properly. There was times were she would just lean against me and rest. And there was nothing we could do. We felt so helpless and desperate to make things right.

We finally decided to do a laser treatment in February 2014 to her vocal chords but unfortunately after a few days she developed swelling. And that was the first time that she suddenly stopped breathing. It was chaos that day. My father was alone with her in the hospital when the medical team rushed and tried to resuscitate her. My father saw her slip away before his very eyes. He said “I thought she was gone.” But by the grace of our Lord Jesus and the medical experts, Mummy was given her life back. Jesus was not finished with His work. After a few days, an emergency tracheotomy had to be done. With that her voice was gone and her normal eating stopped. She was on nose tube feeding. She was put in a critical care unit because her condition became worse. Within a few days she developed multiple viral bacteria in her blood and multiple infections including her lungs which were already weak. She had to be on a ventilator. She was isolated to minimize contamination.

She was struggling for weeks. Then one night in March, for the second time, we lost her. The infection in her lungs was so bad that a mucus plug dislodged and blocked her airway. She stopped breathing. Her heart stopped for several long minutes while the CCU teams tried resuscitate her. This time it was worse than the first. Her lungs had collapsed. Finally they managed to get her pulse but there was no response in her eyes. I remember that night as all this happened. The doctors said that it didn’t look good. They said they had done the best they could. We were crushed. We called our close family back home and informed them so that they could travel immediately to be with us. We called our parish priest who was just about to start the weekend service in church. He said be strong, pray. That night, my father and sisters held hands and prayed together along with the hundreds of people who prayed with us at the same time.

We had reached an end. It was the bottom. There was nothing to do except wait in that darkness. There was no consolation. What was remaining was only hope and prayer. Each of us were alone even though we were together. We told each other to pray, keep praying and be strong to face whatever happened. We gave it all up to Him. We let go and let Jesus do His work. We placed our trust in Him. We remembered the fact and the truth. We submitted our mother to Him who is the Way and the Life; to Jesus who is Love. We finally gave it all up to His will because we believed no matter what happened that it would be good, even though we may not understand it.

While we waited there in that room that night, we recalled Jesus’ love and His compassion and all the miracles He did when he was alive. He healed all who came to Him. He healed all who had faith. He told each of them that it was their faith that made them well. The blind were able to see. The crippled were able to walk again. He not only healed, He raised a little girl to life. He raised Lazarus who was dead for four days! So if you go to Him, will he not heal you too? He never turned anyone away. So go to Him. He is life and the giver of life. Life is His to give and take. And as long as our hearts go on beating, we as His children can go on asking Him. And go on praying to our heavenly Father.
My mother made it through that night. Praise God. And since then every day she has been miraculously improving! She was in CCU in isolation and on a ventilator for several weeks and was even in danger of renal failure which would have required dialysis. But she gradually pulled through. She is now recovering and rehabilitating slowly. We saw Jesus alive as Mummy slowly began to make more and more improvements.

By His mercy Mummy is back again, stronger than ever before.
We thought the multiple infections would damage Mummy but Jesus healed her.
We thought she would never come out of CCU but Jesus took her out.
We thought she would always be on a ventilator or some breathing machine but Jesus gave her life back and restored her lungs. She is breathing on her own now.
We thought she would need to be on oxygen support all the time but God has saved her of that.

We thought Mummy would always be feeding through a tube in her nose but by God’s grace, the tube is removed and she is eating and swallowing soft food, even with the trach tube! Finally she can taste normal food.

We thought she would need dialysis, but her creatinine levels improved and by God’s mercy she doesn’t need it.
We thought Mummy would never be able to speak again, but now she can with the tube. She can finally talk after suffering several weeks of silence.

We thought Mummy would never be able to walk again and be ridden in a wheelchair but with God’s strength she is slowly walking now.

Jesus healed my mother and is continuing to heal her and will heal her completely. And we will go on praying for that.
What I want to say to all who read this — is never ever lose hope even when you think there is none. Don’t ever give up. Place all your hope in Christ, even if doctors tell you they have done their best and even if people remind you of what can happen. Only when men have done their best and there is nothing more left to do, can Jesus come to take control over the situation. Only then can the healing come from Jesus himself and only then can He do His miracle. We have to make room for Him and make way for Him to come into our lives and allow Him to do His work in us. We must not be troubled or worried of what He is going to do. Because whatever it is, it will be good. Give it up to Him, trust Him and be at peace in that faith.

If you don’t know what to do, give it up to God and leave it to Him. He will lead you because Jesus is the way. Just follow Him. If you are feeling hopeless and that all is lost, look to Jesus’ suffering, his strength and his perseverance. He overcame so that you can also overcome like He did. Jesus was so wounded but He carried His cross all the way to Calvary. He fell down three times but he still got up and went on. He fell, He rose. He fell, He rose again. He fell but he still rose and completed what He had to do. He knew he was going to die but he still went on for our sake. So that today when we suffer unjustly in this world, we know how to cope and be strong.

Even when He was dying on the cross, He was full of love and forgiveness. And he stayed strong, persevered, faced death and finally overcame death. He won over it and He rose. And he is alive now. No matter what facts you see and hear, Jesus is the only Truth.

He said ask and you will receive. These are Jesus’ own words. It is his personal promise to you. So ask Him and have faith. He said to ask in His name. So believe and ask in His name. Believe in the words that He spoke from his own lips. This promise is from the same mouth that spoke the words which created this whole world and this universe. He said heaven and earth will pass but His words will not pass away. So take this promise and believe, and have faith and ask in Jesus’ name.

Don’t be like the Israelites in the desert. Even after saving them from hundreds of years of slavery and bondage in Egypt, and even after dividing the mighty sea before their very eyes, they were still complaining when they didn’t get food. They said God had abandoned them. But God will never forsake His own children. You may abandon Him when you are afraid, but He will never abandon you. You may hate Him for the suffering that you are going through, but He will always love you.
So don’t doubt God when things happen. God is good. I believe all things that happen in this life are with His permission. Every single thing is under His control, even if we suffer innocently and it seems unfair. And even if we or others make wrong decisions. I know in my heart that God loves us and He will save us. Just as Jesus suffered innocently but it was the only way to save us. I admit that I cannot understand some things sometimes. But I am not meant to understand everything because He is God. No matter what I do and how hard I try, I just won’t be able to figure Him out because I am only human.

But I have to believe that what we go through may be a small part in a bigger picture that we do not see.

We just have to trust Him because He is our Father, our Creator. So don’t be afraid of anything because we are safe in our Father’s hands. So be at peace when you pray. And be at peace when you have faith in Him. And don’t be afraid of facts anymore because Jesus loves and Jesus heals.

Remember one thing — you have to go to Him and ask him for help.
Turn to the Word of God and you will see it become alive in your lives. In John 14:6 Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life.” In our journey these words of God became alive in our lives. We felt Him and experienced Him. He was the way that we followed because we didn’t know what to do and where to go or who would help us if we needed help. But we followed Jesus. He took us through each day, one at a time.

Each day we just submitted to Him and we let Him lead the way. He was ahead of us and we just followed. And every day we got the facts from the doctors, but Jesus was the truth — the truth that healed and overcame these facts. We saw it with our own eyes. Each day that He gave us was a miracle. He showed us His Love. Jesus said “I am the Life.” He gave my mother her life back not once, but two times! He truly is Life. He breathed His life into her and restored her.

Thank you Lord Jesus. Thank you. Thank you for choosing us among millions to reveal this to us. Thank you for choosing to touch us with your love, for choosing us and revealing your glory and for choosing us for your miracle. We are nothing and no one but yet you chose us. Thank you Lord. Thank you.

How can we come before you and even utter these words of thanks to you Lord? Because all that happened was because of your mercy and love that we didn’t deserve. I have no words except praise your name Lord. Glory to my Lord, my God, my Father in heaven. Even I had questioned you and asked you why. But now it makes perfect sense, because your love can only be made perfect in the weakest. It is only when we have reached the depths and darkness of the bottom that you lifted us out of the very deep. I would not have known how much you loved me if I had not been so deep down. This life is not everything. Being with our Father in heaven is everything. Our comfort is only with Him.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:3,4 (ESV)
The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

Revelation 21:7 (ESV)
So don’t be troubled anymore. Don’t cry and don’t give up. You are not alone. Our Lord, our Creator, Our Father who is Love is with you always. Nothing can hurt us. Not even death. We have to trust and be at peace. So as long as there is life, go on asking for what you want and need from our Lord. And keep on asking and believe in his promises.

I would like to end this testimony with these words from the Bible.
But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed.
Isaiah 53:5 (ESV)
And with these thoughts …
Remember that one of the wounds on Jesus’ body was for you…
Thank you everyone.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. Amen.

Prayer Tuesday

We all sometimes tend to do everything ourselves, especially when you think you know it all. Sometimes you think having idea, drawing a plan and executing it, it’s all by your hard work. Let us change our mindset and send this prayer to heaven.

Prayer:

Thank you my Father in heaven, that my life and my future are in your hands. Forgive me for the times that my plans are too full of myself and not consciously dependent upon you. Thank you for rescuing me from the messes I have made because of my failed plans built around my own foolish arrogance. Dear Father, I gladly place my plans, my life, and my future in submission to your will. In Jesus name I pray. Amen!


Photo credit: Wikipedia 

Scriptures In The Bible To Calm Your Nerves And Anxieties

After all the searching and seeking, it was God’s word that brought me to the centre, not empty but full. David story particularly touched my life, and so do these verses. When I read them I remember I’m not alone. They bring me peace. They call me. I pray they help you too.

  • Deuteronomy 31:6
  • Psalm 56:11
  • Galatians 5:1
  • 2 Timothy 1:7
  • Philippians 4:6-7
  • Joshua 1:9
  • 1 Peter 5:7-10
  • John 14:27
  • John 16:33
  • Romans 8:35
  • James 1:2-3
  • 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
  • Isaiah 40:29-31
  • Proverbs 3:5-6
  • Isaiah 41:10
  • Romans 8:15
  • Jeremiah 29:11

According to anxiety.com, in an anxiety-related disorder, your fear or worry does not go away and can get worse over time. It can influence your life to the extent that it can interfere with daily activities like school, work and/or relationships. Fear, stress, and anxiety are “normal feelings and experiences” but they are completely different than suffering from any of the seven diagnosable disorders plus substance-induced anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and trauma- or stressor-related disorders.

Butterflies in your stomach before an important event? Worried about how you will meet a deadline? Nervous about a medical or dental procedure? If so, you are like most people, for whom some worry about major events (like having a child, taking an exam, or buying a house), and/or practical issues (like money or health conditions), is a normal part of life. Similarly, it is not uncommon to have fears about certain things (like spiders, injections, or heights) that cause you to feel some fear, worry, and/or apprehension. For example, many people get startled and feel nervous when they see a snake or a large insect. People can differ in what causes them to feel anxious, but almost everyone experiences some anxiety in the course of their life.

But, as an example, what if someone will not leave their home for extended periods of time because they are afraid of being in a crowd or being reminded of a past traumatic event. That is not a “normal feeling or experience.”

There are several different anxiety-related disorders. Some symptoms overlap across many of these disorders, and others are more specific to a single disorder. In general, however, all anxiety-related disorders feature worry, nervousness, or fear that is ongoing, excessive, and has negative effects on a person’s ability to function.

Useful tips but the whole English is too much, when I can talk to the best and only therapist the world “Jesus”. But not all knowledge is lost. Let’s be careful in our daily lives and activities to avoid anxiety.

Testimony: Praise To The Glory Of God’s Grace

​This is the story of my salvation, of how God called me out of darkness into His glorious light, that I might proclaim His praises. Many miraculous things have happened to me since becoming a Christian, but this story focuses on the events surrounding my salvation.

As a little girl my mother would tuck my sister and I in at night and pray the Lord’s prayer with us every night. My family was not really religious and we probably attended church less than ten times as a family throughout my whole childhood while growing up. Though I remember desiring to go to Sunday school, but never went as we did not attend church either. My mother attended church briefly in my very early childhood and took me with her, and my gran told me about the power of the blood of Jesus. Most of my religious exposure came from school – schools in South Africa in those days had special times for bible classes as well as time for prayer in the mornings and assemblies.

Growing up I always believed in God as well as in Jesus and often prayed – mostly before an examination, but I also remember always saying sorry to God when I knew I had sinned. I always called on Jesus name when in danger. I was hit by a car when I was ten years old, I cried out to Jesus that I did not want to die. As a rebellious teenager I had frightening dreams and would always call on Jesus name to ease my fear.

My family was quite close-knit and ‘normal’. My dad worked a 9-5 job and for the most part my mother was a house wife and was always at home for us children. My parents were stable and are still married today, despite problems they faced as a married couple. I was the middle child of three children. I had an older brother six years my senior and a sister four years younger than me. I had no problems at school and achieved in academics and sports. I was a generally respectful and obedient child and gave my parents very little grief. My childhood was happy though not without hiccups. When I look back, I see God’s hand so clearly in all my affairs, such as a time when I was knocked over by a car and a nurse was on the scene with pain pills and a leg splint for my broken leg, or when my brother rescued me from the swimming pool after falling in as a young 4 year old. I also remember being at one church service when I was about six years old and some people were getting baptized – I remember thinking that I too would like to be baptized, though I did not understand the meaning of it.

Everything began to change when I reached high school. I read a book based on a true story about a young girl who wrote in her diary. She described her experiences with drugs in detail. Instantly I became intrigued and obsessed with the idea of taking drugs. I also read a book about how Satanism was seducing the youth. I started dabbling a little with witchcraft and eventually became a regular drug user. I used Marijuana, LSD, Ecstasy, Cocaine and anything else that was on the market. I sold my possessions and lied to my parents to buy drugs.  During this time my father was transferred to a small town on the west coast of South Africa called Langebaan, as he was a civil engineer and did the work of a contract manager. I was becoming very rebellious and demanded that I be sent to the boarding school in my home town, Port Elizabeth. My parents agreed and I was sent to a prestigious all girls school. I had in the previous year won the junior victrix ladorum for being the best all round junior athlete at our school sports day at the same school. In the boarding school I met another girl who was like minded – she also enjoyed drug taking and going to parties. We eventually conspired to run away together to Durban to live it up and do as we pleased. By the grace of God, we only made it as far as the next major city next to Port Elizabeth, East London, before concerned people phoned the police after seeing us hitch hiking on a busy road. We were taken to social workers who called for our parents to fetch us. My mother had spent the previous night driving across South Africa as she had received a call from the school that I was missing. I was relieved to see my mother, though sad and ashamed that I had hurt her.

This incident, however, did not stop me from my ways. A year later, my father was transferred to Pretoria and my whole family was to move up. My older brother had by this time been in quite a successful music band and wanted to stay in Port Elizabeth. I begged my parents if I could stay with him, as I wanted to attend the art college that was close by (and also wanted to be out of their sight so that I could continue using drugs and doing what I wanted). My parents again agreed to my demands. I was enrolled at the art college. During this time I was using cocaine and my parents found out about it as a family friend had noticed something amiss and had phoned them. My parents fetched both my brother and I and took us back to Pretoria. I managed to convince my parents that it was a lie, and that I wanted to go back to the art college. They did not agree. I decided to hitchhike to Port Elizabeth, though ended up in a dangerous area in Johannesburg, Hillbrow, notorious for Nigerian drug dealers. One of these dealers had seen me hiking and had picked me up – he took me to KFC and offered to pay for a flight to Port Elizabeth for me. As young and as naïve as I was I believed him. Fortuanately, God protected me even in that dangerous area and no evil happened to me. I had managed to phone a young boy that I had been seeing and who loved me (he is today my husband)

– he pleaded with the man to not hurt me. My brother had friends in Port Elizabeth who knew this Nigerian and told my brother there were plans to ship me out of the country and use me as a drug mule and sex slave. Thus my brother found my whereabouts and my parents arrived to fetch me. I shudder to think what could have happened to me as an ignorant and foolish teenager. This incident convinced my parents to allow me to return to my home town and live with my boyfriend’s family and continue attending the art college. Three months later my brother and sister were in a serious car accident. My brother died six hours later from internal injuries and blood loss.

During this time, I did go for two or three visits to my family in Pretoria by bus. On one visit I asked my mom to buy me a book for the bus ride back as the ride was over 14 hours long. I chose a book called, “He came to set the captives free.” Since then I have learned that it is quite a controversial book, however the Lord used it to open my eyes to my bondage to sin. On another visit I read a number of the “tribulation force” books about the rapture and coming of Jesus. I continued in the same lifestyle – drugs, partying, aimlessness, though something was changing inside me. I began to be convicted of my sins and a number of times felt as though I was dying while on drugs and cried out to God to forgive me, as I knew my life was not right with Him and did not want to die in my sin. I also prayed for a bible and soon enough a friend of mine gave me a mini new testament. I however continued to abuse drugs and live a sinful lifestyle, though my conscience was bothering me. When my parents visited they told me they and my sister had been baptized. I was interested, though still enjoyed taking drugs, particularly ecstasy and cocaine and did not really want to stop. While they were still in town I had a dream of my deceased brother. In my dream he was being pulled on a stretcher. He suddenly sat up and looked at me. Blood was pouring from his nose and he said, “My only advice to you is to get out of the drug world now.” When I woke up I decided it was time to get baptized and turn my life over to God. I told my parents and soon arrangements were made for me to be baptized by the same person who had baptized them. They were also getting ready to move back to Port Elizabeth. I drove to Pretoria with my parents and read another book that was in the car called “The Call” by Rick Joyner. Jesus was beginning to be more real to me.

Finally one of the most special days of my life arrived, the day I was to be baptized. As we neared the man’s house, I was overjoyed and overcome first by tears and then laughter. I just knew that my life was about to change. When I entered the house I sensed a Presence – a loving, holy presence.  The man explained to me that I was going to be purchased by the blood of Jesus and that God would be my Father and that I would belong to Him. I prayed to God and confessed all my sins to Him while the young man anointed me with oil and prayed for me. Thereafter he baptized me in the swimming pool in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. When I came up from the water I felt as though I were a new person. I had such an indescribable peace within me. I was instantly set free from my smoking and drug addiction. I had a new hunger in my heart – a hunger to fellowship with other Christians and read the word of God.

A week later we had arrived back to our old home in Port Elizabeth that my father had built for us. I was so excited to attend a church. Where would I go? How would I get there? I had already told my boyfriend that I had been baptized and had accepted Jesus as my savior – I told him that I now only wanted to be friends with him. He decided to take me to a church that my mom had suggested (though they still did not attend church even though they had been baptized). That night as I walked into the church I again sensed the same Presence – I can only describe it as a holy, loving presence that was like the sunshine, but my heart was drinking in the warmth. The service began with praise and worship. I was amazed as the people sang, clapped and worshipped the Lord Jesus with such enthusiasm. I joined in, singing with all my heart to the Lord Jesus. Suddenly the most amazing thing began happening to me. An electrical current raced though my entire body, increasing in intensity and it felt as though Someone was holding both my hands tightly down at my sides. My whole body was shaking. My heart was bursting, and from deep within me I was communicating with God with groans that words cannot express. As the worship ended, I opened my eyes and was just bursting to tell someone what had happened to me. God restrained me until the service had ended. I was filled to the brim and overflowing with intense love, joy, peace, contentment. On the way home I couldn’t help but sing and praise God. Later I learned about the baptism of the Holy Spirit which is promised to all who will repent of their sins and receive Jesus. My young friend became upset as I told him what had happened to me during the service. He had been uncomfortable in the church as he had been raised in a conservative Dutch reformed church. However, that night when he got home, he told me that he went down on his knees alone in his room and repented of his sins. Three months later he was also baptized and was given the gift of speaking in tongues immediately aft After experiencing God so intimately I was a completely new person. I was so in love with Jesus and passionately on fire for God, witnessing to anyone who would listen and attending church as often as possible to learn God’s word and worship Him. My whole appearance changed, my eyes were bright and there was a smile on my face! I could look people in the eye, and no longer walked with eyes downcast, looking at the ground. I no longer dressed only in black or wore too revealing clothes. My desire for drugs, cigarettes and partying was completely gone. I decided to return to high school to finish my schooling. I was enrolled at a private school that would allow me to complete my final year, even though I had not completed grades 10 and 11. I worked hard and finished my schooling as the second top student – all to the glory of God. Through God I also started a prayer group at the school and another young boy accepted Jesus as his savior and experienced God in the same way I had. He is still serving God today in the field of medicine. My dream was to experience a Year of your Life programme done through a bible school after completing school, but it did not work out. Instead I was accepted into University to study to become a teacher. I desperately wanted to do good and make a difference in the world and serve God with all my heart.

After the first year of being a Christian I suddenly began to experience many trials and felt as though God was withdrawing His presence from me. My young friend said that the “honeymoon” was over. I was very saddened and began to seek God wholeheartedly. I learned scriptures such as the parable of the sower and was determined to not be as those who quickly receive God’s message with joy, but then fall away soon after when tribulation arises because of the word. I memorized encouraging scriptures about God never leaving, nor forsaking me and read the bible and prayed every day. I began to mature in my faith – though was by no means perfect. I had to daily confess my sins, cast down thoughts and discipline myself. I learned how gracious and compassionate God is, and also developed a healthy fear of God as the one who would judge my works. I once again began to feel secure in my position in Christ Jesus as the one who saves us.

I was baptized in November 1999, it is now August 2011 and I am still free of drugs and cigarettes. I am now married to my young friend who experienced salvation with me, and we have two beautiful daughters. I give God all the glory and praise for the wonderful work He has done in me, as well as for all the wonderful works He is doing throughout the earth.

I wrote a poem about the wonderful grace of God a number of years ago that I hope can encourage others, too .

Praise To The Glory Of His Grace

A righteousness of my own I cannot achieve

For in my sinful nature nothing good lives

Humbly I come to God to receive the righteousness which through Christ He gives.

My nakedness I cannot hide from God

Nor whiten my filthy ragged array

By grace He clothes me in a shining white robe

And washes all my sin and shame away.

This grace is given to a sinner like me

Not through any good deed of mine

The Son of God hung on a tree

As the ultimate sacrifice of all time.

The righteous God sits on His throne

And the resurrected Christ at His right hand now alive to Him

I am not my own as a new creation before Him I stand.

Now very soon, Yes it’s at the door

Jesus will return in great power and glory

The dead and alive in Christ will meet Him in the air

We will further be clothed with immortality.

A heavenly city God has prepared

Where righteousness, holiness and peace abound

This is where He will bring all His heirs who once were lost but now have been found.

Jesus did it!!!

Photo credit: Google

2018 Prophecies By Pastor E.A Adeboye

The cross over night of the Redeemed Christian Church Of God as tradition was filled with prophesy by the General Overseer, Pastor E.A Adeboye.

Enoch Adeboye, the General Overseer World-wide of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, RCCG, has prophesied that proverbial “significant goliaths will fall” this year.

He did not explain who the goliaths are.

Mr. Adeboye, noted for his careful choice of words, reeled out his 2018 prophecies for individuals, Nigeria, and the world at the church’s Cross-Over Service held at its Redemption Camp and watched in over 198 countries, where the church has branches.

“I have to put it carefully so I am not misunderstood” he said as he prophesied that, “Many people will wake up to realise that their future is not in the hand of any government and as a result a lot of lost ground will be reclaimed.”

Continuing the prophecies for individuals, he said “Erstwhile stubborn mountains will move; while saboteurs who pretend to be friends will be disgraced and displaced.

The international prophecies are as follows:

· This year there will be less fire outbreaks but there will be more floods.

· There will be misunderstandings amongst nation but no major wars.

· There is need for prayers against assassination attempts globally.

There will be record breaking temperatures both high and low.

· There will be a handful of breakthroughs, both scientific and medical.

· Global warming, sexual perversion and others signal the countdown to the end.

Enforcing Victory

The prophecies came towards the end of his ministration, which centred on “Enforcing your Victory.”

Expressing his displeasure about passive attitude to prophecies and God’s promises, he challenged members of the church, and Christians in general, to possess their victories and live them with boldness and thanksgiving.

“It is one thing to be victorious and another thing to possess it,” he stressed, citing the example of the hen that still remained at the spot where it had been tied for days even when the rope was cut, until someone kicked it to make it move away.

Referring to the last Holy Ghost Congress where he said God promised the congregation a victory song, he wondered why some people were not looking victorious and singing victory songs.

He explained that it was God who chose the theme of the Holy Ghost Congress and that everything he did during the programme had God’s authority.

He said that prior to every monthly Holy Ghost Service, he shuts himself in for three days to communicate with God and that although he sleeps off sometimes, they communicate enough to know what to do during the service.
He taught the congregation that to enforce their victory, they have to exercise unshaken faith that what God has said is as good as done. Victory, he said, is also enforced by confession; quoting relevant Bible passages about the devil.


The problem with some Christians is that the devil believes the written word more than they do. When the devil hears ‘it is written’ it shuts him up,” he said.

Other ways of enforcing victory, he explained, are through giving, hard work, praying and fasting. He urged the congregation not to ask for small things from God during prayers, buttressing his point with his testimony on his request for a flat when he moved from the University of Ilorin into a one room apartment in Mushin to be the General Overseer of the church.

Redemption Camp Testimony

The testimony: “Prior to becoming the General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, I was the head of Department of Mathematics at the University of Ilorin, Nigeria. I was living in a mansion with a two-bedroom guest quarters. I also had servants’ quarters with four bedrooms.

“All these were not part of the main house. But when I became the General Overseer, I had to live in a one-room apartment at Mushin (a relatively poor suburb in Lagos). I left my wife and children in Ilorin to be in Lagos to work in the church. Due to my difficult living conditions at that time, I had to tidy up things before my family could join me.

“Before bringing them over, I went to God in prayers and explained the challenges I was facing to Him. I told God to build a house for me. Left to me I did not mind using the one-room apartment, but the thought of housing my entire family in one room posed a great challenge to me.

God’s response to me was, “Son, don’t ask for house because I have decided to build you a city.’’

“That response was beyond what I could comprehend. After this encounter, I began to dream of a city where everybody would be a Christian; a city where there would be no molestation; a city where there would be no power failure or water shortages. God began to stretch my mind to see a city where His praises would fill every mouth.” That is The Redemption Camp, which is now a large town or city.

The beginning

Noted for punctuality, the church kicked off the day’s programme at 7 p.m. with worship and praise songs, even when the congregation was well below the sitting capacity of the expansive auditorium because the various parishes held similar events. Nothing much had changed though. Mr. Adeboye, who has attended every major programme of the church since he was appointed its General Overseer, and perhaps before then, since he was the interpreter of the founder of the Church, was present. So was his wife, Folu, who is also a pastor, as were many elders of the church.

While the singing was on going, arrangements were made for the administration of Holy Communion. There was no formal introduction of Mr. Adeboye, who was to administer the Holy Communion, but as his voice sliced through the air with a song, “You are the Mighty God, the great I am…..”It was obvious that he was already kneeling at the pulpit to pray.

To pray along with him, all knees in the twin auditoriums at the original Camp, and the new three-kilometre-by-three-kilometre auditorium went down. It ended shortly after with the popular “Let somebody shout Halleluyah!”

Preaching from Exodus 12, he said a time comes in everyone’s life when God decides that enough is enough – enough of pain, enough of weakness, enough of life in bondage, enough of poverty, enough of oppression.

Giving the examples of the Israelites who laboured in slavery for years, and the man at the pool of Bethesda‎, who lay there helpless for 38 years, he said that God was going to step into people’s lives to put an end to their suffering before daybreak.

Since sinners are barred from taking the Holy Communion, there was an altar‎ call, which was responded to by over 600 people.

The Holy Communion was taken with prayers of: “Enough of sickness; enough of pain; enough of weakness” after which Pastor Adeboye also prayed.

There was a break for the choir to prepare for the next session. The colourful over 1,200-strong Mass Choir of the church was not assembled because of the holiday season and the need for some of the members to attend their local parishes. But those who were present did well, churning out inspirational songs. They were later commended by the pastor, who is himself a musician, and the composer of many of the songs sang during the programme

The second part of programme began with songs and prayers after which Folu Adeboye and a group of women, all dressed in white, rendered three thanksgiving songs on behalf of all parishes/branches of the church around the world.

A play re-enacting the freedom of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt by the church’s Drama Group, entitled ‘Songs of Victory’, was beautifully performed to a loud ovation. And as the cast left the stage, Mr. Adeboye clapped in admiration, while his wife followed them.

Songs and more songs by the choir followed, with the congregation singing along.

Many more people, targeting the midnight prayers, poured in as the programme went on. The New Year was welcomed with loud cheer, jubilation and prayers.

Mr. Adeboye revealed that in 2018, the church is going to take the battle to the enemy, starting with the first Holy Ghost Service on Friday.


Credit: Premium Times

Testimony: Stop The Pain 

​Can you imagine hating life so bad that you cut and burn your body to try to feel better? I have over 250 cut marks on my body that I’m not proud of … but they are past reminders of what my miserable life was like before God rescued me from my self-destruction. If you can identify and are looking for some hope … please keep reading.

I was born in 1968 in Pennsylvania. I was raped by a male acquaintance of my mother’s at age five. I was physically and sexually abused by my older brother from ages 7 to 17, and raped twice by an uncle at age 19.

Like most – as a result of the sexual abuse and violence that occurred, it led me into a path of destructive behavior, and a life of utter confusion and feelings of great inadequacy.

There’s no doubt in my mind that due to the abuse and sexual violence I was visited with through those first 20 years of living, the many problems and psychiatric issues that visited me stemmed from all that abuse.

From an early age … I struggled with feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, anger and hatred toward men. (Being sexually abused at a young age typically does that to a person). As a child I was in therapy, a bed-wetter, was attracted to girls, had strong desires to be a boy, and often dressed as a boy. As I entered my teens, I endured a sexual identity crisis, dealt with self-destructive behavior, developed anorexia and bulimia, was an alcoholic, dabbled in drugs, was in and out of therapy and entered the Marines.

By early adulthood I was causing self-inflicted injuries on my body as a way of coping, in and out of Eating Disorder Units and psychiatric hospitals, dealt with suicidal tendencies, battled with numerous suicide attempts, was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance, clinical depression and Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP).

By age 25 I had self-injured my body by cutting and burning (one 5″ scar and one 4″ scar from 3rd degree burns and over 250 scars from cutting). I had been involved in various relationships, led a homosexual lifestyle, was in a gang, had an abortion, filed bankruptcy due to high medical bills, was on psychotherapeutic medication (17 pills daily), had battled with mental illness and was in and out of psychiatric hospitals.

As I approached 27, I was dependent on psychotherapeutic medications, totally exasperated and felt as though I was just existing and taking up space. I was at a point in my life that although I doubted anything could be better, I was drastically looking for my life to somehow change.

Although I thought I had tried everything possible to get better, somehow I was still open for help. It seemed that whatever I tried, it was only good for a few hours … maybe a day. Sometimes – if I got “lucky” – it lasted a couple days.

I was not brought up around church or anything godly. One Sunday in March of 1995 I was invited to church and reluctantly went. It was my first time going to a church in over 15 years, and this was no church like I had ever been to. From the moment I stepped through the doors, I sensed something different.

When I walked into that church in Florham Park, NJ, I remember sensing such love and peace. (I honestly thought it would be over once I left because that’s the way everything else went). I wasn’t quite sure what my spiritual beliefs were, mainly agnostic, as I spent most of my life blaming God, or questioning Him, why all this had happened to me. Can you identify? I was at a point in my life where I was not ready to be let down again. I was so tired of being let down again and again.

All I knew was that when I walked into that church, I felt great and didn’t remember feeling so much peace like that ever before. And I knew it was real. No medication made me feel this alert and alive. I knew it was real.

I wanted so much to be normal but had no clue how to do it, as everything else I had tried proved a failure. After going to that church, I asked God to make Himself real to me.

Within days I noticed that I was more peaceful, able to think clearly and the negative desires I had were not so strong. Even though to an outsider that would seem so small of a change … for me, it was a big thing just to see any change. It was then that I knew God was real. Nothing had ever lasted this long!

A few weeks later, I bought a Bible and it opened right up to the book of Mark. I began reading in Mark, Chapter 5, verses 1 through 19. As I read, I saw that a guy who had cut himself day and night and appeared to have mental illness; he was healed by Jesus. I then became very agitated with God and threw the Bible to the floor. I just didn’t understand why I wasn’t well; if He had healed this guy so long ago, why did I have to be in so much pain?!

I began to yell and swear at God: “If You are real, then why the $%#@ can’t you help me? Why can’t you do for me what you did years ago for that guy? I’m so tired of this !@#*, and tired of living this way. Don’t You understand that I’m tired of crying all night long … cutting and drinking because I cannot cope? Life isn’t supposed to be this way. I don’t want mental illness. Please help me.”

I do realize now that swearing to God may not have been the best thing, but at that time I wasn’t accustomed to talking with Him and tried my best to be nice. After saying this, I pleaded with God; I truly petitioned Him for His help.

I figured my last resort was this God who I wasn’t even so sure about. I put all my doubts aside and immediately I began to pray to God. Actually – I challenged Him that I wanted answers and that I would give Him three weeks to “prove Himself” to me. Even though I wasn’t sure if I believed in God, I thought it would be a good idea if I at least put my efforts into it. I wanted my life to change and was looking for a difference.

I figured that I had done everything else possible, so why not at least give God a chance? It seemed as if nothing else had worked, but I had never thought of including God . . . because I mainly blamed God. Part of me thought that what happened to me was His fault. Additionally, part of me wasn’t convinced that He even existed. I wasn’t sure what I believed in — I wasn’t even certain about God.

God honored those three weeks, I’m so thankful to say.

Ever since I “challenged” God, my life turned around completely and has never been the same! I “officially” accepted Jesus into my heart and life in April, 1995, during a revival meeting with Janny Grein. What happened over the next 1 1/2 years was absolutely breathtaking!

With the love and mercy of God, I learned to cope with the past and look forward to the future; there is hope and there is a better way of life. I learned that I don’t have to live my future based on my past. I am not sure why God allowed all that happened to me, but I do know that what was meant for bad is now being turned around for good. God has now given me opportunities to help others who have been abused and because of my past abuse, I can identify with them, and I can have compassion for them that I probably may never have had otherwise.

I have forgiven all the people that have hurt and abused me. It took me a long time to discover that forgiving those who abuse you is the only thing that will set a person completely free from the pain and devastation the abuse causes. It takes the help of God to forgive, I realize, but He is right there waiting to help a person forgive, when they are ready — ready to be set completely free and be made whole.

Let me say something before going further. Forgiving those who has made your life a living hell makes no sense whatsoever, I realize. Humanly speaking, they don’t deserve forgiveness, right?! They deserve to rot and burn in in hell, right?! Yet think of this — if that person who abused you was burning in hell right now, would that heal you of all the things going on in your life? Would it somehow suddenly deliver you from the emotional hell you have known so long? What is your real heart’s desire? To be free from your hell, and be made whole, or vengeance against the one who has abused you? Why not do yourself a huge favor and do what God will help you do if you want to be healed and made whole the way God would like you to be? Please don’t waste another day suffering because of what someone else has done to you that has so messed up your life. Take some action that will shut off the poisonous tie your soul has with that person. Do you want to know what God’s remedy is that will cut that poisonous soul tie off from the one who abused you, so you can put yourself on the road to total freedom from your emotional hell, and be a whole person? It’s the “medicine” God prescribes called: forgiveness.

Oh — c’mon now, Vicki. Now you’re playing those stupid religious games! I’m not going to forgive that person for doing what that person did to me! They don’t deserve my forgiveness! Besides … I couldn’t forgive them even if I wanted to!

Fair enough. Please consider this, though, before rejecting my offer completely. Let’s say the role was reversed. Let’s say you were the one who did the violent raping. Let’s say you are the one who has hurt other people and made their life a living hell. And … let’s say you didn’t want to risk going to hell on the Judgment Day. Let’s say you would like God’s forgiveness for all the terrible things you did against other people, so you could be positive you would go to heaven and stay there for eternity, and not go to hell. Wouldn’t you like a heavenly Judge who actually would and

will forgive you?

Take it a step further. Let’s say you’re a serial killer. Let’s say you’ve raped a few dozen or more little girls and boys and then murdered them. Let’s say you are about to die by lethal injection for it, and you now would like to be certain that somehow you could get God’s forgiveness for all the wrong you have done? You know full well you don’t deserve to be forgiven — certainly not by the living relatives of those you killed, nor can you possibly forgive yourself, so why in the world would God want to forgive you, right? You don’t deserve forgiveness, and you know it … though you surely would like to be forgiven.

Suddenly … God shows up in front of you and says … “I’m the Creator, and do you know that I died on the cross and paid the penalty for all the wrong and evil you caused against those little innocent girls and boys? Do you know that I shed my innocent blood – I gave my life … when I didn’t have to … so that you can be forgiven, and be made a new spiritual creation? Do you know that there is no evil — no wrong — no amount of wrongs … that I won’t forgive, if you’ll just accept My love. My sacrifice on the cross is the evidence of My love for wrongdoers – for sinners. It isn’t because you deserve it, I want you to realize. You deserve punishment in hell for eternity. But … my loving sacrifice frees you from hell and everlasting torment … if you will just grab hold of it and accept it as the free gift to you that it is. It’s a free gift to anyone who wants it, no matter how much wrong they have done to others.”

You see … that is what the heart of Christianity is: Love and Forgiveness. God loves us so much that He forgives us of everything wrong we’ve ever done, because of the sacrifice Jesus Christ gave on the cross. You’ve probably heard that, though maybe you sort of flipped it off as a bunch of religious garbage, or lies. It’s not, precious one. It’s the secret I found to be set free from the hell I was living in. I came to the conclusion … that if God is willing to forgive me of every one of my wrongdoings … He will give me the power and strength and courage to forgive those who have wronged me. When I forgive them , God releases healing power in me. The one who has abused me isn’t free from answering to God about their wrongdoing … but I get set free from my hatred and bitterness (emotional cancer if you will) and the torturous memories from the abuse of the one I forgive. This can only happen though with God’s help. We don’t have the ability to do that by ourselves. But I can assure you God will be right there with you to give you the courage and strength to do it.

Let me say this as well. Forgiving someone who abused you doesn’t mean God is expecting you to

like that person either! Liking a person and forgiving a person is entirely two different things! When I hold bitterness and anger toward someone who has hurt me … it is like drinking a glass of emotional and spiritual poison every day of my life. I am committing slow suicide without even knowing it! Bitterness and anger is poison to our soul, and the only sure remedy that God says works is telling God you forgive that person for what they did to you. Remember … God is

not going to forgive that person for what they did to you, if they don’t ask His forgiveness, and they will answer on the Judgment Day to God for what they did to you. However … that is between them and God. When you forgive … God makes certain you get rewarded for it, and for starters, your reward is healing!

Well, with God’s help from the Holy Spirit, I forgave my tormentors, and I am a living testimony that forgiveness works! I am completely healed, recovered and overcome in every area! I am now married to a wonderful Christian man. We married in April, 1999. My life has taken a 360 degree turn and I am amazed at what God can do! He can do the same for you, and even more … if you’re ready to be set completely free. All you have to do is mean business with Jesus Christ.

It is my hope that every person reading this will come to the realization that they can overcome anything in their life, as nothing is hopeless! Hey folks … we’re talking about being connected with the Creator of the universe here … the Creator of all things. Nothing is impossible for Him!

Whatever you have gone through, or may be facing right now, you can get through it just like I did — get completely healed and set free from it — and lead a normal healthy life as God intended for you to live. You do not have to let the past hold you in its painful grip. You do not have to be a victim of circumstances of the past. You can be victorious over life … instead of being a victim of life. God wants you to be victorious! I’m not lying to you one bit.

Why did God allow all your hurt to happen to you in the first place, you still want to know? You may not believe there is a devil right now, but let me tell you, there’s a devil alright, and he is using evil people to abuse children and older people every hour of every day somewhere on this planet. There is a battle between good and evil going on in this planet … and if you want to spend the rest of your life hating God for what has happened to you, God gives you that right, but it grieves Him when you do. Please … don’t waste any more time hating the very One who can help you, and set you free from the pain you are in. He truly wants to, but you have to do things His way, not yours. He’s God. He knows what He is doing.

I had such a lopsided view and understanding of God. Everyone does to one degree or another, until they become saved — become spiritually born again — and get properly connected to God and be around spiritually mature people who can help you and pray with you and encourage you. Once that happens, the Holy Spirit helps you to begin to understand the way things really are. The scales come off our eyes, and we begin to see and understand God in a totally different light. It is incredibly amazing!

God will touch you. He will change you. He is just a prayer away. Are you ready to surrender to His love and forgiveness and help that knows no limitations? He longs to set you free from your hell. His heart grieves over your pain. Truly it does.

I know God will heal anyone … anytime … of anything. They just have to either be desperate enough, or courageous enough – or both.

Jesus Did It!!!! 

Testimony: Pornography Widow

Am always happy when I get to read testimonies. It’s like a movie, where everything is not real but to some extent it is. I tap from this testimony and sure it will save a marriage out there. 

To my precious sisters in Christ,

I pray that this testimony will help you who are living with a man that has some kind of an addiction that causes him to live a secret life. It doesn’t matter what kind of addiction it is; it is the devastation that is real and unbearable.

Let me share some of my past and see if you can relate. I was raised in a family that didn’t show any affection or love. I knew from a very young age that rejection was a big part of my life. I didn’t understand it then, and to be quite honest with you, I really don’t fully understand it now. Let’s face it – rejection hurts! I know that we all experience rejection throughout our lives, but to get it from all sides all of your life, well –

something is terribly wrong there!

I married my husband in 1965 and his family never received me as one of the family. Why they rejected me I’ll never know. I never understood why, so Terry and I stayed pretty much to ourselves.

We lost our first child; he was four days old when he died. He had bleeding of the brain, a ruptured lung, pneumonia, and the chord was wrapped around his neck three times. (However, we will see him in Heaven. Amen!)

Within a year I was pregnant again. God gave us a little girl named Andrea, in 1967. During our first year, Terry told me he didn’t want to kiss or be affectionate, as he believed that that was an absolute must during courtship, but once we were married, it was not that important anymore. I was shocked! I asked him, “Where in the world did you hear that? “Who told you that?! ” He didn’t have an answer. So now I was rejected by my own husband, and I felt terribly devastated.

God blessed us with a second child in 1970; a boy named Christian. I put all my effort and life into raising my children and giving them as much love and affection as I knew how. I spent all of my time taking care of my family. We were ready to get divorced after ten years of marriage. Our lives were completely out of control. Terry had a pornography problem that he would not talk to me about. I felt so alone and unloved. “God … help me!” was my constant cry.

Then in March 1975 we met Jesus and He saved our marriage. Praise God He did, because I was a blackout drunk for three years and turning to other men because my husband didn’t want me! I couldn’t compete with all the women on the Internet. I was a pretty good looking woman with a nice body and a pretty good lover too. But – it doesn’t matter if you look like Marilyn Monroe; it is impossible to compete with a fantasy! Impossible!

I was delivered and never wanted to drink again or sleep with other men. Our marriage came back together. Although I was delivered and my husband got radically changed, for some reason that pornography demon never left him, and as a result of that, the pornography got worse! 

He got arrested for being lewd in a public place and I didn’t think I wanted to live anymore, but I knew I had my children to take care of so I just prayed 24/7. I prayed so much that I began to think that God was getting tired of hearing from me. My husband was also praying daily for deliverance because he had a private life no one knew about, and he wouldn’t share it with anyone. I had no idea how much his problem was consuming him.

We were in church each week and we looked like a good Christian family. Terry joined a support group in church and each week they would talk about their problems. Each person shared their problems and they all tried to help each other. Terry found out that he was the only one in that group that had sexual problems. Of course, as you know, anything said in that group was supposed to stay in the room.

I tried to get involved with the women’s group, only no matter know many times I offered, no one ever called me. I realized that people believed that I must be the reason Terry had a sexual problem. I wasn’t being a good wife so it was my fault. Only I didn’t have the problem. Terry did! I was a victim!

Precious women of God, listen to me. It is not your fault if your husband has an addiction. I don’t care what kind it is! It is not your fault. And don’t let Satan or anyone else tell you it is! You aren’t putting the drugs in his mouth! You aren’t making him look at porno! You aren’t making him commit adultery! He has his own God-given free will to do whatever he wants. Even if you are not a good wife, it is still his decision to do whatever he wants. He is going to have to grow up and start taking responsibility for his own actions! AMEN!

In 1994 Terry was delivered, and in front of the whole church on a Wednesday night, he told his story about his addiction. I remember afterwards that people went to Terry and hugged him, cried with him and congratulated him and praised God for what He had done.

I found it interesting that not one person in the entire church came up to me and said anything. No hug, nothing. I felt rejection again. I really 

thought that things would be different in our marriage after his deliverance, but Terry still never turned to me. He never learned to walk in his deliverance, so like a dog returns to his vomit, Terry returned to his pornography and as usual I didn’t know about it. He totally hid it from me. But still, there was no affection, and now I know why.

In 1996 I felt a great, great hurt in my heart … and all of a sudden it seemed like a switch was turned off. At that time I lost all hope. I also

lost all my love for my husband. I just couldn’t deal with life anymore. I told him that I didn’t love him anymore, and he asked me how long had it been, and I said about a month at that time. He cried for two days straight. My self-esteem was gone. I felt dead inside.

I continued to pray and seek God and began to heal slowly. We continued to go to church and in 2005 my husband was totally delivered, and is walking in his deliverance. The stronghold has been broken. That spirit of perversion has been cast out. Thank you Jesus! He is a new man. For the first time in our life he is talking to me. He has turned to me and is affectionate, and God is restoring our relationship.

On our 40th anniversary we had a party. We renewed our vows to celebrate our newfound love. A week later he took me to Hawaii, our first honeymoon. We had sex every night for seven days, and for the first time in our life it was intimate. There was closeness…there was oneness…and God was present. Not like before where it was just vaginal masturbation for my husband after looking at other women all day long.

You know – God is good. I feel free from rejection regarding our marriage and it is a wonderful thing. Thank you Jesus! Our lives are getting better and we are for the first time in a real relationship — talking and getting to know one another — all to the glory of God.

Women of God, just continue to seek God and pray. Don’t ever give up hope. Don’t let the enemy steal your life. Trust God for everything. I just want to remind you that God loves you and will not leave you ever. Please, trust Him especially when there seems to be no hope. Let God have all the burden, and don’t forget that you have to receive what He has already given you. We walk by faith, not by sight. ‘Let go and let God’ … is right on and it works.

Dear sisters – I hope that something I’ve said has helped you. If you have no hope as I once had no hope, just remember that Jesus has all the hope you need.

God has provided everything that we need through Jesus. God has done His part. We need to be responsible for what we do, and walk in our deliverance no matter how hard it is. God will not leave us or forsake us ever. We need to be as faithful to God.

I would love to hear from you, if you feel you need someone you can open up to without judging you.

I hope everyone reading this realizes I did not have to share this testimony publicly. I’ve done it because God has asked me to share it publicly, so others can be helped like He has helped my husband and I. Pornography is a growing spiritual virus (sin) in the Body of Christ every bit as deadly as the Aid’s virus, and it’s spreading rapidly, and will continue to do so, because the devil realizes just how effective it is in destroying relationships and self-esteem.

His tactic is to keep Christians silent about it however. Well, God has asked my husband and I to not bury this part of our testimonies … but to let God use them to give courage and transparency and hope to others who know that they need deliverance from something much more powerful than what they ever realized in the beginning.

May God bless you. 

Jesus Did it!!!