Here is the Christian testimony that Jesus gave me.
I was trapped in a homosexual lifestyle; well I was a success as far as the world could tell–a good job, nice home, and a Lexus! Does it get better than that? Oh yes, and a different guy every Saturday night! That all changed in the fall of 1995; let me tell you just what happened.
I noticed a real cute guy who lived down the street. He drove a small truck with a Harvest Crusade bumper sticker. Now I had been a Mormon for 25 years. Although not active all those years, I knew about Harvest Christian Fellowship and Pastor Greg Laurie–it was part of the Calvary Chapel. And every year at the Anaheim Stadium they had a “Crusade ” and a lot of long-haired people who had nothing else to live for gave their lives to Jesus. Well, I thought, if that is what this guy believed, then I could ” convert ” him into being a homosexual very easily. I even sent him a note, although I didn’t sign it. No matter, I was going to somehow meet him and he would like me. Since he was a “born again Christian” I had better get to know something about it. I had a C-band satellite dish, and got the “Z” music channel–Christian music–MTV style network. I bought some discs–Michael Card, Wayne Watson, Gary Chapman, and a Maranatha Music one too.
An SDA friend invited me to a Michael Card concert at Loma Linda Campus Church in October, 1995. Also I Invited my neighbors over for Thanksgiving dinner. Something just kept drawing me to “Harvest Dude” as I had nicknamed him. Well, Thanksgiving came, and I found out that “Harvest Dude’s” name was Joe but he would not be able to make it. He was single and going to his parent’s for dinner, but he did come over and thank me for inviting him. But the neighbor, who lived next door to Joe (Ruben) came over. Ruben’s wife had left him, and he had no place to go for dinner. Also, Terry, the lady across the street from me who was divorced, came over. Ruben was born again, and went to Harvest; Terry was not attending any church at the time, so Ruben invited Terry and I to Harvest. We had a great dinner, and agreed that the following Sunday, Terry, Joe, (he found out later) Ruben and I would all attend church. Well, it was a shock! There was a live band on stage, (not in your wildest dreams in the Mormon church) and everyone was dressed like they were going to the beach! And Pastor Greg was a bald-headed 40-year-old! He was not at all like I had heard–a long-haired hippie freak. Well, the “praise music” was loud and not The Old Rugged Cross but rather songs like Lord, I Lift Your Name on High, Awesome God and I Love your Grace .
Also, the people seemed to be singing to God, not to just sing out loud. Pastor Greg read from the Bible, not just one verse, but a whole chapter! And then he explained it in modern terms and even made me laugh! The meeting had started at 6PM and it was now 8PM. Two hours at church? Pastor Greg did an altar call and about 50 or 60 people went forward. I remember thinking, I don’t need to go; I am a Mormon and know all about Jesus.
The next week was hell. The water heater blew up at 2AM. Things at my job started looking real bad, and the Lexus was giving me some trouble. Also I had just broken up with a guy. As I drove the car into the garage, I thought about letting the door close behind me and turning the radio on and just letting the exhaust build up in the garage. And I would just drift off to sleep forever. But something stopped me.
I went to church the following Sunday and it was about the same, but this time I almost got up at the altar call. But I said that was stupid. I already knew the Lord, or so I thought. The week went along fine; Christmas was going to be on Monday, and it was now Saturday. I was getting out of the shower, when all of a sudden I started to cry, and I don’t mean a little! Sobs and a feeling of doom came over me. I went to my bedroom and knelt by the side of the bed. I started to pray like I never had before; I told God that I was sorry and that I knew the life I was living was wrong. I now had no tears left, just heavy sobs, and my side hurt. I never felt so bad in my whole life, then inside my mind came these words: my Son, I love you. I forgive you.
WOW! I can’t tell you the joy and love that I felt, and when I got up from that prayer I had lost all my desire to sin. I no longer had a lust for men! Praise God. He had removed all that from me. The next day was Christmas Eve, and at 9PM at a Christmas Eve service at Harvest Christian Fellowship I gave my life publicly over to Jesus Christ.
I later told Ruben and Joe about the letters I had sent. Joe said “Praise the Lord! I have a new brother in Christ.” Ruben also praised God and said, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” No matter what the sin, the answer is Jesus Christ.
Do you know Him? Do you know, if you died today, where you would be? Romans 3:10 tells us:
As it is written: “There is none righteous, no, not one.”
Also in Romans God’s Word tells us:
. . . for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned . . .
We can see by reading God’s Word that no man can stand in his own righteousness and that: . . . the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Because God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
The inspired Word of God also tells us in Romans 10:13 that “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
Have you called on the name of the Lord? Jesus says to us in Mark 16:16:
But he who does not believe will be condemned.
There is a place called hell. It is real. The Bible speaks of it as a place of eternal torment. Eternally apart from God. Again I ask you–if you died today where would you go? Would you go to heaven with God, or hell apart from God forever?
God’s Word tells us:
. . . that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Update: January 2002
Well, after asking Jesus into my heart in December 1995, The Lord richly blessed me! And for one full year all of the homosexual thoughts and desires were gone. But then, one day when I was seated in church singing a worship song, someone in a tank top and shorts walked down the aisle to find a seat. And thoughts so perverse entered my mind with such force that I really had to turn my head to see if the people seated on either side of me heard my thoughts!
Well , I thought, I lost my salvation . I had told everyone that I’d been delivered from homosexuality, now a year later, I was starting to have those old thoughts and desires return! Who could I go to? I thought all my new Christian friends would run away from me now!
Well, as you know, our Lord is so faithful. He placed godly men in my path, and they had never struggled with homosexuality. They were able to reassure me that I was still “saved” and that I needed to take up my cross daily and follow Him! So, 1997 passed to 1999, and in January of 2000, one of the counselors at my church asked if I would be interested in being used by the Lord to start up an ex-gay ministry. So started the Rainbow Cross Ministry. We started a phone prayer team, an email prayer team, then a Bible study six months later. The Lord was faithful to bring alongside me a godly brother, who helps me and encourages me. He has also come out of the homosexual life.
I don’t know if I will ever be totally free from the thoughts and temptations of homosexuality. I pray, and see the Lord’s guiding hand in my life. I agree with God that it is sin. And the desire is getting less and less. But this I know: I will never be ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and what is amazing is that Jesus Christ is not ashamed of me! I encourage all believers to be open and honest with their struggles.
God resists the proud, but He gives grace to the humble. James 4:6